Love Rekindled (Candle Light Book 2) (3 page)

I took Eric from her and pressed my lips to his forehead. He was burning up. I turned to Kristy. William had her in his arms and he spoke to her quietly trying to sooth her. She had her arms tightly wrapped around his neck as she cried.

I moved to them and rubbed her back, “It’s okay sweetheart. Baby’s always get a fever. I’ll give him something and he’ll be as good as new.”

I hoped I reassured her but it seemed I’d made things worse. She tightened her hold on William making him chock. Then she whispered something I couldn’t make out, but the look on William’s face almost made my heart stop.

He looked scared, all the color drained from his face as he stared at Eric.

I held my baby tighter against me, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Kristy says to take him to the hospital right now,” he turned to Morris and barked, “Get the car. You’ll have to drive… I don’t think I can.”

“But it’s just a little fever!” I argued.

He turned to me, his eyes filling with tears, “Not this Kristy.”

Oh God no!

I felt my heart beat harder in my chest as Eric’s cries reduced to whimpers. His head dropped on to my shoulder and his hold on me loosened. I felt the panic rise inside me and the back of my eyes burned with tears. Something was wrong with my baby.

*

“I’m sorry, could you say that again?”

The doctor had said those words three times already but my mind still couldn’t register them. They felt too unreal, like I was in a nightmare and I was waiting to wake up.

“Your son has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.”

Two days, I’d waited two days to find out what was wrong with Eric and it still didn’t click. I closed my eyes and waited for it to sink in. My one and a half year old son has leukemia. My baby has acute leukemia. My baby has cancer. My baby is dying.

I felt light on my feet as the ground rushed up to meet me. Someone caught me, wrapped his thick arms around me and held me tightly against his chest.

“I’m here. I’m right here.”

It wasn’t the words but the voice that finally tore me open. I heard myself scream, I felt the tears flood out of my eyes, as my heart ripped apart. This couldn’t be happening. Something wasn’t right, everything was so completely wrong. This wasn’t supposed to happen! My baby wasn’t supposed to be dying!

“Do something Ron, do something!”

Chapter Three

“We are here.”

I opened my eyes slowly. When had I fallen asleep and where was here? All I could see was a small log cabin surrounded by miles of trees.

Ron placed his hand over mine on my lap, “Sandra, wake up. We’re here.”

Keeping my eyes staring out my window I asked, “Where is here?”

“I’m not going to tell you that. Just incase you try to make a run for it.”

I pulled my hand from under his and when his landed on my lap I pushed it off me. “How long have we been driving? What time is it?” I demanded.

“Don’t know. My watch is still set on London time.”

That’s when I turned around and glared at him. He had a stupid smile on his face to match his stupid answers.

“Take me home!” I hissed through clenched teeth.

His annoying smile vanished giving way to a stern face, “Not a chance in hell. Now, you can either come out of the car and get into the cabin or stay in the car,” he pulled the keys out of the ignition and dangled them in my face, “With no heat. The nights can get really cold out here and you’ll be a popsicle by morning.”

With that he got out of the car, moved to the back and got mine and his bags out of the trunk. He shut it with so much force the car shook and then he strolled up to the cabin without a backwards glance at me. He was so sure I would follow him up. Who told him I wouldn’t mind getting hypothermia? A few days in fever world would be a reprieve from my real life. And how the hell did I sleep all the way up here? In the months since Eric died, I haven’t been able to shut my eyes for even an hour without waking up from the throes of a nightmare, wet with both perspiration and tears.

Did he drug me? I wouldn’t put it past him especially since he wouldn’t tell me where we were.

How the hell did he get a saloon car up the terrain road anyway? What does it matter? I was stuck here until the douche decided to take me back home. I’ll just sleep in the car until he caves. I reclined the seat, reached behind me for the coat in the back passenger seat and covered myself with it.

A blast of cold air hit me and I quickly curled up.

“Out!”

I pulled the coat up over my head, “No.”

“Fine,” and after a few beats of silence I felt his hand wrap around my upper arm. He then yanked me out of the car, threw me over his shoulder and carried me away.

“Put me down you oaf!” I pulled the coat off me and threw it over his head.

He yanked it away, “Thanks love. I’ve been looking all over for this.”

Argh! The man made me insane!

“I’m not going to ask you again Ron. Put me down!” I screamed as I punched his back. He muttered under his breath angrily barely flinching at my blows. I caught a few words, all cursing directed at me.

“Ronald put me the fuck down!” I screamed louder intensifying my punches. One blow made him bend backwards to my satisfaction.

“Fuck! You want down?”

I yelped when I was swung backwards and the ground came rushing up to meet me. I landed painfully on the wooden floor with a short scream. My tail bone felt like it had cracked in two.

“There you go!”

I glared up at him, “What the hell was that for?”

He glared back red faced with a sharp shrug of his shoulder, “You wanted down,” he barked then quickly stomped past me.

I stood rubbing my sore ass, “I didn’t ask to be here!”

He rounded on me, “Oh yes you did!” he returned with the same fire, “Grabbing Kristy today was the last straw.” He sighed and it was like his entire body deflated as he leaned against the back of the couch. He ran his hand through his hair messing it up.

No gel today, I noticed. In fact, he looked a little ragged. His hair was longer than usual, his chin bushier and he had dark circles under his eyes.

“You having a bad day?” I jeered, “Well I’m sorry, I don’t feel like sympathizing at the moment. I’m having a crappy day myself, in fact I’m having a shitty life!”

His eyes grew softer, annoying me further because I knew what was coming next.

“Sandra, we all understand you are going through the worst time of your life.” That was putting it lightly. Tears burned my sore eyes and that crushing pain filled my soul. “But it’s time to move on.”

I marched up to him and poked him in the chest with my broken finger nail, “Don’t you dare tell me when I should forget my son. Next, you’ll be telling me there are more where he came from. Only a man with no children would say something so stupid to a grieving mother!”

He cringed, “What you are doing to yourself… it’s not healthy. It’s been ten months…”

I turned away from him. I couldn’t listen to this crap again. Ron grabbed my arm to keep me from going any further and forcefully turned me around to face him.

“Sandra! You can’t keep punishing yourself like this. It was not your fault!”

“He came from me! I am his mother! Of course it’s my fault!” I screamed in his face.

He shook his head grabbing both my upper arms, “Leukemia isn’t something you could have passed to him nor is it something you could have chased away. He got sick and he just couldn’t fight it.”

“We’ll never know now will we?”

He stepped back dropping his hold on me, “What?”

“You’re right. It’s not all my fault that my son is dead,” I tapped his chest, “It’s your fault too.”

He shook his head, “Sandra…”

“You made the decision that killed my son!”

His brows drew tightly together, “You think I wanted to? No one else was there to make it. You asked me to make it. I did what was best for him.”

I nodded, “By putting him down like a dog.”

His jaw clenched tight and he stared at me silently for three heart beats before he spoke quietly, his voice course with emotion, “You’re not the only one tormented by his death.”

He moved around and past me and walked away. I didn’t dare turn around and watch him go. The pained look on his face, the anguish in his eyes was like one more stone to the pile weighing down on my heart.

I dragged myself to the couch and fell into it. I curled up on it and pulled the throw over me. I hadn’t even noticed the raging fire in the brick fire place. It explained why the cabin was so warm. But… what did it matter anyway?

~*~

“Sandra.”

I turned to his voice but I didn’t dare draw my eyes away from my son. “Ron, he looks better today, doesn’t he?” desperation coated each word I spoke. My baby’s fading body was hooked up to every machine known to man and I had convinced myself that they were working to save Eric.

“Love, we need to talk.”

By the tone of his voice, I could already tell what he was going to say. I didn’t want to hear it. Eric was going to be fine. A sharp pain like that of a hot knife searing through my chest hit me when Eric drew in a breath. It was long strangled and scratchy loud. His eyes barely open held mine hostage, forcing me to watch his struggle.

“Love, they didn’t catch it in time.”

I heard the words but I didn’t feel them. My attention was held by my son. His eyes, there was something in them… I leaned closer to him trying to read them better to read the message in them.

Ron placed his hand on my shoulder, “Sandra, I need you to listen to me.”

Eric weakly squeezed my two fingers that were in his hand. His rough skin and protruding bones, there was barely any flesh in between.

“He’s losing too much weight Ron.”

The seat moved under me, turning me around with it but I struggled to keep Eric’s and my gaze locked. I still hadn’t deciphered the message in them. A hand cupped my chin and with a gentle grip forced my head around breaking the hold. I stared straight at Ron. He was kneeling before me, a shadow of a smile on his lips.

He moved his hand from my chin to my cheek. I leaned into it, needing the warmth, the comfort. It felt like the cold and sober hospital had drained me. Despite the colorful drawing on the walls with their vibrant colors I still felt listless. It did nothing to better my somber mood.

“Sandra, Eric has really tried his best but he’s lost this fight. His body can’t take anymore.”

My eyes blurred with tears but I didn’t cry, I didn’t speak I just stared straight ahead, kept my wet gaze on Ron.

“We need to let him go. The doctors want to make him comfortable, make sure there’s no pain until he’s ready to move on.”

“Move on?” That was a peculiar choice of words. It wasn’t like he was moving out to go to college. Ron was talking about giving the doctors permission to put my son to sleep. Dogs are put to sleep and my son wasn’t a dog.

Ron shook his head, “Sandra don’t. Eric can’t handle anymore. The decision is yours but… Sandra he can’t take anymore.”

I turned around and looked at my baby. He was struggling to breathe even with the breathing mask. Should I even be seeing his heart beating? He was so thin I could see the jumps barely concealed by his little ribs. They stood out too.

“He’s tired.”

Ron rubbed my back, “Yes love, he’s exhausted.”

My throat burned. “He should sleep.”

He held my hand and moved the other to my shoulder. I felt his lips on my temple as he whispered roughly, “It’s okay to let him sleep.”

I looked into my son’s half-mast eyes again. I think I finally understood what they said. But… God forgive me but I couldn’t. I wanted to ease his discomfort, take his pain away but I couldn’t say the words. Just thinking about them gutted me.

“Ron I—I can’t do it,” I cried my entire body wracking with shivers as the truth finally sunk in, as I finally let go of the delusion that my son would get up from that bed bright eyed and in vibrant laughter. “I just can’t.”

He held me tighter to him, “Do you want me to call Steve?”

Steve the fucking coward! He ran for the other direction the moment I told him the news. His parents had come to see Eric twice, the second trip they dragged Steve with them. After that, they never came, never took my calls. They’d written Eric off as dead and that meant they had no reason to try and delay the divorce. As my baby was going through his first round of chemotherapy I was served with notice that I was a free woman after an expedited divorce. I didn’t care as long as they kept paying Eric’s hospital bills but that began to be slow in coming. But Ron took care of everything. He played the role Steve was to yellow belly to. The father Eric needed and the crutch I required in this difficult time.

Now I was the coward thinking this but by God it would be easier to take if someone else did it. I didn’t want to be the one who killed my baby.