Maid to Order (17 page)

Earlier he’d wondered if she cared about him. He’d even experienced a glimmer of hope that perhaps she
loved
him. Now he knew better… she may want him as her lover but she didn’t want him involved in her life. When it came to Danny… he was an outsider.

Like with his brothers in arms and their families, he was a fifth wheel… unnecessary baggage that Amy didn’t want or need. He’d tried to tell her that but she’d used his lust for her to convince him otherwise. Well the truth was there in her words.

She was apparently just now realizing it. And just as Rusty had predicted, one of them did get hurt by indulging in this thing between them.
Him
.

Rusty stared at her for a brief moment, trying to memorize all he could about her for the long nights ahead. Then he turned and walked out of her front door for the last time. Well one thing was for sure… regardless of things between him and Amy going south the way they had… Danny would in fact always have a place of his own.

The one area of his will that Rusty had always struggled with was who to leave his house to. Lauren had her own house as did all his buddies. He’d given all he had to his country and didn’t really want to give them his house too. Well now he had a name to write on that beneficiary line.
Danny Carlton.

***

“Where did Rusty go?” Danny asked upon returning from putting his things in her room.

“He went home,” Amy replied, attempting to keep the anger and frustration out of her voice. She shouldn’t have said that to Rusty but damn! It hadn’t even been a year! Why couldn’t everyone just give her a little bit of time to come to terms with having Danny in her life?

“I asked Rusty to take me to see your mom. You should be mad at me, Amy. Not Rusty. He’s my best friend and was just trying to help me,” Danny explained. “I know you worry about me and I love you too but I’m ready for my own house now. I have a job. I can cook and do laundry. I can shop and make change at the checkout. I’m grown up and I can’t wait for you to let me go anymore… I‘m ready
now
, Amy.”

Before she could say anything more, her mother opened the front door to her apartment and, sticking her head inside, said, “Hi, guys. Can I come in?”

Amy flopped down on the couch with a sigh. As much as she hated the thought… she’d also known this day would come. Danny was right… it wasn’t Rusty’s fault. It was hers. These past months with Danny had changed how she saw the world around her.

One day she was basically an only child and the next she had a sibling… a man with blonde hair and hazel eyes…
just like hers
… who argued about
everything
…
just like her
. A man she was legally responsible for.

These past few weeks Danny had went from being just a sibling to being her brother… a man who had looked out for her when she was younger… and still did in his own way. A man who loved her… every bit as much as she loved him. Giving him up now was not an option.

She’d waited almost twenty five years to really get to know him. Why was there such a rush to give him independence now? Why couldn’t she have just a little bit more time with him before life took him away…
again
. Why couldn’t everyone understand that?

“I take it you’ve been talking to Amy about wanting a place of your own, Danny?” Diane asked, sitting down in the chair across from the couch.

Danny sat down on the couch right next to Amy, as close as he could get. Then he reached over and took her hand in his, patting the top of it with his free hand.
Comforting her… easing her fears.
That’s what he did and no matter how selfish it might seem… she liked it.
She needed it.

“I don’t like to make Amy sad, but sometimes I have to, Diane. I will always look out for her, just like Rusty looks out for Lauren. Even if Amy moves to California like Lauren did. I just need my own house. That way Amy can come over, sit on my bed and listen to records with me. Anytime… because I’m her big brother… not a babysitter,” Danny explained, looking at her mother.

Turning her head and looking at Danny, Amy realized that yet again… he thought he was looking out for her. Creating a safe haven for her to escape his mother and her father fighting, even though neither one of them was still alive. To do that… he needed a place to do it in. Suddenly the idea of a place to escape to sounded kind of nice.

In fact, that’s what she’d been doing this whole time. Even when Danny was in the group home, she’d been willing to argue with him just to have him all to herself. It was the closest thing to his room at Sylvia’s house that she could escape to when life got to be too much.

Visiting him was an excuse to shut out everything and everyone else… the shop, money problems, even dog problems. Then Rusty had come along and taken him from her. So now when she visited him, she was sidetracked by the hottest guy she’d ever seen.

Now, if her mother, Danny and even Rusty had their way… her brother would once again move away from her. The difference was that this time… she could visit him whenever she wanted. There would be no Sylvia to anger her father, driving a wedge between father and son and two siblings resulting in lost years that couldn’t be regained.

“Okay, if that’s really what you want… We’ll go next Monday when the shop is closed and see what we can find,” Amy finally sighed. Then, seeing the smile on her mother’s face, she said, “You could also help with this process. Danny can fill out the applications by himself so all you would have to do is drive him around to pick some up. Then once he gets them filled out, he and I can make an appointment to go look at them and turn in the applications.”

“You’re both grown-ups now,” Diane replied with a smile. “I think this is something you can handle yourselves. Perhaps your friend Rusty can help out. I’m thinking of doing some traveling now that my medicine is regulated and doing its job.”

Then, as though her job was done, Amy watched her mother stand up, walk over and hug first Danny and then herself, before leaving. When the door closed behind Diane, Amy looked over at Danny who was also looking bewildered at her mother’s refusal to help.

“I think she’s teaching us a lesson,” Danny said, finally breaking the silence. “I think it’s about taking care of ourselves but I’m not sure. Your mom is hard to understand, Amy. She’s hard to understand like my mom was. I think that’s what happens when you become a mom.”

Amy couldn’t hold back the laugh. How many times had she thought that same thing when her mom had insisted she handle things where Danny was concerned? For the first time, though, she realized that without her doing so, Amy wouldn’t have a brother now… he would still be a stranger to her… not a babysitter though.
Never a babysitter.

“Are you still mad at Rusty?” Danny asked her after a moment.

“No… I was never mad at him. I was just being a brat,” she replied. She should call Rusty and apologize.

“I’m glad because his letter is so sad,” Danny sighed.

“What letter?” Amy asked.

Without a word, Danny got up and went back down the hallway and then returned with a legal pad and handed it to her.

With each word she read her heart skipped a beat. She could hear the contents of the letter as though Rusty was actually reading them aloud and it hurt worse than if her heart had been physically torn from her chest. The man she loved meant to kill himself and she’d just hurt him and sent him home.
Alone.

“Where did you get this?” she managed to choke out.

“It was in a drawer near his gun cabinet. The guns are locked in Rusty’s gun cabinet so it’s safe… even when he lets me stay by myself. Only Rusty has a key to it so no one else can get to them. The drawer wasn’t locked though and when I put the place mats away after dinner I found his sad letter,” Danny replied.

“Oh God…” she breathed.

Glancing at Danny, she was surprised when he said, “You should go talk to him now. Just say how sorry you are and how much you love him. He’ll forgive you because he loves you too. I can stay by myself now and everything will be fine. If I need to, I can call Addie Clark. I have her phone number in my phone now too.”

Looking at Danny she realized that her brother would be just fine. Rusty on the other hand…

Chapter Fourteen

“This is Ronnie,”

“Ronnie, this is Amy Carlton. Please… I need your help!” she nearly yelled when Ronnie finally answered his house phone.

Having tried Ian Hamilton first and then Seth Lewis and getting no answer from either, she’d tried Ronnie Brown’s house praying that someone there would answer. She was looking for at least one of Rusty’s Army buddies to help her…
to help him.

“What’s going on?” Ronnie asked, alarm sounding in his voice.

“Danny found a suicide note at Rusty’s house…” she blurted out breathlessly. “And Rusty’s at his house right now… by himself! We had a fight and I…”

Hot tears were choking her, making it hard to see the road and even harder to talk. What would she find when she finally got to his house? The idea of never again working alongside Rusty while she teased and tormented him was unfathomable.

To never enjoy another meal with him, to never hear his rare but wonderful laugh again was too much to even consider. Never again feeling his hands bringing her body to life or the feel of his mouth on hers in a way that was all Rusty would be more than she could bear.

Killing himself would effectively kill her too… there would never be anyone else even close to comparing to him. She’d never love another person like she loved him… he was it for her. A man she respected… her own personal commanding officer… somehow she’d known that from the first night she’d talked to him on the phone.

“We’re on our way now. He’s only about ten minutes from us… maybe less,” Ronnie said. “One of us will let you know.”

Before she could advise him that she too was only about ten minutes out, Ronnie hung up on her. Forcing her tears into submission she swallowed hard several times and focused her mind on the road, driving the burn in her throat down into her stomach.

Not nearly soon enough she managed to pull into his driveway, throw the car in park, turn off the ignition and was out of the car at a run even though her heart felt like it was about to explode.

She barely registered Ronnie’s truck parked in the front yard, still running with both the driver’s side and passenger doors wide open.
Oh God… no.
Along the curb sat a run-down looking car that she recognized as Seth Lewis’ vehicle.

Flinging open his front door and rushing inside, her gaze immediately landed on him. He was standing there, facing Ronnie with his hands on his hips and he looked… aggravated but shocked.
Alive.
Ian Hamilton stood on one side of Ronnie and Seth Lewis stood on the other.

A barrage of emotions hit her so fast she felt each one for a mere second before the next one took over. Anger at him for making her worry, guilt that she’d let him down somehow, relief that he was still standing there with his disapproving frown, and sadness that beneath that tough exterior was a man living with a pain that was eating him alive.

Then after each feeling quickly subsided… relief fought its way to the front of the line and flooded her soul. Flinging the legal pad with his note on it to the ground, she launched herself at him as the first of her tears spilled over onto her cheeks.

***

Hearing the squeal of tires, Rusty had looked out his front window just in time to witness Ian, Ronnie and Seth charging up his front yard as if they were taking the hill. Within seconds they were in his living room.

He’d waited patiently for several minutes for them to explain themselves and just what the hell they thought they were doing bursting into his house like they’d done. Instead, they’d stood around staring at him, looking stunned, relieved and thankful.

Expecting that whatever it was that had them all up in arms must be pretty bad, he’d been shocked when Ronnie finally said, “Jesus… Rusty. Oh thank God… you’re still alive.”

Looking at the relief on their faces, he’d been stricken speechless for a brief moment, but then realizing he needed to take charge of whatever bullshit was going on, he’d said, “Which one of you Bozos would like to explain what the hell that means and just what is going on that has you clowns busting in here like that?”

“Amy called Ronnie talking about how Danny found a…
letter
… from
you
,” Seth explained as both Ronnie and Ian stared at him with their arms crossed over their thick chests. “She said it was a suicide note. You want to explain that, Sergeant?”

It felt like a lifetime ago since he’d felt that lost… though in reality it had only been a couple of months. If Amy hadn’t interrupted that night… he wouldn’t be here now facing his friends… his brothers… knowing he owed them an explanation. Back then he felt like he had nothing left to offer.

Since writing that letter so much in his life had changed. Life now felt more like a challenge than an overwhelming punishment to his senses. It was as if just a little more time had offered his soul one last mission… to
survive
no matter what… and he had answered with one last “hooah.”

He would fight the bad days with all he had and wait on the next one to be better. After all, that was all he knew… fighting or cleaning. Sure he still had days that were worse than others but at least, for now, he didn’t feel completely hopeless.

His brothers in arms had given him a second chance at life by ensuring that he made it back on to American soil in one piece. A free man who could do as he pleased in a country that allowed him to be whatever he chose.

Danny Carlton had reminded him that there were still people, even here in the states, that needed someone to stick up for them. Other men like Danny needed that too from a person with authority and options to offer… maybe like a retired Master Sergeant in the United States Army.

And Amy… she’d… God, she’d breathed life back in his deflated soul. As if the mere thought of her was enough to conjure her up from the wind, he watched as she ran in through his front door, stopping a few steps from him.

She carried the very notepad he’d written goodbye on the first night she’d called him to say hello and then demand that he keep on keeping on. A string of emotions crossed her beautiful face before she slung the notepad at his brothers and launched herself at him.

Wrapping her arms around his neck for a brief second, she squeezed him harder than a little thing like her should be able to. Pulling back from him, she just stared at him. He hated seeing the hurt in her eyes, the fear and… the
anger
. Then she hit him with two flattened palms against his chest while gritting her teeth.

“I thought you… I thought…” she said angrily through her tears. Then she again wrapped her arms around him and hugged him to her.

“Don’t ever even
think
about leaving me, Rusty. No matter how mad we get at each other… what one of us might say in anger. Fights we have, bad days we experience and painful mistakes we make are only temporary. Death is permanent. Never, ever leave me
permanently
… swear it, Rusty. Swear it right now,” she ordered.

“Yes, Ma’am,” he said quietly, gathering her close in an attempt to comfort her. She was shaking like a leaf in his arms.

“We’re going now, but this conversation isn’t done yet, Sir,” Seth advised him and headed for the door.

Within moments all three of his buddies were gone. Ian pulled the front door closed behind him as the last person out.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he breathed in her hair. “I’m sorry if I scared you but...”

“Say it, Rusty,” she interrupted while backing up and staring at him. Her tears were a sight he hoped to never experience again. “Tell me that you don’t want to be without me either. You are my
life
… you and Danny.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I swear it. I don’t want to be without you or Danny either,” he replied, sliding his hands into her hair and rubbing his thumb across her cheek to catch a couple of stray tears. “I wrote that note
weeks ago
. I won’t lie and say I never have bad days anymore or that meeting you has fixed everything for me, but it’s given me the will to go on.”

“Danny’s going to be getting his own apartment soon. My mother introduced me to a stranger and called him my brother. With your help… he’s become a person to me…
a friend
.
You
did that for us… you gave me my brother back,” she said. “If he’s off living his life and you were
gone
… what about me? Who would be there for
me?
”

“Danny being on his own doesn’t mean he won’t be there for you, Amy. He’s your big brother,” he replied. “As for me… God help me, woman, but I’ve somehow fallen in love with you. I didn’t mean to let that happen but from that first night you read me the riot act on the phone for not jumping to obey your every command… I was lost. Then I meet you and you’re so damn pretty, and smart and that body of yours… had me begging for mercy. I tried to force myself to stay away from you… only to miss you within seconds of being gone. Then you order me back in line… back into your life… and I’m like a new recruit snapping to attention ready to do your bidding. The worst part is that most times… I like it.”

“Then why do you always
argue
with me?” she asked, again stepping close and pressing that sweet body of hers against his. She felt amazing… all warm and soft in his arms. His body reacted to her nearness, her smell…
her love
. How’d he ever get lucky enough to catch the attention of such a sweetheart?

“Because you’re not always right…” he managed to reply. He felt her stiffen in his arms. “Besides, I’m used to being in charge… and I’m good at it. It takes some getting used to, that some little blonde coated in icing, has the power to give me back my
life
. You saved my life that night, Amy.
Do you know that?
I wrote that letter the night you called me. I was just minutes from finishing the job. But by the time I got off the phone with you, I knew… I knew that my life would never be the same. And that gave me hope… then meeting you and reconnecting with Danny… I got a side order of purpose to go with that hope and here I am. Looking forward to the next time I can go toe to toe with you. I think I like arguing with you almost as much as I enjoy having you wrapped around me.”

“Don’t try to change the subject by saying all that sexy shit to me, Rusty,” she said, once more pulling away from him and searching his eyes for the truth. “I need to know that you will be here for me… that you won’t…”

“I love you, Ms. Carlton,” he replied. “I’ll be here long after you’ve had your fill of me.”

“That’ll never happen. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you,” she replied. “Because somewhere in all that arguing and you constantly butting into my business I’ve fallen in love with you too. You’re so handsome, strong, and sexy and with that take charge attitude… you just showed up one day and took over my heart. You‘ve given me love like I’ve never experienced before. That means that you don’t get to quit now. I agreed to find Danny an apartment and I’m going to need help dealing with once again being without him. Danny needs help learning more about how to live independently. I can’t teach him that because, dammit… I’m not ready to let him out of my sight just yet. I’m afraid it will be another twenty something years before I see him again. I know that sounds crazy but when he was under my care…
under my control
… I was damn sure going to get to see him whenever I wanted to. Nothing and no one could keep him from me. I don’t want to be alone anymore! He may want a quiet life by himself… with just his records. But I don’t… I want someone to come home to… someone to be there when life is too much. I need you to teach me how to let him go.”

“Why don’t you switch places with him for a while?” he offered.

“What?” she asked.

“You could move in here and let him have your apartment. It’s close enough to AmyCakes that he can walk to work, or you can pick him up and take him. You can drive him home after work… it guarantees that you get to see him at least five days a week and you’ll know where he’s at and how he’s getting along there. If it works out for him, then great, if not, then you’re not locked into a lease agreement for him somewhere else. Besides he’s already familiar with your place,” he replied.

“Are you asking me to move in with you…
Sir?
” she responded, a seductive grin melting him on the spot.

“You said you didn’t want to be alone… Danny wants his own apartment. This fixes both issues,” he argued, attempting to ignore the way she rubbed herself against him.
All those sweet curves at his fingertips.
It was maddening.

“I also said I didn’t want to be alone… So does that mean that if I get scared, I can come in and sleep with you, Rusty? I mean…
Sir
?” she asked, looking at him from under her eyelashes, her sexy grin widening, giving him a full-fledged boner. “I’ll stay on my own side of the bed…”

“The hell you will,” he replied, dragging her forward and then kissing her. He’d like to consume her like one of her damn cupcakes and was finding it hard not to. So instead he simply drank from her lips. Nipping and sucking at that mouth of hers, making himself even more out of control.

The idea of waking up with her in his bed every morning was a high like he’d only ever experienced while making love with her. Sharing his life… maybe someday sharing his name with her… was it even possible? Hell yeah, it wasn’t just possible…
it was going to happen
… if she would allow it. Never in his life had someone mocking him turned him on. With Amy it took him from fifty to a hundred in an instant.

Trying to calm himself was next to impossible when she slid her hands down his back to cup his butt and pull him closer to her. His kisses became more forceful no matter how much he tried to tame them. At this rate he was going to bruise that smart mouth of hers, so he forced himself to stop kissing her all together.

Not one to back down easily, she snuggled up close until he could feel every inch of her plastered against him. He groaned when she gently bit his neck and then whispered in his ear, “Will you give me oral pleasure again, Rusty…
Sir?
You’re really good at that… then when you’re done with that can you bend me over and…”