Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (47 page)

We arrived at a block a flats, an the car stopped. Curly took a bit a paper outa his pocket an looked at it, sayin, ‘Number seventeen, Andersons. Right, I'll take her up. Won't be long!' An he got outa the car an opened the back door te let me out.

I followed him up the stairs, an we walked along the first balcony, an he knocked on a blue door wit a shiny brass knocker. The door was whipped open, an a woman in a flowery red apron wit red cheeks an a curly mop of brown hair tha looked newly permed smiled at the man an looked down at me, an laughed, ‘Ye got here all right, then?'

‘Yes,' the man said. ‘Thanks for helping us out. She'll be no bother to you.'

‘Indeed she will not! Come on, ducks! Ye're very welcome,' an she grabbed hold a me an wrapped her big massive arm aroun me an pulled me inta her body, wrappin her other arm aroun me.

The man looked down at me an grinned, ‘You'll be well looked after, Martha. Tra la!' An he waved his hat at the woman an rushed off.

The woman shut the door an looked down at me, peerin inta me face. ‘Tut, tut! What a sorry sight you are!' She kept clickin her tongue an shakin her head lookin at me. ‘Right,' she said, makin up her mind. ‘First off, you need a good feed. Yer must be starved!' An we went down the hall an inta a lovely warm sittin room. The fire was blazin, an there was a lovely big rug in front of it, coverin shiny lino. An two big armchairs. ‘Sit down by the fire, ducks, an keep warm.' An she rushed off te the scullery, an I could hear her bangin pots an lightin the gas.

I looked up at the mantelpiece full of photographs. There was one of a babby lyin on his belly on a fur rug smilin at the camera. An another one of a boy about six years old ridin on a donkey at the seaside. The donkey was wearin a straw hat, wit his ears stickin out. An the boy's mammy was standin beside him, holdin him on. An she was very happy lookin.

This is lovely! The room is the height of luxury wit all the pictures on the walls an the ornaments all aroun the room. An the glass case in the corner, wit the lovely delft china an little statues. I'm glad te be here an out a the convent. Tha nun was very peculiar. Ye'd never keep up wit them grand people. All tha smilin. Ye'd get a pain in yer face after a while. An ye'd have te be good all the time an not lose yer temper an shout at anyone. An the good food ye'd get'd do ye no good, cos ye have te chew it fer hours. Sure there's no enjoyment in tha! I could hear sizzlin from the fryin pan an smell sausages. An I felt me heart lift an gave a big sigh of contentment. Life can be lovely. An I sat back in the armchair, listenin te the lovely music comin outa the radiogram in the alcove behind the armchair.

‘Now, get this down ye!' An she put a huge white dinner plate wit beans an sausages an a fried egg, all pink on the top, an fried bread an tomatoes in front of me. An a knife an fork, an poured me a cup a tea. An went off sayin, ‘I'll run yer bath fer yer, an then ye can have a good night's sleep in me son's bed. He's yer age, an he's stayin over with his auntie an granmar. They'll spoil him somethin rotten, an no good'll be had from him, bless him!'

I looked at the plate, takin in all the gorgeous food. An she roared from down the hall, ‘Don't be shy! Eat up. It'll do yer a power a good.'

I looked aroun, wonderin how she knew. She must have eyes everywhere. An I started te go at it like a horse, stuffin me mouth. Oh, the fried bread is heaven. An she's lovely altogether. I was lickin the plate clean wit me tongue when I heard her comin back, an I put tha plate down quick. ‘My! You was hungry,' she said, foldin her arms across her chest an laughin. ‘Did ye have enough?'

I shook me head an whispered, ‘Yeah, thanks very much.'

‘Hang on,' an she rushed inta the scullery an came back wit a big slice a cake. ‘That's a Victoria sponge. The granny sent it over fer yer tea when we knew we was expectin ye.' I looked at the two slabs a cake wit the jam an cream in the middle an took a little nibble, afraid te make meself look like a savage. ‘Go on! Try it, it's delicious. I promise it won't bite yer!' An she laughed an poured me more tea. I looked up inta her face then, te make sure it was all right. An her eyes was twinklin. An I laughed then, feelin at me ease, an took a big bite, not mindin about the pain in me face from havin the black eye. She took the plate away an left me wit the rest a the cake an said, ‘Eat as much as yer like, darlin! That's wot it's there for!'

I heard her washin up, an I stared at the cake an picked up the lot an started te pile it inta me mouth. Oh! I'm havin the best time of me life. It's even better than the Sunshine Home. ‘Now!' she said, comin back. ‘Let's get yer washed an inta bed.'

She peeled off me clothes an checked the water, turnin off the hot tap, an said, ‘In ye get.' It was hot, an I hesimitated. ‘Go on, luv, ye need it te help ease all the bruisin yer got.' An she held me arm an gently lowered me inta the water. Then she picked up a washcloth an knelt down beside the bath an started te soak water all over me back an neck. She looked very worried an went quiet as she soaked me gently wit the cloth. ‘Am I hurtin ye, darlin?' she asked quietly.

‘No,' I whispered, ashamed she could see all the batterin I got. She'd know I'm not respectable an come from a bad home.

‘What sort of a world do we live in tha could do this te an innocent child!' she muttered te herself. ‘Every inch is covered in bruises!' Then she poured the cloth over me head an started te wash me hair. The pain shot through me. ‘Oh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I can feel the terrible lumps on yer head. I'll be as gentle as I can.' An she washed me hair wit soap, without touchin me head very hard. An then she rinsed it off wit a spray.

She wrapped me in a big towel, an I followed behind her inta a bedroom. ‘Now sit there on the bed while I get ye a pair a pyjamas.' An she opened a drawer an gave me a lovely pair of blue an white ones, an pulled down the covers offa the bed an switched on a night light, she called it. ‘Now, I'll leave tha on fer yer! An don't worry. If ye want a drink or anythin, you just holler, an I'll be right wit ye! Goodnight now! Sweet dreams,' an she closed the door.

I snuggled down inta bed an looked over at all the toys an books on the shelves. Paddington the Bear, wit his red duffle coat, was lovely. An sittin next te him was Rupert the Bear. Another shelf was packed wit little Dinky cars an lorries an buses. Tha son has got te be the luckiest person in the whole world. Pity we can't swap places. I snuggled down more an gave a big sigh. Me eyes were lovely an heavy, an I never felt so warm an cosy in me whole life.

I sat in the armchair wit the
Beano
comic on me lap. Mrs Anderson, Flo, she told me te call her, bought it fer me this mornin. I turned the pages, but me heart wasn't in it. I looked at me coat tha was nearly new again. Flo got it cleaned fer me an washed me frock. I was spankin clean, but I didn't get any satisfaction from tha. Flo was hoppin aroun the room, givin big sighs an smackin the furniture wit the dust cloth. There was nothin te polish, cos everythin was shiny enough te see yer face in. She kept lookin out the winda. ‘It'll be all right, ducks, you'll see!' I looked over at her, an she was starin back at me, her face lookin very worried. She opened her mouth te say somethin but then dropped her eyes te the duster in her hands. Then she let her arms drop an gave a big sigh. I turned away, lookin at nothin.

A whole week passed, but it only felt like a day. An now it was over. I have te leave an go back te Dublin. No more Flo pettin an huggin me, always laughin an rushin aroun doin things, bendin down te look inta me face an say, ‘I gorra a nice surprise fer our dinner', or ‘I'm makin yer favourite fer yer tea, chips an eggs an beans'. Or readin me
Bunty
lyin on me belly under the cosy blankets an quilt, wearin lovely warm clean pyjamas, wit the lamp on beside me bed. Me heart was very heavy sittin down in me belly. An I was feelin sick. ‘I'll make us a nice cup a tea!' An she rushed off te the scullery. I watched her go, lookin at her apron tha wrapped all the way aroun her back an tied at the waist. She was wearin her pinky rosy one wit the flowers today. I like tha one. An her cosy slippers tha she always wore aroun the house. No more Flo! It feels like I'm leavin me real mammy fer ever. I took te her straight away. Now it's like we'd always been together.

‘Now, darlin,' Flo said, comin in from the scullery. ‘I've packed everythin you'll be needin fer yer journey. Yer sandwiches ... I've made them with beef an yer favourite Yorkshire Relish sauce. I spread tha over them.' An she put the white greaseproof paper package on the sideboard. ‘An this one's got yer Victoria sponge Granny made special fer ye yesterday when she knew ye was ... eh, not goin te stay, like.' I looked at her, me heart jumpin, but, no, she can't do anythin. I have te go.

Suddenly we heard footsteps, an then the knocker banged. Me heart jumped. They're here! I moved slowly, pickin up me two packages an walked down the hall. ‘Oh! It breaks me heart te see her go!'

The man wit the curly hair was noddin an lookin sad, an holdin his hat an smilin when he saw me. ‘All ready, then? My! Don't you look a sight fer sore eyes!' An he jumped back, grinnin down at me. I lifted me head an tried te smile. An Flo grabbed me an smothered me in her arms, an I went limp. Then she pushed me out the door an then lunged at me, givin me a kiss on the cheek, an lifted me chin an looked inta me eyes an said, ‘Now, my darlin, you keep yer pecker up an always be proud of yerself. You'll be OK! Don't ye fret yerself.'

Curly shook his hat an said, ‘Thanks, Mrs Anderson, thanks for everything.' An I followed him down the balcony an gave a last look back at Flo. She gave me a little wave, lookin sad, an held up her apron wit her other hand, an then I let go. She started te blur, an I turned away, feelin in meself it's all over. An I started te feel empty an cold in meself. An I stopped worryin an thinkin. An it was like I didn't care any more.

We got inta the car, an I sat in the back. I stared out the winda, lookin at nothin. We were flyin past shops, an houses wit big steps up te them, an a girl wit a straw hat on her head, tied aroun her chin wit an elastic band, an a maroon ribbon aroun the rim, an a long coat. She was in her school uniform an was laughin an holdin on tight te a lead an runnin behind a white poodle dog. An her mammy was rushin behind her, carryin her brown leather school bag. If only I was like her, God. Not havin a worry in the world. But I don't think ye're listenin! An I don't care if ye're annoyed or not! Cos ye never even listened te me ma when she lit all them penny candles askin fer yer help. I'm not talkin te ye any more. It's a waste a time. So do wha ye like. I'm not afraid of ye. Strike me dead! Or better still, if ye want te make yerself useful, then give tha bandy aul bastard Jackser an awful death. An ye can make sure he dies roarin! Yeah! I gave meself a shake. I'm not goin te be afraid of anybody. An as soon as I'm big enough, I'm goin te be somebody.

‘Right! We're here!' I looked up shocked. We were here so fast. An me heart started te pound. I held onta me packages, an Curly held onta me arm as we pushed our way through the crowds all headin onta the boat. ‘Stop here!' Curly said, an he moved off te look over the heads of the people all movin towards the gangplank. We waited, then the man wit me shouted an pointed te a woman wearin a big felt hat an a camel coat wit a belt tied aroun it. She was holdin the hand of a boy aroun me own age, an they were followin a porter carryin her suitcases up the gangplank an onta the ship. Curly shook his head an shouted back, ‘Yeah! I see her.' An he rushed up the gangplank an onta the ship. We waited, an then after a few minutes, he came rushin back down again. ‘OK!' he said. ‘She's agreed! She'll do fine. Come on, Martha,' an he put his hand on me back, an we climbed up the gangplank an saw the woman wit the camel coat. ‘This is the child. She's travelling alone to Dublin. You will take care of her?'

‘Oh, yes! I have my own child travelling with me, and she will be perfectly safe. I have managed to secure a berth, two in fact! I shall put them together.'

‘Thank you very much. I know I'm leaving her in safe hands,' Curly said, bowin an wavin his hat at her. ‘Bye, Martha! Safe passage and take care of yourself.'

‘Bye bye, Mister! Thanks very much!' An he turned an rushed off.

‘Come along, dear. We'll get you settled in. Now where is that porter with my luggage?' I followed behind her, an her son stared at me wit his mouth open until he crashed inta his mother, an she grabbed his hand an looked back at me. ‘Stay close now, dear! We don't want you getting lost.'

An we went downstairs an along passages until we came te a door. An she looked at the number an checked her ticket. ‘Yes! This is our cabin.' When we got in, it had two bunks an a little sink. ‘Jeremy, darling! You take the top berth, and this little girl may have the bottom one. Do pop into bed!' the lady said te me. An Jeremy was put inta his pyjamas, an he brushed his teeth in the sink an washed his hands an face. An his mammy combed his hair. An I looked, but I hadn't anythin te wash meself wit, an I had nothin te wear in the bed. So I jumped in wearin me knickers an vest. Jeremy's mammy put him te bed an then kissed him goodnight an whispered, ‘Sleep well, sweet dreams!' an turned the light off an went out. Me an him didn't say a word te each other. An I went out like a light.

I woke up wit the woman shakin me. It was mornin. ‘Get dressed, dear! We are disembarking. Come along, Jeremy. Put on these fresh clothes.' I rubbed me eyes, an yawned, still feelin sleepy, an watched Jeremy.

‘Will Daddy meet us, Mamma?'

‘Oh, indeed! He's waiting for us right this minute. Isn't it so exciting! You can give him all your news.'

Me heart gave a clatter at the mention of Daddy. Jackser! I'm back in Dublin! Oh, Mammy, help! What'll I do? He'll kill me! I jumped up, hittin me head on the top of the bunk, an rushed te get inta me clothes. I stood waitin fer them te get ready, feelin sicker by the minute. The woman snapped her case shut an tied the leather strap an fixed her hat on her head. An she looked aroun the cabin an, holdin her son's hand, passed by me in a whiff of flowery perfume. ‘I'll send the porter for the luggage,' she said, lookin back at them stacked one on top of the other.