Love Without End (13 page)

“Christ Hannah, did you pack enough,” I say laughing as she starts to remove and sort her belongings laying different piles on the bed. Without thinking, I begin picking them up, placing her clothes into the dresser drawers, and hanging some of them in the closet. Once her suitcases are empty, she looks at me then around the room and smiles her breathtaking smile.

“I didn’t know what the weather was going to be like, and thank you for finding a place for everything,” she says while worrying on her lower lip. Taking her into my arms, I lean down and kiss her forehead as her hands find a place to rest in my back pockets.

“I have somewhere we need to go tonight or tomorrow, depending on how you are feeling and how tired you are. Something I need to show you.” I murmur into her hair.

She breaks away from our embrace just slightly and puckers her lips, which I kiss immediately, “okay, before dinner or after? Oh and where are we going for dinner, mom just mentioned all of us going to cut out multiple house trips,” she questions after our lips part.

“We are going to Blanco’s, so go do what you need to do get ready,” I smile against her mouth, “I am going like this, so don’t get too fancy, beautiful,” kissing her softly before I back away and head into to the living room.

I hear her clear her throat about thirty or so minutes later, based on my Castle episode time meter, and look her way to see her shyly smiling, her hair braided back and tendrils framing her face. I motion with my finger in a come-hither motion, and look her up and down as she moves closer. She still fits right in, dark jeans tucked into her brown suede knee boots, a pink and blue flannel shirt with rolled up sleeves. With her brown scarf and cream cardigan in her arms, she bends forward and kisses me chastely, winks and moves away.

“Let’s go before that fervor in your eyes changes my mind,” she giggles heading towards the door donning her sweater and scarf.

“Don’t play coy, and you know better than start shit you can’t finish,” I growl at her neck, gripping her hips and pulling her into me just before we reach the door. She rubs her ass suggestively against my crotch, and I lightly nip her ear.

“Oh we both know I can finish what I start Carter, but we have shit to do, so let’s get a move on,” she laughs and reaches for the door. Walking slowly out the door still not letting her go, I chuckle in her ear as I see her posture and breathing alter, I pull back to open the passenger door to my white Porche Cayenne.

“I am certain that if we are late to dinner, we will have your parents beating down my door, and I don’t think they need to see what I am planning to do to you,” I retort with a smirk and wink.

Somewhere along our twenty-minute drive to dinner, our fingers interlace, and she rambles on about how crazy this all feels, her and I going to dinner with her parents, and it all seeming so natural and yet surreal. I agree, but am completely content with where we are. We both agree that if it wasn’t for my trip to Florida, none of this would be taking place.

We pull into the parking lot, and I help her out of the car, ready to get back to where we once were, exchanging hugs as we meet David and Tracie in the entryway of Blanco’ and are seated shortly after. Blanco’s is the all-time best Italian pizzeria, it’s like heaven on earth setting your taste buds into a state of bliss. Once our drinks are delivered and dinner is ordered the conversation between all of us flows smoothly, and I sit back and drink up this moment, knowing from experience, it can vanish when you least expect it.

It was a little past nine when we left Blanco’s; dinner was great, the conversation flowed without any awkwardness up until my discovery that EVERYONE knew of Carter coming to Florida except me, which then prompted my mom to engage excitedly about how it turned out. By the time we are halfway across town, I notice that Carter is not driving towards his apartment any longer, in fact, we are traveling north opposed to east, and I’m beginning to wonder why.

“Carter, where are we going?” I ask through a yawn. He looks at me with eyes full of hesitation before giving me a weak smile.

“I told you, I had something to show you, one of the reasons I needed you to come home” he responds quietly.

I finally notice some familiarity along the dark roads, and squeeze his hand that is resting in mine. Maybe having me home has made him want to finally come out to the Browning Memorial Grounds where his grandparents were laid to rest. They passed away our freshman year in college within months of each other, and he refused to even drive out this way, I remember the endless conversations of him telling me to drop it and that he didn’t need to visit a place just to remember the two people that he had a lifetime of memories of. 

He drives further into the memorial grounds and stops, the headlights shining towards a fairly empty lot, and even though it’s a dimly lit location – it’s definitely not where his grandparents’ headstone lies. “Hannah,” he turns to me with sad eyes, “I told you I needed to show you something and well… we’re here.” He kisses me with the most tenderness I have felt from him in years, and then exits the car, rounding the back and opening my door. I grab hold of his hand and follow him to a patch of the grounds covered in light pink and pale blue mums, barely hanging onto life. He squeezes my hand before letting it go and pulling my back to his front.

Looking down I begin to read the inscription on the stone – ‘
Our Love Without End ~2012 – 2012~ Hannah Grace & Carter Grayson
‘– and gasp as my legs begin to go limp. I can’t focus, I can’t breathe, I can’t see through the tears filling my eyes, now spilling down my face. My heart feels like it is shattering all over again, but it’s a million times more real and every emotion is intensified. Strong, warm arms fold around me, almost shielding me from anything around the bubble he has created. I read the marble slab again, sobs rip through my body, and my legs fully give out. Carter slowly lowers us to the ground where I reach out and trace the letters etched so beautifully and intricately within an infinity symbol – the phrase that he repeated time and time again before and after losing the life I didn’t know was created.

When?

How?

Why?

Carter pulls me back into his arms resting my lifeless body onto his lap, not speaking, just patiently waiting for me speak. I can’t, I can’t do anything, I feel as if my inability to cope laid all the burden in his lap and he willingly took it and dismissed me of the responsibilities and actions that I should have been a part of. My sadness turns to anger then to remorsefulness and I concede, all the emotions at once flooding through me.

“Why?” I weep as he squeezes me tighter.

He kisses my head and breathes of “For you, for us, for the innocent life that was taken. But mostly… because you couldn’t.”

I shake my head in disbelief that he yet again carried all the weight and burden of my inability to cope, just as he is now, lifting my motionless body with him, and placing me in the car buckling me in before shutting my door.

I don’t recall the drive back to the house, or how I ended up in his bed dressed in my pajamas. Soft music plays from the iHome speaker and the sun is shining through the bedroom windows. My head feels like a million little minions are hammering their happiness away, but I feel as if another hole has been pierced through my soul. I hear footsteps and close my eyes hopefully portraying that I am still asleep, but it’s a battle I’ve already lost as Carter rounds the bed with a tray of soup and hot tea.

“Han, baby, you have to eat. I’m not letting you destroy yourself and what we are building again,” he says gently rubbing my thigh. I peer up at him through barely lifted lids as he sets the tray on the nightstand beside me, and then sits on the edge of the bed, brushing the hair off my face. His tender touch and soft sigh evokes a whimper from the back of my throat. “I know, but it’s not a lot to ask, and I cancelled your plans with Tracie and Brielle today, making sure they knew you just weren’t up to it.” He says quietly leaning down kissing my cheek.

“Thank you,” I mouth and close my eyes again, but he doesn’t leave. He sits beside me caressing my back and shoulders until I open my eyes back up. “I’m not hungry,” I exhale, opening my eyes finally meeting his watching me intently.

“Try.”

I sit up slowly, my head throbbing more than it was laying down, and I rub my temples just as he holds out his hand containing three ibuprofen. I take them quickly, swallowing them as he hands me the cup of hot tea. Once the tablets are washed down, he exchanges my cup for the bowl of soup. I stare at it for a while, before he takes the spoon as if he is about to feed me with an arched brow. I’m not a morning person, I am not helpless and beyond irritated that he is forcing me to function when I am not ready, jerking the spoon from his hand, I scowl and mutter angrily “just go away!”

I finally give in knowing he will sit there until I at least attempt to eat, he kisses my forehead before softly chuckling. “I love you, Hannah Grace, I’m pleased to see you are still not a morning person, even if it is almost noon.”

“Leave.”

“I’m not leaving you, I’ll give you a little space. Finish up. We have some stuff to talk about. Please baby, for me.” He kisses my aching head once more before setting my cellphone next to me on the nightstand and walks out of the bedroom. 

Sitting in the living room flipping through the channels, avoiding paperwork, my mind is running wild with all the things Hannah must be feeling, thinking, and experiencing. I don’t regret taking her to the memorial grounds though, it’s time she faced her loss, our loss, head on. She did well, considering, I think at least; she didn’t run away, granted she didn’t have anywhere to go. Sighing loudly, I begin to hear the pings of what resemble the text tone to her cell, assuming she is finally getting up and around, I finish grading the stack of papers in front of me and tidy up the living room.

Uncertain of the time I hear the shower turn on, I check my cell for the time, reading seven pm, and see a missed text.

Braydon – You around? Need to talk

Instant fury rages through me just seeing his name then reading his text knowing he has caught wind of Hannah being home, I do not have the time nor the patience to deal with this self-righteous motherfucker.

Me – I warned you once. FUCK OFF

Braydon – suit yourself

What the fuck does that mean… “Suit yourself”? I hear the shower shut off a few minutes later and make my way to the kitchen to make some dinner. I’m hungry and Hannah must be famished. After sautéing some chicken breast and building a spinach salad mix, I set the table just as she makes her way down the hall. Her hair pulled back and wearing jeans and a fitted t-shirt, she wraps her arms around herself and looks at me cautiously.

“What’s wrong, Han?”

“We need to talk, babe, but I don’t want you mad. Okay?” She carefully chooses her words as she walks towards me.

“Okay,” I draw out the word and take her into my arms holding her close, “you can say anything you know that.”

“I talked to Braydon. We all need to talk. He’s coming over.” She rushes out the words enunciating every word and sentence clearly.