Marry Me for Money (39 page)

“Don’t hate me,” he said, his voice quivering. “Please.”

He moved forward, but I retreated, taking another step back. I held up both hands to stop him from inching toward me.

“I know I don’t own you,” he whispered. “If you were mine, I could hold you while you cry.” His voice broke. “If you were mine, I could take you home.”

“I did it because I want you to be happy.” He clenched his jaw. “I never meant to hurt you. Nothing happened between that girl and me. You have to believe me. I don’t even know why I let her come that close to me.” His eyes bore into mine. “It’s just…these feelings…I’ve never felt these feelings before, and…I was scared.”

His eyes filled with such emotion that I had to stifle a sob from escaping my mouth.

“I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Being with someone was not what I had planned for myself, but as soon as you left, I haven’t been able to function. I miss you, Beth. I miss you so much.”

He ran his hand through his hair, and I clenched my jaw to prevent my face from showing any reaction.

“You know, I’ve always been content in my life. I’ve never been miserable, and I’m so miserable, Beth. And I know it’s because you’re not there. You don’t understand. I miss talking to you, Beth. I miss your face and your smile. I just miss you.”

His face showed such anguish that I couldn’t bear to look at him.

“I didn’t know what I wanted before, but I do now. I know I want you. Without you, I’m not complete. I’m not whole. There’s this void. It wasn’t there before I met you, but now, it is.” He took a step forward. “I know I can make you happy. I’d live my life making you happy, I swear it,” he said, his voice breaking.

“If you want me to be happy, you’ll let me be. You’ll leave me alone,” I snapped, trying to show no emotion.

I was done being hurt over and over again, especially by the people I loved the most. I’d been down this road before, and I didn’t know how much more my heart could take. It was as if my heart was physically breaking, and my insides were being torn apart. I just had no more to give without losing myself completely. I was done with giving second chances.

His face fell at my words.

“I just want to be left alone, Kent,” I whispered, my heart breaking into a million pieces. I had to save myself, protect myself, because I couldn’t rely on anyone else to do it for me.

He staggered back and closed his eyes.

I stared at the man in front of me. He was the man who had hurt me, but he was also the same man who had been my best friend in a new city. And he was the man I’d fallen in love with, the man I was still very much in love with. With the fight all gone, I knew I didn’t want to leave the tension between us like this.

When I touched his shoulder, his eyes opened to meet mine.

“You’re a good man, Kent. You’re selfish and spoiled, but you also have a good heart. You need to let the world see that side of you that your family and I have always known.”

His eyes glossed over as I spoke. When he moved to reach for me, I stepped back. I knew I’d weaken if he touched me.

On the verge of losing it again, I walked past him. “Please…please, don’t follow me. Good-bye, Kent.”

Walking away, I stole one quick glance behind me. Kent was leaning against the brick wall, his head hanging in between his hands. He looked so defeated. My tears began to fall again as I continued to walk home.

I cried myself to sleep that night and the few nights after that. Kendy would stay on the phone with me as I sobbed against the receiver.

“I’m sorry, honey. I hate hearing you cry,” she said.

I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to have someone with me, and if the best I could get was via phone, then so be it.

Many times, there would be silence over our long-distance call. And when my eyes were too heavy to keep open, we would drop the call together.

Funny thing was, if this were any other problem, I would have called Kent, and he would have been by my side the moment I hung up.

As tears continued to soak my pillow, I wondered if
leave me alone
meant
fight harder even though I continue to push you away because I’m tired of getting hurt, especially by the people I cared for the most
.

But the calls never came.

What was worse than breaking up with a boyfriend was breaking up with a best friend because boys could come and go but best friends were supposed to last forever.

News spread through the office. It was like reliving the past, and it brought me back to Bowlesville once again. The stares, the snickers, the hushed conversations that I was so familiar with occupied my workplace. There were even some dirty looks from women I hardly knew. I gritted my teeth, kept my face on my computer, and ate my lunches at my desk.

I will not cry in front of these people.

I will not.

I will not let them see me break down even though I am a mess on the inside.

Caroline didn’t help the situation. She would bring me coffee every single day and put her arm around me. “I’m here for you whenever you are ready to talk.”

Everyone would stare every single day, every single time she did it. I knew she wanted me to feel better, but I would have felt better if she just acted normal as if nothing had happened.

I didn’t want to know, but I found myself asking anyway during one of our breaks. “Caroline, what are people saying?”

She shrugged. “I don’t believe ninety percent of what I hear, and you shouldn’t either.” She placed her hand on top of mine.

“I’m okay, Caroline,” I said, trying to reassure her.

“I know you didn’t marry him for money,” she snapped.

My eyes widened. I already knew that was one of the things they were gossiping about. The funny thing was that it was the absolute truth. I had married him for money.

I didn’t deny it, but I told her my truth. “I loved him, Caroline.”

She pulled me into a hug, squeezing tightly. “Then, what happened? Can’t you work it out?”

I bit the inside of my cheek and willed myself not to cry. “I wasn’t enough.” I mirrored the same words Brian had said to me outside my apartment before he left for New York.

Now, I finally fully understood what he’d meant.

Renee, my boss, acted as she always had, which was exactly what I needed.

“What are you working on?” she asked, towering over my desk one day.

“Panchal Corporation. They are one of Jim’s prospects. I’m looking through the financials right now,” I said, glancing up at her.

“Good. I need another favor.”

“Sure. Anything, Renee.”

She looked at the papers in her hands. “Uh…I know you are going through some things, and I wanted you to know that if you need some time off, I understand.” She held up her hand as I tried to interrupt her. “You’re one of our best underwriters, and the quality of your work is exceptional. If you want to slow down for a little bit, you can. You do have vacation days.”

I didn’t want to see the sympathy in her eyes, but it was there.

“I’m dealing. Right now, work is the only thing keeping me going.”

She nodded once. “Yes, I understand. I’m the same way.” She straightened out her stance. “Well then, I’m going to get to another point. I’m building my team in California. You know we’re expanding out west.” She paused, gauging my reaction. “As I’ve mentioned before, I want you to come with me. Management wants me to have my team up and running before the end of the month. I’m moving in a couple of weeks. You’re a top notch employee, and I’d like you on my team.”

When I remained silent, she continued, “One Financial will pay all the relocation fees. If you have a lease, they will take care of that as well. Plus, there is a hefty sign-on bonus to entice internal employees to move. You don’t have to answer me now, but I’d like a response by the end of the week.”

Kent’s presence touched every bit of my life in Chicago. Being in my apartment flooded memories of us hanging out and watching reality TV together. Every time I stepped into a restaurant, I would think of him and our love of food. If I stayed in Chicago, I knew my heart would never heal. I’d always be broken.

It was a no-brainer. I needed a second chance at a new start.

“I’ll take it,” I said, sitting a little taller.

The next few weeks trudged slowly, and the only thing that kept me going was knowing that I had an end date to my old life and a start date to my new beginning.

One afternoon, I glanced up to see Jim lurking near my desk. As soon as we made eye contact, he walked over. “Uh…I was going to go without you today, but Mr. Plack has requested your presence at their corporate headquarters downtown.”

I glared at him, but he continued, “I know you’ve been through some things.” His usual confidence was not there as he glanced at his shoes. “I tried to insist that you were no longer on the account, but he pressed. They’re having their quarterly update today, and he’d like you to see where Plack Industries is heading, especially since you originally underwrote the loan for their restructure.”

This can’t be happening.
“When are you going to grow some balls and for once tell your clients ‘No’?” I couldn’t bite back the disgust in my voice. I gave him my dirtiest look before charging toward the restroom.

He could have told them I was busy on another call. He could have told them I was sick. He and everyone in the whole dang office knew what had been going on. He could have lied, but if I’d learned one thing about Jim, it was that he would never tell his clients no, even if it was at my expense.

I shut myself in the restroom stall and wrapped my arms around my shoulders to hold myself together. I tried to steady my breathing as I fought my hardest to forbid the waterfall of tears to start.

I heard the restroom door swing open.

“Beth? Where are you? That stupid jerk. I told him off,” Caroline said.

I heard her open every stall. She finally found me in the handicap one as I leaned against the wall for support.

“What the hell was he thinking? He’s such a people-pleaser when it comes to his clients. He could have told them no. Damn bastard,” she said, stomping her feet.

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I said quietly, mostly talking to myself. I bit my cheek hard enough to taste blood, keeping my emotions at bay.