Made To Love You (4 page)

Dr. Carter swallows. “With this advanced stage of cancer we are unable to operate since the cancer has already started to spread places that were inoperable. It’s a fast advancing cancer.” He looks down to the chart for a second. “We’d like to start a round of chemotherapy with definitive radiation as soon as possible. With your mother’s fever we aren’t able to start immediately until her temperature returns to normal.”

Dr. Anderson pipes in, “She’ll be administered antibiotics here through her IV and when her fever has broken she’ll be allowed to go home.”

Dr. Anderson proceeds over to the door, calls for the nurse and orders the antibiotics to start immediately.

Dr. Carter continues. “Your mother will continue with the pain medication to make her comfortable, as well. Aside from this, your mother has been pretty healthy and with the rounds of chemo and radiation combined, I believe, will be able to prolong the cancer from spreading any further.”

The ‘I believe’ doesn’t sit well with me and I have to ask the painful question. “And if it doesn’t?”

Hunter cuts his eyes to me in shock that I even asked.

“Then we’ll address that when we come to that road. This stage of lung cancer is very serious and we’re going to do whatever possible to make your mother as comfortable as possible.”

“And there is a chance she could die,” I say softly as my head falls forward in defeat.

“Yes, that is a possibility but we will fight and make her comfortable until the end.”

No one else in the room says anything for a while. The loud silence returning. Mom hasn’t even stirred since the doctors tried waking her. The medication keeping her in a deep sleep, which is probably a good thing since she hasn’t been resting well lately.

“Thank you, Dr. Carter,” Hunter says.

“Dr. Anderson here will be keeping me up-to-date if anything changes. Your mom should start feeling better as soon as tomorrow with the antibiotics we are administering and I’ll be back at some point tomorrow to check on her.”

Both the doctors leave the room and I feel like they’ve sucked all the air out of the room when they left. MacKenzie climbs off Hunter’s lap and nods towards the door with her head. Cooper kisses the side of my head and steps out into the hallway with his sister.

I stand and pace the room, biting on my bottom lip. How can someone who was happy and healthy have such a huge turn of events that has completely turned their world upside down?

“We can’t lose her, Hunter,” I say stopping near the foot of her bed. The words leave a bad taste in my mouth.

“We aren’t going to. She’s going to fight and we’re going to be there every step of the way for her, Jay.”

Hunter stands and pulls me into his arms where we just exist together for a while comforting each other. We’re a team of three and we’re determined to stay that way until God takes her from us. Hopefully, that isn’t for a long time because there’s never a good time to deal with the finality of life. I’m not ready, I won’t ever be ready, for her to leave us anytime soon.

Cooper

Jaylinn and I leave the hospital shortly after the news from the doctors. We go home to take a shower, change our clothes, grab some food, and head back up to the hospital so that Hunter and MacKenzie can leave for the night. It’s Olivia’s birthday, both her parents should be with her even though I know Hunter wants to be here.

Jaylinn has her legs stretched out over mine as we sit on the tiny couch in the corner. She’s dozing in and out when Sadie finally opens her eyes for the first time since the nurse gave her some pain medicine to make her comfortable. I notice the slight change in her appearance. Eyes that were red and blood shot are clear, the dark bags under her eyes are barely noticeable and she’s pushed a layer of blankets off of her. Seems like maybe her fever has broken.

I nudge Jaylinn’s leg and nod towards her mom. She jumps to her feet and takes a seat on the end of the bed. “Hey there.” She brushes a piece of Sadie’s brown hair out of her face. “How are you feeling?”

Sadie smiles, the same smile that Jaylinn has that hits me in the gut every time. “Good,” her voice is gravelly.

I take the empty pitcher sitting on the table, walk out of the room and down to the little nook in the hallway to fill it with ice chips. When I get back, Jaylinn is patting her mom’s face down with a wash cloth. I pick up a plastic cup and dump a few ice chips in the cup and hand it to Sadie.

“Thank you,” as she brings the cup to her mouth and takes a few to ease her thirst.

I wink and she smiles at me. She’s always loved it when I did that too her. She calls me her little charmer.

“Have the doctors come by yet?” Sadie asks us.

“Um, yeah,” Jaylinn diverts her eyes to mine. I nod towards the hallway and wave my cell phone in the air letting her know I am going to make a phone call while she talks to her mom.

I dial Eli’s cell.

“What’s up, Coop?”

“Hey, man. I’m here at the hospital with Jaylinn’s mom. I’m not going to be able to make it in tonight. Can you cover everything?”

“Shit, is everything okay?”

“Not really. We just found out that Sadie’s got lung cancer.”

Eli’s quiet for a few seconds. “How’s Jay?”

I shrug although I know he can’t see me. “She’s hanging in there, I guess.”

He’s quiet again for another brief second. “Alright, well, things are covered here. Let me know if I can do anything.”

“Will do.”

I hang up and step back inside the room right behind the nurse. She goes about her normal routine taking vitals, fluffing pillows, entering data through the keyboard. When she’s done she gives Sadie a few pills this time, instead of the hard stuff from this morning, since her pain level is much lower.

The room grows quiet after the nurse leaves. It’s like someone took all the sunshine that these two normally bring with them right out of the room. The loud silence overwhelming the room once again.

“Mom, are you hungry? Do you want me to order you dinner?” The nurse said that she could eat at any time, all she had to do was call down for it.

I sit in the same spot in the corner of the room scrolling through my phone, Jaylinn is in the seat Hunter was in, and Sadie is staring at the TV.

Sadie shakes her head. “Maybe a little coffee and some toast.”

“Okay.” Jaylinn picks up the phone and calls down for the stuff. As soon as she hangs up her cell phone rings. She picks it up. “It’s Hunter. I’ll be right back.”

Jaylinn steps out into the hall and I slide up into her chair.

“How you feeling, beautiful?”

Her eyes water instantly and her hands come up to cover her face. “I’m going to miss my baby girl getting married, miss my grandbabies growing up and graduating from college.” She continues to go on and my eyes start to water. She’s already picturing how life is going to go on without her.

I wish she wouldn’t think like this, she needs to be fighting with everything she has. “You’re going to fight this, Sadie. Let all that other stuff be a reason for you to push harder.”

I lean over and grab a few tissues for her. “I’m going to fight, don’t you worry but I need you to make me one promise, Cooper.”

I have a feeling I know what she’s about to say before she says it. “Anything.”

“Take care of my little girl, Cooper. Love her even when she tries to push you away because I know she will. It’s going to get worse and she’s going to try to be brave on the outside but she’ll be dying on the inside,” Sadie talks through the tears. “Love her enough for the both of us when I’m gone.”

I will always love Jaylinn no matter what. She’s my soulmate, my best friend, the love of my life. “You have my word.” And in that moment I vow to make sure that Sadie gets to see her daughter walk down that aisle, even if it’s an aisle in a hospital wing.

Jaylinn and I leave after visiting hours are over, she was reluctant to, wanting to stay with her mom but Sadie told her to go home and get some sleep. She was going to ask the nurse for something to help her sleep and wouldn’t be much company.

We pull up in the driveway and I cut the engine. Jaylinn covers her face with her hands and I know she’s trying like hell not to cry. I climb from the truck, walk around to her side and guide her into the house with me.

I unlock the doors, lead her down to the bathroom and draw a bath. She needs to relax for just a little bit. Jaylinn kicks her boots off. I pull her shirt over her head, reach behind her and flick her bra undone. She undoes the button of her jeans and I help tug them and her panties down her long, toned legs.

I try to keep my mind off the fact that she’s standing before me completely naked all the while getting a little uncomfortable in my jeans. It’s difficult not to with her standing in front of me like this.

I cut the water off as Jaylinn sinks down into it and sighs. The smell of her bubble bath washes over the room which isn’t helping to keep my dick in check. I step over to the door, reach for one of the light switches on the wall and turn off the light over the tub. “I love you.” I say softly as I turn to walk out of the room leaving her to herself.

A while later Jaylinn emerges from the bathroom wrapped in only a towel. I’m leaning against the headboard watching the sports channel. The only light in the room is coming from the TV. Jaylinn drops the towel and climbs into bed. She lies on her side facing me looking so completely crushed.

I turn off the TV, pull her so her head rests on my chest and wrap my arms around her. “I love you.” I tell her again and I’ll keep telling her, every hour if necessary. Keep reminding her that she’ll always have me here by her side.

“I love you, too,” she whispers.

We remain like this, holding each other for a while. I keep waiting for her breathing to even out so that I know she’s sleeping but it doesn’t happen.

“Can’t sleep?”

Jaylinn lifts her head from my chest and runs her fingers up and down my stomach. It tightens every time she does it. “I can’t get my mind to turn off,” she sighs. “How can this be happening, Coop?”

“I don’t know, babe. It’s horrible but you have to think positive. Don’t let the ‘what ifs’ keep you from enjoying every minute you have with your mom while she’s going through this.”

“I know, but cancer. That’s a big deal and you heard Dr. Carter, they aren’t able to do surgery to remove it. People die from cancer all the time,” saying this as her body shudders against mine. “That can’t happen.”

“Positive thoughts, babe.”

Jaylinn puts her head back down on my chest but continues to run her hand up and down my stomach. Eventually her hand wanders down beneath my boxers where she starts to stroke me softly and slowly.

After a while my body tenses and I’m so close but I refuse to finish like this. I roll Jaylinn onto her back, push my boxers down over my hips and enter her inch by inch until I’m in deep. She needs this intense connection, something that makes her forget everything. Even if it’s for a short time.

We make love twice more before I finally feel her body relax. Her movements become lazy, her eyes heavy with sleep. I pull her back against my chest, and kiss the top of her head.

“We’ll get through this together,” I whisper before falling asleep with her wrapped in my arms.