Loving Sarah (21 page)

“A desire to succeed,” he replied, looking at her with curious gaze. “Isn’t that what drives most men?” His tousled blond locks blew in the breeze, giving him a boyish quality that she found irresistible on him. It made her want to run her hands through it.

“Perhaps,” she squinted up at him, shielding the sun with a hand. “But you aren’t most men. I’ve never met anyone your age who has the drive you do. Your ambition is unmatched, and I want to know the reasons behind it, because I sense you are much more complex than you appear.”

He looked at her with a soft-eyed hazel gaze. “I didn’t have the life you had, Sarah. The man whose title I will inherit hated my father and, by my blood, me. If not for my two aunts, I don’t know what would have happened to me.”

“Ren’s godmothers are a delight,” she said.

Ian nodded as he smiled. “They are dear to me, but my grandfather…. The man is vindictive and mean. He basically cut off any support to them the year I went to Oxford. They are the only two people in the world who care about him, and he cuts them off. Not just financially. He refused to see them for years.” Ian scanned the horizon around them and managed the wheel in silence as he appeared to contemplate his next words. Sarah knew he struggled with what he was about to say, so she let him form his thoughts with no prodding from her. “He recently called them to his side saying he’s on his deathbed, but it’s been months and the bastard still won’t die.

“He lives in this world inside his head where he thinks he’s more important than he really is. Do you know how he became the first Earl Mackeever? It is because he was crippled in service to the crown. He commanded a ship in Charleston harbor during the siege. As his ship went down, he rescued as many men as he could until he was shot in the leg. The story goes that the bullet went clean through and he tied a tourniquet and continued releasing his men who’d been imprisoned below as the ship was sinking. He lost five men in all that day and later the leg to infection. I will never dispute the fact that the man was a hero.”

“Then why your hatred of him?”

“It’s a very long story, and he is a very bitter and evil man. I pray with every voyage I take that he is dead upon my return—and not because I inherit his title. I would be just as happy, if not more so, to not have it.”

Sarah was surprised to hear him wish a relative dead and even more shocked to think there was such an act that would warrant those feelings.
Family is the treasure in life
, Lia always said. So to hear this come from the man she had married and was growing to love was quite shocking. “I don’t understand Ian. He is your grandfather, your elder. You should honor and respect him with your words and actions.”

“You don’t know him, and I pray you never will.”

She scoffed at the notion of an old man harming her in any way. “He cannot hurt us, Ian. My God, he is a sickly old man! And near death from what you and your aunts have said.”

“It is my belief that he has tried to have me killed from the moment I discovered his secret,” Ian whispered. “He is a dangerous man. And I believe he would harm anyone I care for to get even with me. That is one of the reasons why I wanted to wait to marry. Not only did I not want him to hurt you, I didn’t want him to breathe the same air as you.”

“What on earth did you discover that warranted him wanting you dead?” Sarah was desperate for a reason her husband feared an old, nearly dead war hero.

“It’s so vile, that if the admiralty knew what I knew of him, he would be stripped of his title and medals. He’d be a hero no more, and he could no longer live the revered life he does. And he knows…he knows, Sarah, that if something were to happen to me, while he still lived, I have ensured the whole country would know of his secret. Threatening him is the only way I can protect myself. That, and sailing. Because being out here is as far as I can get from him.”

Sarah stood, went behind Ian and wrapped her arms around his waist. “At first, I was curious what he’d done, but now…I don’t believe I
want
to know.”

“You would be safer not.”

C
HAPTER
T
EN

L
ate in the afternoon of July seventeenth, everyone, herself included, instinctively knew home was within a day’s sail. Sarah smelled the land. Others said they knew because of the color of the water. And still other sailors said they knew because of the currents. Either way, the excitement aboard the boat made concentration on their assigned tasks difficult.

For Sarah, a tiny cloud of fear had settled over her. She worried about what her brother would do or say, not just to her but also to Ian. More than she wanted Ren’s forgiveness for running after adventure as she did, she needed his acceptance of her marriage. While she might not have initially wanted to marry Ian because of what he’d said, she was wed now. They seemed to have reached a comfortable place in their union, and there was no going back and undoing the act.

And, in all honesty, she didn’t want to, not now. Sarah hugged herself in the empty cabin, happy that she and Ian had settled into their relationship, especially as she was fairly certain she carried her captain’s child. She was late with her menses, but also as she prepared for bed her stomach grew upset, causing her to become ill for the first time in years.

At first she wondered if her stomach was upset from the worry over her brother’s reaction to her return, the lack of fresh food, or a babe. She finally decided it was likely a combination of all three. Certainly all were weighing heavily on her mind. She crawled into the bed with the cat after Ian left the room, then said a prayer that Ren wouldn’t be too upset with her. She could only say the words he’d told her often enough—what is done is done, learn from it and move on.

The following morning, the crew lined the rail as Ian brought
Revenge
across the finish line at eleven thirty-nine—three weeks and one day after leaving New York. Their soaring spirits and cheers were contagious, serving to drown out her anxiety, for His Grace was sure to be at the dock awaiting her return. She feared her brother’s reaction, not only to her escapade, but also to her marriage. It worried her so much that she’d been unable to eat breakfast.

Right before crossing between the two marked buoys, Ian motioned for her to stand next to him. When she did, he moved her between him and the wheel as they crossed the finish line to the cheers and huzzahs of his crew. He cheered along with his men and began thanking each one as they came up to the steering deck as they coasted into the harbor. It was at this moment she knew she’d fallen completely in love with him.

But she feared telling him, unsure of how he’d react to her confession. Her husband had never mentioned love to her. Oh, he was polite, kind, and thoughtful toward her. He was affectionate and desirous of her as well.

Still, it was difficult to let go of the fact that he’d originally felt she trapped him into marriage and that he clearly stated those were, in fact, his feelings at that time. Sarah believed, with all her heart, that his feeling toward her was different now. Though he’d never said so, he did behave differently toward her, and she felt this emotion in his caring actions toward her. So, if he didn’t say he loved her, did it really matter?

She shivered in his embrace, and he wrapped his slicker, which blocked the wind, around her, enveloping her in his great warmth. “You won’t have to face him alone,” he said, thinking she feared her brother’s reaction.

Sarah wasn’t completely honest when, in her reply, she let Ian continue to believe she feared Ren. It was that other realization, the one that portend ten fingers and ten toes, that she feared a little more than meeting with her brother. “Thank you.” She said as she stared into his eyes, the elated expression on his face was contagious, but her fear kept her from sharing fully in Ian’s exuberance. “I’m afraid my brother will be more than just a little miffed.”

She relished the heat his broad body offered her, and she snuggled closer. “We’re married now,” Ian said. “It wasn’t what we planned, but it happened, and we did the right thing to minimize gossip.”

“I’m afraid he will be angry that I left to begin with.” She inhaled deeply of the salty-sandalwood-cedar scent that was Ian’s slicker. If she could, she would stay with him like this forever. But if her suspicions were correct, she would have to stay ashore for the next eight months.

“You said you left a note where it would be easily found. So why are you worried?” Ian asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been afraid of him before. Then again, I’ve never done anything quite
this
impulsive either. I honestly intended to make this voyage with Lucky, and I didn’t believe doing so would have such life-altering consequences, but….” She shrugged as she wiped the tears that again began to fall. “I am such a watering can of tears. It must be because we’re home,” Sarah said, hoping he didn’t catch on to her suspicions.

“Must be,” her husband offered, changing the subject back to the race. Sarah dried her eyes. She knew Ian was uncomfortable with her tears. “We know Lucky is behind us by just over an hour. What we do not know is if anyone arrived before us. None of us on our boat ever saw another ship on the horizon, other than Lucky’s. I just pray we’re the first in because that purse will help us build our fleet.”

Sarah’s heart swelled with pride for Ian when she realized they might have actually won this race, even if it meant her brother would lose. And though Ian had declined her dowry, Sarah was now determined to find a way to get it into his accounts. She just had to figure out a way to do it without him learning of it because his American pride might take a bruising knowing she’d gone against his wishes.

One hour later, just as she’d surmised, Ren was waiting at the dock when their gig rowed up—as were Lia, Elise, and Michael, and some of their older children. It was more than she’d been prepared to face at first, but the family never did anything without the support and consent of the others. It made sense they’d be together for the arrival of Lucky and Ian’s boats—and Sarah’s return.

No sooner had they tied the gig to the steps, than Ian was immediately surrounded by the race steward and harbor master. They climbed up to the dock, and even with the realization they had won the first ever Atlantic Crossing Challenge, Sarah nervously scanned the ever-growing crowd for Ren’s face. Once she found him, she saw no anger there, only relief. The same held true for Lia, Elise, and Michael.

Lia was the first to come forward and hug her. Sarah returned her embrace, hugging her tightly. Lia whispered in her ear, “Why are you with Mr. Ross-Mackeever and not Lucky?”

“It’s a very long story,” Sarah replied, returning her whisper. “As you can guess, we are now married. Lucky insisted on it in New York harbor.”

Her sister-in-law did the thing that made her so special: she did not pass judgment nor did she over-react to the news. Lia just hugged her tight. “We are all relieved that you have returned safe and sound. No matter what your brother and sister will say, I am happy you are home.” Sarah whispered her thanks, and just before Lia released her, she added, “And you’ve brought me another brother!”

She didn’t have time to react as Michael came to her side. “Did you have your grand adventure, my lady?” he said as he came forward to hug her.

“I did, my lord,” she replied as he released her. Her eyes sought Ren and found him standing next to Ian, waiting for him to finish signing papers shoved in his direction as soon as he had two feet on the dock. She turned back to Michael. “Please believe me when I say I am so very thankful to be home again.”

No one could imagine how much she meant those words. Sarah couldn’t wait to eat anything cooked by Nettie, their family cook, and soak in a hot bath infused with lavender and chamomile oils. She wanted to wash her hair and brush it dry in front of a fire. She wanted to sleep in a bed and room that didn’t rock. She wanted to experience the sound of silence again, something that was impossible on the ocean.

Her niece Charlotte, Michael and Elise’s eldest, came forward to stand next to her father. She was just blossoming from her lanky, youthful figure at thirteen and was filling out nicely. Her dark hair and fair skin gave promise to her developing beauty. It was already anticipated that when she came out, she’d be her season’s diamond. Right now though, the starry-eyed romantic seemed eager to learn of Sarah’s adventure. Knowing how Elise felt, Sarah knew she had to proceed with caution and not give the older girls the idea they should consider anything so outlandish or dangerous as what she’d just done.

“Aunt Sarah,” Charlotte said, her blue-gray eyes wide with excitement, “was it as wonderful as it sounded? Stowing away and sailing to America?”

Elise rolled her eyes. “Do you see what a monster you have created? I have had to listen to nothing else but how ‘exciting it must be,’ ‘how romantic it is,’ and ‘how brave you are,’ for the past two months. One day you will have children, Sarah, and if they are daughters, you will see how difficult it is to keep them from doing things that could harm their reputations.”

“I am sorry, sister, for any inappropriate example I have given to both young ladies.” She turned a dire gaze to Ren and Lia’s only daughter, Isabel, who was the same age as Charlotte and her cousin’s closest friend. Isabel’s golden-brown eyes, mahogany tresses, and petite frame hid the fact that she was a serious thinker. Intelligent beyond imagination, she hid her genius behind a facade of pleasant cheerfulness. Sarah thought the girl smiled so often so no one would know she was deep in thought, and thus mistake her for a blue-stocking. For even though she professed to enjoy being different, on the most basic level Isabel wanted to be like other girls. She wanted attention from boys, but she’d already learned that boys were intimidated by smart girls.