MacLean's Passion: A Highland Pride Novel (10 page)

Maggie sat at an empty table in the great hall. She was irritable. Part of her irritation stemmed from the fact that she hadn’t been able to see Colin for two days. It had been two days since they last spoke. Two days since they’d kissed.

She’d been hoping to corner MacLean again, to steal a few more kisses, because he kissed so damn well and she enjoyed it so damn much. But he was avoiding her, and that made her more sad than angry. She hadn’t realized until yesterday how much she liked having him around and how much she sought his company, not just for kisses—although that was a side benefit—but because she liked talking to him. He was the only one who could match wits with her. Who wasn’t intimidated or put off by the type of woman she was.

She slumped forward and rested her chin in her palm. Innis slid onto the bench across from her. It showed Maggie’s frame of mind that she was actually grateful for Innis’s company.

“What are yer plans for today?” Innis asked.

Maggie shrugged. “The lists, riding.”

Innis’s freckled nose wrinkled. “That does no’ sound appealing at all.”

“Neither does looking over Cook’s menu and sweeping the floors and making sure the servants do their jobs.”

“Ye’re right. That does no’ sound appealing, either.”

“I thought you liked doing those types of things.”

“I do no’ mind them, because they’re my duty. I see to the home life while Evan sees to our people and our safety. Those are our roles. But I do no’ look forward to doing them every day.”

Maggie had thought Innis thrived on darning other people’s clothes and talking to Cook ad nauseam about the meals and making sure the maids changed the sheets and dusted this thing and that. She certainly appeared to enjoy it.

“You do no’ like me,” Innis said.

Maggie’s gaze slid away.

“I know that when I came along, yer life changed and ye blame me,” Innis said.

“I really do no’ want to have this conversation.”

“But I want ye to know that I admire ye.”

Maggie stared at her in disbelief. “Me? Ye admire
me
?”

“Ye’re strong-willed. Ye say what ye want and mean what ye say. Ye dress how ye like, and ye do no’ care what others think of ye.”

“And that’s admirable? Most people think it’s scandalous and embarrassing.”

“Well, I would no’ do it myself, but that’s because I’m no’ comfortable dressing like that. It does no’ mean I do no’ admire ye for it.”

“Evan hates it.”

“I do no’ think Evan hates it. I think Evan believes that it’s now time for ye to conform.”

Maggie blew out an angry breath at the word “conform.” She hated that word. But before she could say anything, Innis rushed on. “Maybe ‘conform’ wasn’ a good word. Reform?”

Maggie laughed. “They’re the same thing, aren’ they?”

“I do no’ think so. Ye do no’ always have to dress and act like a lady, and ye do no’ always have to dress and act like…”

Maggie grinned and Innis grinned back until they were both smiling foolishly. “Act like a what?” Maggie asked.

“A hoyden,” Innis said, and they both laughed out loud. It was a strange sensation, laughing with Innis when she wasn’t particularly fond of the woman.

“I’ll admit to being a hoyden now and again. I do no’ always mean to be, ye know. Sometimes I canno’ help myself.”

Innis reached to cover Maggie’s hand with hers, then seemed to think better of it and pulled back. “That’s when becoming a lady comes into play. A lady can check her impulses. A lady knows when it’s acceptable to be the hoyden and when it’s no’.”

Maggie eyed Innis skeptically, not sure she was believing any of this. “Have ye ever acted the hoyden?” she asked.

“Nae.”

“Did ye ever want to?”

Innis seemed to think about that. “A time or two, maybe.”

“Evan would be shocked.”

Innis grinned. “I daresay he would be.”

“He’d probably blame me,” Maggie said on a sigh.

“I daresay he would.” They grinned at each other.

“If ye do no’ want to marry and ye do no’ want to act like a lady, then what will ye do?” Innis seemed genuinely perplexed, as if marriage were all there was for a woman. And maybe that was true for most, but it didn’t have to be the case for Maggie. She’d heard of women who led whole clans. Women who had even ruled whole countries—Queen Elizabeth and Mary, Queen of Scots, just to name two.

“I want to leave with MacLean, but he won’ allow it,” she blurted out, surprised that she’d confessed such a thing.

Innis’s eyes widened. “MacLean won’ allow it or Evan won’ allow it?”

“Both, probably, but I was speaking of MacLean. He says it’s scandalous. As if fighting at Culloden and being arrested by the English and living in a prison cell with him for two weeks aren’ at all scandalous. No’ to mention spending four days alone in a cave together.”

Innis’s eyes widened with each thing Maggie ticked off on her fingers, and she looked around frantically. “Please, Maggie,” Innis whispered. “No’ so loud.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. Everyone was so worried about her reputation, about Fraser and others discovering where she’d been, that no one thought of her, of what she’d been through. No one thought to ask if she was all right. Except Colin. Colin didn’t think any less of her because of the things she’d done and been through.

“I’m so sorry, Maggie. I’m sorry ye had to go through what ye did. Fighting at Culloden? Prison?” Innis leaned over the table and put her hand on Maggie’s. Maggie wanted to snatch her hand back, but she checked the urge. “Evan was so worried. He did no’ know what happened to ye, and to protect ye, he said ye were visiting friends. I do no’ think he wanted Hugh Fraser to know where ye’d been. Ye canno’ go about telling people what really happened.” She looked around again, but there was no one in close range.

“Of course,” Maggie said bitterly.

Innis looked at her kindly. “Whether ye like it or no’, proprieties must be kept and yer reputation preserved.”

“I suppose,” Maggie said, drawing away from her.

Innis looked miserable and Maggie’s heart softened just a wee bit. Even though she felt that everyone was being overly cautious about a reputation she cared nothing about, she understood their reasoning. A woman was good only for making an advantageous marriage. She inwardly railed against the injustice of it all. If women could run whole countries, what else could they do? The possibilities were endless and yet unattainable at the same time.

Innis shook her head. “Ye constantly amaze me.”

“Me? I thought I embarrassed ye. I thought I was the one to be hidden away and no’ talked about.”

Innis looked abashed. “I know it seems like that, but truly, it’s only because Evan cares about ye.”

Maggie made a choking noise. She’d hoped that things would have changed during her absence. She’d hoped that Evan would understand her wants, needs, and desires after having time to think, but it was obvious that more than ever, he felt she needed a man to control her and take her out of his life.

“It’s yer ability to do what ye want that amazes me,” Innis said.

“I do no’ get to do what I want.”

“Evan would have a fit if I dressed in breeches and paraded about and went where I wanted.”

“Ye should do it,” Maggie said, her excitement beginning to stir.

“Do what?”

“Wear breeches.”

“Oh, I could never do such a thing.” Innis waved a hand in the air as her face turned pink.

A serving girl approached Innis, and they held a conversation about the mending that needed doing. Maggie went back to musing about Colin and thinking about kissing him. She’d never given kissing much thought until Colin had introduced her to it, and she had to say that it was a pleasurable way to spend her time. The odd thing was that thinking about kissing other men didn’t appeal to her as much as thinking about kissing Colin. Why was that?

When the serving girl left, Cook appeared almost immediately to discuss the vegetable garden. Apparently, some sort of bug had gotten into it and was eating the leaves. Maggie listened with half an ear. Just once she would like to kiss him without being interrupted. How wonderful would that be?

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity of discussing root vegetables and the many different dishes they would be used for over the course of a week, Cook left.

Before anyone else could approach and take Innis’s time, Maggie snatched her hand and dragged her up. “Let’s go,” she said.

“Where are we going?” Innis asked breathlessly. She waved away a woman who had been waiting her turn to discuss more household things. God a’mighty, could these people not make a decision on their own? “We’re going to find ye some breeches and we’re going out.”

“I could no’ possibly—”

“Ye most definitely can. I do no’ know how ye do it day in and day out, discussing vegetables and bugs and bedding and the like.”

“It’s important to the smooth running of the house.”

Maggie grunted as they entered her bedchamber. She shut the door behind her. Innis stood in the middle of the room, wringing her hands. “I do no’ like that look on yer face,” she said.

“Evan told me to spend more time with ye, so we’re spending time together.” It wasn’t the complete truth. Evan never said Maggie had to spend more time with Innis. He merely indicated that he wished they got along better.

Innis’s expression fell. “Is that the only reason ye’re doing this?”

Maggie paused and studied her new sister-in-law. “Why?”

Innis shrugged, looking dejected.

Maggie studied her for another minute before going to her wardrobe and rooting through it. There were half a dozen pairs of breeches stuffed in there. Maggie didn’t have a personal maid because no one was willing to take on that role. Evan had assigned her various maids over the years, but they never seemed to work out, especially since Maggie didn’t need help dressing and tending to her person.

“Here they are.” She held up a pair of breeches that were too long on her and shoved them at Innis. “Put these on.”

Hesitantly, Innis took the trousers and held them away from her with her nose wrinkled. “How?”

“Ye put one leg in at a time.”

Innis turned the breeches around and around with a perplexed look. “What are we doing that we need breeches?”

“Whatever we want. Ye need a shirt.” Maggie dove back into her wardrobe and decided that she really should get another maid, if only to keep her room organized. She pulled out a balled-up saffron shirt and attempted to shake the wrinkles out of it. “Do ye want me to step out while ye change?”

Innis looked at the clothing in something close to horror before she straightened her shoulders. “I do no’ think I can do this by myself. I do no’ know the first thing about dressing in this type of clothes.”

“Well, then, get that gown off ye and I’ll help.”

It turned out that Innis couldn’t undress without help because of the buttons and tapes and other things holding her clothing together.

“Give me a pair of breeches any day,” Maggie muttered as she unbuttoned and untied everything.

The gown fell off Innis, but there was another underneath. Maggie sighed in exasperation. “How do ye wear all these clothes?”

“I do no’ know any different.” Innis was able to take this gown off herself, thank God.

Soon they had her struggling to step into the breeches. Innis started to giggle. Maggie held back her smile but couldn’t help herself and started laughing as well. By then Innis was laughing so hard that she fell to the side and landed on the bed, where she doubled over.

Maggie wasn’t entirely certain what they were laughing about, but neither of them could stop. Maggie plopped into a chair to wipe the tears streaming from her eyes. The more she wiped, the harder she laughed, and the more the tears came.

Innis’s hair had fallen out of its pins and hung halfway down her back in a sheet of varying shades of yellow.

After they managed to wrangle her into the clothes, Maggie stepped back and whistled. “Do no’ let Evan see ye like this. He’ll be mighty angry.”

Innis stood in front of the mirror and turned one way and then the other, running her hands over her hips and down her legs. She looked like an entirely different person. She was very thin, her hips flowing right into her legs without much roundness to them. The shirt, tucked in, accentuated her small waist and smallish bosom. Evan’s eyes would pop out of his head if he saw his wife this way.

“Let’s go before Evan comes looking for ye.”

Innis followed Maggie out of the house, but not by the front. Maggie had long ago discovered an entrance that was rarely used and led straight to the stables, where she saddled her horse and a horse for Innis.

“Do ye ride?” she asked quietly, not wanting to alert the stable master that she was there. He never kicked up a fuss when she took a horse, but he might if he knew she was taking Innis with her. That would definitely be something the servants would run to Evan to report.

“I can ride sidesaddle.”

“No need to ride sidesaddle in yer breeches. I’ll teach ye to ride astride.”

She led Innis’s horse to a bucket and turned it upside down, using it like a mounting block. Innis managed to make her way up on the first try. Her eyes widened as she sat astride for the first time, wiggling in her seat. “This is very…interesting.” She squirmed again as Maggie handed the reins up to her, then mounted her own horse.

The difficult part was making sure no one important saw them leave. And by important, she meant no one who would report them to Evan. It was a good time of day. People were deep into their duties. Evan was in his solar, working on whatever it was he worked on at this time of day. Something to do with a lot of papers and numbers.

“Keep yer head down,” Maggie muttered to Innis. “Do no’ look at the guards.”

“Shouldn’ we bring a guard with us?”

“Nae.”

“We need protection,” Innis hissed.

“I’ll protect ye.”

She could tell Innis wasn’t convinced of that but Maggie would prove herself if need be. Not that she was anticipating any problems.

As soon as they made it out of the courtyard, through the guardhouse, and out of sight of the guards, Maggie turned a bright smile to Innis. “Now we have fun.”

She kicked her horse into a trot and, when they reached a safe enough area, broke into a run. She heard Innis squeal as she kept pace. All that blond hair had come loose from her hood and was fanning out behind her. Innis was laughing like Maggie had never heard her laugh before.

They followed the River Thurso until they came to the shore of Loch Rumsdale. Maggie slid off her horse and encouraged Innis to do the same. But Innis hesitated, looking around, squinting against the bright sun. “Are ye sure it’s safe?” she asked in a whisper.

“Perfectly. I’ve been here many times and never encountered anyone. We’ll just take a bit of a swim and head back.”

This was Maggie’s private place. She was always happiest here, in nature, where she could be who she wanted to be without judgmental eyes on her. She still wasn’t certain that sharing her secret place was a good idea, but she had a feeling that Innis needed one of her own, and Maggie was willing to give her that.

Maggie helped Innis off her horse and Innis looked at the lake skeptically. “We’re swimming.”

“There’s nothing better on a hot day than a wee dip in the loch. Ye have my word that ye’ll like it.” Maggie kicked off her boots and divested herself of her trousers. She motioned for Innis to do the same. “We’ll keep our shirts on in case someone happens by.”

Innis covered her bosom with her hands and looked at Maggie in shock. “I’m not taking my shirt off.”

Maggie grinned. “I said we’ll keep them on.”

That didn’t seem to appease Innis. “Ye take yer shirt off here?” She nearly squeaked, her voice rose so high.

“Sometimes.”

“But…I do no’…
Maggie
.”

Maggie laughed. “I assure ye, no one ever comes this way. It’s perfectly safe, but for today we will be modest.”

“I’d rather keep my breeches on as well.”

Maggie shook her head. “Trust me. Ye’ll enjoy it much more without the breeches.”

Maggie laid her sword close to the water’s edge and kept her dagger tucked into the bindings she used instead of stays, just in case. She’d been telling the truth when she said no one had ever come upon her while she was bathing here, but Evan had taught her to always be prepared, and her recent visit to the English dungeon had left a definite impression upon her. She had no intention of ever going back to that.

Loch Rumsdale was situated between two mountain peaks that stretched far into the clouds. The beach was wide and long and sloped gently into the calm, cool water of the loch. Birds flew overhead, and occasionally, they could hear the rustle of a woodland creature, but other than that, there was nothing but Maggie, Innis, and Scotland’s beauty.

Maggie waded in, holding her breath at the shock of icy water. She bit back a curse or two and let a few mild ones through her clenched teeth. Innis stood at the water’s edge, dipping in a dainty toe before snatching it back and flapping her arms like a bird ready to take flight. “Oooh, that’s cold,” she breathed.

Innis wasn’t such a bad sort. At least not as bad as Maggie had made her out to be. Evan loved her and Maggie loved Evan and she trusted Evan’s judgment. Except when it came to Fraser, of course.

Maggie floated on her back, staring up at the big white fluffy clouds that drifted lazily across the bright blue sky. She’d always assumed that Evan’s change of heart regarding Maggie’s choice of clothing and behavior was Innis’s fault. She’d always imagined that Innis was embarrassed to have a sister-in-law who dressed like a man and cursed like a man and fought like a man, but after their conversation, Maggie was beginning to think it wasn’t Innis at all.

The idea that it was Evan who was suddenly embarrassed by her was more hurtful than she wanted to admit.

Maggie was well aware that she would never make an advantageous marriage if she continued on as she had been. Under the breeches and shirt, she was the same person—clothing wouldn’t change that—but people didn’t understand such things. They made snap decisions based on one’s appearance. She knew that. She accepted that. She’d always thought Evan accepted it as well, but apparently not.

There was a whole lot of splashing to her right, and Maggie figured Innis had finally braved the cold.

“ ’Tis no’ so bad once ye’re in,” Innis said through chattering teeth. Maggie glanced over to find Innis holding her arms up and prancing about in the water.

Maggie occasionally kicked her feet and moved her arms to stay afloat. Every now and then she would glance over at Innis, who was in up to her shoulders and languidly moving her arms through the water.

“Before long, ye’ll be swimming better than a fish,” Maggie said.

Innis snorted. “Doubtful, although I am enjoying myself. It’s peaceful here.”

“It’s why I come here. Sometimes the house gets too crowded.”

“It’s nice to get away and just be alone,” Innis admitted. She held out her arms so that they were just below the surface, then kicked her feet up until her toes were pointing out of the water and she was floating on her bum. “What do ye think of MacLean?” Innis asked.

Maggie shrugged, but the action made her go under. She came up sputtering and spitting lake water out of her mouth. Innis laughed and Maggie splashed her, causing Innis to shriek. Innis splashed back, and Maggie threatened to push her under but relented when she saw real fear in Innis’s eyes. “No one’s ever taught ye to swim?” Maggie asked.

“Nae. No’ really.” Innis started shivering and rubbing her arms. It might have been summertime, but the water running into the firth came from the snow-topped mountains and it was still very cold.

“Let’s get out and dry off in the sun,” Maggie said.

They found a flat rock and sat down. Maggie tilted her head back and closed her eyes, letting the sun’s rays warm and dry her. “Evan taught me to swim,” she said.

“Ye’re very close to yer brother,” Innis said.

“We were. Not as much anymore.”

“Since I arrived?”

Maggie thought about that for a moment. “Nae.” If she was really honest with herself, the change had begun before that. “I do no’ know why we’re no’ as close. He just…drifted away.”

“He has a lot on his mind, what with the English and the last battle. He’s afraid Scotland will be lost to English rule and our way of life will be gone forever.”

Maggie opened her eyes and turned to look at Innis. “Truly?” She’d not thought that he was that deeply concerned. She always believed that the English presence was merely temporary and that Scottish might would overcome English greed.

While sitting in an English prison day after day with nothing but her fear and her thoughts for company, she’d discovered that she had lived the majority of her life in a bubble of naive simplicity. The English were there, but she’d just assumed Evan would take care of them. Evan could defeat anyone. After all, he’d slayed the demons in her girlish nightmares. He’d put the other lads in their place when they’d bullied her for wearing boys’ clothing. Evan had protected her and taught her to protect herself.

She’d imagined that life would always be that way.

In the end, she was lucky to be alive. She knew that. She understood that. She was lucky to have been put in the same cell as MacLean. If not, she’d either still be there or would have been discovered and quite probably killed after the English had their way with her.

The wool had been ripped from her eyes to reveal the cold, terrifying truth.

Scotland might not survive this English invasion.

“Oh, aye,” Innis said. “He thinks the best way to protect the clan is to try to get along with the English.”

“No,” Maggie said in disbelief. Evan had always hated the English. Now he wanted to get along with them?

“Better the enemy ye know,” Innis said.

Maggie closed her eyes but couldn’t close her thoughts off. She was appalled at her brother. He’d fought at Culloden. He knew what the English were capable of, and yet he thought it best to work with them? Did that mean her brother was a traitor?

Or was he a survivor?

“Ye never told me yer thoughts on MacLean,” Innis said, oblivious to Maggie’s deep musings.

“MacLean,” Maggie repeated, more to give herself time to push her depressing thoughts away. Later, when she was alone, she would contemplate Evan’s motives. “He saved me from prison and probable death. I’m grateful and in his debt.”

Innis bumped shoulders with Maggie and looked at her sideways with a knowing smirk. “Is that all ye think of him?”

Maggie frowned, remembering the kisses they’d shared. They were like taking a draft, those kisses. Intoxicating and addicting.

“He’s handsome,” Innis said with laughter in her voice.

Maggie felt a surge of emotion that had her feeling protective. “Ye’re wed to my brother, and ye best remember that,” she said harshly.

Innis laughed. “I love yer brother and do no’ have eyes for any other man. I was thinking of ye.”

“Me? What about me?”

“That he is very handsome and
ye
might like him.”

“Pshh.” Maggie turned her head away, not understanding why her face was suddenly so hot. The sun wasn’t that bright.

“Ye were jealous,” Innis said.

“Jealous of what?” Maggie asked, perplexed.

“When ye thought I was interested in MacLean, ye were jealous.”

“Was no’.” Was that the hot feeling of anger she’d had toward Innis?

“Yes, ye were. It’s perfectly fine. MacLean is a braw man, and that twinkle in his eye…” Innis sighed.

Was this how girls acted when they were together? Did they discuss men in this way? Maggie knew the lads talked about the lasses because she’d heard them. They giggled and whispered and watched as the lasses sashayed by. Maggie had always vowed to never sashay.

She had to admit that it felt good to talk to Innis this way. She’d never discussed men before. Not boys but men. Men like MacLean, who was wide of shoulder and slim of hip and who, yes, had a definite twinkle in his eye. Men who kissed so well that it made you lose track of time and all good reason.

Maggie’s thoughts were cut short when she heard a sound behind her. Years of instinct and hours upon hours of training with her brother and his fellow warriors had her grabbing the sword at her side.

Just as she came face-to-face with two English soldiers.

They wore the red coats that haunted her nightmares and a leer on their faces that she ached to slice off.

Innis gasped and scrambled behind Maggie, grabbing for her trousers. They should have put their trousers back on. They never should have left themselves this exposed. Damn, but she knew better.

“Well, well,” one of the soldiers said, his leer turning to an expectant grin. “Look what we found. Two mermaids, sunning themselves on the rocks, just waiting for us.”