Love Today (14 page)

With a sigh I answered,
“I’ve got guardianship of her right now. It’s listed as temporary until the courts make it official, but there shouldn’t be any
problems
.
My sister actually had it listed that way in her will.
”

I sighed, just because it was still so surreal. I was now a fulltime parent.

“It’s the one thing that will make the difference in her life, Taryn. You. You’ve become a consistent part of her world.”

“I could never replace her mother.”

“You won’t. You’ll give her
you
. That’s what she needs. You’ve got this. You can do
this
.”

His encouragement was timed to head off the panic that was about to pour out of me; he could tell it was the heaviest burden that weighed on me. But I could feel the tears come anyways, and as I leaned onto my knees to take a deep breath, he
moved
next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

“Taryn, you’ve already got this covered. It’s like you’ve been preparing for it. I don’t mean to sponsor fate if it’s not something you believe in, but I believe there’s a reason for everything. Maggie loves you, and your presence in her life was timed perfectly. I don’t believe that’s a coincidence.
You’re going to do a great job. And you
don’t
have to feel guilty about it,” he seemed to emphasize.

I looked at him with surprise.

“Yeah, you heard me. Don’t feel guilty.
This isn’t your doing, Taryn. You can’t change what happened; you can only go forward the best you can.”

“I still just… I can’t believe this happened…”

“I know. It’s
a lot to take. And I know it’s hard to see right now, but with time it won’t feel like such a fresh wound.”

Closing my eyes,
I sighed and laid
my head
against the couch. I looked forward to that day, but it was the days in between that scared me.
And
I hoped that Maggie would always love me for my efforts, but I worried about what could change that. I was her aunt, and she’d accepted me from day one, but I wasn’t naïve. I knew her mother had gone from a sweet child to a teenager that blamed our parents for everything.
At some point
Rachel
started to believe that standard rules took the fun out of
life
, and that the world was trying to hold her back. She did whatever she could to outsmart the age-old existence of social hierarchy.

In Rachel’s mind, why couldn’t she tell the grownups what to do?

Some time later
I woke up to the sounds of my family entering the house; I was curled up on the couch with a blanket, and Jared was gone.

Chapter Twelve

Once my family left the next Monday, it was like I was suddenly hit with reality. I had feared it thus far, but I could literally feel the impact of the
altered
life around me.

Maggie became quiet. She’d never really been a loud or
vocal
child, but she became mor
e reserved than she usually was—even with me.
Maybe she’d been that way all week and I just hadn’t noticed it with everyone around
to coddle her
. I tried to keep our days the same as they were before, but it was hard to avoid
stuff
that had to do with the investigation, or Maggie’s custody, or even some of
Rachel
’s affairs that I had to attend to because she was deceased. There
were
a lot of bu
siness matters to take care with Rachel’s death
, especially
because it
involved
a child
.

My parents insisted that I move back to Kensington with them. I agreed that it was probably the best thing for Maggie
eventually
, but for the time being, I remained in Everett to make sure
everything that could be done for the investigation was being done. There were dozens of inquiries that were taken care of over the phone, but occasionally detectives would stop by to discuss something further.

There was also a matter of Rachel’s car, which had been found parked at a restaurant the night she was murdered. There was no evidence that showed she had actually eaten there that night, and the police concluded that someone else had parked her car there
or she’d met someone there that night
. As soon as they were done with the
silver
Lexus, I had it sent to my parents. I certainly didn’t want to see it everyday, but I also didn’t have the heart to get rid of it just yet.

Zack was great a
t helping me with a lot
when I would let him, but mostly that week I just insisted that he resume his life at work and I would try to resume min
e.
As well as
calling to check on us every lunch hour, h
e still came over every day after work
.
Sometimes he’d even bring home dinner so I didn’t have
to worry about making anything.
I really appreciated that.
A
nd he and Maggie still had the same relationship with each other
, so I was thankful for that
also
. She looked forward to him coming over each time
and I hoped that it would help her adjust to life without her mom.

I’ll admit that
my
relationship with
Zack
had changed, and it was my own fault. I just didn’t feel like the same person anymore, and it was almost like I had a carefree life that I could have enjoyed
before
but
didn’t,
and
now that I couldn’t have it, I wanted the option back. I didn’t feel like
he
held that against me in any way—he was incredibly patient with me—but I think I was frustrated that we’d just entered a new level to our relationship, and then in
the same
night it all changed. I knew it could take some time, and Zack reminded me that
he was there for me no matter what, but I never told him how pressured I felt to balance everything just right.
I felt like I needed space to reassess things, just to give Maggie top priority.
I wanted
her
to come first, and Zack always understood that, but I still felt guilty that he was giving more than I was in our relationship.

“What do you think about taking Maggie to the children’s museum tomorrow?” he asked.

It was
a
Friday night and the three of us had decided it was dinner-in-front-of-the-TV night. Maggie requested chicken strips and French fries, so we sat down in the family room to watch
Rio
.

“I’m sure she would love that,” I said.

“What do you think about bringing Ashlyn with us? That way Maggie could have a friend to play with.”

I nodded my approval. “That sounds like a good idea.”

I was very grateful for Zack, just for that reason. And I was especially glad that he had always included Maggie.

“So did you get everything caught up at work?” I asked him.

He considered it for a second and nodded his head. “Yeah, pretty much. I passed some of it along, so that helped,” he smiled.

“Passed off your work, huh? Hopefully the boss doesn’t have a problem with that.”

He slightly shook his head. “Nah, he was okay with it,” he smiled again.

This particular weekend had been one of his scheduled
marketing
trips, but he deferred it to the next weekend instead. I knew he did it for Maggie and me, and I appreciated the gesture. I wasn’t quite ready to be on my own just yet, and I was glad he understood that.

That’s why when he asked
that night
if Maggie and I wanted to go with him to Utah the next weekend, I really did consider it. But then I realized it would be Halloween, and I didn’t want
my niece
to miss it.

“We can take her trick or treating
there
,” Zack said. “I have friends there and I’m sure they’d be more than willing to point us to a good neighborhood. Besides, I think they do stuff up at the lodge too.”

“
That sounds fine, but Maggie’s looking forward to
Abigail’s party that afternoon.
S
he even helped plan it and s
he really wants to go.”

He thought about it for a few seconds and said, “Halloween’s on a Sunday, right? What if we just went a day early and
came back a day
— Oh wait, I’ve got… Yeah, that
afternoon
I’ve got something kind of big. Uh… Well, what if we did go a day early and then you and Maggie could fly back on Sunday morning? Would that work? I’ll be disappointed that I’ll miss Halloween with you guys, but I’ll make it up to
her
.”

I smiled and said, “You don’t have to make anything up to
her
. She loves being around you and that means a lot.
But about traveling… I don’t know, Zack. For one I don’t feel like I can just leave town with all of this still going on—you know, the investigation. And another, I just can’t spend any money right now until all of this financial stuff gets worked out. I want to make sure Maggie’s account is taken care of, and then I can
evaluate my own situation.
”

“I’ll pay for your flight, Taryn. It’s my invitation and I’m including everything. I just want you
girls
to enjoy a different scene for a few days; maybe Maggie would like the trip and
like
being somewhere new. Can you just think about it and let me know by
Wednesday
?”

So I did agree to think
about it. It really was something that I wanted to do, and by Tuesday I decided that it would be a good idea. I told Zack yes, and he booked our flight. I was excited on Wednesday evening, and after packing for a weekend in the snow, Maggie
was
excited too.

But i
t
hadn’t
dawned on me that
she
had never been on an airplane before. I realized this as we were on our way to the airport Thursday morning when she had asked me if flying was scary
, and I vaguely remembered my sister saying something about Maggie’s fear of any kind of ride—even a carousel
. I did my best to give her a pep talk and ease her worries, but once it was time to board for our flight, she was in tears.

Zack picked her up and started talking to her right away. He continued to chat with her as we handed over our boarding passes, walked down the terminal, and came face to face with the pilot and a stewardess to greet us.

As we walked to our seats he continued with, “And when we get to Utah, you’ll get to see the really
big
mountains and all the snow, and then we get to go to the lodge we’re going to stay at—it’s really, really cool,” he added with a smile, like he was telling her a secret. By then we’d made it to our seats
,
and Maggie was totally calm.

“Is the lodge big?” she asked him.

“Yep, it’s really big. You’ll like it a lot. There’s a swimming pool, and there’s a game room—kind of
like
a really big playroom—and you get to eat as much ice cream as you want.”

“
Ahem
,” I said with a playful warning.

“And if you eat your dinner, you get ice cream for dessert,” he added, putting an arm around me
with a smile
.

Maggie was still sitting on his lap when she said, “I don’t know how to swim.” She said it like we’d be really disappointed, and even looked down at her hands.

“Even better,” Zack
shrugged
. “Because now you and I get to learn together. I don’t know how to swim very well either,” he whispered to her.

“You don’t?” she asked, totally surprised.

“Nope, not really. I’m good in the snow—I like playing on the mountain—but I haven’t spent a lot of time in the water. Taryn
’s gonna have to teach us both.”

She smiled and then looked at me and smiled. “Will you teach us to swim?” she asked.

“Hmm, what if
I
don’t know how to swim very well?” I teased.

“You can swim!” she giggled. “Can’t you?”

I chuckled and replied,
“Yes, I can swim. And I’d be happy to teach you how to swim. Both of you,” I added, giving Zack a
wink
.

After that it was smooth sailing—
uh
, flying. Our seats were extremely comfortable, the flight attendants took care of us well, and Maggie was really happy with a window seat and snacks and beverages. When she dozed off an hour later, I cuddled against Zack and said, “You’re amazing.”