Love Unscripted (18 page)

Effin-A he is HOT!
Marie was right in her assessment. I was thankful that the metal sink was strong enough to endure my grip and hold me in place as I squeezed my legs together at the knees.

It had been far too long since I saw a mostly naked man and this one was killing me with visions left and right. I think he realized that I was turned and not facing him anymore because he sort of huffed, grabbed his bag, and headed back to the bedroom.

I had the kitchen all cleaned up when he came back to the island counter that separated the kitchen from the rest of the main room. He leaned on the island with his elbows right next to where I had my purse.

Shit!
When I went to get him a towel, I forgot to shove my pill pack back into my purse. Just as I turned to correct my mistake his fingers picked it up. His look of curiosity was instantly replaced with a smirk when he realized what it was.

“
You weren’t supposed to see that,” I murmured. I snatched the pack from his hand and shoved it back in my purse.

“
What’s the big deal?” he asked casually. “So you’re on the pill. That’s good to know.” He smirked.

This was a conversation that I didn’t want to have with him. “Are you finished in the bathroom? ‘Cause if you are I’d like to dry my hair quick.”

“
Yeah.” He nodded. “Speaking of which, how are you feeling this morning?”

“
I’m feeling better. My stomach muscles hurt though. I feel like I did two hundred sit-ups. And you?”

“
I’m feeling pretty good actually.” He stood straight and stretched. “Must have been the lobster. Are you up to taking the boat out again?” I could tell in his voice he was hoping.

“
Yeah, sure. Just let me finish getting ready.”

Ryan steered the boat back out on the lake and I was comfortable just lounging under a blanket. The bright sun warmed my face. I was feeling better, but still not one hundred percent yet. Being sick made me overly tired.

Ryan was quiet as he repeatedly cast his line out in the water. A few times it appeared that he was going to say something to me, but then he’d turn away to shake his head ever so slightly.

“
Aren’t you going to fish today?” he asked finally.

“
Maybe in a little while; I’m really comfortable just resting here.”

Ryan stared at me for a moment. “Are you sure you’re feeling up to being out here?” he asked, truly sounding concerned.

“
Yes! I’m actually quite content. I’m in a boat, out on a lake on a beautiful, sunny day. I don’t have to be anywhere doing anything. No one is barking orders at me. I am thoroughly enjoying the simple pleasures in life.” I smiled at him.

“
Yes, this is very cool!” He grinned in agreement.

“
I was wondering something,” he asked as he looked at me a moment later. “Do your friends know how we met?”

I was confused why he would ask that. I felt my eyebrows pull together when I pondered his question.

“
What do you mean?” I needed him to clarify.

“
My embarrassing run into your pub. Did you tell them about that?”

“
No!” I said quickly, confirming my trustworthiness. “I mean they know that you came into the bar, but none of them know under what circumstances. I’m sorry. I promised you that I would never say
anything
but I had no choice to tell them that you came in once before - it was the only way I could get past the questions so you could join us for poker.

“
I swear the only thing I said was that you came in for a beer one afternoon. I didn’t tell them anything else.”

He looked at me funny. “That’s okay! I just figured you were pretty close with your friends that you would have told them about my run up your steps.”

“
No.” I shook my head fiercely. “It’s none of their business. Ryan, what happened to you was private. Besides, I made a promise to you that I would never say anything. I’ll never break that promise.”

He smiled sweetly at me before casting his line back out into the water.

I picked up my fishing pole and clipped a little bobber to the line. I didn’t want him to feel like he was fishing alone, so I cast my line out and resumed my lounging position in the boat. If I caught a fish, the bobber would dip down into the water.

Two minutes later I had a nibble and reeled in the first catch of the day. Another bass was on the line. Ryan took the fish off the hook for me. I was too bundled up to move that far.

“
He’s a tiny one!” Ryan said, examining the little fish up close. “Okay, that’s two days in a row that you caught the first fish,” he jeered.

“
Jealous much?” I teased. “You’ll catch the next five anyway.”

“
I’m about as jealous as you are,” he said flatly. With a quick flick, he tossed my little fish back in the water.

“
Taryn, I want you to promise me something.” He looked at me until our eyes met. “I want you to promise that you won’t believe anything you read or hear about me.”

I opened my mouth to speak, even though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to say.

“
Just promise me,” he insisted.

“
I promise,” I vowed.

“
If you have any questions or you want to know something, you ask
me
first before you believe any of the trash, okay?” His face twisted in anguish.

“
I will.”

“
Good.” His expression relaxed slightly, but I could tell he was still deep in thought.

My mind flashed over the questions that were still outstanding in my brain and I wondered if it was safe enough – if our friendship was strong enough – for me to ask.
Does
he have different women in his bed all the time? Was he dating or juggling several women right now? Was acting worth giving up his freedom?

I looked over at him as he sat peacefully fishing out on this beautiful lake. I knew he was living in some psychotic fish bowl, under constant scrutiny. Do I dare bring up any touchy subjects?

There was one question I felt I had the right to ask.

“
Ryan?” I paused until he looked at me. “I do have one question. Since you’ve already asked me this question and I gave you an honest answer, I’d like to hear your honest answer too.”

His eyes narrowed with confusion.

“
Are you… are you involved with anyone…now? I mean, I presume you’re dating people.” I was so nervous asking I couldn’t help but stammer over my words. But I needed to know if I was part of a collective. His face was expressionless, so I felt I had to continue.

“
It’s just… you asked me, the first day we met. I just wondered.”

His expression changed from a blank stare to a grin. He looked me in the eyes.

“
No,” he said, smirking at me. “I’m not seeing anyone. And to answer the other question you’re
not
asking, the answer is months – several months.”

“
Why is that?” I asked hesitantly.

He glared at me again before answering. “How can I ever know if someone wants to be with the celebrity or if they’re enamored with a character I’ve portrayed? The lines get blurred between what I am and who I am.” He shook his head in disgust.

“
Then there’s the… fear of having intimate details appear in print. I already have enough to deal with when they print the lies.” He started rubbing his forehead and I knew this was tough for him to talk about.

“
I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I – I shouldn’t have asked.”

“
Why would you say that?” His brows pulled together as he looked at me.

“
I feel bad for bringing it up. You have enough stress to deal with - you don’t need me asking stupid questions.”

“
The fact that you’re here, with me, gives you the right to know. This isn’t just about me! Don’t think for one second that I haven’t considered how this affects you and your privacy.

“
I’ve been seen in your pub twice. The paparazzi aren’t stupid. I’ve tried to keep my reason for being there hidden, but I didn’t do a very good job. Rumors about me staring at you have already been printed.” He hung his head down and grabbed the bottle of soda that set between his feet.

“
I don’t care that they’ve printed that I was looking at you, but believe me I do care that they leave you alone. Please tell me immediately if-”

“
Ryan, how can you stand this?” I interrupted. “You are entitled to a life! You deserve to be happy! Is this career worth it?” I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

He looked out over the water. I could tell that he was torn.

“
Yes and no,” he answered. “I like doing what I do. I love being an actor. But the psychotic bullshit that comes with it is something I didn’t see coming. It’s all become very overwhelming.”

“
I feel bad for you,” I whispered.

He looked at me, confused.

“
It’s not right that you have to pay such a steep price for doing something you love. Especially since what you do is meant to be a gift to the public that torments you. You’re an entertainer; you shouldn’t have to hide, but I know why you have to. I know that they never leave you alone - that you’re constantly hounded.”

“
That’s an understatement,” he muttered. “Taryn, I
really
like being around you, but I’m afraid that…” he paused to take a deep breath.

You’re afraid that it can’t continue. Don’t be a coward, just say it. I knew it was coming eventually.

“
You have to realize that being around me comes at a price for you too. I need to know that you understand what you’re getting yourself into being with me.”

Being with you? Well, that wasn’t what I expected.

My thoughts were tangled just looking at him.

“
I like being around you too,” I admitted softly. “We both know that I don’t come from your world, but I have a fairly good understanding of how things are for you.

“
Ryan, I’ll do what I have to, to be part of that for you if you want me to. I’ll deal with the craziness, because I know that comes along with being with…”

TARYN, you’re slipping!

“
Um, I mean, of being your friend,” I corrected myself.

“
You would do that for me?” he asked, questioning my loyalty.

“
Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “Yes, I will.”

“
And you’d deal with the paparazzi, and the fans, and the invasion of your privacy? Do you even know what you’re saying yes to?” he murmured as he scratched his head.

“
You deal with it. Why is it so hard to believe that someone else would do the same for you?”

“
It’s a lot to ask of someone,” he muttered, almost appearing guilty. His shoulders were hunched as he rubbed his forehead repeatedly. “A lot.”

“
Well, if you want me to be your friend then you have to give me the benefit of the doubt that I can handle it,” I said bluntly.

“
The media will dig for dirt on you. Is there anything I need to know before the rest of the world knows?” He eyed me intensely.

“
There is nothing that I’ve been through that I’m ashamed of,” I stated directly. “I’ve already told you a lot about me. I’ve never done drugs or been arrested. I’ve never posed nude or made embarrassing sex tapes either.” I chuckled lightly from my admission. “I don’t have any skeletons in my closet.”

My last comment caused him to smile briefly, but our moment of levity didn’t last. He continued on with his rant.

“
You’ll have to watch everything you do, everything you say. You’ll be pressed for answers; they’ll hound you for details.” His lips curled up on his teeth from the thoughts.

“
They will provoke you with statements and allegations to get you to respond. You’ll be followed and photographed. Can you handle that too?” His tone was almost argumentative.

“
Who are you trying to convince, me or you?” I spoke quietly. “Ryan, if you want me in your life… if you want to be friends, then I’ll deal with it. But it sounds like you’re trying to talk one of us out of it.”

“
It’s like inviting someone into your nightmares. It’s not right for me to do that to you,” he muttered ruefully.

“
So what? You’re not allowed to have friends or be close to anyone? Or have a good time and live your life? I’m sorry, but I’m not going to allow
them
to decide that for me or you.” I wrapped my arms around my knees.

“
And if you think that I’m going to be scared away because of
them
– because of the bad stuff that you have to endure, then you have the wrong impression of me.”

As I spoke I suddenly became overwhelmed with mixed emotions. I was going through all this effort to try to be his friend while deep inside I longed for so much more.

“
I don’t have that impression of you; that’s another reason why we are here now.” Ryan smiled at me and let out a big sigh.

Anger and disgust, directed solely at myself, crept up into my chest and burned my throat.
Why are we here now?
Why am I even in this boat with you?