Love & Loss (12 page)

‘Doug here’s my keys, take Lexi and get my car and find a damn way to get it in here. I’ll take her into that bandstand over there out of the rain to wait for you.’

‘I know the way into the park, here’s her phone, it was on the floor with her shoes. God what the hell’s happened?’ I heard Lexi ask.

‘I don’t know but I’m going to bloody find out if I have to go and see him myself. Please hurry guys she’s shivering.’ I felt Gabe’s arms go around me and lift me, which made me cry even harder and I closed my eyes and sobbed into his neck as he carried me.
This guy
, the one I’d opened my heart to, the one holding me in his strong arms, protecting me, loved me as much as I loved him, I didn’t need a biological father for that anymore. ‘Baby, what did he do?’ Gabe whispered as he nuzzled my hair.

‘He …’ I faltered, shook my head and clutched his lapels as he walked. He eventually sat down on the steps of the stand, under the roof in the dry. He gently pulled my fingers away from his jacket, shrugged it off and wrapped it around me.

‘Mia we’re going to get you home and into a hot bath, then into bed ok? I don’t care what Gerry thinks I’m getting in with you and I’m going to hold you as long as it takes for you to let this out. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, but I need to know right now if he’s physically hurt you?’ he asked, the concern in his voice palpable. I shook my head and heard him heave a sigh of relief and tighten his hold on me.

‘I
love you
Gabe,’ I managed to utter between gasps for breath.

‘I love you too Mia and I’m here for you ok? Please try not to cry, you’ll make yourself sick, just take gentle breaths, I’m not letting you go ok?’ His voice was so reassuring, I nodded and kissed his throat and wrapped my arms around his damp waist, his shirt was soaking as well as my own blouse. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe slowly and calm myself down, had that all really just happened? I couldn’t understand how someone could choose to have children if they were so willing to give up on them. I was so worried about Georgie and how she’d handle this. I squeezed my eyes even tighter shut and tried to focus on anything but what had just happened and started thinking about Gabe and I moving in and where we were going to put furniture. Happy thoughts, that was it, just focus on happy thoughts. Exhausted and cold I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up to hear Mum shouting at someone and opened my eyes as Gabe carried me into the bathroom and shut the door.

‘Hi you’re back with me,’ he smiled. I nodded, I was freezing cold and shivering and Gabe looked no better, his shirt was see through and his hair was stuck to his forehead. He sat me on the toilet and started running the bath, then stripped off before turning to me and taking his jacket off me. He held out his hand for me to take, pulled me up, turned me around and unzipped my skirt and made me step out of it, before unbuttoning my blouse and sliding it off my shoulders then unhooking my bra. I felt him kneel behind me and tug my damp knickers down and I turned around shaking, clutching my hands to my chest, my hair in my eyes, which he pushed back before wrapping a towel around himself. ‘Stay here and watch the bath, I’ll be back in a second,’ he said gathering up our wet clothes and disappeared.

I looked in the bathroom mirror. My mascara had run all down my face, I really needed to think about buying and wearing waterproof makeup if I was going to keep crying like this. I found some facial wipes in the cabinet and cleaned the black off before checking the bath and adding some bubble bath. Gabe reappeared with my big fluffy white dressing gown and two mugs of hot chocolate which he set at the side of the bath and turned it off.

‘Ok get in and hitch forwards, I’m coming in with you, I’m freezing myself.’ He held my hand as I stepped into the steaming foam and lowered myself down and he climbed in behind me. He sank down and I lay back on his chest, turning my cheek onto it as he kissed my hair and wrapped his arms and legs around me. ‘God that feels better,’ he sighed with a shudder as the warm water started to heat our skin.

‘Thank you for coming for me and looking after me.’

‘It’s what boyfriends do Mia, it’s what I do anyway. Are you ok?’

‘I am now,’ I nodded. ‘Just cold still. Why was Mum shouting?’

‘I telephoned her to say we were on our way home with you and that you were upset so she rang your Dad to find out what was going on. She was on the phone when I carried you up and was talking to Gerry when I made the drinks, so I don’t know what’s happened.’

I sighed, wondering what side of the story Mum had heard and wondered how she’d react. She’d always had a go at me for not trying hard enough with him. I’d already had a massive argument with her yesterday as it was, about me leaving her out of the loop with my op, so this was all I needed. I didn’t want my relationship with her upset any further. Lexi had dragged Doug and Gabe out after Sunday lunch, leaving just Mum, Gerry, Georgie and I to talk it out. Mum had been furious with me and had cried for hours when she knew what my diagnosis was. Georgie had tried to talk to her as a medical professional and Gerry just sat with me on the sofa with his arm around me. I’d cried most of yesterday afternoon too, I really didn’t want to cry anymore, I was sick of it.

‘Can I talk to you about today?’ I whispered to Gabe.

‘Of course you can.’ He sounded surprised, I wasn’t very good at confiding my emotions to him, but I’d promised I would and he was trying so hard for me that I wanted to reciprocate. I filled him in on nearly everything, leaving out the part where I was going to refuse to accept the monthly allowance and the bit where I’d pay him back for the apartment, I was worried Gabe would find a way of trying to support me, or covering the debt for me, and I didn’t want that.

‘He’s a
fucking
arsehole,’ Gabe hissed and I could hear the fury in his voice. ‘How could he do that to his own bloody daughter? And to put a monetary value on it as well? Where’s he staying? I’m going to go and give him a peace of my bloody mind,’ he snarled. I struggled out of his tense arms and turned around in the bath to face him and gasped to see the look on his face and in his eyes, he’d not even looked that angry with me that Sunday he thought I’d ended it with him. When he saw my reaction to him, he quickly rubbed his face and took a few deep breaths before looking back at me. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you but I’m fucking livid,’ he said quietly.

‘Gabe please don’t do this, don’t get wound up it won’t do you any good and I don’t want him and his issues tainting us.’

‘They already have Mia, you already have trust issues, your fear of marriage and children stem from the arseholes treatment of you and now this? Jesus, I’d be amazed if you could ever trust a guy again. He’s your fucking father for God’s sake. What the hell’s wrong with him?’

‘I trust you,’ I whispered. ‘You were the first person I thought of Gabe, the person I wanted to comfort me. It could have been Lexi, Mum, Georgie or Gerry, but I rang
you
.’

‘You rang me,’ he nodded eventually, as it sank it. ‘You still trust me, even after what I did?’

‘I told you that I’ve forgiven you Gabe, we were both angry, please forgive yourself. You love me, you’re always there for me when I need you, which seems to be a lot lately. I feel safe with you,’ I reached out and ran my fingers over his lips and he closed his eyes and sighed. ‘Besides it’s better this way, it’s over with him now once and for all. I know where I stand instead of second guessing myself all the time. I always thought that there was something wrong with me, but seeing him today … he’s a cold heartless son of a bitch, when it comes to his daughters at least. I was always jealous of his relationship with Georgie yet he’s treated her, or he’s going to, just the same, so I know it wasn’t just me, it’s
him
.’

‘It
is
him Mia, it was never you.’

‘Why have kids Gabe? Why have them if you don’t have the capacity to love them? That’s what really hurts,’ I whispered. He grabbed my legs and pulled me to him, smoothing my hair back.

‘If we do have children, I promise you on my life Mia that I’d
never
do that to them. Even if you left me, I’d want to be in their lives as much as possible. Please don’t let him affect your decisions in the future.’

‘
Gabe ...’
He stopped me speaking by putting his fingers over my mouth.

‘That’s it Mia, I’ve said my piece. Right you’re still cold, go and get in your shower, wash and dry your hair and get into bed. Can you eat?’

‘I could probably manage some soup and bread and butter. Mum will fix you up something as well.’

‘I’m good, we’d eaten when you rang me.’ He stood up and gave me his hand and helped me out and wrapped my dressing gown around me, before drying himself and wrapping the towel around his waist again and leading me into my en-suite.

‘I’ll be back in a while ok?’

‘Yes, thank you. You’re amazing,’ I smiled shyly.

‘No baby, you are. You’re so strong.’ He kissed my forehead and headed out. Me, strong? All I did was bloody cry since I met him. He’d made me tune into a whole heap of emotions I’d always tried to squash down. I jumped in the shower and turned up the heat and stayed there until my bones had warmed back up. I padded out to dry my hair and jumped to find a tear streaked Mum sitting on the edge of my bed.

‘Sweetheart,’ she sighed as she stood up and opened her arms and I ran into them. ‘How are you doing?’

‘Better,’ I mumbled.

‘I’m so sorry, I had no idea he was going to do this. I never thought he could ever be this callous, not to the two of you.’

‘You spoke to him?’

‘Yes,’ she said as she stroked my hair soothing me. ‘He called you argumentative and stubborn and said you got it from me. I told him that you got that from him, but thank God you’d inherited a heart from me,’ she sighed. I laughed and Mum stepped back and looked at me surprised.

‘I’ve
never
liked him Mum, I just felt like I should. I mean he was my biological Dad, you’re supposed to love your parents unconditionally right?’

‘No Mia, you’ve got that totally the wrong way around. Parents should love their children unconditionally. A parent has to earn a child’s love. Did you really tell him to cancel the allowance and refuse the investment?’

‘Yes.’

‘How will you manage Mia?’

‘I’ll get a job like thousands of students do Mum. You already pay me a generous allowance to cover the bills and food. I can do a part time job that won’t interfere with my studies.’

‘But a million pounds Mia, you’d have been set for life. Couldn’t you just swallow your pride?’

‘No Mum, I couldn’t live with myself. It’s up to Georgie to decide what she wants to do with hers, but I couldn’t take it.’

‘He hasn’t spoken to your sister yet, I think it’s best to let them have that conversation before we fill her in, don’t you?’

‘Yes, I don’t want her to be influenced by what I’ve said. She’s going to be so hurt Mum, she always thought more of him than I did.’

‘It’s all about money sweetheart, that’s why he’s doing this.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘It seems his bitch of a wife is jealous. Apparently she thinks he’s never got over the relationship he had with me, we were each other’s first love but it was the passion that held us together, nothing else. She didn’t want him to have any contact with me, or either of you and told him if he didn’t cut off all ties she’d file for divorce and take most of his money with her. He’s chosen protecting his bloody wealth over you two girls and I’m furious about it.’

‘Well it sounds like to keep his money he’s stuck with a bitch for life, so that’s fine with me,’ I grinned.

‘I know,’ she smiled back. ‘Thank God he left me, I could have been stuck with that callous unfeeling bastard for life.’

‘Mum,’ I giggled and she joined me.

‘I’m so sorry Mia, he never used to be like this. As soon as he started earning good money he changed, it became his sole focus and Georgie and I no longer mattered to him.’

‘He said you’d deliberately got yourself pregnant with me to trap him, that he never wanted me.’

‘Sweetheart I didn’t want to stay married to him, I knew it was over, but getting pregnant with you wasn’t a scheme to try and keep him, it was an accident after a drunken stumble back into bad old habits. I was still happy though, so happy, because I fell in love with you the minute I found out I was pregnant. Even though I knew I was going to be a single parent I never once thought of not going through with my pregnancy and I’m so glad I didn’t because I got you my darling.’

‘You really wanted me?’ I whispered as I looked up at her.

 ‘I did, don’t ever doubt that Mia and I never regretted it for a single second. Now just you remember that Gerry loves you too, just like his own. He’s been a much better father to you than I could ever have hoped for.’

‘I know Mum and I’m glad you found him and had him in your life.’

‘I think you’ll do just fine with your man Mia, Gerry’s even relented on letting him sleep in here from now on.’

‘Really?’ I exclaimed.

‘Lexi just told us that he paid for your operation and nursed you back to health. You only have to look at him watching you to see he’s head over heels sweetheart, I’m so happy for you.’

‘Thanks Mum, it means so much that you like him. Please do me a favour and don’t tell him how to get hold of Richard.’ I couldn’t even bring myself to call him “Dad” now. ‘Gabe’s all for going around and punching him. Also he has a fair bit of money himself and I don’t want him to know about my allowance drying up or he’ll try and find a way to cover it.’