Malik (Carter Brother Series Book 1) (5 page)

I can’t answer; my breathing is coming in rapid, fast, deep pants, like I can’t control my breathing. I can’t even see Myles; all I can see is the outline frame of his large masculine body. I try to talk, to tell him to leave, not wanting him to see me like this, but it comes out as a slur, my voice scratchy.

“Hey bro, did you know.... what the fuck? What have you done to her?’’ A male voice shouts making me fist the sheets beneath me.

“Nothing... Fuck! She was checking her Facebook account on my laptop and I felt the bed shaking. That’s when I noticed how pale she looked. She won’t answer me,’’ Myles says, his voice choked up with emotion.

“Shit, go get Joan,’’ the other voice says. I hear the door shut as the laptop still on my lap is removed. I can’t protest, my head hurts, my heart hurts and my chest feels tight. I feel myself being lifted into the air, my mind wanting to shout at whoever it is to stop touching, and to never let go at the same time. I feel oddly comforted in this person’s arms and I cringe when I hear who it is.

“Baby, shush, it’s okay. Your Nan’s coming. Shush, it’s okay,’’ he says, rocking me back and forth, his voice full of concern and fear.

His hold on me tightens as he rests his lips against my neck, and a sob tears out from deep inside my chest. I find myself holding onto Malik, my fingers clinging to the thin material of his shirt. The hard plains of his body harden, his hand running lightly up and down my back, soothing me as he keeps his lips on my neck, hovering against the hard beat of my pulse.

Words are spilling from my mouth, but even to my own ears they’re not making any sense. My mind keeps panicking over Lilly’s emails. What if he gets out of prison or escapes and tries to kill me? Will he know where I am? Does he know what I look like? People get out earlier all the time on good behaviour, will he still remember me by then, or will he have forgotten all about me? My heart is pounding from all the horrible images flying through my mind. Not even the words Malik whispers into my neck anchor me back to reality. I’m too consumed in my own thoughts, like I’m in another dimension.

“What happened?’’ my Gram’s voice speaks as her cold hands touch my cheeks, but I cry out like she electrocuted me, my hands clinging tighter to Malik like he’s the only one that can stop the hurt. I know I should be embarrassed, that I should pull away or something, but I can’t get my mind to concentrate long enough to make my body respond.

“I lent her my laptop like you asked and she started shaking. When I asked her what was wrong, she got like this, I think it’s from that email.’’

“Email? What’s an email?’’ My Gram’s asks, my mind screaming at them all to be quiet. Everything around me becomes louder including the buzzing in my ears.

Malik shifts me, but keeps me close to him when I make a noise of protest. It’s then, when I’m curled up in the safety of his arms that the noise in my mind becomes too much for me to bear and I black out.

I wake up feeling hot, my body canoed against something hard. My mind wonders if I had another nightmare, but I can’t remember which is unusual for me, as most nights I wake up screaming and will have the images of the nightmare surfacing in my mind for hours after. Luckily grandma doesn’t hear me during the night. She sleeps like the dead. In fact, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know about them all together. She’s never asked and I’ve never offered up that information.

I’m about to get up when I realise people are talking around me in hushed tones. That’s when I notice the body beneath mine isn’t just hard but tense too.

“Are you sure she’s okay? She still hasn’t woken up,’’ a husky voice I know belongs to Malik says. The rumble of his chest sends shivers down my spine. He sounds worried, like genuinely concerned about me and I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t make me feel good because it does.

Oh my God, I had a panic attack in front of Myles. Wait, how did I end up in the arms of Malik? I don’t remember him being there. Shit! He had walked in mid panic attack. I remember his comforting words, his soft voice and the feel of his hard body pressed against mine and the feel of his soft lips against my neck soothing me.

Too embarrassed to let them know I’m awake, I stay cuddled to Malik, not admitting the scent of him is oddly calming to me. It makes me feel safe for the first time since my parents died.

“She had a mild one earlier when I shouted her down for dinner. I think she needs to go back to see a doctor,’’ Gram’s says, her voice full of pain and worry.

Please don’t tell him about my parents. Please don’t.

“How come Lilly’s mom, or whoever hasn’t been able to get in touch with you?’’ Malik asks, and I know that he has read the emails himself, getting all the gruesome facts on my parents death. I want to feel angry, to feel betrayed, but for some reason all I feel is relief that I don’t have to explain their deaths to him. And something tells me I would have had to somewhere down the line.

“I don’t know. It was working when I spoke with Miss Jane about church last week,’’ she mumbles confused.

“Didn’t you say you were getting cable?’’ Mark says.

“Yes why?’’

I want to giggle at how pleased Gram’s sounds about having cable, but I keep my body still, using Malik’s comfort while I’ve got it. I’m willing to bet money on it that when I wake up he’ll look at me like I’m a freak and want nothing to do with me.

“They could have changed your number,’’ Malik answers for Mark.

“Oh dear. Poor girl. She didn’t deserve to find out like that. I’m so glad Jessica, Lilly’s mom was able to be there when I couldn’t,’’ she says sadly, and I can hear tears in her voice. I know my Gram’s regrets not being able to come out to me for the funeral. We offered to pay for her transport, but apparently, my dear Grandma has a fear of trains and as there wasn’t anyone else available to bring her she had to stay back home. I had left Jessica, Lilly’s mom to organise the ashes to be delivered so we can scatter them together somewhere or maybe have them buried, so I can visit them. My first thought was taking a trip to the seaside to scatter their ashes because my mom and dad always loved it there when we went. My mom would always rave about the sea, the sand and dream about going abroad to those beaches that have clear blue water and the sand that looks white.

Growing up in a middle class family my parents made sure I had everything, but luxuries like holidays abroad were something we would never have been able to afford. Not that I minded. Alone time with my parents to Devon Cliffs was everything I could ever possibly ask for. I’d never been a demanding daughter, or one that constantly needed the new items of fashion to wear. I was always happy with what I was given.

“You think? What was Lilly thinking? Who tells someone something like that over an email? I get it that they couldn’t get in touch with you, but still, over an email? I’m in the right mind to email her back and tell her what I think,’’ Malik growls.

“But you’re not going to are you because that means letting go of Harlow,’’ Myles chuckles from somewhere in the room. His comment has Malik making a violent rumble deep in his chest.

Not wanting to hear any more talk about my parents and not wanting to bring on another panic attack, I stir, letting my eyes slowly flutter open. When the bright light in the room blinds me, I let out a moan, my head pounding with the worst headache I’ve ever had after having an attack.

“Hey, you okay?’’ Malik asks bringing everyone’s attention to me. I’m too afraid to look at him, so I’m glad when my Grandma sits down next to him on the bed, her hand snaking in between mine and Malik’s chest to stroke my cheek.

“Hey girly, are you feeling okay? You gave us all a scare,’’ she whispers gently.

Malik grunts beneath me, making me wonder what his problem is; I never asked for him to hold me.

“Please don’t remind me of what happened,’’ I plead, finally looking up at my Gram’s with watery eyes.

“I won’t. I’ll get in touch with Jessica to let her know too. Do you want some ibuprofen?’’

“Please,’’ I say giving her a small smile.

“Come on; let’s get you home,’’ I nod in agreement, wanting to get away from the gorgeous man doing crazy things to my self-control.

Sitting up I keep my gaze away from Malik, not able to look at him in the eye without feeling shame for what he had witnessed. His hands linger on my hips for far too long, sending shivers over my body. When I’m standing I’m about to bolt from the room when I begin to feel lightheaded. I’m not sure if I swayed or if the room did, but the next thing I know, I’m back in Malik’s arms, my head automatically resting in the crook of his neck with my one arm tightening around him.

“I got her,’’ he says, his voice deep and husky, sending another shiver through me.

My Gram’s must nod because the next thing I know we’re moving into the hall and heading down the stairs. When we get to the front door, a male voice I hadn’t heard before speaks interrupting my thoughts.

“What’s happened? Who is that?’’ he asks, concern and confusion evident in his voice. The voice is deep, masculine, with a hint of authority.

“My Granddaughter, she’s not feeling too good,’’ Gram’s answers, thankfully not giving anything more away. It’s bad enough everyone else knows what happened, and that the whole school will probably know by tomorrow too.

Great! Just what I need.

Being too worried over having a panic attack, I didn’t even think to actually panic about what tomorrow will bring for me at school. At least I haven’t pissed myself. See? There is a bright side to everything.

The cold night air cools my burning body as we step outside. My stomach rolls feeling sick from the headache still pounding away in my head, and obviously brought friends along to make it worse.

“Her room is the top floor in the attic, I’ll just grab her some pain killers and a glass of water,’’ Grandma says softly.

I feel Malik nod his head confirming he knows where to go. He’s not even breathing heavy as he carries my weight up the stairs, which is kind of shocking as it’s not like I’m on the skinny side. The weight of my fat alone should be enough to put someone out of breath, but not Malik, he’s taken it all in stride and carried me effortlessly from next door to here and now up two flights of stairs.

Kicking my bedroom door open he walks over to the bed. Don’t ask me why but my body tightens knowing he’s going to have to let me go when he puts me down on that bed. He’ll most likely leave here thinking I’m a crazy ass girl and I wouldn’t blame him. A part of me since my parent’s death has thought the same thing.

I reluctantly remove my hold from around his neck as he leans down to place me on the bed. I seriously don’t want to let him go. This is so beyond freaking weird right now. Never would I have imagined I would feel this way for a lad. Never mind contemplate begging him to hold me just so I could feel safe.

“You feeling okay?’’ he asks only a breath away from my face.

“Yeah,’’ I croak, my throat dry. “Thank you,’’ I whisper, still not looking into his eyes.

“Look at me,’’ he demands startling me.

From the tone in his voice my body submits, and I whip my head up looking into his dark mesmerizing eyes as he stares down at me, his face only inches away from mine.

“Don’t be embarrassed. Are you really okay?’’

I nod my head, never taking my eyes away from his. A tingling sensation fires through my body making me acutely aware of how close we are to one another. He has rested on his arms that are nestled on either side of my body caging me in and at the same time bringing his face closer to mine. I really want to look away from his eyes, even when I feel my face heat and for once I’m thankful it’s not from embarrassment, but from the intense gaze he’s burning into me.

“Here... oh... I... do you want me to come back?’’ Gram’s stutters standing over by the door.

“No Joan it’s fine,’’ Malik chuckles, and fuck me he has a sexy chuckle, all throaty and masculine. Jesus, where the hell did these Carter boys come from? I realise I’m still staring at Malik when he gives me a cocky knowing smirk. It’s then I realise grandma is still talking to me and my face begins to redden.

“Huh?’’ I ask diverting my attention away from Malik and his handsomely good looks to my Gram’s who is standing there grinning at me. Glad to know someone finds my discomfort hilarious.

“I asked if you wanted me to go get you some food. You never ate much yesterday and I bet with those disgusting school dinners you never ate there either.’’

“How do you know what the food at school tastes like?’’ I ask after swallowing the tablets she hands me.

“I dated the cook for a few weeks a few years ago and he gave me food poisoning twice, that dreadful man,’’ she scolds sounding disgusted. “I talked to the school board about it, but with the funds being so low now they can’t afford someone with more experience. I even offered my own services, but apparently I’m too old to be working in a kitchen. I’m the same age as Miss Jane,’’ She shouts towards the end, clearly offended which makes me chuckle.

One thing I learnt quickly about Gram’s and that is if she feels strongly about something she gets all riled up and is determined to get her point across until someone listens. God help the person who disagrees is all I’ll say.

“Um, well, I did try the soup, but I never really had much of an appetite,’’ I lie, not wanting her to go on another rampage if I tell her the food is in fact, disgusting. I’d only had a spoonful when I ungracefully spat it back into the bowl, wiping away the remains with a napkin.

“I’m going to fetch you some real food from next door; I’ll be back soon,’’ she says, standing up from her place on the bed.

“Grandma you don’t need to do that. Why don’t you go have dinner as planned and I’ll have something later when you’re back?’’

“I’m not leaving...’’

“Go on Joan, I’ll walk with you. I’ll grab some food for Harlow and I to have and I’ll stay with her...’’

“I am here,’’ I squeak, pissed at them for talking about me like I’m not here.

“I don’t know son, she took a nasty turn earlier, it doesn’t feel right.’’

“If you were here or not, she would be resting in bed right?’’

“Hello,’’ I say waving my hand at them.

“I suppose,’’ Gram’s answers sceptically, completely ignoring me.

“I give up,’’ I mutter. “I may as well start talking to my wall.’’

“Well then that’s settled. My Granddad has missed you like crazy and has been going on about dinner since he picked us up. Go spend some time with the crazy old fool and I’ll keep Harlow company. ‘’

“You’re such a lovely young man Malik,’’ she coos.

“I know, I follow my Granddad,’’ he winks making her giggle. Yes, fucking giggle.

“Come on then, let’s go. Honey? I won’t be long, just make sure you relax, Malik is going to keep you company while I’m gone,’’ she says softly making me groan.

“Grandma? I’m not deaf, I was
here
when you were talking about me like I weren’t here,’’ I mumble.

“Okay dear, see you soon,’’ she says before walking in front of Malik to give me a kiss on the forehead. My eyes close from her soft kiss, wishing my mom and dad were here at times like this. They’ve always taken care of me when I’m ill or feeling down in the dumps. My eyes water again knowing they’ll never be there when I need them, but I refuse to cry anymore. Not in front of Malik anyway or Gram’s, it will only worry her more and I know she’s still trying to deal with my mom’s death too.

I hear the front door open and slam shut fifteen minutes later from Malik coming back with food. I’ve still not had time to process what happened, and instead lay here wondering if they’ve all read my emails from Lilly. I can’t think too much over the actual email, I know it will break me all over again. Losing my parents is still raw for me. I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing them, but I know with time it will get easier.

At least I hope so anyway.

The pain is so unbearable at times that it feels like it’s choking the life out of me.

I smell the food before he even enters the bedroom. My heart is pounding in my chest, half from nerves the other from the butterflies swarming in my stomach knowing we will be alone together in my bedroom. I’m still in complete shock that Gram’s has let him stay in my bedroom alone with me when she isn’t even downstairs to keep an eye on us. My parents would never have allowed a boy in my bedroom, let alone leave me alone in the house and in my bedroom. At least I don’t think they would have, I’m not sure. They were pretty outgoing, easy parents to have. Whenever friends moaned about their parents and how unfairly they were treated I always felt blessed having parents like mine.