Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (46 page)

I had two big black eyes. I saw tha in the mirror in the tilet. An me eyes hurt, an me face was very sore an swollen. I got a bit of a shock when I saw the state of meself. I don't want people seein me lookin like this. Earlier, the policeman said they were goin te get the doctor te look at me. But I said I was grand, an he said, just te be on the safe side, I could have somethin broken or have a head injury! But I went mad an started te make an awful fuss. So they left it. Me nerves were gone, cos Jackser never lets me near a doctor. An if they found out, me ma would go te prison, an the poor childre would suffer. No, it's not worth tha! I'm goin te have te be careful or I can find meself in a lot of trouble. The authorities are very quick te put ye in a home. I've seen too many put away.

Still no word! The policeman yawned an stretched. It was late in the day now. I lifted me head off the table an tried te look up at him. I felt so sick, the weight of me head. ‘OK,' he said, lookin at me. ‘We'll have to sort somethin out!' An off he went. Tick tock, the only sound. The policeman mutterin in another room lifted me a bit. Maybe he's goin te do somethin. Then I can move an maybe lie down. It was very quiet here, nothin te take me mind off meself. He came back wit two men followin behind him. They had ordinary suits on. ‘All right, darling! You go with these two men, and they will take you somewhere nice to stay until we can contact your family.' An he very gently helped me off the chair an put me on me feet. I was dizzy an everythin was blurred. But I steadied meself until I got straight again an smiled at him. ‘Are you OK?' he asked me, bendin down an lookin inta me face.

‘Yeah! I'm grand, not a bother on me.'

He looked at the two men. ‘Maybe you should have her checked out at the hospital?'

Me heart pounded, an I saw stars at the fright. ‘No! No! Please! I'm grand, just a little bit tired, tha's all. Don't worry, I'm always fallin an bangin inta things. I fell down the stairs in the ship. Some drunks got sick, but there's not a bother on me.' I looked up at them, pleadin. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Don't let them make trouble fer me ma. Please, God! I prayed te meself.

‘OK, take her over. We can keep an eye on her. She needs rest, too, anyway. A bit of a kip should see her right.'

Oh, thank God! I let me breath out an started te shuffle off, tryin te keep me back straight an get everyone movin before they change their minds again an land me in God knows wha.

We went out the door, an the policeman waved after me, tellin me not te worry. ‘You don't worry, darling! These two men will take good care of you. Everything will be fine!'

I smiled an waved back. He could read me mind. I wanted te rush back an snuggle up close te him an stay there an never have a care in the world. He was a real daddy, an I felt lonely leavin him behind. But I couldn't let him find out anythin. An I wish I didn't have these worries. It's such an awful pity ye'd know I got a batterin. Cos if me face wasn't such an awful show, I could be enjoyin meself, an no one would be any the wiser.

I turned away, followin the two big men. An we got inta a big black car. I sat on the long back seat an snuggled down. The springs was lovely, an I could feel the soft leather. We flew through the city, an I could see all the big buildins an shops. But me mind wasn't on them. I was worried about wha was goin te happen te me.

We stopped outside a big house an drove in through the gates, an I could see the huge mansion through the trees. I looked back, an the man from the house at the gates was closin them again. Jaysus! Where are we goin? I'm goin te be locked up. I leaned forward, wantin te say somethin, the fear risin up in me. But I didn't want te upset them. I held me breath, me heart poundin. I'll wait te see wha happens! Take it easy. I sat back, all me senses on alert. We pulled up, the car makin a noise on the stones an scatterin them.

‘All right, petal, we have arrived!' The man held the door open fer me, an I got out, lookin up at the huge brown doors in the shape of a church arch. The other man pulled a big bell, an I could see a nun lookin out from one of the big windas at the side. She was smilin an then disappeared.

Then the door opened, an a nun in a long white woolly habit wit a big rope tied aroun her waist an a leather purse attached from a leather belt smiled at us an stood aside, welcomin us inta a big hall. ‘How nice to see you! Do come in! Would you like to join us for tea?' she smiled at the men.

‘Thank you, but we must leave,' the man wit the curly hair said, wavin his trilby hat at her.

‘And this is?' she said, leanin down te me.

‘This is Martha. The child we told you about.'

I looked at her, tryin te smile, but sayin nothin. ‘Well, Martha, we are very pleased to have you with us.' An she took hold of me hand an waved te the men as they went out the door.

‘OK, Martha, we're leaving you in good hands,' an they waved an smiled at the nun an went te the car.

When they drove off, the nun shut the door an smiled down at me an said, ‘You must be ravenous, you poor child!' An we went off, her sandals squeakin on the polished black an white tiles. There was loads a big paintins hangin on the walls an big vases of flowers. The scent was lovely! An the smell of polish. An it was so quiet. We went past the big staircase – it was huge, wit big carvins on the banisters – an down a passage, passin big doors. An then she opened a big door, an we went inta the biggest room I'd ever seen. It had a long winda in the front an another one at the end lookin out te a big garden wit trees. It went fer miles. I looked at the fireplace tha went up the wall, halfway from the ceilin. It had carvins of fat babbies flyin through the air an playin. It was marble. The ceilin was the same – carvins all over it an painted in blue. An gorgeous big rugs in lovely colours. An polished floorboards – ye could see yer face in the wood. An a long mahogany table tha was polished like glass, wit big carved chairs. An lovely armchairs beside the fireplace wit carvins on them. An a long armchair tha ladies in the Victorian times used te sprawl in. I saw tha at the pictures.

‘Ah! Lavinia, dear, our guest has arrived!' A girl was sittin at a round table wit a snow-white tablecloth on it. An it had plates of sambidges cut up in little bits wit the crusts gone. An plates of cakes, an lovely red an gold china cups an saucers. An silver teapots an knives an little forks. An Lavinia stood up an held out her hand te me, an she was gorgeous. She had long, sleek, shiny brown hair te her shoulders, an it flicked over one eye. An she lifted it so delicately an flicked it back over her shoulder. She had big green eyes an eyelashes like sweepin brushes, an her skin was the colour of ivory. An she was wearin a maroon an yella striped blazer, an a tunic wit a yella sash tied aroun it, an a cream skirt. An she had snow-white hands wit lovely nails. She gave me a big smile, showin her snow-white teeth, an said, ‘How do you do, Martha?' An then smiled at the nun an waited fer her te sit down, an then sat herself down an crossed her ankles.

The nun pulled out a chair fer me an handed me a plate of sambidges. I didn't know whether te take the whole plate or just take the one. So I took one an waited. ‘I shall pour. Do you take the milk first, dear?'

I didn't know wha te say an just muttered, ‘Yeah, please!' in a hoarse whisper. Lavinia helped herself te a little sambidge, an I waited te see wha she did. She cut the sambidge inta even smaller little bits an popped one inta her mouth an chewed fer ages. I looked at me sambidge, thinkin it was only the size of one mouthful. An ye'd starve te death if ye sat here cuttin it up an spendin the rest of yer life eatin tha slow. So I picked it up an sort of nibbled at it, dyin te put the lot in me mouth an finish the whole plate by meself an then start on the cakes. But it was a very slow business. Lavinia cut hers, an I nibbled mine. I was on me third, an she still hadn't finished her first.

‘Lavinia, dear! Do try one of these delicious pastries!' an the nun held out a silver shovel thing.

‘Oh, Madame! You are spoiling me!' Lavinia breathed, gigglin an helpin herself te a big cream puff cake.

The nun laughed an said, ‘When you go up to Oxford, you shall need to keep your strength up! How is Sebastian? Doing very well at Oxford, I should think?'

‘Yes, Madame! He is very well. And Mamma is happy he is settling well into his studies.'

‘Yes indeed! A brilliant boy! Such a brilliant family. Your dear mamma must be so proud of you both!' An she cut her cake inta tiny little pieces an popped it inta her mouth an gave a sigh of contentment. Then she looked at me. ‘How is our little charge doing?'

I was on me fifth sambidge, an they were so lovely. Egg an somethin else, cucumber, I think the nun said. But they were only makin me more hungry. ‘More tea?' I hesimitated, an she took me cup an saucer, an poured more tea. An put in milk an sugar lumps from a grippin thing. ‘Sandwich? Do have another!' an she put two on me plate. An I got fed up eatin so slow an stuffed it inta me mouth. They were gone in seconds. I waited fer a cake, watchin the two of them have their chat.

‘Yes! Genevieve is gone to our convent in France. We shall indeed miss her.' I put me hand out te help meself te a cake, a chocolate éclair, an then put me hand back. Maybe I'd better wait. They carried on talkin. I stared at the cakes. Maybe I'll have the cream bun first, or will I have the cream horn? No! I'll have the éclair first an then the cream horn.

The nun threw down her bib, an Lavinia cleaned the corners of her mouth wit her bib an folded it, puttin it back on her plate, an they both stood up. ‘What an enjoyable afternoon!' the nun said. ‘I did so enjoy our little chat.'

Lavinia waved an said goodbye te me, an the two of them breezed out the door. Then the nun put her head back in the room while I was starin at the cake, thinkin I didn't even get te taste them. ‘Do help yourself, Martha! I shan't be long.' Then she was gone. I was on me own wit the cakes! I snatched the éclair an swallied it in two bites, an then grabbed the cream horn, spillin flakes everywhere an smotherin me mouth an face wit cream. I was diggin inta the cream bun when she came back. An I pretended te be lookin out the winda, but I was chokin on the bun an tryin not te let her see me actin like a pig. Me head was goin up an down tryin te swalla. An she said, ‘Why don't you take a little nap?' I shook me head, not meetin her eyes, sayin yeah! Then I used the bib te wipe me hands an mouth, an I was covered in flakes an white dust from the cream horn. An I knew I was after makin a show of meself.

She cleaned the table, puttin the dishes on a huge silver tray, an went outa the room an came back wit a silver brush an dustpan an swept all aroun me. An put a lovely lace tablecloth on the table an went out again. Then she came in wit a rug an pillas, an put them on the long sofa. ‘Now, dear! Lie down here and take a nap. You are exhausted!' I lay down, an she covered me wit the rug an pulled the curtains shut. An she left the room.

I stretched out on me side, easin the pain in me back an head, an I felt a bit sick from the cakes. I smelt terrible. The sick was dried inta me clothes an skin. An me hair was matted an stiff. I need a wash. This convent was so grand, an the people treated me like I was a lady. I couldn't understand it. If I turned up at a convent in Dublin lookin the state I'm in now, they'd ring the police an have me arrested, never mind let me in the door. Tha girl was somethin like outa me
Bunty
comic. Like one of the four schoolgirl Marys. I'd never been up close te someone like her before. She's like someone ye'd see in a fillum. I wonder what it takes te become like her. Me own teeth are snow white. One aul one asked me once if they were false! A right eejit she was. Childre don't have false teeth! Then I was out cold.

I was sittin on the edge of the footpath, shiverin an shakin. Me teeth was bangin together, an I was watchin Jackser's back bendin up an down, mixin cement fer me feet. He was mutterin te himself, ‘These will keep ye down! Ye won't come floatin te the top in a hurry. I always warned ye te mark me words well. But ye wouldn't listen te me.'

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Help me. Please don't let Jackser drown me! Me head was threatenin te blow off me shoulders wit the pain in me chest. Me heart was hammerin so hard, an me mind was flyin, tryin te think of a way out. ‘Jackser!' I squeaked. ‘I know how te get ye a load a money!' He didn't hear me. Suddenly he threw down the shovel an turned aroun, headin fer me. I tried te run, but I was a dead weight.

Somethin was whisperin an shakin me. Me eyes flew open, an I was lookin at a ghost. ‘Are you OK?' it asked me, bendin over me. It was all white.

‘Am I dead?' I whispered. ‘Did I go up te heaven?' I waited, afraid te move.

The ghost bent down closer te me, an I could see its eyes. ‘Wake up, dear! You are having a dream.' An she lifted me up. I looked aroun me, an it slowly dawned on me I was in the convent, an now I remember. Oh, thanks be te God! It was only a dream. There's no Jackser. I'm safe.

‘Put your shoes on an button up your coat. You are leaving us now.' I was drippin wit sweat an still shakin from tha dream. Me legs was like jelly as I tried te hurry after her, wonderin wha was goin te happen.

The two policemen were standin in the hall when the nun rushed me in. An she whipped open the door an stood back, holdin it wide open. An the man put his hand on me shoulder an said, ‘We're going to get you settled in nicely. Thank you again. Your help was much appreciated.' An he pointed his trilby hat at the nun.

She smiled an said in a loud voice, ‘Indeed, it was the least we could do to help the poor wretched child!' An as soon as our feet hit the outside, she slammed the door wit a big bang.

The curly head man looked back an then looked at me an grinned te his friend, sayin, ‘She'll probably have the place fumigated.'

‘Aye! She was certainly in a hurry!' the other man said, an we drove off.