Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) (21 page)

“Of course you do,”
Zeke mumbled under his breath as he privately wondered if this woman was really
as great a doctor as Cain and Mack claimed she was.  Her credentials were
impeccable, but her bold, in-your-face of approach was disconcerting as all
hell.  “I wish I’d been able to save Honor eight years ago when she was taken
off the side of the road.  I had my chance to do it; I was selfish, though, and
I failed.  Has that failure made me even more determined throughout the years
to keep her safe?  Yes.  But I don’t call that a savior complex.  I call that
learning from past mistakes.  As far as the hero complex goes, I’m a lawman.  I
always try to save the day; it’s how I’m made, but make no mistake about this. 
I’m only interested in being one woman’s hero.  Honor’s.”

“Hmm,” Bree hummed as
Zeke watched her scribble something on a pad she had pulled out of her pocket.

Studying the woman as
she continued making notes, Zeke waited for her to look up before he asked,
“So, in your oh-so-elevated educated opinion, do I genuinely love Honor?”

“Oh, I have no idea,”
Bree dismissed him breezily, shrugging.  “I told you, these questions are to
help me with Honor’s case.  If you’d like to make an appointment with me…”

“No, I’m good,” he
stated, interrupting her.  “So, we done here?”

“Not quite, but brace
yourself.  The next few minutes are going to be unpleasant for you, Sheriff,”
Bree replied.  “During my discussion with the McKinnon sisters, it was
mentioned that you – once upon a time- had a penchant for enjoying sex of a
varied sort with your intimate partners.”

Zeke fought the urge
to bury his face in his hands.  When the hell would people begin to leave the
past in the past where it belonged where his sex life was concerned, he
wondered?  Drawing in a deep breath, he reminded himself that he was willing to
do whatever necessary to help Honor...even if it meant telling his deep,
personal life experiences to a woman he barely knew or trusted yet.  “I
experimented with the BDSM lifestyle in my late twenties and early thirties,
Doc.  It was completely consensual at the time, but I’m no longer involved in
that lifestyle.  Hell, the only sex life I’ve had for the past few years is
with my right hand if you are lookin’ for complete honesty.”

“Yes, the girls said
you haven’t been in a relationship since Honor turned…”  Bree flipped back a
few pages in her notebook.  “Ah, eighteen, right?”

“To put it bluntly,
Doc, I quit fucking other women when Honor turned eighteen.   I realized my
feelings for her were changing.  Looking back, I can see I was falling in love
with her.  I fought it for a while because of the age difference between us,
but it was useless.  My body no longer responded to other women.  She was all I
could see.  That hasn’t changed.  By the time she was 21, I’d accepted how I
felt for her completely.  I quit telling myself it was wrong to want her and
started focusing on everything I wanted to give her.”

“So you’ve been
celibate for…”

“Six very long
years,” Zeke shared succinctly.

“That’s dedication,”
Bree murmured, jotting down another note before lifting her eyes back to his. 
“But before…on the night Honor was taken, you were with another woman.  She was
in the car with you when you pulled over that night to offer Honor a ride after
the football game, yes?”

Zeke’s gut twisted
painfully as he recalled Honor’s innocent face staring at his under the glow of
the streetlights.  “Yeah,” he confirmed hoarsely.  “That’s correct.  She saw
the woman I was with in the passenger seat and knew I was on a date.  And since
I know where you’re going next with this, I’ll save you time.  Yes, I took that
woman back to my place and was fucking her while a pack of hyenas were ripping
apart my Honor,” he continued through gritted teeth.  “And yeah, the sex was
what you, Honor, and hell, even myself would call dirty.  I tied her up.  I
used my toys on her.  It was consensual, but it doesn’t change the fact that
while I was turning Sherri Lawson’s ass red with my leather paddle, Honor was
having her innocence and her spirit shredded,” he said bitterly as he swallowed
down the bile rising in his throat.  “I live with that fucking awful knowledge
every day of my life.  I’m not ashamed of who I was back then, Doc.  Everybody
has a past.  It’s a consequence of living.  But, I won’t deny that I wish like
hell that I had been doing anything else that night.  I regret that knowing how
I
used
to live affects Honor now.  Somehow – and God, I wish I knew how
– Honor knows about what I was doing the night she was taken, too.  And as much
as I hate that for myself, I hate it for her more.”

Eyeing him closely,
Bree tapped her pen against the white page of her notebook.  “With all that
said and out there, Zeke, don’t you think it would be
extremely
difficult
for a young woman – a woman whose only experience with sex was an act of
violence committed by multiple men – to trust you on an emotional level?  When
Honor is ready to pursue a relationship, it’s going to need to be with someone
that understands what she can offer him...someone who is willing to accept
whatever emotional and sexual boundaries she sets in the relationship.  For a
man that has just told me that he’s fundamentally a dominant man, I’m
hard-pressed to see how that could work out for you, Zeke.  We can’t change
what we are at our core, and common sense would indicate that Honor isn’t
exactly going to be the sexually adventurous sort.”

“You think I don’t
know that?” Zeke snapped.  “I’m not stupid, Bree.  I might not have a string of
initials after my name, but I do understand logic.  But what you’re discounting
is how much I love your patient.  Love is hard.  I get it.  I’ll do the work.”

“Zeke, one person
can’t do all the work in a relationship.  Honor has to do her part, too, and
from where I sit, it doesn’t seem like Honor wants the same thing you do.  At
least, not right now.”

“Honor is afraid to
reach for what she wants because she’s afraid she’ll get hurt.  It’s my job to
show her that she won’t.”

“Are you sure about
that, Sheriff?  Those darker sexual cravings that you had…”

“I want Honor’s
happiness more than I will ever need to satisfy my need to dominate.  Besides,
in case you’ve missed it, Honor isn’t exactly the assertive type, Doc.  Unless
somebody is trying to get her to face her demons, she’s a gentle, soft-spoken
woman with a strong set of morals and values.  Her idea of a perfect day is a
morning in of baking followed by an afternoon of spoiling her baby nieces and
nephews.  She’s an unapologetic homebody that loves curling up in the evening
in front of a fire with a cup of cocoa and a good book.  My brave girl is a
throwback to a different time.  And whether you see it or not, Honor and I
fit.  She’s soft where I’m hard.  She’s strong where I’m weak.  It sounds like
a fuckin’ Hallmark movie, but we’re supposed to be.  I know that down to the
marrow in my bones.”

Bree inhaled deeply,
her gaze moving over his face.  “You certainly make a compelling case for
yourself.  If this
was
a movie, I’d be rooting for you, Zeke.  However,
we both are aware this is real life, and in real life sometimes the happy
ending never arrives.  You need to be prepared for that.”

“That I will not
accept,” Zeke stated firmly.   “I can’t.”

Sighing, Bree finally
dropped her eyes away from his.  “Well, for now let’s concentrate on getting
Honor to accept that she needs some help facing her past and making sure that
she’s as safe in her present as we can possibly make her.  I couldn’t help
overhearing part of your conversation with Sunshine earlier.  I know that Honor
is still facing some very real threats.  Do you think this stalker she has is
one of the men that raped her?”

“I can’t put anything
off the table, Bree.  Based on some of the photographs that Sunny said are in
this box,” he said, lifting the shoebox slightly, “I’d say it’s a definite
possibility.  I’ll know more after we analyze them.” 

Bree frowned. 
“Honor’s kept this box a secret?”

“Yeah.  She has.  In
fairness though, we already knew she had someone watching her.  We knew she was
getting threats, but we thought we were keeping it from her.”

“So, really, you lied
to her first.  Not very wise, Zeke.  Lying to someone isn’t exactly the way to
build a relationship foundation.”

“I do what I need to
do in order to keep Honor alive and safe.  Safe includes making sure she’s able
to sleep at least a few hours a night.  I thought that’s what I was doing.  I
can admit that I was wrong.  As you probably already know, I’m living with
Honor right now.”

“I heard.”

Zeke couldn’t tell
whether the woman approved or not.  It didn’t really matter; he’d do whatever
was necessary to keep Honor safe.  “When I can’t be with her, I make sure she
has at least one guard watching her.  There are a handful of people she trusts,
mostly those she considers family.  We all assumed that we were intercepting
all the notes.  Obviously, we assumed incorrectly.”

“I see.   Well when
you are confronting Honor about this box you now hold, you might remember that
she wasn’t the only one keeping things to herself.  The good news is that it is
a possibility that during therapy Honor will be able to unlock some memories
that might help you learn her attackers’ identities, but it’ll take time,
Zeke.  And, I don’t want you to assume that Honor will automatically accept my
help when she wakes.  I’ll begin by introducing myself as her doctor and
explain that she has to be assessed before being released from the hospital to
assure she’s not a threat to herself.  I’ll encourage her to make an
appointment with me for further counseling.  She’s going to refuse.”

Zeke’s face
hardened.  “We’ll have to convince her otherwise.  She needs your help, Doc.  I
don’t give a shit what she tells you.”

“I know,” Bree
murmured with a nod.  “I’ve already spoken to her sisters and aunt about it. 
If Honor refuses my help tonight, we’ll simply be forced to approach this from
another direction.  One she’s going to be angry about.”

“What are you talking
about?” Zeke asked suspiciously, his inky eyebrows drawing together.

“I’m talking about an
intervention where her family, her friends, even her co-workers confront her
and let her know that they think she needs help.  In fact, they’re going to
have to insist on it and let Honor know that they won’t support her choices or
be her support system otherwise.”

“You want to bully
her into accepting help from you,” he noted tightly, not exactly sure of this
method she was suggesting.

“Well, has molly
coddling her worked thus far?” Bree asked without judgment.  “You said it to
Sunshine earlier, Zeke.  It’s time to force Honor’s hand.  Without doubt, it’ll
be ugly and painful.  And probably very loud.  But, in the end, it’s completely
essential to her accepting help.”

Zeke reluctantly
nodded.  He hated the thought of ganging up on Honor.  She’d feel hurt and
betrayed, and he already accepted that it would gut him to see her in pain, but
he also knew that they were all out of options.

“When?” he asked.

“Probably sometime
tomorrow afternoon or evening.  It’ll depend on how quickly you all can get
everyone in one place.  If she does well tonight and comes around the way I
hope she will, I’ll probably release her from the hospital in the late
morning. 

“Everyone will drop
everything for Honor.  She’s just that important to us all,” Zeke shared
quietly.

“I know you’re scared
for her, Zeke.  Terrified of losing her.  Worried she’ll shut you out.  And I
can’t say that she probably won’t.  In all likelihood, she will.  Initially. 
But in a few days… most individuals in Honor’s position see reason.  It’s just
going to be incredibly agonizing for you and the rest of those that care about
her while you wait for her to come around.  The good news is that Honor has an
overwhelmingly supportive family at its core.  She’s also seen what good,
healthy relationships and marriages look like.  I guess I just want you to know
that there’s hope for you both, but there’s no miracle fix here.  We’re
all
going
to have to do the work.”

“With this task, I’m
fully invested, Bree.  Just guide the way.  I’ll follow,” Zeke ordered.

“I’m going to
remember you said that, Sheriff.”

Honor

Awareness crept back
into Honor McKinnon’s sluggish consciousness, like curtains being slowly parted
to allow in the sun.  At first, the light was blinding, but her tired eyes
slowly adjusted to the glare bearing down on her from above her face.   It took
her a lengthy moment, however for her muddled thoughts to clear enough to
ascertain that it wasn’t the sun beating down on her face.  The sun would have
warmed her, but this light was cold and she felt… nothing.  Blinking, her
vision cleared and she realized that the sun was actually overhead lights.  The
kind you saw when you were flat on your back in a hospital bed.

Inhaling quickly, she
tried to lift a hand to shield her eyes, but found it heavy and uncooperative. 
What the hell was going on?  Why was it so hard to move even the tiniest bit? 
And why did her mind feel like a jumbled mass of buzzing insects had taken up
residence inside her skull?

Squeezing her eyes
closed to block out that obnoxious brightness, she struggled to remember what
had happened to lead her to her current prone position.  Her memories were like
broken fragments of a portrait, all jagged edges and oddly sized pieces
crowding inside her brain.  Each one fought for a place of prominence as images
flew through her psyche. 

Okay, deep breaths,
she silently coached herself as she grappled with the throbbing pain in her
head.  Latching onto her first coherent thought, she recalled being at the
café.  She’d gone back to her small office just off the kitchen and closed the
door because the noise had been making the pounding in her head worse. 

Good God!  That
headache had been the worst one she’d experienced yet, but she’d gotten another
one of those awful notes and it had set off a migraine of epic proportions. 
She’d done okay until she’d seen the photograph that her invisible tormenter
had left for her with his typed message.  This one had been of her sprawled in
the dirt, unconscious, bleeding and naked.  And she’d known right down to her
chilled soul that her stalker of the past several months was, without much
doubt, one of her attackers from that long ago night when her life had been
irrevocably altered.  And if he wasn’t one of those men that nearly killed her,
then he knew who those men were.  Because the person that had taken those
photos had definitely been there.

She just wished she
could remember more about that night.

She grimaced as she
recognized that there were a lot more recent memories she needed to retrieve
before she worried about a night more than eight years in the past.  Swallowing
painfully, the movement contracted her scratchy, sore throat. Licking her dry
lips, she strained to remember what had happened next after she’d gone into the
office this morning.  She could remember closing the door and putting that
hideous note and photo in the shoebox with the others she’d been hiding over
the last few months.  She still felt horribly guilty about keeping that secret,
but showing those pictures to Zeke… or to anyone, really, was more than she
could bear.  Having him see her like that again…so broken and ugly…it was too
much.

She just wanted to
put those memories behind her and forget it ever happened.  Unfortunately, her
tormenter had other plans for her.  In fact, that black souled heathen seemed
intent on driving her right out of her ever-lovin’ mind.  Good gracious, had
that madman somehow landed her where she was now?

Tussling with the
pieces of her recollections that she could easily recall, she knew her head had
been hurting fiercely.  Honestly, it’d been so painful, she’d wondered if her
brain might burst out of her skull at any moment.  She’d been desperate to make
that horrendous ache stop.  So desperate that she’d been willing to ferret out
that bottle of pills she’d been given for her migraines from the doctor.  She
hated ‘em.  They always made her feel funny after she took them, but they did
make the banging in her head stop, and at the time that sounded like heaven. 
She’d popped a couple of the pills with a bottle of water that had been on the
corner of her desk.  She’d known she was really only supposed to take one
capsule, but the pain was too awful.  One pill probably wouldn’t have even
dulled the clamor in her noggin.  Then she’d lain down on the small loveseat
against the wall opposite her desk and….

Nothing.

That’s where her
vague recollections ended.

No matter how hard
she thought on it, there was just nothing else for her to remember and trying
to make herself recall anything else just made her head start to throb all over
again.

Moaning softly, the
sound seemed to echo in her ears as her eyelids fluttered and she tried to
force her body to sit up.

“Easy, there,” a
deep, somewhat recognizable voice warned.  “You finally up, kid?”

Slowly, Honor’s eyes
focused on the looming figure beside her bed, the image coming into sharper
focus?  “I-Ice?  W-where’s Zeke?” Honor asked, her unused voice cracking
slightly as she tried to sit up, her eyes already darting all over the room as
she searched for Ezekiel.  “W-what…why are you here?  And where’s here?  Where
am…Is this a hospital room?”

“Funny that my
brother is the first thing you ask for when you claim not to give a shit about
him,” Ice noted icily. 

“I never said I
didn’t give a sh…fig about your brother.  You know I care about him,” Honor
defended herself hoarsely, her eyes darkening as they stared at Zeke’s
brother. 

“Funny way you have
of showing that, Honor.  If the way you treat my brother is how you ‘care’, why
don’t you try hating him?  It might be kinder,” he retorted caustically.  “You
know, my mom did this whole hot and cold act with my dad, too.  One day she’d
lead him to believe that she couldn’t live without him, and the next she’d be
treating him like shit.  It’s cruel to keep a man hanging on, hoping for
something he’ll never have, Honor.  If you love Zeke, good.  I’ll be happy as
hell for him.   If you don’t, though, you should finally cut him fucking
loose.  Because watching him have the life scared out of him these past several
hours by you… that shit’s getting old.  My brother deserves better.” 

“I’ve always thought
your brother deserved better than me,” Honor exploded, wincing and grabbing the
side of her head as her shout seemed to amplify the pain in her temples. 
“Always, Ice!  You don’t need to tell me something I’ve always known!”

Momentarily stunned,
Ice stared down at the young woman.  “Maybe that didn’t come out the way it
should have…”

“You said what you
meant and meant what you said, Zachariah,” Honor snapped tightly.  “Just tell
me what’s going on, Ice?  Why the devil are you bein’ so ugly to me?  Or maybe
I should say, uglier than usual since lately, you’re never anything but awful
to me,” she amended, growing alarmed the longer the unnerving man stared at her
with cold eyes.  He might be Zeke’s brother, but Zachariah Monroe had a way of
making her feel guilty when she didn’t even know she’d committed a crime.  He
hadn’t always been that way.  There’d been a time when he’d been as warm and
caring as Ezekiel.  But war and a doomed love affair had soured him, hardening
his heart.  Some days, she felt like he directed all that anger at her alone
since he seemed to have a fine relationship with her sisters, and she’d
wondered more than once what she’d ever done to offend him and make him dislike
her so much.

“It’s not ugly to
tell you the truth, girl,” Ice informed her roughly, his jaw clenching as his
face flushed.  “You may not believe it, but I
am r
eal sorry for all
you’ve been through, Honor.  The shit that’s happened to you… it’s fucked up,
but I love my brother.  I’m sick of seeing him so torn up over you.  Especially
when you don’t appreciate that you’ve got a damn fine man tryin’ like hell to
love you.  As for what’s goin’ on, why don’t you tell me, kid?  You’re the one
that swallowed those pills, after all.  What did you think was going to
happen?” he accused harshly.

Confused, Honor
stared at the obviously angry man blankly.  “What in the world are you talking
about, Zachariah Monroe?” she questioned, truly puzzled.  Was this fool
actually implying that she’d deliberately tried to take her own life?  As it
became clearer that was exactly what he thought, she felt herself growing
furious.

Gripping the metal
rail on the side of her hospital bed, Ice’s piercing eyes bore into Honor with
the force of a bullet.  “Did you know while you were swallowing those fucking
pills that you were killing yourself?  Did a part of you hope that it would be
my goddamn brother that found your ass?  Or was it really just a freaky coincidence
that the unhappy girl took meds that would take down a fuckin’ horse?”

“How dare you?” Honor
seethed, her cerulean eyes darkening to a deep blue as she gripped the sheet
covering her body with clenched fingers.  “In the past decade, I have survived
my parents’ deaths, a kidnapping, being gang-raped, multiple surgeries, a drive
by shooting, shoving a knife in one of my rapist’s back, a car accident, and a
hostage stand-off, you self-righteous son of a goat!  And you think that after
all
of that
, I’m going to try and commit suicide to get your brother’s
attention?  You think I’m that desperate?” Honor screamed, her shrill voice
jarring Ice into taking a step back from the bed.  “Get out!” she shouted,
ignoring the pounding in her head.  “Get out, get out, get out!” she shrieked,
unable to control her rage as helpless, angry tears flowed down her cheeks.

Holding up his hands
in front of him, Ice tried to speak.  “Honor, just listen…”

“Out!” she yelled as
the door to her hospital room flew open and Zeke’s broad body filled the
doorway. 

“What the fuck is
going on?” she heard him growl, his deep voice deadly as Ice turned to face his
brother.

“I want him out!  I
want them both out!” Honor begged, spotting the familiar female doctor that had
followed Zeke into the room.  She wanted Zachariah gone, and she wasn’t sure
she could handle talking to Zeke now, knowing that he thought she had tried to
commit suicide.  Didn’t anyone know her at all?  “Please, make them go,” Honor
sobbed.  “I want them to go!  I swear, Ice is wrong!  I didn’t do anything to
myself on purpose,” she told the woman she knew was Aubrey Daniels, a new
physician in Paradise and her gynecologist’s sister. 

Zeke’s eyes blazed
dangerously.  “
That’s
what he said to you?” he asked Honor incredulously
before his livid eyes went back to his older sibling.  “You fucking said that
shit to my woman?” he asked, his voice deceptively soft.

Honor saw the violent
intention swirling in Zeke’s eyes and knew he was on the verge of attacking. 
“Zeke, no!” she yelled, throwing the sheet off her legs, praying she could
convince her heavy limbs to move.  Thankfully, Aubrey Daniels bravely stepped
between the two men before Honor had to try and stand.

“Honor, stay in bed. 
Do you want them both out or just the instigator?” Aubrey asked over her
shoulder.

Knowing Zeke would
fight tooth and nail, Honor decided to go for the easier eviction notice. 
“Just Ice for right now,” Honor said softly.

“Okay, you heard
her.  I don’t know what kind of weird family dynamic is in play between you
right now, gentleman, and I don’t care.  Whoever you are,” she ordered Ice
Monroe, “You need to leave right now.  My patient has been clear and I won’t
have her upset any more tonight.  She does NOT want you in here so you
go
.”

Honor thought Ice
would argue.  The man had an almost pathological need to raise a ruckus with
people, especially ones that told him what to do.  But she was surprised when
he simply jerked his head in a nod before turning astonishingly contrite eyes
to her.

“You won’t believe
me, kid, but I’m sorry for what I said.  I was way out of line,” he apologized
softly before turning to look at his younger brother, the sheriff.  “Your pound
of flesh will be waiting when you’re ready, Zeke,” he said softly.

“Oh, I’m gonna take a
lot more than a fuckin’ pound when I come for you,” Zeke promised with a quiet
grimness that chilled Honor to her bones.

 “Zeke, stop,” Honor
ordered, afraid he’d lunge for his brother.  “He said he was sorry.”  She
wasn’t quite ready to forgive Ice yet, if ever, but she definitely didn’t want
to come between two brothers. 

“You’re lucky I need
to be with her a lot more than I want to kick your ass, Ice.  Otherwise, I’m
pretty sure I’d kill you right now.”

“Enough, gentlemen. 
Sheriff Monroe, would you like me to have you removed, too?” Aubrey Daniels
asked pointedly.

“No.” Zeke said, his
eyes still locked on his brother.  “Honor’s the most important thing in the
room for me.  Go, Ice.  We’ll see each other soon.”

Honor heard the scary
promise in Zeke’s voice as she watched Ice leave, closing the door behind him. 
As soon as he was gone, Honor turned to look at Zeke.  “Don’t you dare do
anything to him, Ezekiel.  Ice is just tryin’ to be a good brother to you.  His
methods might be questionable, but his heart was in the right place,” she
sternly defended Ice.  She might not like the things the man had said to her,
but she understood in her heart that everything he’d uttered had been in an
effort to protect Zeke.  And since she wanted to do the same thing for him, she
and Ice had that much in common.