Make Me Soar (32 page)

Alex’s eyes widened. “Oh. Come on. It’s obvious.” When Dorian continued to stare at him, Alex shook his head, a slow smile breaking out across his face. “You really can’t see it, can you?”

Dorian suddenly felt overheated. His mind raced. “I don’t understand.”

Alex became still. “You honestly want to tell me you’ve never fallen for anyone before?”

Dorian’s heart seemed to stop for a second, then began pounding. The sound of rushing blood filled his ears. “Fallen?” His brain wouldn’t compute.

Alex gave him a gentle smile. “That’s what it sounds like to me.” He cocked his head. “What’s so wrong about falling for your Dom? Just think about Collars & Cuffs for a sec. How many subs there are in love with their Doms?”

“But… in love?” Dorian swallowed. “You don’t fall in love just like that.” Alex’s question still rang in his ears. Was he falling for Alan?

Alex leaned back against the cushions. “Dorian, think about it. In a ‘normal’ relationship, you go out with someone at the weekend, maybe talk on the phone during the week. Over the course of a few months, as you spend time together, you fall in love.” He smiled. “Now consider your situation. You haven’t spent a day apart from Alan for nearly three weeks, have you? You live with him, do scenes with him, sleep with him….” He held his hands a distance apart and then slowly brought them together, lacing his fingers. “So you take all the time you’d usually spend getting to know someone and you condense it. Add to that the BDSM element and everything becomes more intense.” He counted off on his fingers. “Then there’s the way Alan came out to Berlin to rescue you. That’s bound to have made an impression. And what about all the heightened emotions you’ve experienced in the last few weeks?” That slow smile widened. “When you look at it like that, is it so surprising that you’ve become attached to him so quickly?”

Dorian’s mind went into overdrive. “I can’t…. He’s….” He couldn’t think straight.

The door opened, and a tall dark-haired young man stood there. “Alex, Sev wants you. He says sorry, but you need to cut your break short.” He left them and thudded down the stairs.

Alex rose to his feet and held out his hand for Dorian’s mug. “Looks like our chat is over.”

Dorian copied his movement, feeling dazed. He followed Alex down the stairs and into the kitchen. Sev was standing by the back door.

“Sorry, Alex, but we’ve got customers and you’re needed.” He gave Dorian a brief but firm nod and then went over to one of the workstations.

Alex led Dorian to the back door. “I’ll let you out this way.” He paused, his eyes locked on Dorian. “I’m glad we got the chance to chat. I’d meant to talk to you before at the club, but the situation never felt… right.” His brow furrowed. “Are you okay? You look sort of lost right now.” Then his forehead smoothed out and he grinned. “I think I blindsided you. I’ve obviously given you something to think about, though.”

Dorian held back his snort. That was an understatement. Alex had just turned his world upside down.

Not now
. Dorian needed to get somewhere quieter where he could think.

He forced a quick smile. “Thanks for the hot chocolate, Alex. And thank you for not bearing a grudge.” He couldn’t deny it felt good to know things were okay between them. Maybe in the future the two of them might even become friends. It was a pleasant thought.

He said good-bye and exited the kitchen. Once he was back on the street, he walked to the bus stop and sat on the cold metalized bench to wait for his bus, his mind turning over and over. The more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that Alex had it all wrong. Things just didn’t happen that fast outside of books. Not that Dorian had any experience to fall back on. He leaned against the bus shelter and analyzed his feelings for Alan. He wasn’t falling in love with him—was he?

Dorian gave himself a mental kick.
And what if I am?
He wasn’t about to do anything about it. He knew Alan was looking for a relationship with a sub—he’d said as much—but that didn’t mean he’d be interested in Dorian. Telling your Dom you were in love with him would only complicate things and might also be a surefire way to get a contract terminated. What if Alan didn’t
want
that kind of pressure? Dorian was too scared to take such a risk.

I don’t want to lose Alan
.

The realization shocked him into stillness. He stared off into the distance, the people and the traffic around him merging into one big blur of noise.
Did I just
think
that?

“Did you want this bus, luv?” An elderly lady prodded him in the arm with a bony finger.

Dorian gave a start. The big orange bus had arrived, and passengers were piling off it. He gave his fellow passenger a grateful glance and got up from his seat, arse chilled. As he stood waiting to board the bus, the one thought that occurred to him was that maybe Alex didn’t have it so wrong after all.

“M
ASTER
A
LAN
.
We’ve missed you!”

Alan couldn’t help smiling at Elliott’s enthusiastic greeting and customary grin. “Nice to see you too, Elliott.” He signed in, and Elliott buzzed open the metallic doors that led into the main area of the club. Ahead of him was the bar, its tables already filling. It was going to be a busy Friday night. Behind the bar, the bar manager, Ben, raised a hand in greeting.

“Hey, Alan. Long time no see!”

Alan walked across and shook Ben’s hand. “So have you begun planning this wedding of yours yet?” He grinned. “The
real
one, this time.”

Ben chuckled. “Scott talks of nothing else these days. And of course, since he saw how well Alex and Leo’s wedding went, he wants ours to be just as good.”

“Nothing like a little pressure.” Alan peered at the bottles lined up behind the bar. “A scotch on the rocks, please.”

Ben arched his eyebrows. “I take it you’re not here to play tonight.”

Alan shook his head. “Not tonight, no.” It felt like ages since he’d been there. He glanced around the bar and into the main floor of the club. Already there was a lot of activity. It was seven thirty; by nine the place would most likely be full. “Is Leo around?”

“He was talking to Thomas in the office, last time I saw him. He’s Dungeon Master tonight.” Ben placed the drink in front of him.

Damn
. Talking would be out of the question, then. Leo would be watching everything that went on in the public room. A feeling of heaviness spread throughout Alan’s body, and he took a long drink of Scotch. His thoughts went briefly to Dorian. He’d told him he was going to Collars & Cuffs. Dorian had simply nodded and retreated into his room.

“You look like you needed that, which worries me a little,” Leo’s deep voice uttered quietly from beside him. The Dom wore black leather pants and a white shirt, his usual attire when he was on duty.

Alan raised his glass to him. “You have
no
idea.” He took another drink.

Leo regarded him intently for a moment, then looked around the club floor. He walked off to speak with Miles, their heads together, Miles listening and nodding. Miles patted Leo on the back and strolled across the club in the direction of the public and private rooms. Leo returned to Alan. “Okay, let’s go into the office, shall we?”

Alan frowned. “You’re Dungeon Master tonight.”

“Miles has agreed to stand in for me for a while.” Leo smiled. “I think we need to talk.” He led the way toward the office he and Thomas shared. Leo entered first, Alan behind him. Thomas was seated behind the wide desk, Peter leaning against the edge of it. He turned and smiled at Alan.

“Master Alan, it’s good to see you.”

“You too, Peter.” Thomas’s lover and submissive looked relaxed and healthy. Alan knew he was in his late twenties, but there was a youthful glow about him that was very attractive.

Thomas patted him on the backside, and Peter reddened. “I think that’s my cue to leave.” He smiled at Thomas and, leaning down, kissed his master on the mouth. “I’ll go see if Scott’s here yet. He was going to bring his laptop and let me read his latest story.”

Thomas curved his hand around Peter’s cheek. “I’ll see you later.” He returned Peter’s kiss, his gaze following the young man as he walked around the desk and out of the office. Peter closed the door softly behind him.

“He looks better every time I see him,” Alan acknowledged as he sat down in the worn leather chair facing Thomas’s desk. Leo walked around him to help himself to a mug of coffee from the machine in the corner.

Thomas peered at the glass in Alan’s hand. He folded his arms across his chest. “What’s Dorian done now?” He let out a resigned sigh.

Alan straightened immediately, his spine rigid. “What makes you think he’s done anything?”

Thomas arched his eyebrows. “Go on then—deny it.”

Beside him, Leo chuckled.

Alan stared into the dark amber of his Scotch. “It wasn’t much.” He took a sip of the fiery liquid and then told them about Dorian’s progress so far, their breakthroughs, Dorian’s journey of self-discovery,
everything
. He recounted the incident of Saturday morning, including the punishments he’d set.

Leo’s eyes shone. “Congratulations. In less than a month you’ve got further with that boy than all the Doms who’ve worked with him since he joined the club.”

Thomas nodded. “Didn’t I tell you all those weeks ago that if you could get into Dorian’s head you’d be the first to do so?” His eyes twinkled. “But it looks like he’s got into yours too.”

Leo snorted. “Into his head? Got him by the balls, more like.” Alan stared at him, and Leo let out another wry chuckle. “Another one who can’t see what’s right under his nose….”

Thomas glared at him. “That mouth of yours, lad….”

Alan was barely listening. He was still trying to digest Leo’s words.
Got me by the balls?
He didn’t have time to think more on them before Thomas continued.

“Your punishments sound apt, if a little… overzealous.”

When Alan gazed inquiringly at him, Thomas flashed that gentle smile.

“How long has it been now? Nearly a week?” He relaxed his arms, clasping his hands together on the desk. “Why have you let it stand for so long?”

“I don’t know,” Alan said simply. “I don’t usually leave a punishment in place for so long, not for something as basic as wanking without permission. I don’t even know why his actions hurt me as much as they did.”

“I know,” Thomas responded swiftly. Alan shot him a quizzical look, and Thomas leaned forward. “Think about it for a second. You’ve invested so much of yourself in that boy. You wanted him to succeed.
I
think, subconsciously at least, you’re hoping he’s the one.”

A flush of adrenaline tingled through Alan’s body.
The one?
There was a fluttery feeling in his belly.

Thomas’s eyes glinted. “Let’s face it. You were already attracted to him before all this kicked off, if that hard-on at Leo’s wedding was anything to go by.”

“Hard-on? At
my
wedding?” Leo looked from Thomas to Alan. “What have I been missing here?”

Thomas ignored him. “Let’s talk about sex. What have you done with him in scene?”

“A couple of blow jobs, some toys, penetration with a finger. To be honest, I’ve kept away from anything anal while he was healing.” Alan’s mind was still reeling. It was true he’d grown attached to Dorian.
Have I come to care for him more than I’d anticipated?

“Well, surely he’s all healed by now,” Leo said with a smug grin.

Thomas gave a patient sigh. “Then I think it’s time you took things further, and I’m not just talking about in scenes. I am reminded of a conversation that took place in my garden eighteen months ago. We were discussing Peter. Leo stared at me and said, ‘You want him.’” His gaze met Alan’s. “Just like you want Dorian.”

Heat surged through Alan at the idea of having sex with Dorian. He couldn’t deny the sexual attraction—
damn
Thomas’s memory
—and watching Dorian…
evolve
as he discovered the power of sensuality only served to increase Alan’s desire for him.

Leo put his hands flat on the desk and stared at Alan. “Has Dorian proved to you that he regrets his actions?”

“Yes.” It had been obvious: the pained expressions when he thought Alan wasn’t looking; the way he’d tried to keep out of Alan’s way; the voice that shook; the way he’d done his best to make Alan’s life easier.

“And has he, to quote your own words, earned his place in your bed?”

“Yes.” Alan had missed the feel of Dorian’s warm body curled around him, the smell of him on the pillows, missed touching him—kissing him.

Leo beamed. “Then what are you waiting for? Go home, put your collar on him, then take him to bed and fuck him through the mattress.”

Thomas’s sigh was even more pronounced. “What my business partner is trying to say in his well-meaning but
badly phrased
way, is—”

“That’s why we work so well together, Thomas,” Leo said, interrupting. “I speak my mind, and then you paraphrase it and make it sound
so
much better.”

Alan snickered. “You two are like an old married couple sometimes. It’s very sweet.” He loved the friendship that had developed between the three of them since his arrival at the club.

Thomas paused, as if trying to consider how best to word his advice. “It sounds as if you’ve shown Dorian what intimacy can be like.”

Alan nodded, and Thomas smiled.

“Then it’s time to practice what you preach, boy.” Alan lifted his eyebrows, and Thomas chuckled. “I doubt there is anything you could teach that lad about fucking. So why don’t you be the first person to show Dorian what it’s like to make love?”

Leo smiled and nodded. “What he said.”

Alan blinked. His heartbeat sped up. The idea lit a fire deep inside him. With everything he had learned of Dorian’s past, he doubted anyone had ever shared such a precious gift with the lad. His heart beat faster still at the thought that he would be the first—and maybe the last too.