Lucky In Love (17 page)

She should have been floating on a cloud by the time she got back to the ranch, but she was in the foulest, blackest mood she’d known in more than two years. The last time the whole world looked so damned dark was the night she’d given Matthew his engagement ring back. Beau hadn’t been anything but attentive since the evening Amanda broke their engagement. He hadn’t even looked at another woman in her presence, and everyone talked about him being thunderstruck, he was so in love. That meant the problem had to be inside Milli.

“You get the tractor in before all hell broke loose?” Jim asked when she led Wild Fire into the barn and started pulling off her saddle for the second time that day.

“Sure did. Quite a storm, wasn’t it? Did Katy cry?” She kept her face turned so he couldn’t see the glow in her cheeks or the anger in her eyes.

Jim shook his head. “No. Granny told her it was a man rolling taters down the mountains. I don’t think she really cared what it was as long as it wasn’t going to make her world crumble.”

Well, it made mine crumble. Just when I knew I was ready for Beau to do more than kiss me good night. I’m so mad I could chew up nails and spit out staples. It was my idea to make love as much as his. I’m not a sixteen-year-old child and I can make up my own mind about sex without a guilt trip afterwards. So why do I feel like this?

“What’s the matter, Milli?” Jim asked. “Something happen out there in the pasture to upset you?”

“No, not a thing. I’m starving to death, Poppa. You know how us Torres women get when we’re hungry.”

He shooed her away with his cane. “Then get in there and rustle up some breakfast. Slim is on his way back in here and he can rub Wild Fire down. You go eat, girl, and shake that mood out of you. We’ve got a party tonight in the sale barn, and I damn sure don’t want you bringing a black look like that to our dance.”

She stopped in the utility room long enough to take off her dirty boots. Hilda was folding towels and Katy was under her feet, playing with a toy vacuum cleaner that made a loud popping noise every time she pushed it.

“Get that tractor in? Crazy men folks,” Hilda fussed. “Tractor wouldn’t have been hurt a bit sittin’ out in the rain. Send you out there in a blinding tornado, I guess, to keep a single bit of green paint from rusting. Don’t make a lick of sense to me, but then, men folks don’t usually make sense, do they? That’s why they’re men folks. They put stock in some of the craziest things. Got a dance tonight to fix for, and just what would have happened if lightning would have struck you dead? They damn sure don’t think with the head on their shoulders. Kept you a sausage biscuit and eggs on the stove. Get on in there and eat. You Torres women get cranky when you don’t eat and you look like you could whup a forest fire right now with a cup of water.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Milli said, but she couldn’t even force a smile.

Jim and Mary insisted on taking Katy to the barn dance for the first part of the evening, and Beau was elated. “Come here, Miss Katy Scarlet Luck…” He cut off the last of the name when he saw the look on Milli’s face. “Well, maybe before long it will be.”

He carried her around, showing her off to all the neighbors and friends who hadn’t seen her yet, and wallowed in the compliments when everyone realized she was his daughter. Milli smiled at the right times and when it was time for Katy to go to bed, she and Beau took her back to the house to Hilda, who was looking forward to rocking her to sleep.

“Now get on back to the party and dance until your feet hurt. Thank goodness you can do that. Those crazy fool men and savin’ their tractor might have got you killed,” Hilda fussed like she’d done all day.

Beau laughed and drew Milli closer to his side. They stopped along the way back to the barn for a few stolen kisses, but they didn’t set Milli into the usual emotional tailspin.

She was tired, emotionally and physically. She just wanted to drop her jeans and western-styled blouse with cutouts on the shoulders and sleeves in a heap on the floor and fall into the four-poster bed in her room, curl up in a ball, and go to sleep forever. Deep, deep sleep where she didn’t have to think about Beau or the future. About trusting him or not trusting him. About Katy leaving her someday to live with him. Or worse yet, about marrying the man and then finding she’d made another big mistake.

She couldn’t express her feelings when there were no words. So when Beau put his arm around her and led her back to the party, she danced away the rest of the evening with a fake smile pasted on her face.

“I love you,” he kissed her good night when the last two-step was finished, the band had packed up and gone home, and everyone else had long since left. He slid his tongue over her lips.

“I hate lipstick,” he said.

Then, by damn, I’ll go buy a truckload.

She opened her eyes and watched his eyebrows knit together as he enjoyed the sensations of kissing. But she didn’t feel that sensuous tingle down inside her heart like she usually did when he kissed her. It was all over. Something wasn’t there anymore.

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WHILE KATY SLEPT, MILLI PACKED, AND SOMETIME IN the wee hours of the morning, she loaded their suitcases into the back of her pickup truck. The moon was a big, full white ball in a bed of twinkling stars and she remembered waiting on the porch of the trailer for the taxi to arrive. But even memories couldn’t make her stay. One did not ride a dead horse. When it died, they buried it and got on with life, and this relationship was dead. She didn’t know if she’d killed it or if Beau’s terrible luck really had murdered it. But something had done so, and by golly she was leaving.

With a long sigh, she hitched up the horse trailer and in the darkness put Wild Fire inside. She threw the saddle in the back of the truck beside the suitcases and then went back inside to pen a note to her grandparents asking them to forgive her for running out on them the rest of the summer, and propped it up on the kitchen table.

Her first idea was that she’d fly away in her airplane and never look back. But when she arrived at wherever she was going, she’d need something to drive. If she landed a job on a ranch, she’d need the horse.

She thought about writing a note to Beau and even had the pen in her hand, but she couldn’t make her hands and mind work together to write the words that she knew would break his heart. She couldn’t tell him why she was running away when she didn’t know herself. He’d never made any bones about the way he felt, but then neither had Matthew. She didn’t want to wake up someday and know she’d mined his life, but she couldn’t write it on paper. Sometimes words could not explain the heart or its reasoning.

What could she say? That he’d never hold his daughter again in his entire life, but that, too, was best for everyone? When he found out she was gone, he’d realize there really were no options and this was the only wise thing to do. In a few days he’d have another woman at the dances, maybe even Amanda, since she seemed eager to move back into his life a few weeks ago. She wiped away a tear as she thought about him making love with Amanda, but even that didn’t change her mind.

She gathered Katy up in her arms, and carried her downstairs and across the backyard to the barn where the truck waited. Katy whimpered when she strapped her into the car seat, but she hushed quickly when Milli put the pacifier in her mouth. She fired up the engine but didn’t turn on the headlights until she. pulled out onto Highway 70 headed east.

“Well, Miss Katy,” she whispered, “we’ve cut the strings now. You might be mad as hell at me in a few years because I didn’t let you grow up with your daddy, but honey, it ain’t goin’ to work. Better to leave it now than have to hand him a divorce decree through a motel room door someday.”

“Daddy with kitters?” Katy asked.

“That’s right, honey. Daddy is with the critters,” Milli turned on the radio and argued with herself.

I’ve got to listen to the voice inside me. The one tells me that something is not right with this. I knew it yesterday. Lord, it was pure ecstasy when he touched me, but there’s more to a relationship than an hour in the back bedroom of a trailer house or a romp in the hay. I’m doing what is best for me and my child.

She caught Interstate 35 north toward Kansas and decided that when she reached the state line, she’d decide whether she was going to Montana or Wyoming. She had a little cash and lots of plastic in her purse and it wouldn’t take her long to find a job. In a week or two she’d phone her parents and tell them she was alive and well. Angels with golden halos were going to sell shares for time-share condos on the back side of hell before she ever looked at another man.

She caught a glimpse of a falling star somewhere around the Purcell exit. She shut her eyes tightly for a moment and wished desperately upon that star that she had made the right decision. No matter if it was right or wrong, it was over now. She’d seen Beau that fatal Sunday when Amanda tried to inch back into his life. Contempt was written in stone on his face when he looked at the tall, blonde beauty on the porch. There wasn’t any doubt that she’d made her bed and now she’d have to sleep in it. He didn’t give second chances. By the next barn dance at the Spencers’ place, he’d be twostepping with another woman and declaring she was the prettiest woman there and Milli had just been a fleeting fancy in his unlucky days. She ached at the picture of him holding someone else.

At daylight she passed the lights of Oklahoma City. A hundred miles behind her and several more to go before she stopped at some motel for a few hours of sleep. Katy opened her eyes and spit out the pacifier. “Daddy. Daddy. My daddy,” she said.

“You won’t remember that word for long,” Milli said. “It’ll fade like his memory and pretty soon it’ll just be me and you, baby.”

They stopped at a McDonald’s. She changed Katy’s diaper in the bathroom and changed her into a soft knit romper. She ordered the big country breakfast and fed Katy some hash browns, soft scrambled eggs, and sausage. She tried a bite of the biscuit, but it was too much trouble to swallow past the lump in her throat, so she wrapped it back up. Maybe later she’d be able to eat when there was more time and distance between her and the Bar M ranch.

At eight o’clock she passed the Perry exit. Granny and Poppy would have found her note by now. Beau might have slipped in the back door to beg a biscuit like he did most Sunday mornings. He probably would be angry, but then maybe he wouldn’t be. He wasn’t mad when Amanda broke off with him. He just walked up behind Milli in the barn and was instantly in love again. Perhaps he would go to church with Granny and Poppy and by now he’d be in love with someone else.

The DJ broke her thoughts. “And now here’s the song that brought CMA awards to Trisha Yearwood a few years ago. It rode the top of the charts for several weeks. I knew she was going to bring home the glass first time I heard it. And if she’s not in the running this year with her very newest one, then I’ll eat my hat and have my dirty socks for dessert. Don’t turn your dial, folks. Here is ‘How Do I Live,’ and then we’ll hear from Shania and our own Garth after that.”

One minute she was driving north with determination. The next her face was bathed in tears, dripping off her cheeks and soaking the front of her chambray shirt. She started to weave onto the shoulder and jerked the truck back onto the highway. Finally she pulled over to the side of the road and laid her head on the steering wheel as she listened to the haunting country singer put into words the feelings in her heart.

Her body was in a red and white pickup truck heading north to Montana or Wyoming or wherever the hell she could run to. But her soul had never left the southern part of the state and there was no way she could survive with the two factions split in half. It was one thing when her soul and body argued - when her body wanted Beau to touch her, kiss her, hug her, or just brush the back of his hand across her bare shoulder as he shooed away a mosquito, while her soul never wanted to trust a man again. But to leave one part on a ranch in Oklahoma and take the other to Montana was asking too much.

“What have I done? Lord, what have I done?” she sobbed. “Well, I know what I’ve got to at least try to do.”

She fumbled in her purse for her cell phone and turned it on. It registered ten calls from her Poppy’s number and six from Beau. She said a silent prayer as she dialed the familiar number and listened to it ring a dozen times. Evidently Granny and Poppy were still at church. She wiped at her eyes with her shirtsleeve and dialed the number to the Bar M.

“Please, God, let him be there,” she whispered aloud as she listened to the buzz.

It rang once and she shut her eyes. She’d deserve it if he didn’t ever want to see her or Katy again. The phone rang again and she prayed harder. Everyone always picked up the phone on the second ring. It was some kind of unwritten social rule. Never pick it up on the first ring, but always on the second. The third time she began to worry. They weren’t home.

On the fifth ring she heard Rosa’s familiar voice.

She fought the lump still in her throat. “Rosa, this is Milli. Is Beau there?”

“Where are you girl? Yes, he’s here. He’s out in the bunkhouse and won’t even come in to eat. What did that boy do to make you so mad you run away? I’m ready to string him up and he won’t say a word. Buster says he’s just lyin’ out there staring at the ceiling. Where are you, Milli? I called over and talked to your Granny and she said you’d left a note that you were on your way to find a job somewhere. Everyone is worried sick about you and that baby. Lord, we thought this was written in the stars.”

“Just get him on the phone, please,” Milli begged.

A moment later she heard the squeaky hinge on the front screen door when he opened it and the slam of the big, wooden door when he shut it behind him, and she could imagine him running his fingers through his blond hair as he picked up the phone, probably to tell her to go to hell on a silver poker and not to waste his time calling.

“Milli?

She could feel the pain in his voice.

“Please don’t talk, Beau. Don’t say a word. Just listen. I’ve made a big mistake. I got scared after yesterday. I thought…” stammered.

“What, Milli? You thought what? Just tell me what in the hell did you think?” Raw pain was still there but so was that old edge she’d heard when he thought she’d cut the fence between their properties.

“I did something really stupid, Beau. I compared you to Matthew, and in my mind you were going to run out on me and hurt me. I’m so sorry. I just want you to know I was wrong. You are fine and decent and you’re not Matthew.”

There was a long silence and she prepared herself for the click of the phone as he hung it up.

“And what are you going to do now?”

“I’m coming home, Beau. I’ll be back before suppertime. I’ve finally figured out that when it comes to you, I’m helpless. I’m hopelessly in love with you and I intend to fight for that love whether it takes standing up and fighting or dropping down on my knees and begging. I love you.”

Her heart, mind, body, and soul were in agreement and that brought peace. Beau might throw it all back in her face, but at least Milli wasn’t a disconnected being anymore.

“I’ll be waiting at the bunkhouse for you. Come here. Don’t go to the Lazy Z. I’ll call Jim and Mary and tell them you’re on your way back so they’ll quit worrying. Drive careful and tell Katy her daddy is waiting,” he said.

She heard a soft click as he hung up, without telling her he loved her.

She caught the southbound lane back out onto I-35 and headed back to face the music. Beau was going to look at her like so much trash beneath his feet, and tell her that they needed to talk about when he could see his daughter and what the visitation rights would be. Or he would tell her he was going to get on with his life, find a woman he could trust, and they’d have a house full of Luckadeau boys, and he didn’t want to acknowledge Katy after all.

She stopped at a drive-by window for lunch and by mid-afternoon she was on Highway 70, the last leg of her journey back to the same place she couldn’t wait to get away from only a few hours ago. By the time she pulled her truck into the circular driveway at the Bar M, her bones were aching from driving all day and her mind was numb from lack of sleep.

Beau stood up from the porch swing and walked slowly across the porch toward the truck. He opened the door and took Katy out of the car seat. “Come here to Daddy, baby. Been a long day for my little girl. Bet you’ve got saddle sores from sitting in that old seat so long. Meet me in the den, Milli.”

He scarcely looked at her.

Her heart rose up to her throat and tried to strangle her to death.

The best scenario she imagined as she drove was the one where he threw open the pickup door and folded her into his arms, telling her she’d scared him to death and begging her to promise never to leave him again. But that wasn’t Beau, and she knew it. If it had been, she probably wouldn’t be in love with him, anyway. If he didn’t challenge her every minute of every day, it wouldn’t be long until their relationship, physical or otherwise, would be in shambles.

She opened the truck door for herself and stretched the kinks out of her back before she followed him through the screen door, through the foyer, across the huge living room decorated in an eclectic mixture of early American and country, and into the den where a strange man sat behind a big, oversized desk in front of massive bookcases.

Beau nodded toward the man, who stood up and extended his hand, “This is my lawyer, Mr. Anderson, and this is Milli. Camillia Torres. This is my daughter, Katy Scarlett.” He turned Katy around so the lawyer could see her.

He motioned toward two dark green leather chairs that matched the one the lawyer was sitting in. Beau sat down in one, but he didn’t wait for her to sit first, and he didn’t let go of Katy.

She sat and waited for the explosion.

“As you know, Aunt Alice set things up kind of strangely. But she had her reasons, I’m sure. As a matter of fact, all Luckadeau property carries the same pre-nup agreement. It’s not just this place. I cannot sell this ranch. It has to pass from me to my children and to their children, and if my wife ever leaves me, she cannot ask for one ten-penny nail from this ranch. Do you understand that?”

“Beau, this seems unimportant right now. I know about the way the ranch is set up. Granny and Hilda told me and I know that Amanda didn’t like it.”

His blue eyes snapped as they finally stared into her brown eyes. “You need to understand this.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because, Milli Torres, you have to sign that piece of paper, and you have to be fully aware of what is on it before you sign it. Everything I acquire other than this ranch, you could ask for if you ever leave me again, but this ranch is not up for grabs,” he explained and she could see this wasn’t easy for him either.

“But I told you, I won’t hold Katy over you. I won’t contest.”

“It’s not Katy we’re talking about. It’s us. I’m asking you to marry me, Milli. I love you with my whole heart and have for two years. I’m not going to leave you, not ever. But if you ever leave me again, you’ve got to know your rights.”