Loving Sarah (19 page)

As she brushed, her mind wandered, showing her Ian at the wheel. She saw Ian again go over the side of the boat to save the young lad who’d fallen over. Ian smiling at her through his smoky-green hazel eyes when he’d realized that her desires mirrored his. Oh, who was she trying to fool? She still meant each and every word in that letter. For who could turn off an emotion such as this, whether it was love or just lust, as easily as a snap of the finger?

The voices of several men, including Lucky, came through the open portholes with the minimal breeze. They sounded as though they’d had a good dinner and were all a bit in their cups. Heavy footfalls of the men grew closer, and before she could lift her brush again, a knock sounded at the door of Lucky’s cabin. She stood and opened it. The brush fell from her hand at the sight that greeted her.

Five men lined the short companionway, and one by one, they entered the small cabin, Ian pushed forward by Lucky. The smell of liquor immediately filled the room, and Sarah wondered what they intended. Fear clawed at her heart as she looked at Seamus, who averted his gaze, then to the two strangers. She’d told Ian repeatedly that she would never marry him and made certain he understood how she felt. Lucky promised her just hours ago that he would not force her to marry Ian.

“Sarah,” Lucky said solemnly, “Ian’s is going to marry you now.”

“What?” She held her voice to just short of a screech as her head exploded and her stomach clenched. “Get out, all of you! I’ll marry no one! Not this night, nor any other.” She didn’t want to live in a marriage where her husband would come to resent her for forcing his hand. That was worse than being in a loveless union. She could see their future now, Ian accusing her of keeping him from achieving his dreams because she’d trapped him.

“Never.” She turned pleading eyes to the two strangers. “Who are you?” She didn’t even wait for them to answer, but rushed on with her questions, pleading for their assistance. “Can you help me? Because this is under duress. There must be laws against a forced marriage in this country.”

“Told you so,” the hazel-eyed, golden-haired object of her misery stated flatly. She noticed his whisker-less face and trimmed hair. His clothes were new and his grin devilish. He was going to force her into this because of some archaic laws regarding taking a woman’s maidenhead then thinking she was thenceforth his possession. Except
he
didn’t want her! Why didn’t he fight this more? She didn’t understand.

Seamus came to her side, obviously as drunk as her brother and Ian. “Lass, I was wit’ ye aboart that boat. I know ye have feelin’s for the lad, so let’s just make this short and sweet and we can all get some sleep. The mornin’s jest a few hours away.”

“All of you are either drunk or demented.” She looked from one to the other of the men in the cabin. Returning Lucky’s stare, she said without emotion, “You can’t force me to marry a man who doesn’t want a wife.”

At this, Ian gave an inebriated chuckle. “I told ’em you weren’t agreeable to marriage,” he slurred. “But they wouldn’t listen to me.” He shook his head for emphasis. “Nooo.”

If Sarah could have thrown the proverbial daggers at him with her gaze, she would have. By the dozens. She could not let them actually marry her to Ian. At one time, she thought they could have made a decent go of a relationship, but after learning how he really felt about her, she couldn’t do it. She’d ruin both of their lives. “Stuff a sock in that trap of yours, you drunken lout. You’re more drunk than the rest of them.”

He gave her a boyish grin. “That’s ’cause I got started earlier than they did.”

She stomped her foot, so angry she wished she could kick someone—preferably Ian, though Lucky was a suitable target as well—then glared at the two strangers. “And just who
are
the two of you?” she asked again.

The elder of the two motioned to the gentleman standing next to him. “This is Mr. Joshua Stevens, a clerk of the Court for the City of New York, and I am Reverend Archibald Humphrey, St. Peter’s Episcopal Church.”

“Well, Mr. Stevens, Reverend Humphrey, I’m afraid there has been a grave mistake made this evening. I apologize on behalf of my inebriated relative and this” —she flapped a hand toward Ian— “drunken oaf for disrupting your evening. They brought you both out here for nothing.”

Lucky came forward and whispered into her ear. “Sarah, you’re marrying Ian now or after we return to England. One or the other.” He exhaled an alcohol-infused breath that caused her stomach to roil. “And did you stop to think that there’s already a chance you might carry his babe? Do you really want people to count back the months after the babe’s born then whisper behind your back when they realize exactly what you were up to on this voyage?”

Sarah felt the blood leave her face.

“I see you get my meaning, sister dear,” Lucky said.

“Be a good lass and sign the license the nice clerk’s brung wit’ him,” Seamus said, “and let the minister do his job.”

She turned to her brother by marriage—the only one in the family who understood her love for the sea and her desire to see the world. “You cannot ask this of me, Lucky. Ian doesn’t want to marry me.” Swallowing hard so that no tear rose in her eye, she tried desperately one last time to convince him. “He told me he didn’t want to marry me. People already think I’m odd, so a trip such as this would be no more than they expect!”

Lucky stood resolute, his expression never changing, which angered her.

“Ren would never force this on me.”

“If Ren were here, he’d be right with us.”

She shot him a hardened glare. “He would not. My big brother would never force me to marry a man that didn’t want me for his wife. He’s told me that I could marry for love and I will.” What she could never reveal to these drunken oafs was that she was already half in love with Ian and had been for weeks now. But she couldn’t give in yet, because Ian didn’t want
her.

Seamus drew closer, his voice lowered to just a hair above a whisper. “Ye love the lad and ye know it.”

“I do not,” she hissed at the old man. “You’re light in the noggin,” she argued as she calculated if she could make it through the door—desperate for a way out.

“Ye do, else you wouldn’t have been pourin’ out the tears like ye were earlier this very morning as we sailed inte this harbor.”

Frustrated that her emotions had been found out, Sarah began to tremble. They were really going to force her into this, and Ian would hate her for the rest of her life. She would have no choice but to go through with it, yet she shook her head, fighting to the last.

“I swear,” Lucky scowled at her, “I’ve never seen a girl so stubborn in all my life.”

She looked from one man to the next, then at the one she was expected to wed. “You will be ruining our lives by forcing me to marry him,” she told her brother through lips so tense they never parted.

Lucky shook his head. “You cannot see it now through your anger, but I’m doing the right thing as the only male relative you have here, which makes me your temporary guardian.” He glanced over his shoulder at Ian and nodded.

Clenching her fists into tight balls, she wished Ian’s chest was before her so she could pummel him into the harbor. He could put a stop to this and chose not to. He left it all up to her to fight against the marriage. Sarah snapped her head toward the clerk. “Give me that worthless piece of paper, and let’s get this farce over with. I’m tired and would like to go to sleep.”

Sarah thought she saw a strange look, relief perhaps, compassion maybe, cross Ian’s brow. She didn’t understand it, because she knew he had no desire to wed her. She thought she was giving him what he wanted by fighting against Lucky’s demand. “Let’s get this over with so we can seek our
separate
beds.”

“Aye, let’s get it done.” Ian slurred his words, then gave her an impish smile.

Her heart froze inside her breast when he said the words. Along with his accusation and resignation, it was yet one more thing she would never forget, because it too cut her to the core.

She never wanted to fall under the spell of his charm again. She’d made that mistake once, and now had an indifferent bridegroom who only enjoyed their recreational activities in bed.

Taking the pen offered to her, her hand trembled as she signed her name on the license and handed the writing implement over to Ian. She watched as he confidently signed his name to the certificate. For as fearful as she was about his future resentment, she noticed he didn’t fight the idea of marriage. In fact, he’d never once said a word publicly against taking her to wife.

But she knew, because she remembered the words. “…
Much as I wish it weren’t so,
” and
“I have resigned myself…”
They’d pierced her heart and were forever, indelibly carved onto her soul. He felt she’d trapped him when he was not ready for a wife or family. Never once did he say he wanted her outside the bed they shared. And now he was settling for this marriage because it was expected of them after what she’d done.

Her heart wanted so much more. It wanted to be loved. It wanted adventure, excitement, and travel. She wanted to see the Americas, Africa, India, and China, though now traveling was not likely to ever happen.

The minister took out his prayer book, read a scripture passage, and within minutes, she and Ian were husband and wife. “You may kiss your bride,” the cleric said. Sarah lowered her gaze, not unwilling for a kiss, but not anticipating one either. It would have spoken volumes to her as to how he intended for the marriage to go forward. But Ian turned away from her first, moving to the door, ready to leave. There was no kiss, and that told the occupants of the room exactly what he’d thought of his marriage to her. Sarah found herself fighting tears, partly from the obvious, painful rejection and abhorrence he felt toward her, but also because she’d just proven to the other men in the cabin that she was right. Her new husband didn’t want her.

One by one the men disappeared, leaving Sarah alone in the room. Before she gave into the tears that were pooling in her eyes, she had to smile. God help her, but he
was
handsome. Just being in the same room with him did tingly things to her whole body. Made her want his arms around her, desire his kisses, and everything that came after. While he might not have wanted a marriage with her, he had no objections to them using each other’s body for release.

Tears slipped off her lower lashes, and she swiped them away. Why did she have to fall in love with a man who would never love her? There could never be hope for a happy future because he would resent this night for the rest of his life. He would blame her for his every misery, even if she wasn’t on the same continent.

Sarah lifted her nightdress and wiped her eyes, and just as she was about to slip behind the screen to prepare for bed, someone knocked softly at the door.

“Lucky?” she asked, before unlocking the bolt. Heaven forbid it was that cranky American captain she had just married.

“Yes. May I come in?”

Sarah opened the door and closed it behind him. “Was there something else?” She looked at the man who was her brother just as much as Ren was and saw sympathy on his brow. It was the only reason she was willing to tolerate his semi-drunken state and what were sure to be nonsensical ramblings.

“Please listen to what I have to say,” he said softly, “and if, at the end, you still wish to remain with me, I will not force you to return with Ian.”

She sniffled and wiped her eyes again. “You cannot tell me that what just happened was the right thing for us to do.”

“Yes. I can, Sarah.” Several crewmen walked through the companionway toward the midship steps to the main deck, making sounds of revelry. “It’s the right thing because of the circumstance. Even if you had landed here, Ren would have had to scramble to find a husband to accept you or send you away for a while until things died down. Something this scandalous could take years for the gossips to forget about.” He took a breath and smiled. “But this marriage is perfect. He may be a bit rough around the edges, but Ian
is
an acceptable match for you. And the fact that there is already some attraction between you should make getting along much easier.”

She blushed, and Lucky began to laugh. Then she started to laugh and relax a bit, especially knowing he wasn’t angry.

“I have to say, I never saw
that
coming,” Lucky said.

“I did, from the moment he walked into the drawing room in Liverpool. Only I thought it would happen after the race, because I’d planned to sail both legs of it with you,” she confessed. “And it doesn’t change the fact that he thinks I’ve ruined his plans for his future. He told me this, Lucky.”

Lucky mumbled something about plans that she couldn’t hear because she was busy wiping her eyes again. “Sarah, I know Ian. He’s been my friend for over ten years. From the conversation we just had at dinner, I am
certain
he cares about you because he couldn’t stop talking about you. When the topic among every other sailor in that tavern is the race, and our two boats leading the pack, you would think we’d have talked about strategy for the return leg in between all the congratulatory toasts.” With a barely perceptible shake of his head, and a sympathetic look in his brown eyes, he said, “No. Sarah, the entire conversation was you. That’s why I know he cares more than he will ever say.

“Now if you wish to return to Liverpool with me, you certainly may. But” —Lucky tipped her chin to face him and he smiled at her— “I think you’d rather be with Ian. Am I right?”