Love M.D. (32 page)

A tear slips down her face, and I
wipe it away.

“I just realized that if I go
through with this, it won’t be Zach and me anymore.”

Holding her hand, I say, “Baby, it
would just symbolize that you’re moving on. Zach would have wanted you to do
that.”

“I know. It’s just a lot of change
and a lot to get used to in a very short period. The last four months have felt
like four years.”

“I was just thinking that a while
ago. What would you like to do for Christmas?”

“I hadn’t thought about it. I have
no idea. I used to force Zach to help me put up my tree every year the day
after Thanksgiving. It didn’t even occur to me, and we’re a week into
December.”

“I think you can forgive yourself.
You’ve had a lot going on. We can get one today and put it up tonight.”

“Really?” Her face lights up like
the Bay Bridge at night. “I’d love that.”

“Let’s get out of here,” I say,
rising to my feet. “Do you still want to get your vehicle today?”

“Sure. Look, about that question
you asked last night. I don’t want you to feel like I’m stringing you along. Can
I give you an answer in the New Year? I just need to sort of put my life in
order. In the last few years, I never had to really consider anyone else in my
decision making, but that’s changing now. I want to make sure that the
decisions I make are for the right reasons.”

“So I get to have you as my house
guest, at least until New Year’s?”

Smiling at me, she responds, “Sure.
But I’m not making any promises beyond that.”

“That’s fine. It just gives me
sometime to persuade you.”

Hugging me, she giggles.

I’m eager for an answer, but I
realize that she’s right. No matter how deeply in love with her I am, I
understand her reasoning and concerns. Falling for her this hard, this fast was
a surprise for me, too. I tell her it’s fine, and we head out for an afternoon
of car and tree shopping.

Putting up the
tree reminds me of Abby. I wonder if
Audrey would let me see her if we went to Seattle for Christmas, or if she’d
consider letting her come here.

“What are you thinking about?” Zoë
asks.

“Abby. This is her favorite time of
year. I’d like you to meet her.”

“I’d love to.”

“I was just thinking of her coming
here or us going there. I haven’t spoken to her parents yet.”

“Well, set it up. It would be great
to meet.”

I dial the number and wait. My
palms sweat, and I realize I’m nervous for some reason.

“Daddy, is that you?” Hearing her
voice, I realize how much I miss her.

“Hey Sweetie, how are you?”

“I’m great. I started writing
again, and my hand doesn’t hurt so much anymore.”

I sit at the island as I listen to
her sweet, high-pitched voice.

“That’s great news. Have you been
enjoying your vacation?”

“We’re putting our tree up now.”

“Me, too.”

“Really? All by yourself?”

“No, with my friend Zoë.”

“Is Zoë your girlfriend?” When I
hear her question a heat wave invades my neck.

“Yes, she is.”

“When am I going to see you again?”

“That’s what I was calling to
discuss with your mom.”

“Can you come for Christmas?
Ple-e-e-ase
Daddy?”

“We’ll see. Let me discuss it with
your mom, and then I’ll talk to you after.”

At the other end of the line, I
hear her excitement as she calls her mother to the phone. Things between Audrey
and I are better, but between Carlos and I, they are still awkward.

“Hi. What’s all the excitement
about?” Audrey asks.

“I was wondering if I could spend
some time with Abby during the holidays?”

“What dates were you looking at?”

“I’m flexible.”

“I’ll discuss it with Carlos and
call you back.”

“Sure. I promised Abby I’d speak to
her again. Let her know we’ll talk when you call.”

“I will.”

I end the call. This is still so
difficult.

“Are you okay?” Zoë asks, walking
toward me.

A streak of anger momentarily runs
through my body as this very situation reminds me that Abby is not mine. “I don’t
know if I’ll ever get used to not being her father. I still can’t believe I
have to ask permission and seeing her is decided by someone else.”

“I’m sorry,” Zoë rubs my shoulders.
“Did Audrey say no?”

“She’s going to call back in a
while, after she speaks to
Carlos
.”

“It will work out, babe,” she says.
“I know no one will ever replace Abby in your heart, but some day you’ll be an
amazing dad to some lucky baby boy or girl that’s just waiting out in the
ether.”

“Do you want kids?”

“Sure. I haven’t thought about it
much recently.”

“Why?”

“Remember I told you how I found
out Todd was cheating on me?”

“Yes.”

“What I didn’t tell you was, that
day, I came home early to plan a surprise dinner for him. I found out I was
pregnant an hour before I walked in on him and Jodi. I miscarried a week
later.”

I entwine my fingers through hers
and hold onto her hands tightly. “I’m so sorry.”

“It wasn’t meant to be,” she says
grimly. “And since then it hasn’t felt right, either. I don’t think that I’d
want to raise a child by myself, anyway. What would happen to them if something
were to happen to me?”

I look into her eyes and wonder how
much more there is to discover. I wonder how much more she hasn’t told me.

“Did you ever tell him you were
pregnant?”

“No.”

My phone rings. “Just a sec. Hey,
Audrey.”

“Hi, I know this is going to be a
very awkward proposition but Carlos and I are getting married on the twenty-first.
We were planning to send Abby to my mom’s for Christmas but had not confirmed
it yet. Would you like to have her?”

I’m shocked by her response. “That
would be great. Dad and Robin would love to see her. The twins ask about her
all the time.”

“We’ll be going to Baha for our
honeymoon, and I think we have a layover in San Francisco both ways. We can
drop her off and pick her up.”

“That would be perfect. So I’ll
have her for a week?”

“Yes. As soon as I get off the
phone, I’ll send you our flight info.”

“Great. Have you told her yet?”

“She fell asleep. I’m sorry.”

“Call me when she wakes up. I’d
love to tell her.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks a lot. I appreciate this.”

“She misses you. We realize it’s in
everyone’s best interest to have you in her life.”

“Thank you.”

I end the call but still can’t
believe the conversation I just had.

“So you’re having two guests for
Christmas?” Zoë smiles.

“I’m shocked but, yes, for an
entire week.”

“Well, I had better make this place
look like a winter wonderland in time for her arrival.”

“I can’t wait for you to meet her.
You’ll love her.”

Zoë gazes at me and smiles, saying
nothing.

“What?”

“I’ve never seen you this happy. I
love seeing you like this.”

Over the next
couple of weeks, we prepare for Abby’s
arrival and Christmas. While I don’t go into the office daily, I go in for a
few hours once or twice a week. I still feel nervous when staying there alone
past a certain time of day. Leo and Trevor notice that, so one of them always
stays with me. Little things like that make me realize how lucky I am in so
many ways.

In the New Year, I will have to go
to Greece for a few weeks to catch up on what I’ve missed in the last few months.
Leo has done an amazing job, but once work starts on my house, I will be asking
too much for him to run two major projects. And no matter what Jada says, Zach
promised her a property in time for next summer, and I intend to deliver.

Megan and I spend the day together
at Zach’s house. I have to start making decisions about what to do with his
things.

I find her sitting on his deck,
looking at a photo of the two of them together.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” I
ask.

“I was just thinking about him. If
I’m being honest, I think about him all the time.”

“I know what you mean. Even when I’m
not thinking about him, I’m thinking about him.”

“I miss him so much. The trip to
Cabo reminded me of our trip to Santorini.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to
check on the house. How’s it coming along?”

“Your guys have done an amazing
job. I still can’t believe you just gave me the house. Thanks again.”

“It was never mine. He bought it
for you. He was so excited.”

Holding my hand, she squeezes it
tightly.

“I’m about to start packing his
things,” I say. “You can have anything you want from this house.”

“What are you going to do with it
all?”

“I’ll keep a lot. Almost any and
every connection I had to him at my house was lost in the fire. I’ll probably
give away a lot of his clothes to charity, but not any of his bad-boy leather
jackets.”

She laughs when I say that.

“Which one do you want?” I ask.

“The black one.”

“Good. The brown one is my
favorite.”

“Would you mind if I stayed and
helped pack?”

“I would love it. I’ve been avoiding
it. It’s like saying goodbye all over again.”

“I know what you mean. Are you
going to sell the house?”

“No. I couldn’t sell it, at least
not in the foreseeable future. I think I’ll probably do short-term executive
rentals or something like that. That way when it’s empty, I can be in his
space.”

I get to know Megan so much better
as we make decisions on what to give away and what to keep. It’s too bad that I’m
not getting to know her as Zach’s wife. She, in many ways, is a strange sort of
connection to him. She was his greatest love, and the more time I spend with
her, it’s easy for me to understand why.

We reminisce over him together, cry
together, miss him together and because of those commonalities, we share a very
special bond.

As I prepare
the guest room for Abby’s arrival
tomorrow, I look forward to some positive new energy around here. It’s been
fourteen days since Deandre and his brother Shaun went missing. Morgan has been
saddened by this. There is no evidence of foul play. Shaun’s car still has not
been found, and because Shaun is a well-known attorney, his case is being
discussed a lot in the media.

Morgan is worried about his friend.
It has also been difficult for him where Robin is concerned. She’s out of the
state again, just a week before Christmas, and the only thing there is to smile
about is Abby’s visit.

We haven’t heard much from
Christina Hernández since the FBI raided the hospital, but she did say they are
building a case. I don’t want to know any details about Zach’s exhumation. I am
grateful to Jonathan for taking that on for me.

Since Todd’s arrest, he was granted
bail and is on house arrest. He’s been ordered to stay away from Morgan and me,
but that wasn’t enough to convince Morgan. He hired a full security detail
again.

Todd’s lawyer argued successfully
that he did not have a record and said that the only thing the state can prove
is that he was at the scene of the crime, but they had no evidence to prove
much else.

I worry that if that argument
worked with a judge, a jury will fall for it, too. Because of his release, I am
still very careful where I go, and how much time I spend outside of the house.
I only go out in broad daylight.

Morgan thinks I don’t know, but
when I leave the house, I’ve noticed that security is never far behind. Under
the circumstances, I understand why he feels it’s necessary. Since it seems to
put him at ease, I let him have his way. When I’m here though, I do feel
secure. In so many ways, it’s home.

I’ve thought about Morgan’s
request. The more time I spend with him, the deeper I fall in love. I’m so
scared to tell him that. I think if I tell him, something will happen, and it
will end us. I so badly don’t want us to end.

I love him with all my soul. I try
to tell him by my actions, but I’m working on getting the guts to tell him with
words. When I do, it makes me wonder what will come next. I never thought I’d
ever want to marry again, but I often wonder what it would be like being
married to him.

However, I’m not even sure if he
wants to remarry. Audrey might have been enough to scar him for the rest of his
life. I have to admit that thought, if true, leaves me a little sad and
disappointed.

Tomorrow, for the first time, I
will meet one of the most important people in his life. And despite the fact
that she’s five, I feel the pressure of that introduction and what it means. She
knows I’m not the neighbor from down the street. What does this introduction to
Abby mean? Does he see me as a permanent fixture in his life?