Loving Lawson (15 page)

              I didn’t say anything. My brain was running on worse case scenarios. What would they do if we didn’t come up with the full fifteen grand? Where were going to get the remainder of the fifty from if they gave us another absurdly short deadline?

              “I’m going to head out and start asking around,” he then said, standing up.

              “You need to rest first,” I replied. “You look like you haven’t slept a wink –”

              “I don’t have time to rest. I gotta get on top of this.”

              I didn’t argue with him, though I wanted to. His movements were slow and unbalanced. He looked unwell and hardly able to concentrate as he went around the apartment, changing into a fresh pair of clothes but still smelling wretched.

              He went out and I could do nothing but go to class. I had no one to turn to for money, except… well, my mother, but she wasn’t picking up any of my calls. Even when I was calling from a phone booth, she was dodging foreign numbers with a passion.

              After morning classes, I returned home and neglected my homework. I couldn’t think of anything but this goddamn debt. I rummaged through my belongings, searching for anything that might sell. I found a pair of gold earrings Ryker gave me on my eighteenth birthday, and upon going through his stuff, I pulled out several watches that he’d spoiled himself over the months before his arrest.

              I headed back out and took a bus to the nearest pawn shop. Tired myself, I pushed through, walking a few blocks in the heat to get there. My stomach ached, and I had to stop several times to rub my bump and gulp some water down. When I finally made it, I discovered my earrings weren’t real gold and were virtually worthless, and Ryker’s watches combined totalled to three hundred dollars. Not caring that he loved them, I handed them over. He could live without them – after all, this was his damn debt.

              On my way back, I stopped by several shops and filled out some resumes. I tried to hide my bump, which wasn’t that difficult when I was wearing a baggy shirt and still looked tiny. If I got something soon, I might be able to rub some coin together before the baby was born.

             
Baby.

              Jesus. At this rate, I wasn’t sure I could take care of another soul.

              My life was a mess.

Heath wasn’t home when I got back. I made myself something to eat before collapsing into his bed. I couldn’t sleep in Ryker’s room after Heath had obliterated it. I threw the cash on the dresser and pulled the covers over top of me. My stomach ached, my body felt weak, and my feet were swelling badly.

              Sleep won over eventually, especially when the scent of Heath clung heavily in the sheets around me.

*

I woke up to a hot body against my back and his thick arm around my waist. The first thing I thought was he smelled good, like he’d taken a shower. The room was dark, and judging by the darkness outside, I knew it was well into the night.

              “Heath,” I whispered, “are you awake?”

              “Yeah,” he immediately responded, sounding more awake than ever. “I am.”

              “Any luck?”

              “Jorge loaned me five hundred dollars.”

              “That’s good.” Better than nothing. “I pawned Ryker’s watches. Three hundred dollars.”

              “When did you do that?”

              “In the afternoon. It was the nearby shop a few blocks down.”

              He sighed unhappily. “I don’t like you walking around these streets. I don’t like you tiring yourself out either.”

              I shrugged. “Do you expect me to do nothing about this?”

              “I’d rather you didn’t.”

              Doing nothing was out of the question. To throw this kind of burden on Heath’s shoulders solely was absurd.

              “I wish there was more I could do,” I said, feeling let down by how little I could contribute.

              “Three hundred dollars is great, Allie.”

              Despite everything, my body warmed from his words. He was speaking to me like normal, showing no signs of the angry Heath from this morning. This was the part of him I needed the most. I didn’t want what we did to curse our relationship. I would take this side of him happily if it was the best I could get.

              “I’m sorry for everything,” I suddenly said with remorse, “I didn’t mean to ruin things with you.”

              “You ruined nothing,” he replied, kissing the back of my head before nuzzling his nose into my hair. “You’re perfect, and I regret nothing when it comes to being with you.”

              “But you said –”

              “I panicked. I lost my shit and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for running out. I shouldn’t have. The last thing I want is for you to get treated like shit by another Lawson boy. I don’t want you to hate me.”

              I shook my head. “You’ve never treated me badly, and the last thing I could ever do is hate you, Heath.”

              He squeezed me tighter against him. We said nothing else, but our bodies entwined in a way that was far from neutral. I tried to understand what this meant. I didn’t know if this was his way of pushing us back into what we were before that night, or if the paradigm had shifted and this was the beginning of something else.

              Regardless, I wouldn’t beg for his touch, even though it was constantly at the tip of my tongue. I left the fate of us in his hands.

Heath

I couldn’t sleep.

              The days flew by, but the nights went by achingly slow. I was a fucking mess.

              Sixty two hundred dollars.

              That’s what we had by Friday morning. I was losing my shit. I needed to win tonight’s fight. Needed a cool five or six grand to add to that amount. At most, I could squeeze a few hundred dollars from the rent, but that meant being hounded by the landlord next week. That stingy bastard was at your door if you were an hour overdue.

              I rubbed my face as the sun peeked through the blinds, burning up the room with its rays. I imagined it taunting me. Telling me I had two more mornings to go.

              The stress was unbearable.

              The body next to me shifted just slightly. I looked over at Allie, curled up on her side with her back to me. I had to pretend I was asleep every time she woke up in the middle of the night to get to the toilet. I didn’t want her to know about the storm within me.

             
God, if anything happens to her…

              That was what killed me the most. If I didn’t get the money in time, what would they do to her? I couldn’t live with myself if I failed her. Just thinking about it hurt. I moved closer to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. I pulled her back against me, into the same position she’d been sleeping in these last few nights. Her scent, her touch, the sound of her breaths – all of it helped to calm me down and centre me out. She seemed to be the only thing that could push away a horrible situation and make me forget for a little while.

              I lightly trailed kisses along her shoulder and up the side of her neck. I kissed the skin below her ear and breathed in the scent of her hair. Still she used my shampoo, and fuck, it drove me crazy. It made me pretend for a second that she was marked by me, and it disturbed me a little more that the idea placated me.

              She moved a little again. Her ass was against my pelvis, and the smallest movements caused it to rub against me. I tensed and shut my eyes tightly. Leave it to fucking Allie to give me a hard on while she was still sleeping. I had a couple hours to kill before work, and if it was spent with her against my cock like this, I was going to blow up.

              Minutes later and I was fighting the urge to grind against her. I kept my arm firmly wrapped around her waist, but my hips were flushed against the back of her. I was rock solid, desperate with the need to fuck her again. Breathing through my mouth, kissing up her neck, until it occurred to me her breathing had completely gone still.

              She was awake.

              “Allie,” I whispered in her ear.

              “Y-yeah,” she stuttered out.

              I was subtle at first. Constant tiny movements. The only sounds were clothing rubbing against clothing. She quivered, and I felt every shake reverberate into me. My kisses turned to delicate licks, from her shoulder blades up to the back of her neck. I lightly sucked her earlobe and by then she was full blown panting.

              In fact, we both were.

              Something about her made me lose my senses. I didn’t understand it, even the second time around. Every small touch, though light and seemingly insignificant on the outside, was actually stinging me within. It was painful holding back, yet the ache was a satisfying one. My addiction had started with me just needing to be near her. And now… Now it was this.

              Needing to touch her.

              Needing to be inside her.

              Needing her to need this too.

              “You feel so damn good,” I told her.

              She shook again. She liked me telling her these things, I knew.

              I loosened my arm and brought my hand to her chest. She was bare. “Fucking perfect, Allie.” I took her breast into the palm of my hand, and through her shirt I pinched her nipple, feeling it instantly harden. She let out a whimper and pushed her ass harder into me.

              “Yeah, you need this too, don’t you? I know you do.”

              She nodded at my words. I let go of her breast and tugged her shorts down until it sat around her thighs. I slipped my hand to her soaking wet pussy and rubbed her. She bucked against me and moaned. I sucked her neck feverishly as I stroked her, pushing in between her folds and feeling the walls of her tight pussy.

              Holy fucking shit.

              It didn’t take long before she was crying out through her orgasm. I loved her sounds. Loved how real they were. Her hand travelled behind her, tugging eagerly at the hem of my pants. I immediately ditched them. I needed to feel her again.

              She was still on her side when I pulled her leg up and set my dick against her entrance. In one swift move, I pushed right into her. She tensed at the intrusion, meanwhile my eyes rolled to the back of my head as her walls hugged every inch of me. She felt like she was squeezing me every time I pushed out.

              Warm.

              Wet.

              Soft.

              It was heaven.

              I savoured it this time. I didn’t go hard and fast. She was emotional. I needed to consider that and make her feel treasured. She took me to a place where nothing existed but us. I wanted the same thing for her. I wanted her to forget the stress and just feel.

              Feel every bit of this.

              Every stroke.

              Every kiss.

              Every erotic word I whispered into her ear.

              I clasped her tight against me, desperate to feel like one with her. Until we both cried out and shook in our release.

              She was perfect.

              I decided right then I was never letting go of Allie again.

Allie

The warehouse was packed.

              Heath pushed through the crowd, keeping me against him as he made it to the centre of the room. He threw his shirt off and handed it to me, never once looking up to see his opponent. But I did, and holy hell the man was huge. Marko he was called, and Heath had never went against him before. He was new, and with his eerie life-like snake tattoos crawling all over his torso, he looked nothing short of sinister.

              Usually I would say I was confident with Heath’s fighting. He’d never taken a loss. He was the unbeatable Lawson brother with fists of steel.

              But tonight he was slow and mentally not present. After this morning’s unexpected sex, he had become completely introverted. I knew it wasn’t me personally. He was still touching me and holding me. He was just exhausted. He hadn’t had a decent sleep in over a week. It had caught up to him, and I was sure he was seeing double of everything.

              “Are you sure you can do this?” I asked him, hardly able to mask my concern.

              He nodded. “Yeah, babe. I’m good.”

              Just as he turned to face his opponent and get down to business, I brought my hand to his face and forced him to look back at me. I stared at those dulled brown eyes and lifeless face with sadness.

              “Heath, I don’t want you get hurt. Don’t push yourself.”

              He brought his hand over my own and said, “I don’t have a choice, Allie. You know that.”

              “But you look awful.”

              He shot me a half-hearted smirk that still sent tingles all the way down to my toes. “Al, don’t wound me. All I got left are my looks.”

              I shook my head, wrapped an arm around his neck and forced his face down to mine. I kissed him hard. He wrapped his arms around me and returned the kiss, desperately stroking his tongue against mine. I didn’t care that the people around us went quiet. This type of affection by Heath was far from common, but not just that, everyone knew who I was and who I was meant to belong to. This would indefinitely stir the pot.

              But I didn’t care.

              I wanted Heath. Had wanted him for too long now.

              “Christ, Allison, you’ve definitely woken me up now,” he muttered, looking down at me with his tender eyes.

              I smiled at him. “Kick that guy’s ass, alright?”

              “Yeah,” he said with a wavering voice.

              I let go of him and watched him face Marko. I felt someone’s presence behind me and turned back to see Matt with his arms crossed and his eyes directed to mine. He was frowning at me, no doubt disapproving of my kiss to Heath. I didn’t let it get to me. I turned away from him and resumed watching both opponents get ready.

              A preliminary whistle sounded out and they both began to approach one another. The look on Marko’s chiselled face was lethal, meanwhile Heath was still clouded by his exhaustion. Then the second whistle sounded and it was officially on. They circled one another. Marko was the first to take a swing, hitting the air when Heath dodged his fist.

“Come on, Lawson!” The screams were coming from every corner of the room. Heath swung at Marko a few times, unsuccessfully hitting him. It was toe to toe until Marko moved in aggressively, uncaring of Heath’s punches across the face and chest. It was like watching a wrecking ball blasting through concrete. Marko sent quick, fast punches across Heath’s face and upper body. He was so quick, Heath could barely find room to punch back. He stumbled back as Marko continued to come at him, and only when his back touched against the crowd did Marko relent and pull away. He looked cocky, turning away from Heath without looking back. As if he was confident Heath wouldn’t take this opportunity to jump him.

He was right. Heath didn’t. He was too busy catching his breath and shaking his head from side to side. He opened his mouth and stretched his jaw, as though he were checking for anything broken, and I wanted nothing more than to step into the circle and go to him. To shield him from this creepy guy because he wasn’t like any other opponent Heath had ever faced. I took a step forward to do just that. My heart was breaking. Heath might get seriously hurt.

A hand suddenly wrapped around my arm, tugging me back.

“Don’t,” came Matt’s stern voice in my ear. “Heath can take care of himself.”

I didn’t trust myself to stay glued to that spot, so I let Matt keep his hold on me. I watched in despair as Marko started this game all over again, allowing Heath to come close before sending him straight back against the crowd. I wanted to believe it was Heath’s exhaustion that tamed his strength, but Marko had an edge about him that frightened me. It was like watching a lion tear through a cage after a lifetime of captivity. The man was a goddamn machine, and Heath had finally met his match.

Why the hell did he have to meet it
now?

It was a slaughtering.

Heath fell down, but the stubborn ass wouldn’t stay down! He rose and fought back with everything inside of him, and it tore me to pieces to watch him fall back over and over again. Every punch was met with a gasp that escaped his lungs. Winded and exhausted, yet he carried on, giving the man some good hits along the way. Marko was not only enraged by Heath’s strikes, but surprised too, like he had never been touched this way. It seemed to aggravate him more.

I’d never seen the place so silent before. Everyone watched in awe as the man broke the one I… loved.

I loved him.

I wanted to cover my eyes and cry, but I found myself slipping away. Detached from reality, yet feeling as though I was being tortured from within. I felt every hit, heard every sound, and gulped back every tear as Marko brought him down one swing at a time.

              Not even desperation could aid Heath like he had originally hoped.

              He lost.

              Completely and utterly faced defeat in a way I knew would kill him more on a mental level than physical.

*

Even long after the warehouse was empty, Heath lay on the floor, staring up at the broken ceiling with dead eyes. I stood still, watching him from afar as he refused to move. From behind me, I heard Matt’s footsteps as he too waited for Heath. He knew he was going to need help getting to the car and into the apartment. Matt offered to drive us home because in Heath’s current state, I was sure he wouldn’t be able to.

              His lip was busted up. His face had swollen with bruises and one of his eyes could barely open the entire way. His body was red all over and would no doubt be a sea of black by the morning. He was glistening from head to toe in sweat, and was probably beyond dehydrated. Yet he refused to say a word to us. Refused to drink water or acknowledge our presence.

              Matt knew what was going on. Heath had approached him for some help, but Matt pissed away all of his spare cash on alcohol and going out. I believed it. I’d seen him and Ryker firsthand throw away an insane amount of money in one night.

              “If I were you,” he whispered to me, watching Heath carefully, “I’d convince him to take you the hell out of here and get as far away from Hedley as possible.”

              I didn’t reply. Did he really have to say that?

              Frowning, I walked over to Heath and took a seat on the ground next to him. I looked up at the gaping hole in between the ceiling beams, at the stars that shimmered like diamonds in the night sky. Pretty picturesque when it was coming through a derelict hole in a roof.

              Some things are just relative, I guess.

              “Heath,” I said quietly, “we need to get out of here before anyone notices we’re still in here.” Last thing we needed was to be robbed of whatever we had by roaming homeless people, or whatever gang lurked nearby.

              “Yeah,” he simply muttered.

              He made to move before pausing instantly. He grimaced at the pain and breathed through his teeth. Matt hurried to his side and tried to help him up, but Heath tore away from his grip. This was his way of saying he didn’t need help, and whatever pride he had left after that fight needed to remain intact, so I shot Matt a look that said, “Do as he wants.”

              It took a while before Heath was on his feet and at his car. I leaned into his side on many occasions in case he stumbled and needed something to keep him upright. He refused to be driven home by Matt, instead choosing to jump into the driver’s seat. Despite this, Matt said he’d follow us home and leave when we were in our apartment, which I appreciated.

              Heath drove slowly, the pain was raw on his face. I watched him intently, unsure of what to say. I wasn’t sure words would help him right now. They would have seemed empty anyway.

              He parked the car in the lot and gingerly stepped out. Matt joined us. We silently made our way up to the apartment. Upon entering, Heath immediately disappeared into the bedroom.

              “You don’t have to stick around,” I said to Matt who was standing by the door.

              “I just want to be sure he’s okay,” he replied with a short smile. “He’s always made sure I was. Least I can do.”

              I nodded in understanding. Then I left him and entered the bedroom. Heath was sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark, his head in his hands. I slowly went to him, uncertain of what I could do to make him feel better. Sensing my presence he extended one arm out and grabbed hold of me. He pulled me to him, resting his head against my bump. He breathed in and out deeply, holding me tightly as though I was a lifeline.

              “It’s okay,” I whispered to him, stroking my fingers through his short hair. “It’s okay, Heath.”

              He shook his head and inhaled sharply. “It was too much. The fucking stress… I couldn’t focus.”

              “I know. You need to rest.”

              “I can’t. I gotta figure out –”

              “Lay down and rest,” I cut in. “You can’t think like this. You’ve worn yourself down. You
have
to sleep, Heath.”

              I began pushing him back, and he fought against me. I pushed harder, and finally he relented. I climbed in bed after him and took his shoes off. I kissed him, muttering that he needed to rest, over and over again until his body relaxed in the mattress. He tugged me into his side and held me tightly.

              “What would I do without you?” he muttered as he dozed off.

              Live your life, I would have said long ago. But now that I was this close to him, I would have actually asked him the same thing. We’d known each other for so long, yet we’d never explored our relationship. Not until the bad happened. And who would have thought that in bad times something so good could come of it?

              Eventually, I pulled away and left him to sleep. Matt was still waiting by the door when I reappeared. He looked a little tired, but when he saw me he straightened himself up.

              “How is he?” he asked.

              “Resting,” I answered. “It’s been over a week since I’ve seen him sleep.”

              “Jesus.”

              “Yeah.”

              He ran a hand through his blonde locks and checked the time on his watch. “Alright. Well, I should probably go. Unless you need anything else.”

              I began to shake my head when a thought suddenly entered my mind. I paused as I thought it through. The clock was ticking, and while we may not have the full fifteen grand by Sunday, getting as much as possible would help our cause, right?

              “Actually,” I said, “if it wouldn’t hassle you to take me someplace, I’d really appreciate it.”

              “Now? It’s almost midnight.”

              “I know.”

              While surprised, he carefully nodded and said, “Okay, Allie. Whatever you want.”

*

Matt parked his car in front of the rundown weatherboard house. It looked just as sad as most on this neglected block. Per usual, Mom’s maroon hatchback was parked sideways, half its body on the tall grass and the other half on the cement driveway. The bins were neatly set up to the side of the house and empty. Above them, hanging off the corner of the house, was a wind chime, and it was going off strong tonight.

              “You sure you want to see her?” asked Matt.

              “Yeah,” I answered. “She’s been avoiding me too long.”

              “Looks pretty dead inside.”

              The lights were out. She’d gone to bed. But whatever, it was the weekend. She could afford getting up at midnight to greet her pregnant daughter of whom she’d tossed out without a care.

              “Give me a minute,” I told Matt. He nodded and I stepped out. I walked up the path to the front door. I was so far passed the point of caring, I wasn’t at all nervous like I would have thought I’d be. I think it was because I had really nothing to lose, so there was no harm trying.

              I opened the screen door and knocked several times as loudly as possible. The house had no doorbell… Not one working anyway. I knew my mother. She was a light sleeper. The nights I’d slipped out of bed and tried to sneak out to see Ryker had never resulted in success, though she did stop trying when I rebelled against her time and time again.