Love & The Goddess (42 page)

Running through the woods, eccentric or not, hints at a primal awareness. As for me, well ... if I alluded to the Wolf – not to the ‘Jack Nicholson’ portrayed version, all
predatory and selfish – but to a deeper awareness and energy, would that make sense to you? I am deep, a diver, not shallow, a surfer. I am aware, but have my blind spots!!

I can talk and discuss anything you wish, and would love so to do

Jake

“Christ, Kate, does he think he’s a werewolf or something? You have to write to him. Go on!” James was splitting his sides laughing. I wrote a few lines thanking Jake for this
most unusual mail and within ten minutes he had sent another more lengthy reply about
“Hekate and the power of the crone”.
“He says ‘us spiritual types find it hard
to accept our psychopathic tendencies but Hekate is about the total illumination of every area of yourself’,” James read out loud in alarm.

“And he finishes by asking can he have my telephone number! Says here that he’s a psychiatric nurse. He sounds intelligent, but the stuff about psychopaths is really
scary.”

“A lot of psychopaths are above average intelligence. I’d drop him before he scares you senseless. He’s a potential stalker and you don’t want that. Look, I’d
better go. See you before going to Billy’s on Saturday night. You could write back to the first guy though. He wasn’t bad.”

After James left, I realised that internet dating no longer held any fascination for me. It required a lot of effort to separate the wheat from the chaff and I constantly doubted my ability to
discern which was which since it was so easy to build up a rosy picture from a picture and profile. I was beginning to realise that when we met someone in the flesh for the first time, our five
senses informed our gut about the suitability of that person. I was only just learning to listen to my gut, after ignoring it for so long.

Maybe someone like Jake really was genuine person but in the real world it was unlikely our paths would ever cross. Looking at pictures of these men, I felt dizzy as they all appeared to morph
into one generic prototype. Maybe it was because it felt like so many of them thought they were “shopping” for a mate. There and then, I deleted my profile as Hekate. In the past few
months, several people had advised me to stop trying so hard to control my life and instead, just let it happen. I thought I could meet the perfect man through spreading my net wide as Ella had
suggested but it hadn’t happened. I now reverted to my original belief that there had to be an element of serendipity in meeting the love of one’s life.

As I prepared to turn off the lights, I glanced towards my painting and the dream catcher, I suddenly remembered Louis Pasteur’s famous words: “Chance favours the prepared
mind.” Well, I would prepare my mind by connecting it to an open heart in case the possibility of love should come my way. If it happened, I’d be happier than if I’d won the
lottery, but if it didn’t I wouldn’t spend my life in mourning. I now knew the difference between loneliness and being alone and I was becoming increasingly contented in my own
company.

E
lla, James and I arrived early on the Saturday evening at Billy’s Victorian pile set among spectacular gardens. “Nice
knockers!” James said, admiring the elaborate brassware on the large front door. “Why, thank you,” said Ella, cupping her ample breasts as she jiggled one in each hand. We were
all in high spirits anticipating the party. Seconds later the door flew open with Billy standing there to greet us, his eyes drawn to Ella’s impressive cleavage.

“Great to meet your gang, Kate. Come on in. Are you all set for the party tonight then?” Billy said, giving me a hug before telling the others to join my sister Liz in the drawing
room. Gripping my elbow, he said, “I’m still cut up over my cookery job being gone when you finally rang to say you’d take it. Talk about bad timing. Mind you, that vacancy for
lifestyle store manager remains open if you’re interested?”

“I’m game for anything at the moment, Billy. Though I don’t have experience in buying and merchandising.”

“We can talk about it by and by. The shop won’t be up and running until April.” He led me in to join the others who were having coffee and tea in the drawing room. I kissed Liz
who was poised on a chaise longue, her elegant legs to one side like a Victorian lady. I was pleased to see her looking reasonably relaxed after her hysterical phone call but I knew it
wouldn’t be that easy getting our Liz to thaw out since she was always conscious of keeping up appearances and “behaving in a dignified manner”, as she would say. At least she
hadn’t chickened out and seemed at ease as she chatted with Ella.

“Everyone got their costume in order?” Ella asked, looking around.

“Kate, you never told me it was fancy dress?” Liz squealed in horror.

“Never thought to mention it. But don’t worry, we’ll improvise, put something together between us.”

Liz didn’t look convinced; she shifted uncomfortably, and glanced towards the door like she might flee at any minute.

“How about I show you all to your rooms and you can get ready?” Billy offered as people finished their coffees.

Obediently we trooped out of the living room and followed him up the cantilevered stairway. Billy opened the door to a large room with gold-flocked wallpaper and dark walnut floorboards.
“This is yours, Ella.”

Ella chirped for joy as her eyes fell upon the white four-poster bed with matching white dressing table and antique oriental screen. “Oh my God … this is fit for a queen.”

On the next floor, James was given a room decorated in shades of cream and chocolate with a mahogany sleigh bed. Liz’s room was pretty and feminine in shades of topaz and light turquoise
with a gorgeous central chandelier cascading from a purple satin shade.

“Now, I thought you’d like this one,” Billy said, opening the door to the left of Liz’s to reveal an all-white room with long voile curtains draped on either side of the
window and lining the opposite wall. The wardrobes were flush with a third wall, making it seem that there was no furniture apart from the bed, two side lockers and a large cream Buddha sitting on
the window ledge. “Oh, it’ll be like sleeping in angels’ wings.” I dropped my bags on the floor and walked towards the large bay window to soak in the panoramic view of the
gardens and lake. The sun was slowly sinking behind a curtain of gold, the distant hills mysterious as an undulating serpent. Like liquid mercury the water in the lake pooled in shades of
evanescent silver and blue while the moon had already appeared like one large pewter disc. “Look at the sunset, Billy.”

“It’s a special harvest moon this evening, Kate. Supposed to be bigger than usual. What’s sometimes known as a blue moon.”

“The sun and the moon together.” I marvelled at the sight before my eyes. “Thank you, Billy!” I blew him a kiss.

He laughed on his way out of the door. “I arranged it especially for you – special cosmic order.”

No sooner had he gone when Liz came in, a stricken look on her face. “Kate, I could kill you for not warning me about the fancy dress.”

“Calm down! You can take my costume if you like.”

“What is it?”

“A vampire.”

“I suppose … But what will you wear? You can’t not dress up!” She still seemed very up-tight.

“One black maxi skirt coming up along with an old black wig Julie had for a costume party,” I said, pulling both items out of my bag. It was by pure chance I’d put my hand on
the wig and decided to bring it. “And Ella’s sure to have a black top I can borrow. I’ve a couple of black bin bags in the car to make a cloak, and after that it’s just a
matter of a little face painting. Here, relax …” I handed her the vampire costume, still in its suit cover. Forty minutes later I knocked on her door, a generous wine glass filled to
the brim with champagne in my hand and a bag of face paints tucked under my elbow. I’d brought two bottles to the party – one for Billy and a spare for Liz, and I’d slipped down
to the kitchen to find some glasses. “For you, your favourite champagne, Veuve Cliquot,” I said, handing Liz the glass.

“Oh fabulous, sis! You are so good.” There was nothing like a bit of bubbly to thaw her out. She stood sipping the champagne. “Your makeup is amazing, Kate. You look more like
an enchantress than a witch.”

I’d backcombed the wig, then spread out the strands before settling them into flowing tresses, tamed with the help of hairspray. Pencil and shadows around my eyes gave them a winged
effect, while a large black mole sat to the left of my mouth, which was painted green. Wearing a long black duster coat Ella had lent me in lieu of a bin liner, I suddenly felt strong, stronger
than I’d felt for a long time, and strangely hopeful that the coming years would teach me the wisdom of the crone Goddess Hekate – she whom I had feared so intensely.

“Right Liz, your turn now. Sit down and I’ll make you look as if you’ve just bitten someone’s neck.”

“As long as it’s subtle, please not overly dramatic. Oh dear, maybe I should have gone for your option …”

“Too late now!” Wielding the face paints and a fine brush, I set to work darkening her brows.

By eight thirty the house was abuzz with activity as Liz and I arrived downstairs. Aromas of wild game with garlic and herbs wafted by as Billy offered us a glass of spicy mulled wine.
“Happy birthday, Kate.” He pecked my cheek. “I’m withholding your present until tomorrow morning.”

“But this party is your gift to me, Billy. It’s fabulous to be here among my best friends.”

James circled his arm into my elbow and steered me into the drawing room, saying, “C’mon, Liz, it’s time for Kate’s presents.”

“I left mine in the car. Back in two secs.” Liz sashayed awkwardly towards the front door.

“Liz looks like she’s a little behind the eight ball?” Billy mused, quizzically.

It had been worth plying her as I definitely preferred her this way, all dreamy and floaty and not giving two hoots what she looked like. “Why wouldn’t she be after drinking half a
magnum of champagne? I brought another one as your gift, Billy.”

“Gosh Kate, that’s some trick to get Liz langers. If she’s not careful she could end up enjoying herself,” he said chuckling.

“Here’s the birthday girl,” announced James, guiding me into the living room. Everyone started singing Happy Birthday, culminating in mad clapping as a magnificent
pumpkin-shaped cake was wheeled in on a trolley with one huge candle sitting in the centre.

“Don’t forget to make a wish when you blow out the candle,” shouted Ella, who was dressed as Lady Gaga replete with blonde wig. As soon as the words tripped off her tongue I
thought of Geoff. Now why on earth did he have to enter my head at a time like this?

“Glass of champagne for the party girl,” Billy cried, interrupting my thoughts as he handed me a glass of pink bubbly. I’d just sat down on the sofa between James and Ella when
Liz came stumbling in like an overeager teenager, thrusting her gift into my arms.

“Think you’ll like it ’cos the shop assistant said the print is all the rage this season and I know you don’t like the classic type I wear.” I opened the silver
wrapping paper to reveal a gossamer-light python print scarf, wide and long when unfolded. “I adore it. It’s beautiful.” I kissed her fondly.

“Our gifts all go together.” cried James, throwing his arms around my sister and Ella. “You’re in tune with our vibrations, Liz!” Liz looked startled and perplexed,
as if she found my friends a little overbearing – she’d never quite got used to the way we gelled and laughed between us.

“Sounds intriguing – I like it,” I said, as three small gifts were piled on my lap. Eagerly I tore the paper off the first to reveal a padded white box with the name
“Thomas Sabo” written on it. Inside sat a slim black rope chain with a crown pendant. I’d once admired something similar on Ella. “Oh Ella, it’s beautiful!”

“See the loop at the bottom of the crown? You can attach your other pressies on to that. Quick open them.” James was nearly dancing with impatience. Dutifully I tore open the other
packages – two similar white boxes, smaller in size. In the first was a red apple charm and in the second a glittering silver and marcasite snake charm. Each charm had a hook which James
secured on to the crown, as proudly as though he’d personally designed them. “We know you love myths and you see the deeper symbolic meaning in stories, so we felt it was appropriate to
give you the apple as the symbol of love and the snake for universal knowlege or
kundalini shakti
.”

“I love it. It’s stunning.” I jumped up to kiss each of my friends in turn. “You’re right that I don’t accept the orthodox meaning of Eve having precipitated
the downfall of man. I believe in … What’s she called, James?”

“Mito …? Mitochondrial Eve,” James remembered.

“Yes, the mother that unites the human race, the woman we all descended from somewhere in east Africa, regardless of colour or race.” Then, lifting my glass, I cried, “Eve
rocks!” and everyone clapped. Maybe the champagne was getting to me already.

“I didn’t know your birthday was themed when I bought you the scarf!” Liz was still bewildered. “But I’m glad I got it right, even if I’m not into all this
pagan stuff.” She was biting her upper lip, but thankfully the champagne had mellowed her enough to stop her scuttling away in the usual panic.

“Yes, great coincidence that Liz, and I love it. And it’s not pagan to question the validity of what you were told as a child or to investigate other beliefs which may hold some
truth. But forget that now – it’s party time.”

“C’mon!” Billy clapped his hands. “Help yourselves to food in the kitchen! There’s more people coming later and next door’s cleared for a disco. Have you all
got your dancing shoes on?” He led the way downstairs to a huge old-fashioned kitchen similar to that on Victorian period dramas. Billy’s housekeeper, a broad-shouldered countrywoman
with a ruddy complexion, had prepared a choice of venison stew and glazed salmon along with a variety of salads and rice dishes, all laid out on a huge central oak table. I chose a small piece of
salmon to nibble, and stacked the rest of my plate with brown rice, salads and vegetables. I needed to keep an eye on Liz, ensuring she ate enough food to soak up the alcohol or she’d end up
sloshed in no time as the champers flowed and we were offered Kir Royals and Bellinis. Come to think of it, I realised I’d better keep count of my own alcohol intake since my tolerance
wasn’t much higher than Liz’s.