Love Me Always (15 page)

As he waited at their table for Aunt Gertrude to finish visiting with an old acquaintance from across the room, he turned to Catherine and smiled. “May I ask you a question?”

“Of course. What would you like to know?”

“Why didn’t you enjoy yourself this morning when you were shopping? Was my aunt not pleasing company?”

She shrugged. “Well, it was different with her. People treated me differently.”

His brows drew together. “Like how?”

“You witnessed the scene between Lady Ruthaford and myself. Most of the women I ran into were like that, but they weren’t as blunt. And the men...”

He scowled and fisted his hands underneath the table. “What about the men?” Anger welled in his chest, and yet she hadn’t even told him. He already knew the answer.

“You were right when you told me to beware. Remember? At my ball?”

He nodded. “I told you these men thought of you as their next conquest.”

“Yes. They seem to think I’m looking for a...” Bright red color exploded on her lovely cheeks. “...replacement for when your uncle dies.” She shrugged. “I didn’t know how to handle the situation.”

“You handled Lady Ruthaford just fine.”

She grinned. “You truly think so?”

He nodded. “You made me very proud.”

“But she was the one person who ate away at my patience. The others, well, I politely told them I was very happy staying with Grant and his nephews.”

His temper lifted a notch. “Who are these men? I’ll find them and—”

“No, Nicholas.” She touched his hand. “Let the matter rest. No harm was done.”

“Only to my family’s name.”

She shook her head. “I believe I led them astray.”

The soft touch of her hand cooled his anger. “They will be back. Men like that don’t stay away for long.”

“I promise they won’t bother me. I have Grant’s nephews to protect me.” She squeezed his fingers.

He turned his hand and clasped onto hers. “But, Kitty, you don’t understand. I’m just like those men. I know exactly how their minds work.”

She inhaled quickly, but didn’t pull her hand away. “Are you really like that?” she asked softly, not taking her eyes off his.

He didn’t want her to know the truth. Somehow he must make her think badly of him. How could he tell her he’d been pining away for years, dreaming of her and only her? “What if I told you my reputation is deplorable?” His thumb moved across her knuckles in a caress. “Remember what I told you the night of your ball when we were on the stairs?”

A pink tint spotted her cheeks. “Yes.”

“All that’s true, my sweet. I’m not considered a gentleman.”

She swallowed. “Then, why are you sought after by all the respectable young ladies?”

He chuckled. “I’m in line to take over the dukedom when my uncle dies. I don’t have a title – I never had one, but because of who my uncle is and what I will inherit, this has turned me into a great catch, scoundrel or not.”

She nodded. He continued to caress her knuckles with his thumb, and he didn’t want this coziness between them to end.

“Would you go after a young married woman just because her husband was old and ill?”

He arched an eyebrow. “Yes. Especially if she were as lovely as you.”

Her hand trembled. “Then it’s a good thing you are Grant’s nephew, isn’t it? And I’m also glad you will protect me from men like yourself.”

He released her fingers and sat back in his chair, trying to calm his fiercely beating heart. Guilt washed over him for his lie, but he must make her believe it. And he felt worse because no matter how hard he tried to push her away, he truly wanted to yank her into his arms and hold her. What he needed was to get away from her and clear his head. The ride back home would be long, and he couldn’t make it with her so close to him in the coach.

“Catherine, I need to leave you for a few minutes, but I’ll be back soon, and then we’ll return home.”

“Where are you going?”

“Inside the club. I need to see if a certain man is in there. I won’t be long.” He stood, and rushed inside, hoping he could get her out of his thoughts.

* * * *

The ride home was miserable.

Not only did it seem bumpier than before, but no matter what Nick tried to do, he couldn’t close his eyes and fall asleep. He also couldn’t talk to Catherine. When they’d spoken at the club, the conversation turned so personal. He couldn’t ignore the heated emotions coursing through him as he caressed her hand and gazed into her amazing eyes.

During the ride home, he tried to act as if he were asleep, only because he didn’t want to talk. He was afraid the conversation would turn personal again, and he’d want to pursue his thoughts about kissing her...even though his aunt was with them. Of course Gertrude sat next to him in the corner of the vehicle, her head tilted back and mouth opened snoring softly.

Curiosity got the best of him and he peeked at Catherine. She appeared as if she, too, tried to rest. The vehicle bumped her all over the seat, making it impossible to stay still. The longer she bounced around, the more he wanted to move next to her so she could have something to lean up against the rest of the way home. She removed her bonnet and tried once again to find a place against the vehicle’s wall that would bring her comfort. But within a few moments, she fidgeted again.

Finally, his conscience won and he moved over. She jumped and looked at him with wide eyes. Without explanation, he sat back in the corner and draped his arm around her shoulders, inviting her to lean against him. Confusion filled her gaze at first, but then she relaxed into him as her head rested against his shoulder.

He tried to unwind, but her nearness and heavenly scent drifted through his nostrils, making it impossible. Although he wanted to make her more comfortable, he was now the one ill at ease. Maybe he should’ve stayed on the other side of the coach. Too late. Nothing could move him now. Having her in his arms was like heaven.

Slowly his hand drifted to her arm and moved up and down in a soft caress. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, praying she would stop him. The Lord knew he didn’t have the strength to do it himself.

* * * *

Catherine thought it was difficult to rest before, but now it was utterly impossible. Although her eyes were closed as her head rested against the crook of his shoulder, her mind was wide-awake. Yet she didn’t want him to move away. She enjoyed their closeness and never wanted this moment to end.

Hesitantly, she moved closer and rested her hand on his chest. His arm tightened around her, and underneath her palm, the erratic beat of his heart matched the rhythm of hers. Her breathing turned harsh and shallow. His sounded the same.

She couldn’t stand any more of this silence. Something needed to happen or needed to be said soon to break the incredible mood.

“Nicholas?” Her voice shook.

“Yes?”

Now what should she say? “I – I wanted to let you know I had a wonderful time with you today. Thank you for teaching me how to shop.”

“The pleasure was all mine.”

“Shhh…” She placed her fingers on his mouth. “We’ll wake your aunt.”

“Not to worry, Kitty.” He took her hand away. “When she’s asleep, not even a building crumbling down beside her can wake her.”

She dropped her hand to her lap. Silence filled the air once again. Why didn’t he want to talk? But she wouldn’t give up.

“Did you find the man you needed inside the club tonight?” she asked in a whisper. She glanced at Gertrude. By the way she snored and lay against the corner of the seat, Catherine didn’t expect the woman to come out of her deep sleep anytime soon. Perhaps Nick was correct that the woman slept like the dead.

“Yes.” His voice remained low.

“Who was it?”

“One of my business partners.”

“Oh.”

His chest shook as if he were chuckling then his chest rose and fell in a deep breath. “Forgive me, Catherine, but I haven’t been honest with you. I didn’t go into the club to see anyone. I went inside to clear my mind.”

Moving slightly, she lifted her head to look at him. He was closer now, and the dim light from the lantern made his eyes so intoxicating...so irresistibly dreamy.

“Why did you need to do that?” she asked.

His gaze softened. “In hopes of getting my thoughts off a certain woman.”

Catherine was drawn to him. She couldn’t pull away even if she wanted. His gaze had bewitched her.

“Why?” she asked again.

He shook his head. “No more talking, Kitty. I think you should rest.” He reached the lamp and turned it down until shadows filled the coach. Only the smallest flicker of light shown.

“But I don’t want to rest. Please tell me.”

Silence filled the air – except for Aunt Gertrude’s snores. Finally, Nick adjusted himself on the seat, turning her way a little more. His fingers breezed by her cheek and he stroked the pad of his thumb across her bottom lip. Tingles cascaded over her. She wanted to sigh and lean into him. And may the Lord help her because she wanted to kiss him. Even through the shadows, she detected a lazy smile touching his mouth.

“Why do you ask so many questions?” he asked in a low voice. “Don’t you know when to keep your mouth closed? Don’t you know what happens to me every time you open those lips of yours?”

Her heart jumped to her throat and she could hardly breathe, but right now, she didn’t care. All she wanted was one thing, and talking wasn’t it. “What’s that? What happens to you?”

Groaning, he brought his mouth down and covered hers. She sucked in a quick breath, but when his arms circled her body, she leaned into him. The kiss was so very soft, so very sweet, as if he took the time to get to know her lips.

Timidly she slid her arms around his neck, not wanting to let go. His embrace was strong. Tight. Almost as if he were afraid she’d leave. Threading her fingers through his hair, she caressed its silkiness.

Nick’s hands drew circles on her back, stroking up and down her arms. Within seconds, his hands changed direction and moved up to bracket her face. The frantic rhythm of her heart beat against her ribs. This was wrong, but she couldn’t stop him...not yet.

“Ah, Nicholas.”

“What?” His hot breath breezed across her face.

“I cannot believe this is happening.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, although I know it’s wrong, nothing has ever felt so right.”

As he placed his mouth over hers again, the coach jerked to a stop. Nick pulled away and turned to tug back the curtain on the window. He heaved a heavy groan, then quickly moved away from her to the other side of the coach.

Her heart sank. They were home.

Losing his nearness was what snapped Catherine out of her confused state of mind. She glanced at Gertrude, who thankfully, hadn’t moved and continued to snore.

As Catherine gathered her shawl around her shoulders, she looked at Nick, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. His forehead was creased, his lips in a straight line.
Oh, no.
She’d made him mad again.

After the coachman opened the door, Nick climbed out then offered his hand for Catherine and helped her down.

“What about Miss Gertrude?” she asked.

“Not to worry. I’ll wake her. You go on inside.”

The coachman carried Catherine’s packages to her room where her maid took over. Emily helped Catherine undress into her nightgown, then she dismissed her maid. Catherine slipped into her wrapper and sat at her vanity table, staring at herself in the mirror as she brushed her long hair.

Memories of the day and especially the night played through her head, and she could see how she ended up kissing Nick. It was almost inevitable, yet it shouldn’t have happened, nor should it ever happen again.

It wasn’t really his fault. It was hers. If she didn’t have those tingling sensations every time he touched her then maybe she wouldn’t fall so easily into his arms. On the other hand, if he hadn’t flirted with her the way he had, and said the things he’d said, then maybe she wouldn’t feel this way about him.

A knock rapped upon the door.

Without getting up, she called out, “Come in.” In her state of confusion, she wondered why Emily knocked in the first place.

Placing her head in her hands, she squeezed her eyes closed while her fingers massaged her temples. How could she avoid another situation like tonight when she longed to be with Nick, but knew she couldn’t?

“I see you feel the same way about this evening as I,” Nick said in a brusque voice.

She jumped and swung in her seat to face him. His jacket and waistcoat were gone, as well as his cravat. The collar of his shirt was unbuttoned. Her heart hammered in a fierce beat.

“What...do you...mean?” Her voice squeaked.

“I mean you look just as torn apart as I feel. Should I assume you’re regretting the actions that were taken tonight in the coach?”

She lowered her gaze to the floor and wrung her hands against her middle. “Yes, I feel extremely guilty.”

“Good. I’m relieved I’m not the only one who is miserable.” He lifted his hand and that’s when she noticed her bonnet.