Love's Someday (2 page)

The doors were hardly closed when Drew asked, “Why?”

Ashleigh didn’t turn; instead, she pressed her forehead to the cool glass of the window and clamped her eyes shut. “I’ve already told you why.”

“Hey.” Drew leaned forward and gently tugged at Ashleigh’s sleeve. “You’ve confided in me with everything. Why is this so different? Why keep this even from me?”

“It’s a part of my life that I wish never existed. I did things that I’m not proud of, and I never wanted to relive it.”

Drew tugged a little harder on Ashleigh’s sleeve. “Look at me, Ash.”

Ashleigh exhaled loudly before turning to face Drew. “There’s a lot more to it than having a hit song. If I had told you about that, you’d eventually learn about the rest.” Ashleigh clamped her eyes shut again and swallowed hard against the tears. When she spoke again, her voice was raspy. “You’re all going to know my darkest secrets soon. Don’t press me for any more tonight, please.”

“Well, hell, honey, it’s not like you killed anyone.”

The look on Ashleigh’s face when she did open her eyes caused any further comment to die on Drew’s lips. She sank back in her seat when she noticed Erica and Kaitlyn walking toward the SUV.

Ashleigh closed the door to the hotel room and leaned against it as she watched Erica drop their suitcase onto the bed. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her stomach twisted in knots as Erica sat, staring straight ahead. She’d known that this moment would come. She’d rehearsed what she would say in her mind a hundred times, but now, every well-thought-out explanation escaped her.

“Who are you?” Erica asked as she rubbed her palms together.

Ashleigh slid down the door into a squatting position. She didn’t trust herself not to open the door and run like she’d done in the past. “You know who I am.”

“I’m afraid I don’t. Up until this evening, you were simply Ashleigh Prather, my lover. Now it seems that you were at one time some sort of star. The whole world knew you but me.”

There was an angry edge to Erica’s voice, but when she turned in Ashleigh’s direction, she looked like a frightened child. A ponytail kept her wavy dark hair pulled back from her face, exposing the worry that etched her brow. Her hazel eyes stared past Ashleigh, seemingly unable to meet her own.

“Haven’t you ever lived through something that you’d rather not remember? Talking about it would bring back all the memories that you’ve longed to suppress?” Ashleigh rubbed her sweating palms on her pants leg.

Erica shook her head. “I’ve trusted you with all my secrets.”

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you, Erica,” Ashleigh began. She bowed her head, searching for words that wouldn’t come. “I just wanted it all to go away.”

“You’re that ashamed of a failed music career?”

“I was someone else then. I did things that have…haunted me.” Ashleigh chewed at her bottom lip, hating the way it trembled.

“What kinds of things?” Erica looked back at her shoes.

“I’m not ready to confront that tonight. Give me a little time, please?”

Erica let out a shuddering sigh as she stood. She kept her eyes averted as she spoke. “I’m going to take a shower.” She moved to the suitcase and pulled out a few things. “You’re making this worse.”

“I know,” Ashleigh said, fighting back tears. “Just be patient with me. It’s hard.”

Erica turned and retreated to the bathroom.

Ashleigh found that she couldn’t move. She felt out of place. She’d shared her body and her heart and made a home with Erica, but the distance that formed between them so quickly made her feel like she was trapped in a room with a stranger. She couldn’t bring herself to undress.

She listened to the water running in the shower as she forced herself to stand and move to the bed where she slipped off her shoes and lay down fully clothed. She wondered what was going through Erica’s mind and how she would go about explaining the whole sordid story. And then there was Drew and Kaitlyn. She’d have to face them in the morning and endure the same awkwardness with them. Putting her shoes back on and slipping off into the night became more appealing by the second.

She feigned sleep when Erica emerged from the bathroom. The bed moved as Erica wordlessly slipped under the covers and switched off the light. They lay there for a long time. Ashleigh knew that Erica was still awake. She wanted to reach out to her, feel that the connection between them had not been broken. Fear and shame kept her immobile.

“You okay?” Kaitlyn asked as she approached with a couple of coffees the next morning.

Erica stood in the parking lot, having escaped the oppressiveness of the hotel room while Ashleigh showered. “I’m all right.” Erica accepted a cup and stuffed her other hand in her pocket.

“You look tired. There’s dark circles under your eyes. Did you sleep?”

Erica shook her head and took a sip of her coffee. “I don’t think she did, either. She stared at the ceiling most of the night when she thought I was asleep.”

“Did you talk?”

Erica made little rows in the Styrofoam cup with her nails as she thought. “Not much. She asked me not to press her for answers last night. She needed time to deal with whatever she’s done.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

Erica shrugged and took another sip. “There’s a lot more to this than her having a music career that she didn’t bother to tell me about. She’s done something that she’s afraid to admit.”

“Aren’t you afraid of what that might be?” Kaitlyn asked as she studied Erica’s face.

“No, it’s something that happened twenty years ago.”

“Then why do you look so troubled?”

Erica looked at Kaitlyn as though the answer was obvious. “She kept this from me.” Erica’s lip trembled. She put her cup to her mouth to hide it.

“I asked Drew to let it drop for now. We’ve got another three hours on the road, and I don’t want it to be any more uncomfortable than it already is. She’s pretty upset, too, and you know how she is.”

Erica took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, forcing the lump in her throat to recede. Lack of sleep lessened her ability to cope and keep her emotions in check. What she needed was time alone. She wasn’t looking forward to the drive ahead.

“Do you think you could take the wheel today?” Erica asked Kaitlyn. “I’m exhausted.”

“Sure.” Kaitlyn turned when she heard a hotel room door open. Ashleigh stepped out with a suitcase and tossed it into the SUV. “It looks like Ash is ready. I’m going to get Drew and we’ll hit the road.”

Erica rode in the front passenger’s seat while Kaitlyn drove. Drew and Ashleigh were in the back, and Erica noticed that Ashleigh had molded her body as tightly as she could to the door with her forehead resting on the window. Drew to her credit was quiet. The only conversation they did have had been about going home and returning to daily routines. Ashleigh hadn’t said a word all morning.

With her eyes closed, Erica leaned her head against the headrest and let her mind wander. Their yearly vacation had been wonderful. Nashville would not have been her first choice of vacation spots, but she’d enjoyed it nonetheless. She’d managed to leave all thoughts of work behind and enjoy the company of the woman she considered her wife. It had been perfect, then ruined in a matter of hours.

She found herself dissecting the last five years and looking for any clues of Ashleigh’s former life that she might’ve missed. The first time she visited Ashleigh’s home, she’d noticed how sparse it was. There were no framed photos of friends or family. Erica remembered thinking that odd, but when Ashleigh explained that her family had disowned her when they discovered her sexuality, it made sense.

Ashleigh had been a loner then. There were only a handful of people she worked with who were considered acquaintances. Erica never had to worry about making a good impression on the “best” friends as Ashleigh did with her. It never occurred to Erica that Ashleigh was hiding away from anything or anyone.

What had she done twenty years ago? Was it criminal? Until the previous night, she believed that she and Ashleigh could face anything together come what may, and that’s what gnawed at her. She’d been cut out of the loop. She’d bared her soul and told Ashleigh everything. She’d shared all her experiences and her shortcomings. And Ashleigh had kept hidden from her a pivotal part of her life. This revelation cast doubt on their existence together. What else didn’t she know? Was the whole relationship based on a web of lies that she had been content to believe? Erica was jarred from her thoughts when she felt the vehicle slow and exit the interstate. She opened her eyes, stretched, and looked over at Kaitlyn.

“Potty break,” Kaitlyn said softly.

Erica looked over her shoulder. Ashleigh appeared to be asleep, and Drew didn’t make a sound. She and Kaitlyn climbed out and closed the doors gently.

“You’re not asleep,” Drew said as she watched Kaitlyn and Erica walk toward the restrooms. Ashleigh didn’t respond, but Drew had seen her moments before they stopped take a drink from her Pepsi and replace the bottle in the cup holder. “Ashleigh.”

Ashleigh turned and looked at her. Her eyes were puffy and swollen with dark circles beneath them. “What?” She reached for the bottle again.

“You know I’m going to scour the Net when we get home.” Drew took the bottle from Ashleigh then made a face of disgust when she realized the soda was flat and warm.

“And I’m sure that you’ll discover my dirty secret. You don’t need me to tell you anything.”

“Why are you being like this? I thought I was your closest friend. Help me understand.”

Ashleigh shook her head in frustration. “I had all of that tucked away. For years, I convinced myself that it wasn’t really me. I mean, what are the chances that anyone would play that damn video? It’s been twenty years.”

Drew tried to keep her tone level. “We saw it. There’s no taking it back now. Let us—me—help you deal with it. Ash, open up, tell me what happened to make you so upset by all this.”

“I feel like…” Ashleigh wiped angrily at the tears that slipped from her eyes. “Everything’s out of control. I’ve dealt with this. I don’t want to be forced to confront it now.”

“If you’ve shelved it somewhere in your brain, you haven’t dealt with anything.” Drew reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind Ashleigh’s ear. “You’ve got a woman that loves you and friends in me and Kaitlyn that will never judge you.”

Ashleigh turned back toward the window. “Can you honestly promise that? You have no idea what I’ve done.”

“If I had done what you did, could you turn your back on me?”

Ashleigh didn’t answer as her body shook with silent sobs.

“Come here.” Drew unbuckled her seat belt and pulled Ashleigh close. “I don’t care what you’ve done. You’re my best friend, more like a sister, really. You’ll always have me beside you, I promise.”

Ashleigh let herself be pulled into Drew’s embrace, but self-recrimination kept her from returning the hug. When Drew noticed Kaitlyn and Erica making their way back, she gently pushed Ashleigh’s head down into her lap. She and Kaitlyn exchanged glances when Kaitlyn climbed back into the driver’s seat. Erica climbed into her seat with a quick glance back but said nothing. The rest of the trip was made in silence.

When they arrived home in St.
Francisville
, Louisiana, Erica felt her tension rise. Within minutes, they would drop Kaitlyn and Drew off, then the buffer between her and Ashleigh would be gone. She wanted to know, had to know, whatever Ashleigh would invariably reveal, but there was a part of her that wished they could pretend everything was the same.

“I’ll pick you up in the morning,” Kaitlyn said as Erica helped her pull out their suitcases. She lowered her voice. “And if you need to talk, you’ve only got to walk two doors down.”

“I appreciate it, Katie.” Erica forced a smile.

Ashleigh was already in the passenger’s seat when Erica climbed back into the vehicle. “Do you want to order a pizza or something?” She tried to sound causal.

“I’m not hungry,” Ashleigh said without looking at her. “You may want to order a small. I’ll have cereal later.”

Erica doubted that she’d be able to eat much, either, and dispensed with the idea as she pulled into their driveway. They unloaded their things in silence. Erica was unsure what to do with herself when Ashleigh took their dirty clothes into the laundry room. She made herself a cup of tea and leaned against the kitchen counter until Ashleigh returned.

“I know we need to talk,” Ashleigh said when she noticed Erica. She crossed her arms and leaned against the refrigerator.

Erica nodded and felt numb as she moved to the kitchen table and took a seat. “Would you please sit?” She pushed out a chair with her foot.

At first it appeared that Ashleigh would remain in the spot where she stood. She paced back and forth for a minute and finally sank down into the chair looking uncomfortable.

Erica searched her brain for something to say. “Want me to make you a cup of tea?”

“No.” Ashleigh drummed her fingers nervously on the table. “I don’t know how to begin.”

Erica wanted to reach out and take one of Ashleigh’s fidgeting hands, but the chasm of distance that had formed between them left her unsure of how to behave.