Love Today (13 page)

“Yes, but I don’t have any more than that. I’m sorry.”

She offered her condolences once again,
promised to keep us posted,
and then she left us alone.

The rest of the day was a blur. I only remember two things for sure: breaking the news to Maggie that her mom wasn’t coming back, and my parents’ arrival to hear the news all over again. Maggie cried, even though I didn’t tell her exactly what happened to her mom. I myself couldn’t even believe that it was real and I really didn’t have the answers that I wanted.

My parents reacted much like I did. It didn’t matter that they had a strained relationship with their daughter; it was just as devastating. They spent a lot of
time with Maggie that evening—after a trip to the morgue to identify
Rachel
’s body—
and then
they
stayed the night on the sofa bed.

Zack stayed the night, too. We were alone for some of the time, but Maggie went from grandma and grandpa to us several times, and finally she just fell asleep with us on my bed. I was a ball of emotions. I was angry and sad, but I was also remorseful beyond belief. The last time I saw my sister we’d been arguing… I could never take that back and I didn’t think I would ever get over it.

My thirteen-year-old brother arrived in Everett with my grandparents the next day.
Braden
was never close to
Rachel
, but I kno
w he felt the heaviness in the air and he had no choice but to absorb the emotions from the rest of us
.
It was unfortunate that Zack had to meet my family for the first time under such awful c
ircumstances, but he was an incredible to support to me. I was thankful he knew I needed him.

My Grandpa Jim took
care of funeral arrangements
.
The service was held that Saturday morning, and I have no idea how well I did explaining to a five-year-old why her mom w
as being buried in the ground. “Sleeping forever in the box” just sounded so… I don’t know.

T
he investigation
was still open, but a
ll that we knew was that a worke
r at the marina found
Rachel
the night she didn’t come home
.
There were no signs of her purse or her car, and it was unclear if she’d actually died
at
the marina, or somewhere else.

According to the
police,
she’d
been found at
midnight
that night
, about the time a boat was unloading nearby
. So
far it was suspected that the me
n’s presence scared off the offender, leaving no chance for the body to be dumped
entirely
. I knew what that meant. A few minutes could have meant
Rachel
’s body
might
have been disposed of
,
and we’d never know what happened to her. When you think about the tragedy itself, it’s hard to look
for any sort of
bright side, but
I suppose
knowing what happened was better than a lifetime of never knowing.

Now what we didn’t know was
why
it happened.

I was home alone that Saturday
afternoon
following the funeral
. My parents had
taken Maggie out for
dinner
with the rest of the family,
but I wasn’t feeling up to it
.
I sent Zack home to take care of his own affairs, including some work since he’d missed the entire
four days
to be with
me. I was about to lie down for a little bit when my phone rang, and the only reason I answered it was because it was Jared.

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but I could hear him sigh. Finally he said, “I’m so sorry, Taryn… I didn’t want to impose so… You got the flowers I sent, right?”

“Yes, I did.
They were beautiful.
Thank you.”

“And I did call… I left a message…”

“I know; I got i
t. I’m sorry I didn’t call back,
I just…”

“Oh, I didn’t expect you to. I just wanted to make sure you knew I
called
.”

“
Thank you for thinking of me.”

He paused and then said, “I’m always thinking of you. I didn’t want to go to Germany without… Well, it was hard being there
after the way we parted.
”

I considered that to be close to an apology.
“I thought your message said you were in
London
,
”
I decided to say.

“I was
for the second
show
.
I didn’t hear
what happened until
Friday
—that’s when I called you—and I tried to get a flight home as soon as I could. I t
ried to make the funeral, Taryn.
I’m sorry.”

“You left your tour to come home?”

“It was a
small European tour
. Just cut it short two shows.”

“Jared, I wish you hadn’t done that—”

“It’s already been rescheduled. It’s not a big deal.”

I sighed. “Still, enough lives have already been altered this week…”

“How’s Maggie?” he asked.

I paused, trying to figure out an answer to his question myself.
“She’s… I don’t know. If there’s a good part to any of this, it’s that she’s young. I think with time she’ll shed the sadness, but there’s still the fact that her mom was… Well, I just hope it isn’t something that haunts her. This hasn’t been resolved; I have no idea where it’s going to lead and…”

I was trying not to cry again but it was hard. I was tired and worn out and emotionally drained. I almost wished that I could go into a deep sleep and forget everything.

“Taryn, I’m not far away… Can I come see you? I don’t want to intrude
on your family time
, but I really need to see you.”

“I, uh… Yeah, you can come over. My family’s not here right now; everyone’s out for an early dinner, trying to forget the day. I was just a little tired for that
.
”

“Is there anything you need while I’m out?”

“Um, no I don’t think so. I’m okay.”

“All right, I’ll be there in about five minutes.”

I wasn’t sure if the
idea
of
his
presence made me feel better or worse at that moment. I really did want to see him, but I didn’t know for what reason. I was still a little upset with him over the last time I saw him, but what I didn’t want t
o admit was that his lack of communication
with me
since then
hurt even more.
I knew that was silly though, being that it was my
own
fault for that, so I really didn’t know what
I
expect
ed
.

It was odd seeing him again. His mood was somber, my mood was somber, and the fact that we had a bunch of personal crap going on between us at the same time made it uncomfortable.

As he entered
,
he glanced around the house at all the flowers and said, “Wow, makes it look different in here.”

I shut the door and replied, “Yeah, I wish it actually h
ad the power to turn the house into something
happier.”

He
slightly nodded as he looked at me for a few seconds.
It was hard to face him so
I walked past him and mo
tioned to sit on the couch. H
e followed my lead and
shared the same couch
,
but a space apart
.

“I’m sorry, Taryn. I really am. And I don’t even know what to say, to be honest with you.”

“It’s okay. I don’t know what to say either. And I understand it’s uncomfortable for people to be here.”

“
Well…h
as Zack been,
you know, around?”

“Yeah, he has. Unfortunately for him,” I frowned.

“But he’s been there for you, right?”

“Yes, he has. He’s a good guy, Jared.”

“I’m not implying he isn’t. I just want to
make sure you’re taken care of
.”

I barely nodded, unsure if I should reply or not. I liked that he cared about me, but I didn’t
want
him
to feel obligated.

I wanted to talk about something different so I said, “How’s the song catching on? It popular yet?”

He slowly smiled but took a while to answer. Finally he said, “It’s not a song for the public. I wrote that for you; it’s not meant to be shared.”

I raised
my eyebrows with surprise. “Oh
yeah? I get
threatened with full disclosure for nothing?”

“Was there something in it that offended you?”

I scoffed.
“I was born to make you suffer?”

He slowly smiled
again
.

“
Uh,
I bury you with my refusals?”

That made him chuckle.

“I
stab you with heartache?”

“I
s that offensive?”

“J
ust
a
poetic statement
?
”

“It’s the only thing I’m good at.”

“I agree; it was a beautiful song.”

“But you didn’t like it because it made you feel guilty? Like maybe the song was about you?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “So after joking over a potential song you were going to write about me, there was nothing coincidental about handin
g me one
titled ‘Wicked Woman
’
?
”

He chuckled again but didn’t answer right away. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t think I had the right to feel
bothered
. Finally he said, “
Perhaps it’s been misinterpreted.”

I studied him for a moment, not just because I was trying to understand, but more to enjoy what was in front of me. I either loved or hated the way he looked at me, I wasn’t sure which, but his eyes were
beautiful
, as were the rest of his features, and I could see why so many women ogled over him. I wasn’t
exactly
included in that following, but I knew to appreciate
beautiful
things.

“
The wicked w
oman in t
he song is not an actual person,” he continued
.
“
Towards the end do you recall it saying:
C
an’t
give in, c
an’t go on; can’t find a way, can’t push along; can’t survive this mess, this agony…my wicked woman
.”

I did know the line he was talking about; I had listened to the song dozens of times. I really did think it was an amazing song, but it had pricked a sore spot with me.
I guess
maybe I
had
interpreted it a different way than he intended.

“So
agony is your wicked woman?”

With a smile he said, “Yes.”
And
then he added, “
But
you’re the reason for it.”

He laughed when I rolled my eyes, but I said,
“So the song
is
about me.”

“Sure,
if you want to back track with cause and effect,
” he shrugged. “But you’re not a wicked woman.”

“I’m only the creator of the wicked woman, which makes me worse.”

He laughed but seemed to agree. “Yes, and a lot more powerful because you can also create a lot of other emotio
nal heralds. Uh, like
‘
happy woman
’
, or
‘
peaceful woman
’
…
Uh,
‘
soft-for-Jared woman
’
…”

I laughed at that, and even though I really didn’t want to get into
that
particular conversation again, it was much better than worrying about the other demons
in my life
.

“Yes, I am soft for Jared,” I admitted. “
But
what if it’s just
because I’m soft for your music?
”

He chose not to respond to that. Maybe it was a good thing to hear, maybe it wasn’t, but instead he asked, “What about Maggie? Has anything been
finalized
about her, uh, custody?”