Marking Time (6 page)

“One other thing I wanted to mention is I rented a small U-Haul for moving day, and we can attach your car to the back of it,” Jack told Kate.

“I was just going to drive there and figure it out when I got there. You can’t leave now with the babies and everything.”

“It’s all worked out. Andi’s mother and aunt are coming from Chicago for a week to help out while I get you settled. They get here the day before your birthday. I promised Mom I’d take you myself.”

Kate hugged him. “Thank you. You’re the best, Dad.” She gave her mother a hug as well. “Thank you, too, Mom. I know this isn’t what you wanted for me, but I appreciate your support.”

“I want whatever you want, honey,” Clare said. “I’m so very proud of what a fine young woman you’ve grown up to be.” She only wished she’d been there to see it happen.

“I love you guys. See you later,” Kate said with a wave from the door. A moment later, they heard her drive away.

“I have to give you credit, Jack.” The room had grown dark, so Clare reached up to flip on a lamp.

“For what?”

“You had to steer Kate and Jill through the toughest years on your own. You did a wonderful job.”

“I had a lot of help. I certainly can’t take all the credit.”

“You can take a good chunk of it since you had to make the big decisions. You did the right thing letting her do this.”

“I hope you’ll still think so in a year. It’s not just the twins keeping me awake at night. It’s terrifying to think of that beautiful girl alone in a strange city.” He shuddered.

“We just got a good demonstration of how capable she is. She’ll be fine.”

“Do you want to come with us to Nashville? I should’ve asked you sooner. I didn’t realize you were getting around so well.”

“Thanks for asking, but this is something you should do with her. You had the courage to agree to it, so you should take her.”

“You’re welcome to come if you change your mind.”

“I appreciate that, but I’ve been making some plans of my own. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What kind of plans?”

Gathering her thoughts, she looked down at the floor. When it was just the two of them together in their house, it was easy to forget that he no longer belonged there. “I’m going away for a while. At least I want to, but it all depends on your willingness to have Maggie full time.”

Surprise registered on his face. “Going where?”

“To Vermont.”

He stared at her as if she had said she was going to the moon. “What’s in Vermont?”

“Tony bought a place up there when I was sick,” she said, referring to her brother. “He’s offered it to me for a few months.”

Jack shook his head. “Months? I don’t understand.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” She knew she sounded almost snide but didn’t care.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I can’t stand it here!” She waved her hand to indicate the house. “You don’t get it because you’re not here. You’re not
me
trying to live
here
without
you
.” The moment she said the words, she wanted to take them back. She didn’t want him to know how hard it had been.

He looked stricken. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. Just tell me you can take care of Maggie for a couple more months. I wouldn’t ask you for this if I didn’t need it. Really need it. I know you’ve already had them on your own for three years, but I’m asking for a few more months.” She willed herself not to cry.

“It’s not about Maggie. Of course I can take her. I just don’t see why you can’t stay somewhere in town if being in the house isn’t working. The girls are just getting used to having you home.”

She stood up and went to look out at the patio where the pool was covered for the winter. “If I stay in this town, how long do you think it’ll be before I run into you and your new wife in a restaurant or at the grocery store? How long will it be before your wife is getting out again and I come face-to-face with her at the dry cleaners? I need some time to get used to it before I have to see it all the time.” Keeping her back to him, she said quietly, “Don’t make me beg, Jack.”

“I’ll take Maggie. Of course I will,” he said in a wooden tone. “Will you explain this to her? She won’t understand.”

“I’ll talk to her.” Clare turned back to look at him. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but I can’t see you all the time and expect to get past what’s happened between us. I need a break.”

“From me?”

“From you and your guilty face, from this house full of painful memories, from your babies and your new wife and your new life. From all of it.” It took everything she had not to dissolve into a puddle of tears at the flash of pain that darted across his handsome face.

“I knew it was all too easy.” He shook his head as he stood up. “You were so matter-of-fact about our divorce. I wondered when you’d start to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, but if I stay here much longer, I might. I don’t want that to happen.”

“Then go,” he said, weary and resigned. “Do what you have to do. I’ll take care of Maggie.”

“Thank you.”

He put his coat on and walked to the front door. “I’m sorry, Clare.”

She wanted to scream.
I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to be mine!
But she said nothing as he closed the door behind him.

“Come back,” she whimpered, watching his car pull out of the gravel driveway. “Please come back.” Only then did she allow herself to cry.

O
ver the weekend, Clare organized a girls’ night with her daughters, complete with dinner, movies, and manicures.

“Do you like this color on me?” Maggie held up a hand to show off bright red nails.

“It’s a bit much,” Clare said as she reclined on the sofa and watched her girls. They sat around the coffee table painting their nails. “I liked the purple better.”

Maggie reached for the bottle of remover. “Yeah. Me, too.”

Knowing she needed to get this over with, Clare sat up and took a deep breath. “There’s something I want to talk to you guys about.”

Jill blew on her nails and waved her hand around to dry the polish. “What’s that?”

“I’ve been thinking about getting away for a little while.”

Kate looked up. “Getting away to where?”

“Remember Uncle Tony telling us about the house he bought in Vermont?” Clare asked, and the girls nodded. “I’m going to go up there for a bit to help him with some work he wants to have done to the house.”

Maggie’s eyes grew wide. “For how long?”

“Three months, maybe a little longer.”

“But why?” Maggie asked, fighting off tears. “You just got home.”

Clare reached down to smooth her hair. “I know, sweetheart. But here’s the thing: it’s really hard for me to be in this house without Dad. I guess I didn’t realize just how hard it would be until I was here for a while. I need some time away to adjust to everything that’s happened.”

“Time away from us?” Jill asked.

“No, honey, this has nothing to do with you guys. I’m hoping you’ll come to visit me all the time. You can even go skiing this winter. Maggie, I’d love to have you come with me, but your whole life is here, and I know you’d hate to be in a new school even for a little while. So Dad said he’ll bring you to Boston to meet me every couple of weeks, or maybe you can come up with Jill.”

“I liked knowing you’d be here even if I wasn’t going to be,” Kate said sadly.

“No matter where I am, I’m always available to you,” Clare said. “I know we have so much time to make up for, and I hate that I feel this need to flee for a while, but I can’t deny that I
do
feel it.”

“So I’ll live with Dad?” Maggie asked.

“Yes, and he’s thrilled to know he’ll have you to himself for a while,” Clare said with a smile. “He said they need your help with the babies.”

Maggie nodded gravely. “They
do
need me. Those babies are a handful.”

“You’ll have a great time being there, and we’ll have fun whenever you come up for weekends,” Clare said, and Maggie seemed satisfied. “What about you, Jill? Will you come up?”

Jill shrugged. “Sure. If that’s where you’ll be, I’ll come see you and bring Maggie. It sure is better than where you were for the last three years.”

Clare’s eyes filled. “Anywhere’s better than that.” She reached out to hug them. “I love you all so much. I know I’ve already put you through such a terrible ordeal, and I’m asking a lot of you.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” Kate said. “We want you to feel better again.”

“I’ll fly you up for the weekend whenever you want to come,” Clare said, brushing a hand over Kate’s soft blonde hair.

“When are you going?” Maggie asked.

“Next week. Right after Kate leaves for Nashville.”

“Speaking of that,” Kate said. “Dad and Andi are having a birthday-slash-going-away party for me the night before my birthday. I hope you’ll come. He’s going to call you about it.”

Clare’s stomach clenched with anxiety. “I don’t know, sweetie. I’m not sure I’m up for that.”

“You
have
to come, Mom,” Kate pleaded. “I want you to come.”

Clare bit her thumbnail. “Let me think about it.”

Clare was awake half the night trying to imagine herself socializing with Jack and his new wife at their new home. She was sick just thinking about it, so she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to actually
be
there. But how could she say no to Kate when she’d missed so much with the girls?

“
Ugh
,” Clare groaned. At four thirty, she gave up on sleep and decided to get up. There was no point in trying to sleep when her head was spinning. As she walked out to the kitchen to make coffee, all she could think about was Kate’s face when she’d all but begged her to come to the party.

By the time the girls began appearing just before eleven, Clare had finished a pot of coffee, baked blueberry muffins, and cleaned the kitchen. The work had helped to occupy her mind.

“Morning,” Jill grumbled as she came into the kitchen in search of coffee.

Clare poured Jill a cup from the fresh pot she had just made. It still amused her to see the older girls drinking coffee. “Morning, honey. Did you sleep well?”

Jill nodded and inhaled her first sip of coffee.

“What’s up for you today?”

“I have to be back to school for a study group meeting at two.”

“Have you given any more thought to declaring a major? You have to do that by January, right?”

Jill nodded again. “I’m thinking about pre-law.”

Clare raised a surprised eyebrow. “Really? Since when?”

Jill took a muffin and her coffee to the table. “For a while, actually. I’m taking a constitutional law class this semester that I love.”

“That’s wonderful. You also love to argue, so you’d make a terrific attorney.”

Jill grinned. “Dad said the same thing.”

That stung. In the past, Clare would have been the first to hear this kind of news.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask one of you: do you know where my snow boots might be?” Clare asked. “I can’t find them anywhere.”

“I think Andi put all that stuff down in the basement by the oil tank.”

“Oh,” Clare said, struck by the reminder that Andi had lived in the house with Jack and the girls for more than a year. “I haven’t looked down there. Thanks.”

Maggie shuffled into the kitchen with a grouchy look on her face. “Does anyone have a tampon?”

“
Maggie
,” Clare gasped. “How long have you had your period?”

“Almost a year. Since right after my birthday.”

“I have some,” Jill said and went upstairs to get them.

“
God
,” Clare groaned as she flopped down onto one of the kitchen chairs. “Have I missed
everything
? It’s so early. You were just twelve!”

“Believe me, I know,” Maggie said.

“What a thing to go through without your mother,” Clare said, filled with regret.

“It’s okay, I had—” Maggie stopped herself and blushed.

“You had Andi, didn’t you?” Clare asked softly.

Maggie nodded. “She gave me what I needed and took me out to dinner to celebrate. She made a big deal about it. Totally over the top.”

Clare could tell Maggie was playing it down to spare her feelings. “It was nice of her to do that.” Clare once again fought off what was becoming a constant urge to weep.

Jill returned with a handful of tampons and handed them to her sister. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” Maggie said and shuffled off to the bathroom.

Kate came in with her hair still wet from the shower. “Morning,” she said as she reached for a travel mug for her coffee. “I’ve got to go. I’m working at the hotel at noon, and then they’re having a going-away party for me.”

“No drinking, right?” Clare asked.

“I don’t drink. You can save that speech for Jill,” Kate said with a teasing grin for her sister.

“Shut
up
, Kate,” Jill said in a singsong voice.

Kate laughed. “Mom, I was thinking about the party at Dad’s. I’ll understand if you can’t come. It’s okay.”

Clare kissed her middle daughter. “Thanks, baby.”

After Jill and Kate had left, Jack called.

“How are you?” he asked tentatively.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry for making such a scene the other day.”

“Don’t be sorry. I really am fine with having Maggie. I don’t want you to think I have any problem with that.”

“I know. Thanks.”

“Did Kate mention the party we’re having Friday night?”

“She did.”

“I hope you and your mother can join us.”

“I don’t know, Jack. I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

“Whatever you think is best. I just wanted you to know you’re invited.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you remember we have an appointment on Tuesday with Cooper to sign the papers for the house?”

“I have it on the calendar.”

“There’s one thing about that.”

“Is there a problem?” She wondered if he was regretting giving her the house in the divorce.

“No, but I’ve asked Coop to include a provision in the transfer papers that says you can only sell it to me.”