Love Through Pain (26 page)

“I know, but I feel like shit. I would never turn my back on my child, but I thought I couldn’t…” he choked
out.

Jazmine’s eyes connected with his
. “I told you to get a second opinion.”

“Jazz, I didn’t want to go through that agonizing process again, just to have a doctor tell me my body wasn’t good enough.” He sighed and released her face. “I thought I was less than a man because I couldn’t have a child, and then I met you.”

She gave him a weird look. “So what are you telling me is that you’re only with me because I gave you what you couldn’t have?” Hurt filled her voice.

“What? No
!” He entwined his fingers with hers. “Jazmine, you loved and accepted me with all my faults.” He kissed her knuckles. “I have never been open with anyone but you. You dealt with my PTSD and helped me when I thought I didn’t need it—you are everything to me. ”

“Sweetie, you were never less than a man to me. You not being able to have children didn’t matter to me
, you made me happy, and that’s all that mattered.” His eyes watered. “Your voice is what got me through the worst day of my life—it was you who supported, and literally carried me, when no one else would.” She got on her tiptoes, kissing his lips. “Because of you, I was able to forgive and love my son.”

He smiled. “We
’re having a baby.” He got on his knees and touched her stomach.

“Yes, we are
!” She placed her hand over his.

“Mi milagro
.” He kissed her belly and wrapped his arms around her hips. “Please forgive me.”

Jazmine placed her hands i
n his hair. “It’s already forgiven. I love you.”

Javier got up
. “What am I going to do about Monica?” He sighed. “I turned my back on her while she was pregnant. Her little girl was premature.”

“Javy, stop beating yourself up
, you didn’t know, and to be honest, she didn’t really push the issue. If she really wanted you involved, don’t you think she would have gone to court and requested a paternity test?”

“You’re right
.” He walked over to the couch and sat. “Monica called me, apologizing for what her brother did the day of the sentencing, and she never mentioned the baby. And then she called me and left a message when she was born.”

“There’s only one way to find out
; go get a paternity test.” Jazmine sat next to him. “If she’s your daughter, she’s also part of us.”

“I called her and left a message. I told her that I wanted to see the baby when we go up for Christmas.” He covered his face with his hands. “This is such a mess
. If I’d only known before, what I know now.”

“It’s not too late to have a relationship with her
. I don’t think Monica will keep you away.”

“She a vindictive woman.”

“She’s just hurt because you’re all mine.” She kissed his lips.

He smiled against her
mouth. “All yours.” He leaned back. “Did you know Shirley and Malcolm have a baby together?”

Jazmine’s eyes widen
ed. “No, are you for real?”

“I saw him in the hospital
. He was the one who told me Nicky was sick, and he also mentioned he’d just had a little girl.” He chuckled. “Who would’ve thought—those two?”

“Well
, look at us. Life is full of surprises, and you never know who you’ll fall in love with.”

“You’re right about that
.” He nuzzled her neck, knowing all the right spots to make her moan.

“Daddy
.” Nicky ran from the bedroom and straight into his arms.

Javier slid out
of the couch and to the floor. Nicky went and got two of his cars and handed one to him. “Brummmm…” Javier started, acting like a car engine, making his son laugh. “I love you, cookie monster.”

Nicky giggled, hugging him tight.

Jazmine also grabbed a car from his toy box, and she sat on the floor next to them. They spent the next hour playing with their son. “I’m never leaving you guys again.” He looked at Jazmine.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

“Feliz Navidad,” Papo and Maria’s voice echoed through the phone.

“Merry Christmas,” Javier and Jazmine replied.

“I wish you guys hadn’t changed your minds,” Maria said
, sounding disappointed.

“Sorry
, Ma, but it’s our first Christmas together.” Javier parked in his parents’ driveway.

“I know
, but I was looking forward to seeing mi gordo,” Maria huffed.

“Do you have us on speaker?” Javier asked his parents’.

“Yes,” Papo answered.

“Who’
s all there?” Javier turned off the engine.

“Your mom,
grandma E, dad, Lucy, Jose, and Carlitos; not too many people this year,” his dad answered.

“Feliz Navidad,” his family
screamed into the phone.

“What are you doing?” Jose asked.

“Talking to you.” Javier chuckled, getting out of the vehicle. He walked over to Jazmine’s side, and she placed her hands in his as he helped her out. He unhooked Nicky’s seatbelt and picked him up. They walked up the steps, and Javier rang the doorbell.

“Hold on
, someone’s at the door,” Maria said.

Maria swung the door open and started screaming once she saw them, scaring Nicky half to death. He started crying
, and Javier laughed. The rest of the clan rushed to the door.

“Surprise!” Jazmine squealed.

Maria took Nicky out of Javier’s arms and kissed him non-stop. “Mi gordo, I’m so sorry.” She wiped his tears. “Abuela didn’t know you were coming.”

Papo pulled Jazmine into a bear hug and kissed her temple. “Thank you for coming.”

Javier hugged his sister and brother.

“Grandma E.” Javier hugged her tight
, he hated to admit it, but she was his favorite grandma. “Thanks for the toys.” He kissed her cheeks. They all walked back into the kitchen.

“We were about to eat our Christmas brunch
. Sit,” Elba said, patting on the chair.

“Dios mí
o, what a wonderful surprise.” Maria kept kissing Nicky and he loved the attention.

Lucy entered the kitchen
. “What’s going o—” She yipped when she saw them and ran over to Jazmine, hugging her while kissing her cheeks. “Thank you so much for the ring and perfume, you’re the best sister-in-law.”

“She’s your only sister-in-law
.” Jose chuckled, sitting next to Jazmine.

Jazmine grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I don’t blame you.” Jose stared into her eyes and hugged her.

“Thank you, sis, I needed to hear that. You’ve just made my Christmas,” he whispered in her ear.

Javier cleared his throat
. “Enough of that, she’s already taken.” He snickered and sat on the other side of her.

Everybody was seated at the table,
and they all took each other’s hand while his dad said a prayer, blessing the food they were about to eat. “Amen.”

As they were eating
, his grandfather, Papo Sr., wanted to make sure they knew the true meaning of Christmas. It’s not about the gifts and Santa Clause but about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Carlitos had some questions. “Abuelito, so does that mean Santa doesn’t exist?”

“Olga is going to kill you.” Lucy looked at Jose, giggling. “She believes in Santa.”

Jose arched an eyebrow. “He does exist,
and he was there the night Jesus was born, but he had to leave to deliver gift to all the kids in the world.”

Javier and Jazmine both burst out laughing.

“Really Jose?” Javier looked over at his nephew.

“That’s the best you could come up with
?” His dad laughed, too.

“Don’t believe that Carlitos,” Elba said
, looking at him. “Santa wasn’t around in the manger.” She gave Jose the sink eye.

“If you believe in Santa, then he is real,” Lucy said.

“Yeah, I do believe in him. I left him Oreos and milk last night, and it was gone when I woke up, and he left me a bike.” Carlitos grinned.

“Then there you go, he is real,” Lucy pinched his cheeks.

“Mentiras,” Maria said under her breath, but she kept it to herself when his dad gave her a look.

“Jazmine has something to tell you
.” Javier touched her stomach.

“What is it?” His grandma Elba asked.

Jazmine smiled. “I’m pregnant!”

“You’re pregnant
?” his grandmother exclaimed.

“Yes, we’re pregnant
.” Javier looked over at his mother, and he knew what she was feeling; her eyes shined with unshed tears.

“This is the best Christmas present
!” Papo jumped up, excited, and hugged his son.

“I hope it’s a girl
, my first granddaughter.” She could hear the excitement in her voice. “I have to call my mom.” Maria got up from the table and hurried off with Nicky on her hip.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Lucy said leaving the room with Carlitos in tow.

Jose stood and hugged her again. “Congratulations, sis.” And then he shook his brother’s hand. “I have to take Carlitos over to Olga’s. See you guys later.”

“Babe
, you mind if I go see the baby now?” Javier picked up his dish off of the table.

“Go
.” Jazmine stood and started helping Elba with the clean up.

“You’ll be okay?”
he asked, concerned.

She kissed him. “I’m fine
, go see her, you need this.”

***

Javier parked in front of Monica’s apartment. He didn’t know what he would say. All this time, and now he shows up with a gift, trying to make what happened better. If she was his daughter, he would step up; there was never a doubt about what he would do. He picked up the box and exited the car. He took his time walking to her door and rang the doorbell. “Here goes,” he told himself as he heard the bolts unlocking.

Javier looked down on the man
who opened the door. He had no shirt on and was in need of some serious gym time.

“How can I help you?” he asked
, eyeing Javier up and down.

Javier juggled the red box
. “Is Monica here?”

“How do you know Monica?” The guy asked
, blocking his entrance.

“We grew up together.”

“Who’s at the door?” Monica froze when she saw Javier standing at her door. “Javy, what a pleasant surprise.” She rushed to the door.

Monica looked different. Her hair was dyed black, making her look pale. She’d lost weight instead of gaining.

“Monica, I just brought something for the baby. Do you think I can see her?”

“Hunter, let him in
.” Monica pushed her friend out of the way.

Javier passed by them and entered the apartment. A few things were changed around,
but the place needed to be tidied up. There was a pile of laundry on the floor.

“Hunter
, can you please give us a minute.” Monica opened the door wide.

He grabbed a
T-shirt off of the floor and frowned at her. “You’re kicking me out for another dude. I won’t forget this, chica.” He tipped her chin and left the apartment, slamming the door.

She scrambled
, picking up the clothes off of the floor. “Please don’t mind my mess. I just did laundry and didn’t have time to fold them.”

“Monica, it’s fine
. Is the baby here?” He looked toward her room.

“Yes, she’s taking a nap
.” She sat and patted the seat next to her. “Sit, please.”

“Here
.” He handed her the box. “We bought it for her.” He sat.

“We?”
Monica looked at the gift in his hands.

“Jazmine and I.”

“Oh, you’re still with her.” Her lips thinned.

“Monica
, off course, she’s my wife.” He watched her face start to get red. “Can I see … what’s your little girl’s name?”

Her frown turned into a smile. “Her name is Mary, like your mother.”

“Mary.” He smiled. “I bet she’s beautiful.”

“She is
.” But she didn’t move to go and get her.

Javier looked around and saw a picture of the baby. He stood, walked over to the bookshelves
, and picked it up.  It was a black and white picture, but she didn’t resemble him in anyway, but he knew that didn’t mean shit. “Monica, are you going let me see her?”

“Why now?” She stood with her arms crossed over her now bigger breast
s.

“I apologize, I was wrong.” He turned to look at her. “If I’m her father, I’ll step up to the plate.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” she said before she left the room, leaving him confused.

What the hell did she mean?
He thought.

She returned with a smiling baby in her hands, and as soon as he saw her
, he knew what she meant. Mary wasn’t his daughter. She had blonde hair and deep blue eyes. He knew genes could be complicated, but Monica’s statement now made sense.

“Can I hold her?”
He moved forward and gently taking her from Monica’s arms.

“Javy
.” She took a deep breath.

“She’s not mine, is she?”
He touched the baby’s nose.

“I swear I thought she was yours, until I saw her.” She moved to the couch. “I did tamper with the condom, and for that
, I’m sorry.”

Javier looked into Mary’s big eyes
; she was beautiful.

“I was lost when you ended things with me,” she sighed. “First Sandra
, and then her, I saw the way you looked at her, and you never looked at me that way. I knew you were falling in love with her.” 

“That’s not an excuse
.” He placed the baby against his shoulder and rocked her.

“You never believed me anyway. If I thought you were her father after she was born, you would’ve known.”

The baby started to whine. Monica got up and took the baby out of his arms.

“Shhh, it’s okay mamita
.” She rocked her.

Javier just stared at
them; he’d never imagined Monica as a mom. She handled her baby with care, kissing and talking to her.

“She’s beautiful.”

Monica smiled. “She is.”

“Do I know her father?”
He was curious. “It’s none of my business, you don’t have to answer.”

“I
t’s okay.” She grabbed the baby’s bottle off of the table, and fed it to her. “He’s just a sperm donor, nothing else.” She sat in the kitchenette area. “We knew he was going away for a long time, we had a little party, and we drank too much; one thing led to another, and I woke up with a headache.” She smirked in sarcasm and looked away from him. “Kevin’s her dad.”

“What?”
He was shocked, he didn’t see that one coming, but now looking at the baby, he could see the resemblance.

“I didn’t know he was a rapist,” her voice was filled with anger. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

His brows met. What was she talking about?

“The fact that Frankie’s Nicolas’ real father.” She glanced at him. “My first nephew.”

Javier’s jaw tightened.

“I figured it out, but I swear I will take that to the grave, if you promise me the same.”

Javier looked intently at her. “I promise.”

***

Javier took the steps two at a time, rushing to his old room. On the way back to his parents’ house he’d decided not to tell Jazmine who Monica’s baby’s father was, or that she knew the truth about Nicolas. She’d been through so much already, and her life was finally falling into place. He knew that night was the worst night in her life, but it was also the best night of his life—the night he met her.

“Hey
.” Jazmine looked up from her laptop when he entered the room.

“Where’s everybody?”

“They took the kids to see the lights downtown.” She scooted to the side so he could sit.

“Why didn’t you go?” He sat and placed her feet in his lap.

“I wanted to wait for you. Is everything okay?” She glanced at him.

“Yes, everything is finally okay.” Javier massaged her feet. “Mary is not my baby.”

“Her name is Mary?” He nodded. “I bet she’s beautiful.”

“Yes
, she is. Monica finally told me the truth.” He pressed down on her arch. “She thought I was the father, until she saw the baby. She has blonde hair and dark blue eyes.”

“Sorry,” Jazmine
took his hand in hers.