Love Rewards The Brave

Love Rewards the Brave

Anya Monroe

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, either living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2015 Anya Monroe All rights reserved.

ISBN:151175197
5
ISBN-13: 978-1511751971

For the ones

from hard

places

for the ones

who are still

there

for the ones

who

believe

in

change

for the ones

willing to

fight

for the ones

who are

lost

for the ones

waiting to be

found.

1.

She keeps bringing this story up.

Every week I come here

it’s always the same.

Wanting the story

wanting my take

what’s she gonna do if I say

yes?

If I say

no?

I don’t answer at all.

There’s no way

to explain that I wasn’t

able to save us.

I tried.

But
trying
got us nothing but

a social worker, a foster mom

a CPS report a mile long.

I’ve kept my mouth shut for so long

not knowing it would cost
me
us

a lifetime of innocence

of providence

there’s no rainbow coming through my window.

Just one little girl tryin' to help

one little boy and at the end of the day

it don't matter

we're both of us

all of us

destroyed.

It started so long ago

an alter ego.

When I was little it didn't seem so bad.

Just help him stay

clean

warm

dry.

Stay out of the way of the tornado.

Don't make him mad

by making her mad.

Keep 'em happy

keep your head down

way down to the ground

and don't look up.

Just stay still.

Still frame life is what I've been livin'

eight years since the baby brother watchin'

TV, me keepin' him alive.

Now he's all grown, too, but he talks

talks a lot.

A lot more than me.

I'd whisper quiet in the dark

shush now

lullaby

goodnight.

But he won’t stay still

not when the boogieman comes out to play.

He says Louisa Stand Up.

He says Louisa Fight Back.

But I was always the

good girl

scared girl

scarred girl.

"Louisa, I need your help with these questions. You’ve been quiet for a really long time, do you realize that? Can you tell me about the first time you tried to protect Benji?" asks Terry.

How do you tell someone

anyone

the only one

the reason?

The truth isn't so black and white.

It’s only you and me in this room

and when it comes down to it

the shame of it

is too scary

too real

to admit.

"Okay, Louisa, I hope next week you’ll be ready to talk a bit because I want to help you out of this place you’re in right now, okay?

2.

I go down the hall

to the waiting room and find Ms. Francine

sitting in the threadbare chair

knitting a scarf

to wrap tight around my neck.

She'd said to me,

"Louisa what’s you favorite color, for the yarn?"

"Gray."

Gray like the sky

like the birds of a feather waiting to take flight

like the wings of a plane high in the night sky.

Gray is everything but black and white.

So Ms. Francine’s been waiting here for me

knitting my scarf while I

sit with Terry.

The lady paid each week to ask me questions

and tell me stories

and make me feel

less like

I

Am

Alone.

Terry’s such a dumbass.

Thinks I’m going to be her very best friend

like somehow me telling her

the bad

will make it all good?

It’s been two years already

why would I change now?

"Where's Benji? I thought he was getting dropped off here?" I ask.

"The house called and cancelled, he's had a bad day. I'm sorry, Louisa."

Always sorry

tryin' to make things right

nice and tight

Ms. Francine never saw a bad day in her whole life.

"It's cool, I mean, I didn't really care, you know how Benji gets when he comes over."

Like he wants to fight.

Before he comes he calls and says I miss you, sis.

I want things back like they were, sis.

Before the

mis-takes

mis-steps

mis-deeds.

Back in the day

when we'd lay

in the dark

sharing our heart of hearts.

But now when he comes over

Ms. Francine makes us something

good to eat.

Like banana bread or cherry pie.

He throws the plate

and yells at her

at me

runs away

far away

in the corner of the room.

He’s so close but goes so far away

deep inside.

"I know, Louisa. We both know he has a lot of stuff to work through. Still, I know how much seeing him means to you."

We walk out the doors.

My home away from home:

Child Services Office.

Missing Benji turns my heart stone.

3.

I've been living with Ms. Francine for almost

a year now.

Before that Benji and I were in a different

foster home,

together.

It got to be too hard 

to take care of
us
him.

So they split us up

me with Ms. Francine

him in a facil

it

y.

A facility is a nice way of saying

'House for Effed Up Kids'.

Benji's twelve, still such a little boy.

A little boy who needs his family.

Needs me. 

I go straight to my room when we get home.

I like Ms. Francine, she never yells

when I stay in my room for hours

or gets mad about the clothes I wear

or cares when I dye my hair.

It's not that she doesn't
care

it's like she gets it.

Right now my hair is light with some purple streaks

bottom half of my head is shaved

and I got Jess to give me a nose ring.

My old foster mom –– she would have flipped out

yelling all crazy and stuff

but Ms. Francine just kinda smiled and said, “It might look better with a purple stud.”

4.

Jess thinks Ms. Francine must be

a witch or

a hippie or

a communist.

She’s always having friends over for no reason.

They make weird food

like gluten-free egg rolls with seaweed

and talk about the War on Terror and

she has this book on the coffee table called

Palm Reading For Dummies
.

I know Ms. Francine is just an

Organic Liberal Librarian

who’s into politics,

but Jess thinks there has got to be something more to it.

Like, why is she a foster mom anyway?

5.

In my room I pull out my phone.

Louisa: I'm bored. Benji cancelled. Come over.

Jess: My mom says I have 2b here 4 dinner 2nite.

Lousia: F that.

Jess: Can U come here?

Louisa: K. I'll ask Ms. F

I open my door, leaning over the banister, yelling, "Ms. Francine, can you drive me to Jess's for dinner?"

No answer.

Ms. Francine has a few rules

one of them being talk in a quiet voice.

Maybe because she works at a library.

I walk downstairs to the living room.

Ms. Francine has her legs up

reading glasses on

knitting while watching the evening news.

"Hey, can you drive me to Jess's? Her mom said I can have dinner there."

"Not tonight, Louisa, I made us a nice dinner thinking Benji would be here. How about tomorrow?"

I hate that.

Her

saying no.

Not thinking about what I
want
need.

My brother has gone all crazy on me

I just want to see

a friend.

Someone who will make it all right

bright

make me feel less alone tonight.

"Whatever. I didn't want to go anyway."

I walk up to my room, put on my headphones,

and lay on my bed until

morning.