Love Me Always (17 page)

Gertrude touched his shoulder and chuckled. “Grant, dear. Elizabeth is dead, don’t you remember? She died due to complications from childbirth.”

 
He shook his head. “She was here just a moment ago.”

Gertrude glanced over her shoulder and looked at Catherine, sadness filling her eyes. “No, Grant. Perhaps you’re thinking about Catherine. She’s here.”

Grant blinked, then nodded. “Catherine? Where are you?”

“Right here.” She stepped around to the side of the bed. When she came into his view, his eyes widened along with his smile.

“How are you, my sweet?”

She took his hand. “I’m well this evening.”

He shook his head. “What’s wrong with you two women? Don’t you have anything better to do than to take care of me?”

Gertrude laughed, but Catherine could barely manage a smile. Why didn’t she have stronger feelings for the man she’d soon marry?

“Grant, dear?” Aunt Gertrude asked. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes. I’m famished.”

“I’ll go inform Cook.” She stood and waddled to the door, her hand pressed to the small of her back as she left.

“My sweet, Catherine?” He reached for her and she grasped his hand. “Would you come back to me tonight?”

“Of course I’ll return. When Miss Gertrude is ready, I’ll be right by her side. I’ve visited you every night and will continue to do so until—”

“No, my dear,” he cut her off. “I think it’s time we talked about our relationship. Just the two of us.”

She sucked in a breath, her heart plummeted to her knees. Suffocation tightened her chest. “But...but that’s improper. There’s no way I could—”

“I don’t care about priority,” he stopped her. “I want to be with you again before I die.” He paused. “Please, Sophia?”

Bile rose in her throat and her stomach churned. He thought she was her mother. And what was he talking about, mentioning the word
again
?

Had mother and Grant loved each other? Why else would he act this way?

Tears stung her eyes, and although he wouldn’t see, she blinked to hold them from releasing. Grant wanted her mother, not her. Yet knowing this, could she refuse what may be his last wish? Especially when his health declined quickly. The physician or Grant’s nurse didn’t even know how long Grant would live.

They weren’t engaged, although she suspected most of the
ton
knew they would be. So although it would be wrong, it would also be acceptable. At least in Grant’s mind.

With a heavy heart, she swallowed the lump of fear. “Yes, Grant. I’ll return so we can discuss our relationship.”

Her voice broke, and before she embarrassed herself and cried in front of him, she turned and hurried out. With every step to her room, tears streaked down her cheeks and blurred her vision. She entered and closed the door behind her.

She rushed to the balcony door and flung it open. The cool night air touched her skin, but it didn’t calm her stomach. Closing her eyes, she breathed slowly as the light wind brushed her face and teased her hair.

Had she made the right decision? Unfortunately, it was the
only
decision. He was the man she was supposed to marry. This had to be done – and in turn, this might be the very key to remove Nick from her thoughts and especially, her heart. Even though she didn’t want to, she was falling in love with him.

She stayed in her room and partook of the evening meal in private. She didn’t want to explain to Gregg and Ian why her eyes were red and puffy, and why she couldn’t smile.

Once the maid took her meal away, Catherine curled on her bed and crushed a pillow to her chest. On the wall hung the painting of a garden, but the peaceful scene did nothing to calm her nerves or her rolling stomach. Silently, she prayed for strength to fight this attraction she had for Nick. It was unhealthy for both of them. Certainly the Lord wouldn’t punish them in this way.

Shadows moved and soon night completely took over. Emily bustled into the room with a lamp. When the maid saw her on the bed, she stopped.

“Miss Catherine? What’s wrong? Are you unwell?”

In more ways than one.
“No, Emily. I’m just not in the socializing mood.”

“Well, Mrs. Berkley is quite put out with you for not making an appearance at the supper table tonight.”

Catherine shrugged. “Then let’s pray she forgives me. I wonder why she’s not up here talking to me herself?”

Emily giggled. “I think she’s still upset with you for what happened during the horserace with Gregg and Ian.”

A grin tugged at the corner of Catherine’s mouth, but she quickly stopped it. “I’m certain she’ll have to overcome that episode as well.”

“Would you like me to draw your bath?”

“No, Emily. I’m not ready to retire for the night yet.” Not until after her talk with Grant.

“Well, let me know when you’re ready.”

“I will.”

“I’ll fix you some tea for now.”

“That’s a good idea.”

After Emily left, Catherine walked around the room in a numbed daze. She couldn’t think, and she couldn’t feel anything except gloom.

As she stared at herself in the vanity mirror, she nearly cried at the pitiful, depressed woman staring back. She plucked the pins from her hair before pulling a brush through her locks. The small fire from the hearth calmed her slightly, but also made her sleepy. There was no rest tonight. She feared her nerves wouldn’t allow it.

Could she actually talk to Grant about their relationship without her stomach roiling? And if she did, would Grant notice and ask her about it? She should tell him what she expected, or at least ask him questions to see if he had truly loved her mother. Then again, she didn’t want to bring any excitement to him. If he died tonight, Nick would never forgive her.

From out in the hallway, the grandfather clock chimed the late hour. A piece of wood popped in the fireplace. If she listened closer, she’d probably hear her heart crying out for someone to rescue her.

The door opened and closed, but she didn’t look away from her saddened expression in the reflection. “Emily? Could you please set the tray on the table?” Without looking at her maid, Catherine walked toward the fireplace, continuing to pull the brush through her hair.

Footsteps came behind her, but were too heavy to be her maid’s. Her heartbeat quickened and she froze. Only one man had ever entered her room, and she didn’t need to turn to see who it was. His woodsy scent surrounded her, making her knees weak. With her heart thumping madly, she held her breath, not knowing what to say. If she said the wrong thing, she feared he’d give her a verbal lashing like he did last time.

“Kitty,” he whispered as he gently caressed her shoulder.

She didn’t dare turn and face him yet for fear he’d see the excitement on her face. After a few moments of waiting for him to say more, she finally broke the silence. “Where—” Her voice cracked, so she cleared her throat and started again. “Where have you been these past ten days?”

“You’ve been counting?” His voice came out deep.

“I’ve been waiting to speak with you, but you were never around.”

He placed both of his hands on her shoulders, his thumbs moving in a soft caress. “I’ve just barely received your message.”

“I sent that message almost three days ago.”

“I’ve been staying at my shipping office.” There was a pause, then he asked, “What did you need, my sweet Kitty?”

Her heart thumped in a fierce rhythm, and still she didn’t dare turn. She folded her arms. “I...I needed to speak with you about...”

“Did you miss me as much as I missed you?”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him. His breath whispered across her neck. She squeezed her eyes closed. The heat radiating from him sent shivers throughout her, immobilizing her.

Perhaps she would be the one to die from a wildly beating heart tonight instead of Grant.

* * * *

Nick’s breaths came out ragged as he closed his eyes and enjoyed holding this woman in his arms. Catherine was absolutely breathtaking with her hair long and hanging around her shoulders. And her scent was the same rose fragrance he hadn’t been able to get out of his mind for ten very long days.

“You didn’t answer me, Kitty. Did you miss me?”

“Y—yes.”

“Did you know I came home tonight? Is that why you didn’t come down for dinner?” He kissed the back of her head. “Were you hoping I would come to your room?”

“N—no, Nicholas. I didn’t know you were here at all.”

“Then why are you practically melting in my arms? Why were you not surprised when I came in your bedchambers?”

“I knew it was you because of your scent,” she said softly.

He smiled. “You should be in bed by now. You must have known I would come see you.”

“Truly, Nicholas, I didn’t know. I’m still up because... Your uncle—”

This wasn’t the answer he expected and her words jerked him from his dreamlike state of mind. He withdrew as if she were made of hot coals. She swayed, but righted herself before falling. Finally, she turned and faced him.

“My uncle?” His voice rose, anger gripped his chest. “You are still up because of Uncle Grant? Why?”

Wrapping her arms around her middle, she shook her head as her bottom lip trembled. “He asked if I would return tonight so we could talk about our...relationship.”

“And you agreed? Do you know how improper that is?”

“Nicholas, I’m his...his...”

“You are not engaged yet, and the announcement hasn’t been made.” He raked his fingers through his hair. His stomach clenched as if he’d just received a hard punch. “Don’t you even care about his health? Did you forget what the physician said?”

Tears formed in her eyes. “No, I haven’t forgotten, and I told Grant no, but he said he wanted to talk to me about this now – before he dies.” Her voice broke. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to go to him either because I’m not ready. Tell me Nicholas, what kind of choice was I to make?”

He turned away and scrubbed a hand over his chin. “I don’t know, Catherine. All I know is I don’t want him to die. I’m not ready for that to happen, and with you going to his room, at night, just the two of you...heaven knows what will happen. Most likely his heart will fail him.”

She stepped up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you try and talk some sense into him? He’s not expecting me for a while, so speak with him before I get there.”

He turned and faced her. He wanted to take her back in his arms, but he couldn’t. He shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Staying away from her only made him want to be with her more. Ten days were too many, yet he had needed that separation. This feeling between them was a dangerous attraction, and was getting worse by the second.

Then again, he didn’t want it to end. Confusion pounded behind his eyes, but he had to come back and see her again for his own peace of mind.

“All right. I’ll speak to him.” He turned to leave.

“Nicholas?”

She stopped him before he reached the door. He turned and looked at her.

“Why did you come in my room tonight?”

He ran his gaze over her again, knowing he couldn’t tell her the reason. She made him remember she was his uncle’s soon-to-be-bride, not his.

“Not to worry, my dear Kitty. The reason no longer exists, or will it ever.” He walked out the door, closing it tightly behind him.

Chapter Ten

Catherine held her breath – afraid her churning stomach would deposit all over the floor – and knocked on Grant’s door.

“Come in.”

She hadn’t heard from Nick, so assumed he didn’t talk his uncle out of wanting to see her tonight. She had no other choice but to go.

On shaky legs, she entered Grant’s room. Shadows danced on every wall, making the moment more ominous. His servant, nurse, and sister were gone, as she expected.

Her heart hammered against her ribs, causing her chest to ache. The quick rhythm made her stomach churn that much more.

Propped up by pillows, Grant sat straighter on his mattress. He squinted her way until she stood beside the bed. When he could finally see her, his eyes widened. “Catherine? Why are you here without Mrs. Berkley or my sister? That’s very inappropriate.”

She caught her breath.

“What would Mrs. Berkley say if she knew you were in my room alone?”

She bit her lower lip, afraid to let out the relieved sigh waiting to come forth.
He doesn’t remember.
That could be the only explanation. He’d been a different man while talking to her earlier, thinking she was her mother, and now he was back to being the man she enjoyed talking with.

Ashamed, she nearly cried with relief. “Please forgive me, Grant, but...I hurried to see you because you made it sound like it was most important.”

His forehead creased as a blank expression covered his face. Within moments, he smiled and nodded. “Ah, yes. I remember now. We need to discuss the betrothal.”