Loving Lawson (7 page)

“He hurt me,” I whispered. “I feel like he tore my heart out of my chest and stomped on it.”

“Yeah,” he exhaled. “He fucked things up for everyone.”

“How could I ever trust him again?” Now I was seeking the answer in his dark eyes. “It’d be easier to face if he would just admit he did it, but I know how stubborn he is. He won’t do that. He’ll just keep telling me he’s sorry without actually explaining why. How do I know he won’t get out and go right back to it? That’s no example I want to set for my child.”

He nodded in understanding. “I know.”

His thumb circled my belly as he thoughtfully looked back down at it. Christ, he was
still
touching me there. No pregnant woman had to endure this, I was sure.

“Have I upset you?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay.”

He still hadn’t dropped his hand. His touch was hypnotic, and I was in a trance, thinking he could do this for hours and it’d be just as relaxing.

“You’re still small,” he then muttered thoughtfully, changing the subject. “Am I feeding you enough?”

I nodded, half of me too focused on the circular motions he was rubbing into my skin. “Yeah, Heath…”

“How about I take you out tonight? Get you a nice fatty meal in town or something?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. I was still concentrated on his touch as it sent tingles everywhere inside of me. “Um… sure, yeah. That sounds good.”

He smiled that charming white smile and opened his mouth to respond when a knock at the front door interrupted us. He immediately dropped his hand and took a step back, like he’d been jolted into the present after being swept away in whatever spell we’d put ourselves in. I, too, was out of sorts. It almost felt like we’d been close to being caught doing something we shouldn’t have.

When the knock sounded again, he ran a hand through his buzz in what looked like frustration before he hurried to it. I wondered who it could be at this early hour, but by the look on Heath’s face, he seemed to already know.

              He opened the door and glared at someone. “Tru.”

              “Hey, sexy man, did you just get up?” came that familiar voice from many nights ago. Oh, shit. She was the last person I wanted to see right now.

              “Yeah –”

              “So you haven’t had breakfast. That’s good. I made a tray of muffins last night.”

              She invited herself in holding said tray in her hands. Without surprise, I quickly learned she was as sexy clothed as she was nude, looking sinfully good this early in the morning. Wearing a tight top and very small shorts, her brown hair was down in waves. She saw me and her hazel eyes widened, but she didn’t miss a step. Instead, she smiled wickedly and I hated her for a split second – for ruining my moment with Heath and for making me feel drastically plain.

              “You’re still here! Heath said you were crashing for a while.
Ryker’s
girlfriend, right?” I wasn’t sure why she’d put emphasis on Ryker’s name like that. She stepped into the kitchen and set the tray down before turning to me. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “It’s good to meet you face to face. I’m Tru.”

              Face to face. Was she implying about that night? I tensed, hoping she’d keep her mouth shut. She seemed the type that might take pleasure in torturing someone by dropping hints like that.

              “Hi,” I let out, hugging her back because what other choice did I have? “Allie.”

              She let go and glanced at Heath over her shoulder. He was standing outside of the kitchen, stiff and unhappy.

              “Barely wearing any clothes, Heath,” she then remarked, looking him over. “That’s no way to dress around guests.” When we didn’t respond, she went still and glanced between the two of us. “Have I interrupted anything?”

I shook my head weakly, staring at Heath.

“Okay,” she said, “so, are we all going to have some muffins, or are we going to cook something else instead?”

              Looking between both of them, I immediately picked up on the tension. One second I was around a warm Heath, and the next he was still and cold, staring at Tru like she’d messed up his morning. I shot my bowl of cereal a despairing look. I’d have to forgo breakfast for another hour, which was a tragedy for a pregnant girl. But it beat being around them, especially when one of them was armed with horrible, humiliating info that could make me sound like a horrible peeping tom.

              “I actually have to go shower,” I lied, excusing myself. “But thanks for the offer.”

              She nodded at me. “No problem, Allie. Just let us know when you’re kicking around. You never know what Heath and I will be up to, so I’d hate for you to walk in on something.”

              My jaw dropped, and I couldn’t respond.

              Heath didn’t look at me once as I escaped the kitchen and disappeared down the hall. Clearly he was too shrouded in his dark mood to understand what she meant. I stopped midway when their conversation started up. I didn’t want to be nosey
again
, but Christ, the looks that were exchanged were lethal. And it wasn’t like they were messing around either, or would be for that matter. Despite her words, I didn’t think they’d be getting
acquainted
anytime soon.

              “What’re you doing here, Tru?” Heath growled out in a hushed tone.

              “We agreed twice a week minimum, and you’ve stood me up a few times already,” she replied in a tense voice. “You don’t answer my calls, don’t return them either, and I haven’t seen you in passing. I know you’re a morning person, so figured this was the only time I’d be able to get a hold of you and figure out what’s going on.”

              “A lot has come up.”

              “Like what?”

              “Personal shit, Tru.”

              “That’s not a good answer. And why are you barely wearing clothes around another girl?”

              “I didn’t think she’d be up.”

              “Piss weak excuse, Heath. On that note, is that what you’re into now?”

              “What do you mean?”

              “Malnourished girls like her. Is that what you keep standing me up for?” Ouch.

              There was a second of silence before he erupted more edgily, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

              “Nothing!”

              “Then don’t talk about her like that!”

              “Serious?”

              “Yeah, I’m
fucking serious
.”

She sighed and her heels clacked along the floor of the kitchen. I jumped and took a few steps back, hoping it wasn’t her rounding the corner to find me eavesdropping. Thankfully, she wasn’t.

              “Look,” she then said in a nicer tone, “I know that was bitchy, and I’m sorry, but we made an arrangement, Heath, and I have needs that need to be met. I thought this was going to go smoothly. You promised it would, and now you’ve pulled a disappearing act on me. That’s why I showed up.”

              “I made it clear you don’t come around during the day,” he snapped back. “Now I already told you I’ve been busy. I got a lot of things to take care of –”

              “Distractions you mean, and they all involve
her
, don’t they?”

              “Yeah, as a matter of fact they do.”

              “Why? What’s so important about her that it has to stand in our way?”

              “She’s in a difficult situation right now, and I’m helping her.” My heart shined that he’d keep the pregnancy to himself.

              “That should be her
boyfriend’s
job, not yours. You’re the
brother
.”

              “She needs
me
, not him,” he said slowly and sternly. “And I’m not turning my back on her, or dropping her because some person I fuck a couple times a week comes around and has a problem with it.”

             
Holy shit.

              She gasped. “Are you for real right now? I’m not just someone you fuck, Heath. We’ve been doing this for a while. You’ve hinted you want more. We can have a proper relationship. Something real instead of this arrangement –”

              “I never hinted shit,” he cut in angrily. “You knew what this was right from the start, and it was all I was able to give you. Things have changed. Get it through your head, Tru. It’s not anything to do with you personally. It’s just me and my circumstances at the moment. I’m not in the position to give you the time you want. I’ve got a lot going on right now. I’ve got a person that needs me –”

              “I need you too,” she cried out, and her voice broke with emotion. “God, Heath, you’ve been my rock for months now. I know you feel what I feel. Please don’t ruin something good between us. She can’t be more important than this or us. She can’t give you what I have. She’s with your goddamn brother! And she’s got nothing on me when it comes to looks. Come on, agree on that much at least.”

              Silence followed. I was biting my nails, anxiously awaiting his response. It was a difficult conversation to hear. He’d been neglecting her because of me and it made me feel awful, but at the same token I was pissed – and a little hurt – that she’d talk about me behind my back knowing so little about me.

              Putting down the way I looked, to boot, stung.

              “We had something good,” he finally said in a soft, compassionate voice. “Tru, you’re a great girl –”

              “Oh, my God, you’re seriously doing this?” Her sobs erupted.

              “Tru,” he said, “I’m sorry. Allie needs me.”

              “Then let’s just continue what we have, and I won’t complain –”

              “You deserve better than that, and I’ve already come to terms with letting this go. Try and be understanding of that. It’s not you. I promise you it’s not. But now I need my space and you need to find someone who’ll make you happy.”

              I didn’t have to see her to know she was shocked. I mean, even I was shocked and I knew absolutely nothing about them except they screwed around.

              “Wow,” I heard her whisper. “Just like that, huh? Well, you can shove your fucking excuses up your ass!”

              The sound of a crash erupted followed by her hurried footsteps scurrying away. The door opened and slammed shut violently. I stood, unmoving and shocked, for a good while. When I heard some movement, I turned around and made a beeline for the shower, all the while guilt tore me to pieces at what I’d heard.

              I was a distraction to Heath and, as a result, I just broke a couple apart.

Allie

After my shower, I sat in the bedroom for a while. I hadn’t heard a peep from Heath, so I figured he was still stewing over what happened with Tru. I was glum. This was the last kind of thing I wanted to be for Heath: a hindrance that cost him someone he had some kind of arrangement with. Maybe I could have a word with him. Tell him to stop being so involved in me and go back to Tru and his life because I was painfully aware I’d taken him away from all of it. What if he eventually resented me for it?

              A knock on the door disrupted my thoughts.

              “Come in.”

              The door opened, and Heath walked in carrying a tray. “Hey,” he said with a smile, setting the tray down on the bed next to me. I looked at its contents: orange juice, mushroom omelette, two strawberries and my pregnancy pill.

              “What’s this?” I stupidly asked in surprise.

              “It’s called food. We consume it when our bodies are low on energy,” he explained before chuckling at my scathing look.

              “I mean, why did you go through the trouble of cooking this for me?”

              He took a seat next to me, and the sudden weight on the mattress caused me to lean into his side. He sighed as he nudged me upright. “Because Trudy scared you off, and you’ve been bunkering in here like I’m going to rip your head off.”

              I gaped at him in shock. God, was I so obvious? I didn’t respond straight away, suddenly distracted by him. I checked him out, because he was extremely close to me and it was hard not to admire a guy three times your size bringing a tray of breakfast to your bed. He was wearing another pair of faded jeans and a workout tank that said, “I flexed and the sleeves fell off.” I smiled at that, eyeing his protruding arms, idly noting the sleeves really would fall off.

              “See something you like?” he said, wiggling his brows in jest.

              I reddened and shook my head. “I was admiring your shirt.”

              “Is that all?”

              “Shut up.”

              He laughed and jerked his head in the direction of the tray. “Well, stop ogling my
shirt
and eat up. Make that bump bigger.”

              I grabbed the pill and gulped it down with some orange juice. Then I took one strawberry and nibbled on it, consciously aware he was watching me closely with a cheerful look on him. Nothing at all like his dark mood from before.

              Staring down at my strawberry, I felt my cheeks heat as I admitted quietly, “I listened to your fight.”

              “I know,” he replied, not one bit fussed about it. “I didn’t hear those shower pipes come on until long after.”

              “Does that bother you?”

              “Why would that bother me? I’m sure everyone in the building heard her.”

              “Yeah, I guess…” My voice trailed away before I looked at him solemnly. “She’s right, you know. I’m distracting you. You don’t seem to have much of a life outside of me now, and it bothers me a lot. I never wanted this to happen, Heath. I wanted you to continue living your life without my intrusion. You’ve done enough as it is.”

              He didn’t reply straight away. Instead, he wistfully looked about the room, at all of Ryker’s stuff. I’d have given anything to know what he was thinking exactly. The longer the silence stretched on, the more I felt like I was right, and maybe he was about to agree.

              “I’m not doing this just for you,” he finally said, levelling those warm brown eyes to mine. “I’m doing this because you’re carrying my family in that ridiculously tiny stomach of yours. When I commit myself to something, Allie, there’s no going back. I’ve committed myself to helping you, and there’s nothing in the world that’s going to stand in my way.”

              “But Tru –”

              “She means nothing to me,” he cut in swiftly, leaning his face down to me. “She had a rocking bod. We agreed on a sexual relationship. That’s it.”

              “Friends with benefits, you mean?”

              He laughed without humour. “We weren’t friends, Al. We were just… two lonely people living in the same complex with nothing to do some nights. I never told her I wanted more. Sometimes girls… they can’t separate sex with emotions, you know? I learned that the hard way. That’s not to say guys can’t either, but I’m only talking about my experience – and that
definitely
doesn’t involve guys.” When I laughed, he smirked at me. “I thought I’d found someone who was the same in Tru. But then the more I was with her, the more she started to talk, like
really
talk. It wasn’t just sex. It was suddenly conversation before sex and trying to cuddle after sex.”

              “Not a romantic guy, huh?” I said dryly.

              He tilted his head to the side and shrugged. “You can’t force romance out of a guy. The guy has to want it for the girl.”

              “So…?”

              “So I haven’t found a girl I want to be romantic with.”

              I frowned, mulling his words over. “But you’re not giving anyone a chance. I mean, Trudy could bring that part of you out if you decided to be serious with her.”

              With a sad smile, he said, “I think when you want something more with someone, you’ll know. I never felt that way with Tru, or any girl before her. Call me a man-whore all you want. Say I’m shallow. Disrespectful. Whatever. But you can’t say I’m a liar, or that I led them on. I told them what they were getting into, and they were more than happy.”

              Hmm. I considered his words before taking another bite out of my strawberry. It was sort of nice being able to talk about a guy’s relationship history. Heath was quite open, whereas his brother was a goddamn treasure chest locked and buried at the bottom of the sea. He didn’t want to talk about it at all, and for a girl who’d only been with one guy, that was something I kind of always wondered about.

              “So what do you think of me after all that?” he then asked, eyeing me carefully.

              I laughed. “Who cares?”

              “I do. I want to know.”

              My laughter faded when I realized how serious he was. “If they know what they’re getting into then I can’t see a problem… But I do think you’re incredibly dumb for it.”

              His brows came together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

              “You can’t expect a girl to be with a guy that looks the way you do and not have feelings eventually. It also doesn’t help you’re a pretty good guy on the inside.” When the light bulb still didn’t register, I sighed. “You’re not being one dimensional with them, Heath. That is, if you’re being anything like you are right now with me, then they’re screwed.”

              His lips curved up slowly, and the warmth in his eyes grew as he quietly said, “Afraid that’s not true, Allie. I’m as one dimensional as glue to them. You’ve been around me longer than they have, so I’m more open with you than I’ll ever be with them. But on that note, can I ask you something?” I nodded carefully, but I was also wary judging by the seriousness in which he asked it. “You and Ryker…” he paused and searched for the right words. “What did you see in him?”

              I smiled shortly, reflecting on my relationship with Ryker for a moment. “I didn’t see anything at first. He was as smart as a box of rocks, but he was dreamy to look at. He was just the neighbourhood boy – both of you guys were. You let every kid around to play, including me. But Ryker… he
noticed
me. Nobody ever had. I was the weird one. The kind girls didn’t want to befriend. After my father died, he stopped and gave me his time of day to get to know me. It almost looked like he was protecting me. From what, I don’t know, but it meant everything to me because no one else ever had. I was just the ugly girl in the background with the crazy mother that never let me out.”

              He looked bothered by my words. “You were never ugly, Allison.”

              Allison. I felt my insides melt. It wasn’t often I was called by my full name. “Why didn’t anyone ever say so then? All a young girl wants to hear from time to time is that she’s pretty. Not that she’s a spider with her long limbs and big eyes.”

              “If I knew that, I’d have fucked up a lot of people for you.”

              I smiled in good humour. “It’s fine, Heath. What’s a childhood without some bullying, right?”

              “A normal one?”

              I shook my head, not wanting him to see the way my lips quivered and my heart pounded. I turned back to my food and pretended to eat with enthusiasm. All the while he sat beside me, still as stone, quiet and attentive. I hoped he wouldn’t keep talking about private stuff like that. It wasn’t a fun topic for me. My childhood sucked. No use reminiscing about it. Any bullied person would understand – by the heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach, the way your chest tightened, and the stinging behind your eyes – how difficult it was to talk openly about a difficult childhood.

              “So where are we going to go and eat later?” I asked, changing the subject.

              “I don’t know. I don’t usually take girls out, to be honest. Any ideas?” His tone was a bit flat, like he was still bothered by our talk.

              “I’m not picky,” I said, taking another enthusiastic bite out of my omelette – which was freaking amazing. “Didn’t you and Ryker go out to that fighter bar with the boys some nights?”

              “Yeah, but that’s a pretty rough spot.”

              I shot him a wicked smile. “Oh, whatever, Heath. What’s rougher than you? I’m sure we’d be fine.” He was the strongest in his group. Had the most wins under his belt. So it was easy for me to think it’d be an alright place to be with him on my side.

              He ran a hand through his buzz and nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

              He stayed around for a while before he got up and left to the shops. I didn’t know what we could possibly need since the fridge was still packed, but I didn’t ask. Call it strange, but I had a feeling he wanted to be alone, and I was fine with that. Because I sort of wanted to be alone after that conversation too.

              While he was out, I sorted through my clothes. Knowing we were going out tonight, I didn’t want to dress in more baggy, unflattering clothes. I had a feeling I was going to be bumping into a lot of attractive girls, and after feeling plain around Trudy, for once I just wanted to blend in.

              Eventually I found a better fitting outfit at the bottom of my bag.