Manipulation (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (6 page)

What goes around comes around. And the sad saga of the manipulative patriarchs and their descendants continues.

After Jacob finagled Esau out of his birthright blessings, it is now Jacob’s turn to get “had.”

After fleeing to Haran to live with his uncle Laban, Jacob falls in love with Laban’s beautiful daughter Rachel and strikes a deal with Laban.
“So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her”
(Genesis 29:20).

Laban throws a feast and gives his daughter’s hand to Jacob in marriage, but it isn’t Rachel’s hand. The deceiver is deceived—it obviously runs in the family—and Jacob lies with Rachel’s older sister Leah.

“When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, ‘What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?’”
(Genesis 29:25).

“Why have you deceived me?” Jacob’s father, Isaac, might have asked Jacob that very same question years before. Now the “trickster” himself has been tricked.

Laban explains it’s not customary for a younger daughter to marry before the older. He instructs Jacob to finish the week of wedding festivities with Leah and then he’ll get Rachel
“in return for another seven years of work. And Jacob did so”
(Genesis 29:27–28).

The tangled mess of manipulation ensnares and traps all who seek to please either themselves or others rather than God.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ”
(Galatians 1:10).

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires”
(2 Peter 1:3–4).

• “For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you.”
  (v. 3)
  
• “On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.”
  (v. 4)
  
• “You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness.”
  (v. 5)
  
• “We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.”
  (v. 6)
  
• “As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle.”
  (vv. 6–7)
  
• “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”
  (v. 8)
  

• The Appeal: v. 3
  
  • Without error
    
  • Without impure motives
    
  • Without trying to trick anyone
    
• The Appealer: v. 4
  
  • Approved by God
    
  • Trustworthy
    
  • Trying to please God, not men
    
• The Method of Appeal: vv. 5–6
  
  • Never use flattery
    
  • Don’t put on a mask to cover up greed
    
  • Don’t look for praise from men
    
• The Basis of the Appeal: vv. 6–8
  
  • Not burdensome, but gentle
    
  • Based on love
    
  • Includes personal sharing and involvement
    

Rachel has much in common with her husband’s grandmother Sarah.

Like Sarah, Rachel is
beautiful, barren, and bereft of an heir
.

Sarah attempted to solve her problem by offering her maidservant Hagar to Abraham in hopes of raising a family through her. The result was a son, but not the promised covenant son, Isaac. Rachel, wife of Sarah’s grandson Jacob, is in the same desperate circumstances, compounded by the fact that her own sister Leah has borne Jacob not one, not two, but four sons.

“When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or I’ll die!’” (Genesis 30:1)

As with Sarah, God was planning to bless Rachel with her husband’s most blessed son of all (Joseph). But like Sarah, Rachel too offers her own maidservant (Bilhah), who gives Jacob two sons. And the manipulative cycle goes on from generation to generation to generation, down through the annals of Hebrew history.

The solution to manipulation is never more manipulation, but is rather moving away from manipulation and moving toward God.

The first step for you to take on the Lord’s path away from manipulation is to enter into a loving relationship with Him. To help you understand the relationship that God wants to have with you, here are four points from His Word that you need to know.

#1 God’s Purpose for You is
Salvation.

What was God’s motive in sending Christ to earth?

To express His love for you by saving you! The Bible says ...

“God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him”
(John 3:16–17).

What was Jesus’ purpose in coming to earth?

To forgive your sins, to empower you to have victory over sin, and to enable you to live a fulfilled life! Jesus said ...

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”
(John 10:10).

#2 Your Problem is
Sin.

What exactly is sin?

Sin is living independently of God’s standard—knowing what is right, but choosing what is wrong. The Bible says ...

“Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins”
(James 4:17).

What is the major consequence of sin?

Spiritual “death”—eternal separation from God. Scripture reads ...

“Your iniquities [sins] have separated you from your God.
...
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”
(Isaiah 59:2; Romans 6:23).

#3 God’s Provision for You is the
Savior.

Can anything remove the penalty for sin?

Yes! Jesus died on the cross to personally pay the penalty for your sins.

“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”
(Romans 5:8).

What can keep you from being separated
from God?

Belief in (entrusting your life to) Jesus Christ as the only way to God the Father. Jesus says ...

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”
(John 14:6).

#4 Your Part is
Surrender.

Give Christ control of your life—entrusting yourself to Him.

“Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross [die to your own self-rule] and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?’”
(Matthew 16:24–26).

Place your faith in (rely on) Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior and reject your “good works” as a means of earning God’s approval.

“It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast”
(Ephesians 2:8–9).

The moment you choose to believe in Him—entrusting your life to Christ—He gives you His Spirit to live inside you. Then the Spirit of Christ gives you His power to live the fulfilled life God has planned for you. If you want to be fully forgiven by God and become the person God created you to be, you can tell Him in a simple, heartfelt prayer like this:

If you sincerely prayed this prayer, look at what God says!

“Trust in the L
ORD
with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5–6)

The Hebrew king, Ahab, wants Naboth’s vineyard, and the queen is going to make sure he gets it.

King Ahab tries to negotiate with Naboth for his vineyard near the palace hoping to make it a vegetable garden. But it is a no go.
“The L
ORD
forbid that I should give you the inheritance of my fathers,”
Naboth declared (1 Kings 21:3).

Angry and dejected, Ahab lies on his bed and sulks, refusing to eat. His wife, Jezebel, inquires about his sullen state and tells him to cheer up—she’ll get that vineyard, no problem. She maneuvers people and manipulates a false scenario.
“Proclaim a day of fasting and seat Naboth in a prominent place among the people. But seat two scoundrels opposite him and have them testify that he has cursed both God and the king. Then take him out and stone him to death.”
(1 Kings 21:9–10)

The queen’s directive is obeyed—and Naboth is sacrificed for a vegetable garden. When Ahab goes to take possession of the property, he finds God’s man for the times, Elijah the Tishbite. Elijah doesn’t have much to say about vegetables, but he does have a thing or two to say about dogs—and divine punishment. Elijah declares what the Lord says: “
‘In the place where dogs licked up Naboth’s blood, dogs will lick up your blood—yes, yours!’ ... And also concerning Jezebel the L
ORD
says: ‘Dogs will devour Jezebel by the wall of Jezreel.’”
(1 Kings 21:19, 23)

While Ahab may have manipulated Jezebel to get the vegetable garden he wanted, there can be no doubt about Jezebel’s manipulating the death of Naboth. Clearly, some manipulation is so subtle and covert it is difficult to recognize, both by the manipulator and the manipulated. However, objective observers may have no difficulty at all recognizing a spade as a spade, a shyster as a shyster. If you question whether you sometimes, or oftentimes, engage in manipulative maneuvers, honestly answer the following questions:

____ You are manipulative or controlling?

____ You are too possessive or confining?

____ You do not take responsibility?

____ You are always “nicer” to
others
?

____ You tend to overreact?

____ You have difficulty admitting when you are wrong?

____ You usually insist on getting your way?

____ You use anger or blame to motivate others?

____ You have difficulty putting problems “on the table” for logical discussions?

____ You have a destructive style of interaction?

Scripture makes it clear how people feel about crafty manipulators:

“A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated.” (Proverbs 14:17)

He has beguiled an entire nation, but Hananiah’s deception proves to be his doom.

The nation of Judah is facing 70 years of captivity in Babylon as discipline for a multitude of sins that were being committed against the Lord. God’s prophet, Jeremiah, wears a wooden yoke on his neck to symbolize subjection to Babylon’s king, Nebuchadnezzar.

But Hananiah has a far more appealing message and manages to manipulate the nation with false prophecies. He foretells liberation from their captors within two years, with all exiles returning home and all articles from the temple safely restored. Additionally, Hananiah removes the yoke from Jeremiah’s neck and breaks it to “represent” the end of Nebuchadnezzar’s reign over Judah.

However, Hananiah’s sway over Judah leads to a squaring-off with the Sovereign.
“The prophet Jeremiah said to Hananiah the prophet, ‘Listen, Hananiah! The Lord has not sent you, yet you have persuaded this nation to trust in lies. Therefore, this is what the Lord says: “I am about to remove you from the face of the earth. This very year you are going to die, because you have preached rebellion against the Lord’”
(Jeremiah 28:15–16).

Rather than taking the path of least resistance by going along with Hananiah, Jeremiah said
no
to his lies and said
yes
to God’s truth even when it wasn’t popular to do so. Jeremiah obviously agreed with the admonition of Jesus that was given hundreds of years later.

“Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’” (Matthew 5:37)

• Not buying a certain product
  

  Affirm the item: “I feel sure your product is very good.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, it does not fit within my budget, and I really don’t have a need for it.” (Repeat, if challenged.)
  

• Not accepting a certain assignment
  

  Affirm the project: “I think what you are doing is great, and I’m glad you have been able to make the time to do it.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, I am so committed in other endeavors that I cannot in good conscience undertake another. I feel sure the Lord will put this project on the heart of someone else so that the need will be met.”
  

• Not agreeing to meet a particular need of someone else
  

  Affirm the need: “I know a great need exists for teachers with the young people.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, I also know I am not led by the Lord to do this. Therefore, God must have equipped and called someone else to meet this need, and I would not want to rob that person of the opportunity to fulfill God’s will.”
  

• Not contributing to a certain charity/church/ministry
  

  Affirm the charity: “I’m sure the mission of (_____________) is admirable.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, God has already led me to support several other ministries. I feel sure you will find others who are not already as heavily committed, and it will bless them to give.”
  

• Not accepting a date
  

  Affirm the person: “Thank you for asking me out.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, I need to say no. But I am honored that you would ask.”
  

• Not marrying a person because someone says, “God told me that you should.”
  

  Affirm the person: “I’m highly complimented that you think God has told you we are to marry.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, I’m sure if God were truly speaking to you, He would have told me also. It sounds as though God might be preparing your heart for marriage. Therefore, I will pray that you will know who the right person is when the time is right.”
  

• Not continuing in a relationship
  

  Affirm the person: “I want God’s best for both of us.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, it’s become apparent we are not bringing out the best in each other. Therefore, I know our relationship should not continue.”
  

• Not submitting in marriage to what violates your conscience
  

  Affirm the person: “I love you and want to be the best person I can be to you.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, I know God does not want me to do anything that would violate my conscience, even if it means displeasing you. I want you to always be able to trust me to do what is right. I cannot do what you want because I do not believe it is right for me in God’s sight.”
  

• Not lying for another person
  

  Affirm the feelings: “I sincerely care about your feelings and want to help you in every way possible.”
  

  Then say
  no
  : “However, I have made a commitment to Christ to be a person of integrity. Therefore, I cannot lie and say you are not here, but I can say you are unavailable and then take a message.”