Loving the Marquess (16 page)

Lord Kerrick was very amusing and it didn’t take him long to
tease her out of her somber mood, even causing her to laugh out loud. Her
husband’s eyes swung in her direction at that, but he turned away again
quickly, a slight frown on his face. She sighed, all too aware of the
impassable gulf that seemed to be growing between her and Nicholas. After that,
Lord Kerrick failed to tease even a smile from her.

Preoccupied with her own thoughts, Louisa nonetheless
noticed that her sister seemed to be taken with Lord Kerrick. Catherine and he
exchanged pleasantries, but it was obvious to her that she was intrigued by the
man.

Dinner seemed an interminable affair and she was glad when
it was finally over. Nicholas and Lord Kerrick retired the library afterward
while the ladies went to the drawing room where Nicholas’s grandmother was
content to listen to Catherine play the piano. Louisa pled a headache and
escaped to her room.

She was about to ring for her maid when a soft knock at the
door startled her. Expecting that the maid had learned she’d already retired
for the night, she bid her to enter and was surprised when the door opened to
reveal her husband instead. He closed the door softly behind him.

“Nicholas,” she said, her pulse starting to race, “I didn’t
expect you tonight.”

“I needed to speak to you in private.”

Something in his tone alarmed her. She had thought, no she
had hoped, he was there to finally consummate their marriage. It would appear
she was wrong and she chided herself for being a fool.

They stood there for several long, awkward moments. Louisa
remained silent, waiting for him to broach whatever subject had brought him
there. Finally, when she could no longer bear the silence, she asked the
question that had been uppermost on her mind all day.

“You asked me a question yesterday. Now I would ask the same
of you.”

He raised a brow.

“Do you regret marrying me? If you do, I am sure a man in
your position would have no problem in arranging to have the marriage annulled.
You could go on with your life as though I had never existed.”

He didn’t answer right away and her spirits sank.

“I do have regrets,” he said after a moment, his voice low.

She wanted to die of mortification. “I see,” she somehow
managed to say.

She started to turn away, but he crossed the distance
between them and took hold of her hands in his.

“I regret that I cannot be the kind of husband you deserve.”

He dropped her hands and indicated she should sit. She was
grateful, for she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to remain standing.
Lowering herself onto the bench at the foot of the bed, she wished now that she
hadn’t asked the question.

Taking a seat on the bed, he turned toward her. Their eyes
met and she could see the bleakness there.

“I need an heir and you have agreed to provide me with one.”

She was confused. That wasn’t what she’d expected to hear.

She nodded, unsure where this conversation was headed. A
moment before she had expected him to tell her that he wanted to end their
marriage, and now he was talking about having children.

“Would you rather have a different woman as their mother?”

He shook his head. “No, you will be the mother to my heirs.”

Louisa licked her lips, waiting for further explanation. His
eyes followed the movement, but he didn’t continue.

“Have you come here, then, to…” Her hand swept over the bed
and her cheeks began to heat.

“No,” he said softly.

Was that regret she saw in his eyes?

“I don’t understand. How am I to provide you with an heir if
you will not lie with me?”

He squared his shoulders and continued. “Louisa, you know I
suffer from an illness.”

Concern warred with her confusion. “Should I call someone?”

She stood to ring for a servant, but he stopped her.

“No, I am feeling well at the moment.”

She sat again on the bench and took a deep breath to calm
her nerves. “Pray, continue.”

“You have seen me fall ill twice now,” he said, his words
slow and measured. She nodded and he continued. “My father and my brother
suffered from similar episodes. The doctors do not know what caused them, but
it is likely my illness will kill me, just as it did the previous two
marquesses.”

From the stark expression in Nicholas’s eyes, she could see
he believed what he said. She couldn’t understand how he could calmly accept
such a fate.

“Surely there must be someone who can help you.”

He shook his head. “My father and my brother consulted all
the best doctors. It is a mysterious ailment, one for which there appears to be
no cure.”

To say she was shocked would be a vast understatement. She
struggled to gain control of her turbulent emotions before speaking again,
knowing that Nicholas did not want sympathy from her.

“I don’t know what to say.” She reached out to place a hand
over his.

He looked down at their hands and one corner of his mouth
quirked upward sardonically. Self-conscious, she removed her hand and placed it
in her lap.

“I appreciate your concern, but think of what I have told
you. My father and my brother both suffered from this illness, and now I do as
well. That means it is very likely any children I father will also suffer from
it.”

A pang went through her at the thought of having a child who
might die from Nicholas’s mysterious illness. She took a deep breath and tried
to consider the full implications of what he was saying. Was this why he’d
stopped this morning while they were making love? He was afraid that their
children would develop the same illness?

“It is not a certainty, Nicholas,” she said. “We can none of
us predict the future.”

She watched as he shook his head, unmoved by her words.

“My mother died in childbirth,” she said, continuing when he
didn’t reply. “She died while giving birth to Catherine. Does that mean that I
should not try to have my own children? That I should refuse you my bed out of
fear of something that may never happen?”

“It is not the same thing.”

Louisa stood and moved closer to him. Taking a deep breath,
intensely aware of her husband on a physical level despite the bleak topic of
their conversation, she sat next to him on the bed and reached for his hand
again. At first she thought he was going to pull away, but in the end he
allowed her the comfort she was so eager to impart.

“It is the same thing. We cannot allow fear of the future to
stop us from living in the present.”

He looked away from her before she could define the emotion
she’d seen in his eyes. Anger? Frustration?

“You do not display any signs of weakness, Louisa. You are a
healthy young woman in the prime of her life. Death in childbed is a
possibility for everyone, but it is not a certainty. I, however, am exhibiting
the same symptoms of an illness that has already killed two of my closest
family members. Unlike you, I am not healthy, and I will not risk passing this
illness to my children.”

Louisa wanted to comfort, but didn’t know how. He’d pulled
away from her and was now clenching his hands into fists on his thighs. She
wondered if time would dissuade him from his conviction or further entrench it
in his mind. Likely the latter, especially if he continued to suffer attacks.

“What are we to do then?” she asked. “As you have stated,
you are in need of an heir. Unless…” Her breath caught as she considered one
possibility. When she continued her voice was cautious. “Edward is next in
line, is he not?”

He turned to stare at her in disbelief. A lock of his black
hair had fallen onto his forehead. Louisa’s fingers itched to smooth it back,
but instead she kept her hands folded in her lap.

“Do you honestly believe I would allow my cousin to become
the next Marquess of Overlea? After what I know of him? After what he tried to
do to you and Catherine? That would put you back under his power when I die.”

“I realize that,” she said, her voice trembling at the
thought of once again having to rely on Edward Manning’s notion of generosity
for her survival. “But you have already said that you will not father any
children.”

A hint of wariness crept onto his face at her words.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I cannot risk passing my illness on to my children, that is
true, and on that matter I remain firm.”

There was something he wasn’t telling her. “But?”

“But there is nothing stopping you from having children.”

He stared at her intently as he spoke, watching for her
reaction. At first there was none. His words made no sense. Then, when
understanding of what he was proposing dawned, anger began to course through
her.

She did not bother to hide it from him. She stood and turned
to face him, hoping fervently that she was mistaken. That somehow she had
misinterpreted his words.

“You are not suggesting what I think you are,” she said, the
words tight and clipped.

He was unmoved by her anger. “It is the only way. I must
have an heir. And remember, you agreed to give me one. You signed a marriage
contract to that effect.”

He was out of his mind. How could he sit there and calmly
suggest that she… She couldn’t even finish that thought.

“No.”

 “I intend to hold you to your agreement,” he said.

“I agreed to give you an heir, not some man I don’t know.”

“You would be giving me an heir. I will recognize the child
as my own.”

Panic began to set in. “Don’t make me do this, Nicholas.”

His voice softened slightly.

“I would never force you to sleep with someone else.” His
face was a mask of non-emotion as he spoke. “You barely know me, yet you agreed
to become my wife. I know you find me desirable. Surely it is not outside the
realm of possibility that you would find another man attractive in the same
way.”

Louisa turned away from him. He actually expected her to do
this. To sleep with another man and to pass off the child of that union as
theirs. Yes, what he’d said was true, she was willing to make love with
Nicholas. Wanted it more than she was willing to admit at that moment. What he
didn’t know, what she wouldn’t tell him, given the cavalier manner in which he
was discussing the possibility of her lying with someone else, was that her
feelings for him went beyond merely finding him attractive or desirable. She
was surprised, considering how little time she had known him, but she was drawn
to Nicholas Manning in a way she had never been drawn to another man. She very
much doubted that it would happen again.

A horrible thought occurred to her and she turned to face
him again.

“Who?”

She didn’t need to elaborate. He knew exactly what she was
asking.

“Kerrick.”

It was as though he had slapped her. Somehow she kept her
voice even. “Please leave.”

Nicholas stood and raised his hands in supplication.

“Louisa—”

“Get out. Now.” She couldn’t bear to hear any more about
this.

She watched as his hands dropped to his sides and he moved
to the door. He paused with a hand on the doorknob and for a moment she thought
he wouldn’t leave. The foolish romantic in her hoped he would take it all back.
Say that he didn’t expect or want her to do such a thing. That he wanted her
only for himself.

In the end, after only a moment of hesitation, he opened the
door and left. Louisa held herself together just long enough to cross the room
and turn the lock. The tears came then. Not caring that she was still fully
dressed, she crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her.

The next morning, Louisa considered
asking for a tray to be bought up to her but decided against it. She couldn’t
hide from her husband forever. Steeling herself to face him, she dismissed her
maid after dressing and made her way to the breakfast room. She was more than a
little relieved to learn he had already eaten and gone out for an early morning
ride, and she wondered if he were normally an early riser. She realized yet
again just how little she knew about Nicholas. Given that he clearly didn’t
wish to have a conventional marriage, it was likely they would always remain
strangers.

As the new Marchioness of Overlea, the duties of overseeing
the household now fell on her. However, since Lady Overlea hadn’t expected her
back from her honeymoon so soon, the menus were already set for the week and
there wasn’t much to be done. The dowager promised to go over Louisa’s new
duties with her soon, but she had already promised Catherine, who was having
the time of her life learning about the exotic plants housed in the
conservatory, that she would spend the morning with her.

With nothing better to do, Louisa decided to explore the
house on her own. It was late morning and she was in the gallery examining the
long line of Manning ancestors when Sommers found her and informed her that she
had guests. He presented the calling card to her and she groaned inwardly when
she saw it belonged to Elizabeth Manning, Edward Manning’s mother.

Dreading the encounter, she made her way to the drawing room
and found Nicholas’s aunt and his cousin Mary seated on the settee. They were
deep in conversation, but their voices were too low for her to overhear what
they were saying. She watched them from the hallway, undetected, for a few
moments. From the impatient expression on the older woman’s face, she knew this
was not going to be a friendly call. Both these women had expected Nicholas to
offer for his cousin. Still, she was now part of the Manning family and would
no doubt see them often. This first meeting would be an awkward one. Neither
had attended the Overlea ball and the last time she’d seen them was to take
measurements for the morning dress she’d been commissioned to make for Mary.
Still, she hoped that once they got past this first meeting everything would be
fine.