Loving Hart (27 page)

Accepting the glass of ginger ale that Brooke handed me, I took a spot on the couch while Dominique and Brooke rooted through my DVDs in search of the perfect chick flick.  After a few minutes of debate, we chose
'Thirteen Going on Thirty'
and settled in to watch.  It was
nice having everyone
t
here, and I think the ginger ale actually did settle my sto
mach
,
because I felt
a bit more solid.

I wasn't surprised when
my brothers showed up about an hour into the movie.  We all told them to be qu
iet, and I know all of us
got a laugh out of forcing them to sit through the rest of our chick flick… and the
one
that we watched after that first one was over.

When the movies were over, I went into my room and packed.  Damien stood in my doorway like a cop, I think out of fear that I’d do something crazy
,
like lift my own bag.  “After this, Brooke and I will go home and pack too.  We can all stay together and take care of you.  Aunt Sandra already left to get a bag herself.”

I stared at him in exasperation.  “Damien! Stop it.  I’m not dying.  I swear to god, the stuff Brooke made me eat today actually helped.  I’ve had like four cans of ginger ale and a sleeve of crackers and I feel better than I have in days.  I’m agreeing to go to Dante’s because I didn’t want him to have a total breakdown, but this is too much. I love you both to death, but you are the two biggest
worrywarts
on earth, and
Mama San
isn’t any better.  I’m going to be fine, I promise.  Besides, Dominique says she’d feel it if there were something really wrong, and she doesn’t feel anything like that.  Doesn’t that make you feel better?”

He was across the room like a shot, pulling me into his arms.  “I know I’m a pain in the ass Delilah, but you’re my baby.  I can’t help but
worry.”

Like the sucker that I am, I gave in.  Before I knew it
,
the entire family was camped out at Dante’s house.  If I didn’t feel so lousy, I’d laugh that they were all taking “Delilah Watch” so
seriously. 

Dante insisted that I get into bed as soon as we got home, and Damien brought me my dinner and then
sat on the bed next to me in the guest room I was in
to watch
the news.  Or rather, I watched the news, and he watched me eat the bowl of chicken noodle soup
with
crackers he’d brought to me on a tray.  I was stuffed by the time I was halfway finished, and I let him know.  He gave me the evil eye, but I couldn’t take another bite.

As he was arranging the dishes on the plate to take them, he told me that he was going to go downstairs and call Spencer.  “I can’t believe you haven’t asked for him before now.  He’s always been the one you wanted when you didn’t feel well.”

My reaction was swift and brutal.  “No!
Please
, I
can’t deal with having him here!
”

Shit. I was too emphatic and it raised his antenna.  “I love Spencer, you know I do.  But if one more person makes their way into this room to stare at me, I’m going to lose it.  Let’s deal with who’s here right now and leave everything else until after my doctor’s appointment on Monday.  Please?”

It’s a good thing he said yes so quickly, because I was about to lose the chicken noodle soup that I’d just eaten all over the bedspread.  When he left the room, I ran to the toilet so f
ast I’m surprised I didn’t leave tracks.  Luckily
I made it to the toilet in time
,
and it was over quickly.

I’m not sure if it would be possible for me to feel more like shit than I do right now.
  Delilah hasn’t looked good in weeks.  If anything, she looks a little bit more exhausted to me every single day.  I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she’s been very straightforward about her desire for me to leave it alone.

“I love you Spencer, and I always will, but I can’t handle you.  Apparently, I can’t handle anything right now.  I’m exhausted and I feel like shit. I guess I just need to wrap my mind around the fact that my life isn’t going to turn out the way I’d always hoped that it would.  I’m sure that once I can manage to do that, I’ll start to feel more human.  Until then, seeing you only hurts me more.  I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

I took that badly, even though I told her I’d honor her wishes. It was like a knife in the gut to hear her say t
hose words.  A part of me wished
that I could just give her what she wants, but I would never take a chance like that with a child’s life. I don’t have the paternal gene, and that’s that.

Of course there’s no one I can talk to about this.  Normally
,
by now
,
Damien would have noticed that my shit is way off, but he’s so wrapped up in Brooke that I don’t think he notices much else.  I can’t say I blame him.  His happily ever after is unfurling in front of him
,
and I don’t begrudge him that.  How can I when he’s happier than I’ve ever seen him?  He and Dante both are like new men, completely wrapped up in the loves of their lives. I’m jealous as hell, but that’s my cross to bear, not theirs.

It definitely seems like everyone has something happening except for me.  Going to clubs is out, because I couldn’t feign interest in a woman if I had a gun to my head.  I want to be spending all of my time with Delilah, but that’s not an option.  I’ve found that the only thing that passes the time is my old standby, going to the gym.  I’m running and weight training for hours and hours every night after work, and I think that’s the only reason I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.  Unfortunately, even though I can get to sleep, my sleep overall still sucks.  I’m waking up all through the night and I’m grinding the hell out of my teeth.

Work has been really quiet today, mostly due to the fact that Damien and Dante are out of the office for a deposition.  Normally
,
both of them would have stopped into my office by now to say hi, shoot the shit
,
or discuss work.  Tally typically drops in every morning with coffee for Dominique, but she’s nowhere to be found either.

Dominique and I have some more stuff to do today with the unit we found a problem with.  It’s coming along, but the buyers are making crazy requests and it isn’t over yet.
My
front office wall is floor to ceiling glass
, and since Dominique is working in my division, I’ve got a direct line of sight to her.  I’m trying not to be nosy, but it seems like she’s really keyed up today for some reason.  She’s checked her cell phone at least two dozen times in the last hour, and it’s a definite indicator that she’s anxious about something.  I just hope
d there wasn't any
thing wrong be
tween her and Tally.  When I saw
her pic
k up her phone again, I call
ed
out to
her
desk
and asked her to come in.  It did
n’t
escape my notice that she came
in with her cell phone in hand.

I waste
d
no time in getting right to the point.  “What’s up with the constant checking of the cell phone?”

When she started
looking everywhere but at me, I get a very, very bad fe
eling.  Just like that, it dawned
on me that I had
n’t had a chance to peek in on De
lilah today, and my heart stopped.
  Something wa
s wrong.

“Where is your sister and what’s wrong with her?”

She continued
looking anywhere but directly at me.  “She’s out sick again
,
but she’s fine.”

My hand smacked
down on the desk before I even realize
d that I was going to do
it.  “If that was all, you wouldn’t be looking at your phone every minute, and you wouldn’t be looking anywhere but at me
right now.  Why would you try to
keep something like that a secret
?
Don't you think we all have a right to know, to try and help?"

Looking damn uncomfortable, she shook her head.  "Everybody
else
knows.  It's why family dinner got canceled last night."

Jesus Christ! Damien had text
ed
me last night to tell me that dinner was canceled because Sabrina had a migraine.  It never occurred to me that he was lying
to me
.

I couldn’t help it, and I yelled at Dominique before I could
hold
myself in. "What the fuck?"

"Look Spence, I'm really sorry about this.  She just really wasn't up for more people looking at her.  As it is, Dante forced her to spend the weekend at his house, and the rest of us stayed there too.  I think it was just too much for her, and she asked us not to burden you with it."

Every ounce of control I had wa
s
being put to the test
as my heart felt like it was shutting down. 
"I’m fucking 'people' now? I thought I was family.  Delilah could
never
be a burden to me.  You're telling me the entire god damn family was there and no one bothered to alert me? Do you have any idea what it would do to me if something were to happen to her if I wasn't there?  I'd fucking die Dominique.  I'd literally just quit caring about life and die. You know how I feel about her!"

I felt
terrible because I could clearly see that I w
as upsetting Dominique, but I could
n't control my reaction.

"I know all of that Spencer, and I swear to god, if I thought it was life or death, I would have called you, no matter what she said.  I really think she's fine.  Mama San thinks she probably has mono, and I'm inclined to agree. She's at the doctor now and I'm waiting to hear the verdict.  I'll let you know."

It wasn't much, but I had to agree to that and let her leave the office.

I was wrong. 
Turns out it was possible to feel worse.
  I felt more like shit than I did earlier.

After I threw up the chicken noodle soup, my stomach stayed settled for the rest of the night. I would have slept like the dead if I didn't wake up every time Mama San, Dante or Damien came into
the
room to check on me.  I know they thought they were being covert, but I knew each time one of them was standing over the bed staring at me.
 
At one point
,
there was a traffic jam in my room when all three of them showed up right around the same time. I felt bad that they were so upset, especially Dan
te
,
now that I know why he's so uptight about things like this.

When I woke up in the
morning, Brooke was sitting on my bed with a glass of ginger ale.  It went down smooth and I felt perkier than I had in weeks.  Not good, but not like death warmed over
.  I hoped that I was
starting to turn the corner.

I got dressed and ready rather quickly, making it to breakfast in record time.  My stomach rolled when I smelled the coffee, but I was able to
avoid vomiting.  I even managed to get down an entire piece of dry toast.  After breakfast
,
everyone hugged and kissed me goodbye as they made their way out for the day.

That left Tally and
I
alone,
so
we spent a few minutes talking about Damien's engagement plans for Brooke.  All of us are so excited about the fact that he wants to do it with all of us there. 

Before I knew it, the time had come for us to head to my doctor's office.  We got there a few minutes early, but their last appointment finished early
,
so they took me right away.

I've had the same doctor ever since Mama San took guardianship of us, and I like Dr. Reynolds very much.  She's one of Mama San's neighbors, and she's super nice.  I went through the normal routine with the nurse who came and took my temperature, checked blood pressure, listened to my heart and looked in my ears.  We spent a few minutes going over my symptoms and issues before she closed my chart and told me the doctor would be right in.

After a few minutes passed, Dr. Reynolds walked in.  "Hi Delilah, it's a pleasure to see you.
I'm sorry I wasn't around this weekend, I was in Santa Barbara with my daughter
,
or I would have stopped by to check on you.
The notes from my nurse say that you're
exhausted
, nauseous
and feeling generally under the weather.  Are those the only symptoms?"

I nodded.  "Yes."

"I see here that you told the nurse that there's no chance that you could be pregnant.  When you say no chance do you mean you haven't had sexual relations at all, or do you mean that you don't
think
that there's a chance?"