Marshmallow S'More Murder (Merry Wrath Mysteries Book 3) (8 page)

"No knives," Maria said as she shuffled through drawers along with me. "Who ever heard of a kitchen with no knives?" She pulled out a meat tenderizer and considered it thoughtfully.

"Someone who's had those knives used on her," I grumbled as I tore through a drawer containing fifteen rubber spatulas. How many does one cook need?

"Who's Knob?" Maria asked.

"Someone I may have to marry if things go south," I said, carefully closing a cupboard.

"Why is he called Knob?"

I glared at her. "You don't want to know. You don't want me to tell you. Trust me on this."

"Maybe we should just run…" Maria said.

I shook my head. "We wouldn't get far. There are a lot more guys out there like Earl and Clem. And they all carry shotguns."

"Well then"—Maria cracked her fingers—"I think I can take her."

I shook my head. "Don't be too confident. That woman can fight. She was in the Army before she married into the syndicate."

My eyes scanned the kitchen one last time. Our only advantage, it seemed, would be to smack Elvinia's head on the countertops. There were two of us, so maybe we could pull it off.

The door flew open, and that's when I realized it was kind of weird that she had a door on the kitchen. What with most houses having open floor plans and all, it didn't make much sense. And why was I even thinking about that? Behind my back I gripped the cheese grater a little tighter.

"Here!" Elvinia slapped a thin file folder on the counter. "There're some new guys in the area from the Tokyo family. See? I'm not out of the loop!"

I picked up the file before she realized that she'd actually fallen for my trap. There were two photos inside. The first picture had two Japanese men in suits and dark sunglasses. One had an unnaturally tall, Elvis-y pompadour, and the other had a goatee. Both looked dangerous and also a little hipster.

The next photo had one man in it. He was older and bald but wasn't wearing sunglasses like the others. He wasn't the most important thing in that photo. The most important thing was the woman with him. It was Ms. Ito. From the Japanese consulate.

"What are they doing here?" I asked as I showed Maria the photos.

"Looking into Midori's murder." Elvinia pointed a fat finger at the woman in the picture, "She's Midori's daughter. And from what I understand, she's way deadlier than her mom."

Great.

"Why are you sharing this with us?" Maria asked, before I could catch the words and stuff them back into her mouth.

Elvinia thrust out her chin. "I don't like the Tokyo branch."

Right now, I didn't like the Tokyo branch either.

Elvinia had Earl give us a ride back to the trail in a small tractor that went almost as slow as he walked. I clutched the file, worried that at any moment Clem would show up to shoot us— just because. And there was always the chance Elvinia would realize we'd taken the file. After she'd handed it to us, she ran off to get us a jar of moonshine. She didn't seem to miss it as she waved us off.

As he dropped us off, Earl handed back our guns. Maria and I thanked him over our shoulders as we raced to the car. I opened the jar of pure grain alcohol and was immediately overtaken by the fumes. Weirdly, the mosquitos dropped dead out of the sky when they came into contact with them.

"Why are you dumping that?" Maria asked.

"This stuff is so illegal you'd probably get the death penalty just for having it," I said. "I'm pouring it out first so Elvinia will think we drank it. She'd think it was rude to ditch a full jar."

As the liquid hit the poison ivy surrounding us, the plants immediately curled up and died. Maybe I shouldn't have poured it out. It could have proven to be a valuable weapon. Oh, well. That wasn't my mission. We were soon back on a road that had been paved. I gave silent thanks for concrete and rebar.

"So Ito's daughter was in the Japanese Embassy," Maria mused as she studied the photos while I drove.

"Yup. It's too much of a coincidence. She's got to be here to solve her mother's murder," I said. My heart was pounding. If Ito Jr. knew that Riley was involved in her mother's death…well, he wouldn't be around much longer.

"But Riley didn't kill Midori. So maybe he's safe?" Maria asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think that will make any difference. He helped me dump her body behind a Japanese grocery store. She won't take kindly to that."

Maria threw up her hands. "What were you supposed to do? Arrange a state funeral? She was on our No Fly list. The fact that she was in this country is a huge embarrassment. You did what you had to do."

I loved Maria for saying that.

"She won't see it that way," I said. "She'll just torture the hell out of Riley for fun." And she would. Baby Ito was smarter than her mother and took crazy risks just for fun. We were totally screwed if she had my former boss.

"What if she finds out you
were
involved and you're in the city?" Dammit. Maria said it. Out loud. I would've preferred she hadn't.

"That can't happen," I said through my teeth. "I can't let anything happen to the girls. They'd definitely be a target."

"Maybe you should take them home," Maria replied. She sounded disappointed.

I didn't know what the hell to do. Sure, I could take them home, but then the yakuza could show up there. They might still be in danger. This was a nightmare. I wondered if Ms. Ito had taken a good look at me in the embassy. Would she have recognized me? My hair, name, and, due to tinted contacts, even eye color were different. But I was with my father. If she knew about my connection to her mother's rather disrespectful burial, she might've figured it out.

On the other hand, Riley wouldn't give me up, no matter what they did. They might not even know I was involved. But how did they know he was? It was highly possible if they knew about him…they knew about me. Damn. I didn't know what to do. If we stayed here, I had the whole city to protect the girls and hide from the yakuza in. Our small-town police force back in Iowa wouldn't be prepared to deal with an international crime syndicate. Rex was a cop and could take care of himself, but he was my boyfriend and that made him another potential target.

My head was spinning.

"We've got to get back to my parents' house. If Ito connects me to Riley, she'll look there first. And the girls are there." I took out my cell and dialed.

"Merry?" Mom was good. She'd adapted to my new name easily. Things were finally getting to the point where people didn't call me Finn anymore. Although, if Ito the Younger killed me, it wouldn't matter what they called me.

"Mom," I said, trying to sound like I wasn't freaking out. "Is everyone okay?"

"Yes, of course! Liam's here, and the girls are making hoagie sandwiches. We're fine." She sounded so reassuring. Was there anything better than being reassured by your mother? I didn't think so.

"Put Dad on," I said.

My father got on the phone, and I gave him a rundown on what I knew.

"We'll be fine, but I'll have Congressional security come over for the night." He sounded like he wasn't worried at all. That was okay because I was panicked enough for the both of us. I thanked him and ended the call.

We were quiet for about ten minutes. Just watching the road as the sun slipped behind the trees that lined the highway.

When I'd first met Ms. Ito at the embassy, I wasn't sure if she was even related to Midori. But after seeing her in the photo, with full confirmation from Elvinia, I realized she had to be behind Riley's disappearance.

Ito Jr. was pretty young when I was stationed in Japan, and I'd never met her. But I'd heard some rumors after I'd moved on to another field assignment. Leiko Ito (her name meant
arrogant
—as if that was a surprise) was a capable murderer in her own right with a thirst and talent for vengeance that no fiction writer could have imagined.

There'd been many stories over the years, but the one that stuck with me involved a goat. When she was twelve, Leiko went to the zoo with her mother and their entourage. The little girl wanted to feed the tigers. The zookeepers refused because the last thing they wanted was to have the head of the yakuza watch her only child get eaten. Midori agreed that this was the right decision, and the group moved on.

The next night, the zookeepers discovered that the star attraction of the petting zoo, a goat named Flower (because she had a spot on her back the shape of a lotus), was missing. A week later, the director of the zoo received a pair of goatskin boots. The right boot had a spot shaped like a lotus.

Midori insisted that she had nothing to do with it, and the zoo backed down, fearing any reprisals. According to the story, Leiko stole the goat on her own, slaughtered it, and had her mother's special shoemaker work on the boots and deliver them.

Things kind of went downhill from there, and it even got to a point where Midori had to homeschool her daughter because no one wanted her in class. So naturally, Leiko started apprenticing with the yakuza and with Midori dead, probably headed up the Tokyo branch.

If she had Riley, she'd stop at nothing to get the information out of him. Nothing. The question was, would Riley sell me out if pushed too far? I'd sing like a bird if anyone threatened to make a pair of boots out of me.

"So…" Maria broke the silence. "What's up with this Knob guy that Elvinia tried to hook you up with?"

I shuddered but was happy to stop thinking about Ito's psycho daughter. "Why do you think a man would be called Knob?"

Maria laughed. "You want the clean answer or the dirty one?"

"Try bizarre," I said. "He has a weird deformity on his forehead shaped like a doorknob. And he loves it. Like, really really loves it. So he had it tattooed with metallic ink to look like an actual doorknob."

"You're joking…" Maria made a face.

"I'm not. I mean, I have no problem with…whatever you'd call that. It's not his fault. But what was his fault was the constant string of dirty jokes he directed at me."

"Well, maybe he was just trying to put a brave front on it?" Maria asked.

"How many times could you listen to
pull my knob
, and
I have more than one way to satisfy a woman
?" I shuddered again. Knob had really turned out to be…well, a knob.

"Okay—that's awful. At least you gave him a chance," Maria said.

"I did. But the jokes only got more disgusting and suggestive. When I finally pried myself away, I realized he hadn't asked me one thing about myself."
I'm not vain, but come on! Shouldn't the other person at least ask your name?

"That does sound bad." Maria was laughing now. "What did Elvinia say?"

"She said to just tune him out. Like that was even a possibility. He followed me everywhere," I muttered.

Elvinia had been pissed. She'd thought I hadn't given the guy a chance. I'd felt like I'd given him way too much. Did you know how many jokes there were for a guy like that? Turned out there were forty-three that a woman could swallow before it was time to go look for the cocktail wienies.

"What was his real name?" Maria asked.

I frowned. "Orville. Orville Door."

Wait for it…

"His name was Knob Door?" Maria collapsed in a fit of laughter. "Now you're joking. You have to be!"

"And he was born with the huge bump on his head. I didn't meet his parents, but I know what I'd ask if I did." I turned to her, annoyed. "Can we just talk about something else please? It's not like the guy stood a chance. I didn't even go on a date with him."

"Okay." She grinned. "How come you and Riley never got together?"

"We can talk about anything but that." My insides ground against each other as Maria said his name.

"It's either that or I start coming up with names for your and Knob's children…like Belle, Jam…the possibilities are endless," she said.

I sighed. "Riley and I had a thing…a brief thing…about six or seven years ago when we were stationed in Japan."

"What?" Maria screeched. "Why didn't you ever tell me about that?"

"When I say it was brief, I mean like, in minutes," I said.

"That's certainly enough time," she mused. "What happened?"

I didn't want to talk about this. "Look, Riley and I were over before we ever were a thing. It just didn't work out. We've been friends ever since."

Okay, so that wasn't entirely true. We had a fling that lasted about a week. It was nice. Very nice. Riley was very romantic when he was motivated. I actually thought it was going somewhere, even though dating your handler was considered a bad idea in the Agency. You never knew when you had to leave a man behind. And if you were involved, an entire operation could be at risk.

"He was sleeping around, wasn't he?" Maria probed.

I nodded. "I walked in on him with this bimbo from the German Embassy. And that was that."

I didn't mention that I'd been crushed. Or that I'd considered killing him. I probably could've gotten away with it too. But that was all water under the bridge. Okay, it was sort of under the bridge. In the past year Riley had confused me by kissing me on more than one occasion. And he'd seemed to be unnaturally interested in my welfare—even though I didn't work for him anymore.

"He spent a couple months with you back in Iowa last year," Maria said. "And he called you when he was in trouble this week. Why do you think that is?"

I shook my head. "The CIA was worried about what was happening then. And I think he just happened to know I was here in DC, where he's being held…somewhere."

"I don't know," Maria said. "I think he still has a thing for you."

"It doesn't matter because I'm seeing someone," I snapped as I pressed a little harder on the gas. Maybe I'd get home faster and not have to answer Maria's probing questions.

"Oh right, the hottie detective. What's his name?"

"Rex. And we're totally kind of serious," I said a little defensively. "He's watching my cat, Philby, and her kittens while I'm out here."

"A local police detective when you were investigated on murder charges…and your handler when on assignment," Maria said. "You can really pick them."

Now I was pissed. What did it matter who I was seeing? Maria's grilling was getting on my nerves. I didn't want to talk about Riley or Rex. Wait… Why wouldn't I want to talk about my boyfriend? Wasn't that what you did? Something seemed wrong about that. Was I feeling guilty because I was going to such lengths to find Riley?

I hadn't told Rex about it. He didn't know what I was doing. Shouldn't I have told him? Seems like honesty was important in any relationship. But then, I'd been a spy, and as a spy, I wasn't likely to share information until I knew what I was doing.

What was I doing? If I was smart, I'd just hand this all over to the Agency. And yet, I wasn't doing that. Was it because I didn't think they could do it? Was it because I still had feelings for Riley?

"Whoa! Look out!" Maria shouted as I corrected the truck, bringing it back onto the highway. I hadn't been paying attention and had driven off the road. Killing myself wouldn't help Riley or anyone else.

"Let's just keep the conversation focused on this investigation," I said.

Maria changed the subject. "Why do you think Elvinia gave us this information? Do you really think she was just mad that you insinuated she didn't know what was going on?"

I relaxed. Now this was better. I could talk about this sort of assignment without getting distracted. I shoved all the boyfriend talk out of my mind.

"I have no idea. It's not like her to fall for that." And it wasn't. Elvinia was smart. Folks usually underestimated her with the hayseed accent. But she was one clever lady. I was just as surprised as Maria was.