Love Me Twice (12 page)

He’d finally gotten his feet to move, and headed toward their stateroom in the pre-dawn. He’d gone past the pool, not imagining Sean would indulge in his usual morning swim when he had Celeste to occupy him, but he’d been wrong.

He’d paid the bastard back with the scene at the Captain’s party. He wouldn’t have touched Celeste in public if he hadn’t noticed Sean lurking, spying on them. The mud-fucker had no boundaries it seemed, and Drew hated that he’d stooped to the same level, if even for a few moments. Moments seared in his brain, along with the taste of her he’d had in her cabin. If she hadn’t snatched the toga and locked the bathroom door behind her, he might have taken liberties then he had no business taking, not until they got a few things straight between them.

* * * * *

Celeste couldn’t help the flash of apprehension when Drew opened the door and stood aside so she could precede him into the fetish room. It felt eerily like she was being lured to her doom, a feeling that only increased when he closed and locked the door behind her. The fact that he’d accurately described the room helped calm her. On first glance it appeared to be a normal cabin, much like hers, but larger. Along the interior of Atlantis Deck, it had no window. Lamps provided ample light, along with overhead track lighting to accent the bed and an overstuffed chair in one corner. On closer inspection, she amended her original assessment. It was more luxurious than her cabin. The carpet beneath her feet was plush and decadent. The bed linens were a step up, as were the wall coverings.

She turned to Drew. “This is beautiful.”

“And, it’s private.” He waved her to the overstuffed chair. “Have a seat, Celeste.”

He took a seat on the edge of the bed, facing her. “We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“Us,” his hand waved between them then dropped, “and Sean.”

“Can we leave Sean out of this?”

“No, we can’t. You know we can’t.” He stood and paced a few steps and stopped. One hand cupped the nape of his neck, and Celeste noted the tension in the shoulder left bare by his toga. He didn’t want to have this conversation anymore than she did, but he was right. They had to talk about it.

“Okay. I’ve spent five years trying to forget what happened, trying to forget Sean, and you. I know what Sean and I were feeling that day, but not you. Tell me, Drew. What happened that day?”

He stood with his back to her for the space of a few heartbeats. She wanted to scream at him that this talking thing was his idea, that she’d prefer he touch her again, finish what he’d started earlier, but she held her tongue and waited. The silence in the room was deafening. At last, Drew turned and the pain on his face was like a harpoon to her heart.

“I swear to God, Celeste, I didn’t mean to come between you and Sean.” He paced away again. Every muscle in his body was knotted and tense, like a caged animal. “I wouldn’t have touched you, ever, if Sean hadn’t invited me to, and if you hadn’t agreed. I thought…I thought we were dead, or as good as. We all did. I know Sean did, or he never would have done it. He doesn’t share, Celeste, and neither do I.”

“I know, Drew. The circumstances were extraordinary. We can all agree on that. What I want to know is, did you love me then?”

“Goddammit! Yes! I still do. I wanted nothing more than to touch you once, before I died. I swear, I never would have done it if I’d know the fucking Marines were only minutes away, but I won’t say I regret it. Hell no. Never.” He shook his head to emphasize the point.

“Being inside you for those few minutes was everything I’d dreamed it would be, and I was content to be sent to hell for it, expected to be dispatched there within minutes.” His eyes met hers for the first time since they’d entered the room. “I won’t say I’m sorry. I wanted you then. I want you now, but you’re Sean’s. I don’t poach, and I don’t share.”

His pain equaled her own, and she knew the love she had for him hadn’t died, hadn’t abated in the least. Drew was one of the most honorable, straightforward men she’d ever known. She’d trusted him with her life more than a few times, and once, she’d trusted him with her body and her heart. He hadn’t betrayed that trust.

“I won’t lie to you, Drew. I love Sean. I always have, and I always will, but…” she held her hand up, palm out, and he stopped his march for the door. “I love you too. I didn’t know how much, or even recognize my feelings for what they were, until that day. I knew our lives were measured in minutes, we all did, but I wouldn’t have let you touch me if I hadn’t had these feelings for you.” She fisted her hand over her heart and fought back the tears. It was all she could do to stay seated, to keep from going to him, but it was too soon. “At first, when…” God, it was hard to remember that day, harder to put her feelings into words. “When Sean told me to let you love me too, I thought about protesting. But you were standing there, not more than a foot from us, and I sensed your love. I loved you too, and my throat closed up. I couldn’t answer him, I just shook my head.”

Celeste focused on her toes and continued. “I heard you unzip, and I wanted you. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to feel you inside me. I didn’t care if they came in and shot us all, as long as I had both of you inside me when they did it, I could die happy.”

Tears welled and spilled over. She let them fall. It was about time she acknowledged what had happened that day. Drew stood like a statue as she finished her story. “I’ve never felt more loved than I did then. You were gentle and considerate, taking me in a way I wasn’t accustomed to. And Sean, well, he was…well, you saw him.”

She raised her eyes to Drew’s. “We’ve always done it that way, Sean in control, telling me what to do, when to come, but you…you showed me another way, and Dear God, I loved it. That’s what went wrong when we got home. I couldn’t stop remembering the way you touched me, the way you were so careful with me, like you were afraid I might shatter in your hands. I wanted that when we got home, and Sean…he…he knew it too, I guess. Eventually he got tired of having you in our bedroom, figuratively, of course. He knew I needed more, wanted more, and he told me to choose. You, or him.” She turned her gaze to the circle of light spilling from the lamp on the bedside table. “I couldn’t. I don’t know if I can now either. Last night…I don’t know. Sean was someone else part of the time, someone I didn’t recognize. I don’t know what to do.”

Drew crossed the room and stopped in front of her. He took her hands in his and eased her from the chair to the bed. She rose like a soggy sail after the boat capsized, and let him guide her without protest. She didn’t have anything left in her; she’d dumped it all when her emotional boat tipped over. Drew seemed to know what the confession had cost her, and he simply helped her stretch out on the bed and came down beside her.

His arms closed around her, and the warmth of his love blanketed her. She made no attempt to stop the tears that continued to fall silently, soaking the pillow they shared.

God, he was the worst kind of ass. In all the years Celeste had been gone, he hadn’t once considered how difficult the whole, sordid affair had been on her. He doubted Sean had either. He fully intended to set Sean straight, but right now, the woman sobbing in his arms needed him.

He held her until the tears dried, and her body began to relax in his arms. He wanted her, couldn’t help his body’s response to her soft curves so close, yet so far beyond his reach. She turned to her back and reached for him. The look in her eyes, so lost, so needy, battered his defenses. After what she’d just admitted, no way was he going to make love to her and confuse her more, but he could ease the ache he saw in her eyes.

“Let me love you tonight, Celeste. Let me touch you.” He rose on one elbow and let his free hand stroke from her throat to her stomach. Her eyes never left his, and he knew she was searching for answers there, answers he didn’t have.

“I won’t hurt you, I promise. I just need to touch you.”

“Drew.” His name fell from her lips, a question, an invitation.

He managed to unfasten the belt at her waist holding the toga in place. The shimmering gold fabric shifted and spread like hot butter to cover her. Drew flattened his palm over her stomach and flexed his fingers. The fabric slid along her skin, and her stomach muscles tightened beneath his palm.

“May I?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

Her shoulders relaxed, her eyes closed and she turned her face to his shoulder. Beneath his hand, her torso melted into the coverlet and her thighs relaxed. The sweet scent he knew was hers and hers alone, made his nostrils flare. Need curled through his gut and clawed at his insides.

Drew ignored his need and concentrated on the woman lying open and willing beside him. She needed this. Needed to be loved, to have her love affirmed in this way. He’d love her the way she deserved, even if it killed him.

Slowly, he relaxed his fingers and let the crumpled fabric slip from his hand. With his index finger, he commanded the thin veil of gold to bunch to one side, and slide over her hip to pool on the bed. It caught on one taut nipple as if to preserve some fraction of her modesty.

Drew stared. Other than the brief moment in her cabin, he’d never really seen her lovely body. He knew every line and curve of her back, had memorized those details on that fateful day, but Sean, and the fucking Marines, had denied him the opportunity to see all of her. Now, she was his. His heart rumbled like an angry thunderstorm in his chest as he studied the perfect flesh before him.

She was everything he knew she would be. Soft, gently curved, cream skin and coffee at the juncture of her thighs. She’d trimmed her pubic hair. His fingers drifted over the soft fuzz and recalled reaching around her that day, finding her curls and holding her still so he could enter her from behind. The memory, and the image he’d conjured in his mind, wasn’t anywhere near the perfection before his eyes now.

Celeste moaned low in her chest and spread her legs, inviting him to explore further. God, he wanted to. He would, but not yet. It took a great deal of effort to move his hand over her stomach and the gentle concave of her waist to her ribcage. Her perfect, ruby-tipped globe rose gently with each breath she took. He cupped her breast and it fit into his hand like a fragile teacup. The weight of it reminded him how much smaller she was than he.

Celeste was anything but fragile. He knew big, burly men who would have broken under the strain she’d been subjected to on some of their missions, but she’d handled it all. It humbled him to think love had been the one thing that had broken her and sent her running.

She shifted, arching her back, encouraging him to touch. He splayed his hand over her ribs and eased her to the mattress.

“Shhh. Let me look. I’ll ease the pain soon darlin’. I promise.”

His words had the desired effect, and she relaxed again. Drew slid his index finger under the stubborn bit of cloth that clung to her other nipple, and with the smallest nudge, sent it slithering off. He sucked in a harsh breath and it caught in his lungs.

Another memory assailed him. He’d entered her, slow. One excruciating millimeter at a time, until he’d been seated balls deep inside her sweet ass. He’d used his hands to ease the tension from her shoulders and back, and slid his hands along her ribcage to cover these same breasts with his hands. He vaguely remembered encountering Sean’s hands there, but he’d backed off and let Drew hold her. All that remained of that memory was the feel of her in his palms and the whisper of Sean’s voice, commanding her to give herself to Drew.

He closed his eyes and let this new sensation wash over him and replace the old memory with one that didn’t include her other lover. Tonight she was all his, though he knew Sean was still in her head, and her heart. Tonight he would banish the bastard from her mind, at least for a few minutes. He could give her that at least, a few minutes of peace.

He brushed his thumb over her nipple and watched it harden further. With infinite care, he took the turgid peak into his mouth. She tasted like heaven, and the way she arched her back, offering him more, was enough to send him over the edge. He ruthlessly reminded himself this wasn’t for him. This was for Celeste. It did nothing to dampen his need, but it allowed him to focus his energy on making her feel good.

Making her feel. It became his mission. His goal in life. If he could ease her mind through her body, then it would be payment for what she’d given him, once. He wasn’t good with words. Didn’t know the ones that would convey how much he’d needed her that day. Once he’d entered her, if the desert bastards holding them had offered him his life if he’d leave the heaven he’d found inside her, he’d have told them to go to hell and traveled that road himself, rather than remove his cock from her ass.

How could he tell her that?

 He couldn’t, but he could show her how much pleasure a body, her body, was capable of.