Loving Jay (18 page)

“Ow!”

It was hard enough to leave a mark, but not hard enough to bruise. I licked it once before moving downward, slithering down the silky, red material under our bodies. I was heading for unmarked territory and I could feel my nerves start to rise.

But Jay kept me in check, and without a hint of nervousness, and with a heck of a lot of desire, he spread his legs wide so that I had access to that part of him that I had never explored.

“Yes, Liam. Oh, God, yes. Please, please, please. Don’t leave me wanting.”

My fingers brushed against his cock, stroking lightly before venturing farther down. I had thoroughly investigated the shape of his shaft and testes on previous nights, but deliberately kept away from anything further. Now I had explicit permission to explore, investigate, and enter that part of his body. I was desperately curious, but I didn’t want to cause Jay any discomfort or displeasure, so I had left it. Now Jay was urging me on, telling me he not only wanted me to go there, he was begging me to.

I dipped downward, brushing lightly across his pucker and was rewarded with a keening, wordless cry from Jay. I tried again and he jerked in my arms, spreading his legs wider, pleading with me.

“Oh, God, Liam. Don’t tease me like that! Find that damn lube, shove your fingers up inside me, and make me feel whole again.”

I guessed you couldn’t ask for any more blessing than that. The lube was within easy reach and the flip top meant I could open it with one hand. I dumped a large dollop on my finger and immediately pressed it back to Jay’s hole.

He hissed. “Fuck that’s cold.”

“Sorry.”

“Shut up and continue. I don’t care how cold the damn stuff is, as long as it is slippery and it gets the job done.”

I laughed and pressed in with a single digit. He responded beautifully. My slick finger moved easily past the first ring of muscle and inside his body. He arched and yelled. I pushed farther until I was all the way in, the lubricant doing its job and making my digit slip back and forth painlessly.

“More.” Jay was panting and arching up. “More, man!”

With a little more lube I tried two fingers. I moved slowly, waiting for his body to respond before moving forward more. I thrust in and out, the muscles of his passage becoming looser each time.

There was one thing I had always wondered about gay sex, and I guessed it was the right time to ask. Jay would know and he wouldn’t laugh at me.

“Show me where your prostate is.” I was breathing heavily, excitement and arousal taking me higher and higher each time I breached his body.

Jay had trouble answering, and licked his lips several times before he finally got the answer out. “It’s like a… bumpy bit. Turn your fingers inward…. Up a bit….
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck!
” I chuckled as I presumed I’d found the right spot. I touched it again and watched him explode with pleasure on the bed. He certainly seemed to enjoy my penetration, which gave me confidence for the next part.

A bit more lube and Jay was wailing with desire as I used three fingers on him. He thrashed his head from side to side, gripping the headboard of my bed, obediently keeping his arms above his head as I had instructed. His obvious pleasure in what I was doing to his body gave me the courage to reach for the condom on the pillow beside us. I needed both hands and Jay cried out in protest as I removed my fingers from inside him.

“Shh,” I calmed him. “If you were telling the truth about the next bit, you are about to get something much better than my fingers.”

Jay stilled. “You better not be teasing me. Because I think I’m about to come and I need you in me, man. I need you hard, Liam. Hard and fast and strong and fucking hurry!”

My hands were shaking, I was breaking all my boundaries with this, but the condom was finally in place and I was ready. Jay helped, pulling his legs up so I could find his entrance easily. His hole was gaping and I pressed against him, my cock moving into him. He gasped and I froze.

“No! Don’t stop! Fill me up!”

I pushed forward, feeling the pressure envelope my dick like a hot, tight glove. The heat was incredible. I pushed in a couple of inches and stilled, remembering the pain I had faced from my experiences, but Jay urged me on until I was in as far as I could go. I dropped my head to his shoulder, trembling with the need to buck and thrust, but knowing Jay needed the time to adjust before I moved. Just the knowledge of what we were doing was mind-blowing. We were as close as two people could get. I was inside Jay, inside his body, and he wanted me there.

“Move now. Fuck me.”

I supposed that was enough permission and I eased up on the reins I was gripping desperately. I pulled back, sliding slowly out, and then thrusting back in to the hilt. It was then I admitted to myself that this was the single best experience of my entire life. My hips snapped back and forward again, breaching his body and slamming home. Jay howled out his pleasure and I lost my mind.

My pelvis had a mind of its own, ramming into him over and over, my hands gripping his flesh, holding him in place so that I could lose myself in him. I squeezed my eyes shut, but that just made the sensations more intense as I was only concentrating on the feel of Jay’s hot passage around my flesh, so I pushed my eyelids open and focused on Jay. He had his head thrown back, yelling indecipherable things as I slammed into him. One hand was thrown up above his head, pushing against the headboard to keep his body in place for my forceful penetration. His other hand was clutching my shoulder, his fingernails unthinkingly digging into my skin.

I felt a sudden familiar wetness on my stomach and I looked down, knowing that Jay was coming and wanting to see him spend his load. His dick was spurting white streams but my gaze was drawn farther down. The sight of my own dick being swallowed completely inside Jay exploded my brain. Dimly I realized that maybe I was being too rough, but instinct had taken over and I plunged into my lover and climaxed dramatically.

It seemed to last forever. My pelvis rotated around, and I pushed the last of my semen into the rubber balloon before collapsing in a heap on top of a welcoming body.

I was shattered. Completely and utterly shattered. I was unable to move a single finger, let alone move my whole body to the side to allow Jay to breath. Luckily, Jay was a strong man, not a soft woman, and he took my weight without complaint, wrapping his legs and arms around me until the shivering stopped. I don’t think anything could have gotten a reaction out of me at that moment. Not a bomb going off in the foyer, not little green men tapping at the window, not even my dad walking in on us.

Jay recovered before I did, and finally shoved me to the side, where I simply flopped on my back and stared at nothing above me. I concentrated on breathing—pulling air into my lungs and back out again—as my brain had somehow forgotten it needed to do that to sustain life.

“Liam?”

Liam? Who the hell is Liam? Who the hell am I? What is the name of this planet again?
“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Jay’s voice was quiet and hesitant. I realized that no matter how wasted I felt, he needed reassurance that I was mentally fine with what just happened.

“I think so. I’ll let you know when my brain starts working again, okay? I think you fried all my inner circuitry.” He tittered next to me, rolled toward me, and curled up at my side—not on me, but just touching my arm and side with his forehead and knees. “Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m superlatively okay. I’m outstandingly fine. I am unparalleled in my joy. I think I could easily become addicted to you doing that to me about three times a day.”

“Three times!” My sluggish brain turned over and died at the thought. I would be dead in two days if I had to suffer through that sort of ecstasy three times a day! We fell into amused silence as our heartbeats and breathing returned to normal.

“Liam?”

“Yeah?”

“How was it?”

I snorted. “Dude, there are no words in the English language to describe how frickin’ great that was!”

“Really?” Jay sat up and looked at me with hopeful eyes. “So you liked topping? You like anal sex, now? We can do it again?”

I pulled him down for a long leisurely kiss. He melted onto my chest, resting there while I gathered my thoughts.

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“I have something I need to tell you.”

The smile died on his face as he looked at me with solemn eyes. “Yeah?”

“Babe, I think I’m gay.”

He burst into laughter, almost rolling off the bed. “Liam? Guess what? I think I’m gay, too.”

I pretended to mop at the sweat on my brow. “Oh, thank goodness. Because this could’ve been really awkward if you weren’t.”

He collapsed into giggles, so I pushed him off the side of the mattress. He thumped to the floor and kept on with his laughter. I shook my head and headed to the bathroom, leaving him with his mirth.

I
N
THE
tradition of every good wedding, the groomsmen had planned a buck’s night for the weekend before the groom lost all his freedom. Naturally, we all knew this was just an excuse to get completely pissed, but there was always the chance of someone paying for a stripper if it was billed as a buck’s night, so Cameron had declared there would be a party at his house on Saturday night and no women were allowed—apart from the stripper of course.

In response to this, the women had their own hen’s night organized and I was a little jealous to think that their stripper would be better than any that turned up to Ben’s party.

Sunday Roast at my parents’ house was therefore brought forward a week as not to clash with the anticipated hangovers we all expected to have the weekend preceding the wedding.

I accepted that I was now unquestioningly gay, but I still needed to make the whole announcement to my family. They deserved to know upfront, and not to find out from my high school principal, who saw me on the train and told my brother’s footy coach, who told Mum’s best friend, who told my mother. Jay was wholly supportive of my decision to keep it quiet for a couple more weeks until the wedding was over. I knew my dad would take it badly, and it pained me to think that it would mean the end of any sort of relationship between us.

Dad would never talk to me again. And if by some miracle he did, it would be strained and uncomfortable. I wanted to save Dad the pain of my queerness, but at the same time I was fed up with living a lie. I loved Jay. I couldn’t ask him to live in the closet with me, even if people did somehow swallow the lie that we were only friends. I wanted to live in the open with Jay. I wanted to be with him every day. I wanted to ask him to move in with me. I wanted to make a life around him.

And at the end of the day, if it came down to giving up Jay or giving up Dad, I wanted Jay in my future. Dad had been in my life for twenty-four years; it was Jay’s turn for the next twenty-four—or hopefully sixty-four.

It would also mean the end of Sunday Roast for me. I knew that. I accepted that. I hated that. I knew Mum and my brothers would accept me as gay. They would be a little weird around Jay for a while, but they would soon come to love him, too—of this I had no doubt. But I wouldn’t be able to join the family anymore for meals. Our meetings would be away from Dad, perhaps at my apartment or at restaurants, carefully planned around Dad’s absence, and forever shadowed by his nonattendance.

So for the last time, I walked up the hill to my parents’ house and let myself in the front door. It was all completely normal—Mum cuddled baby Isaac; Dad chatted with my brothers, beers in their hands; smells of roasted lamb and crispy potatoes wafted from the direction of the kitchen.

“Liam!” Mum called me to her side. I slapped backs on the way to her, greeting my family for the last time with Dad looking on.

“Hi, Mum. Are you planning on feeding us today, or did you get distracted by the baby?” I hugged her gently, placing my customary kiss on her weathered cheek.

“Oh, go on with you. If the rest of you kids would hurry up and present me with some more grandchildren, I wouldn’t have to spoil this one baby!”

Cameron’s voice floated over from the other side of the room. “I’m having too much fun practicing the conception, Mum!”

We all laughed. “Well don’t look at me!” Alison scoffed. “I have two weeks to my wedding and I still need to lose another pound. The last thing I need is morning sickness on top of all the stress.”

I felt hollow at the thought of grandchildren. There would be no grandchildren from me for Mum to spoil.

The talk turned to the upcoming wedding and then moved on to the planned buck’s night. Alison shook a finger in our direction. “No strippers! You guys can get as drunk as you like but if I hear one whisper of a stripper at the party, then you are all toast!”

I groaned in mock annoyance at her. “You could’ve said something earlier! I’ve already booked and paid for three girls to come and shake their naked ta-tas in Ben’s direction! Ow! Hey! Ben, control your fiancée. She pinched me!”

Ben just raised a brow at me. “You deserve to be pinched. Only three strippers? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. How stingy.”