Maybe Always (Maybe Series Book 3) (3 page)

I pull the white linen sheets over my head and roll over, but that lasts all of five minutes. When I can’t fall back asleep, I get up. I grab a robe hanging in the closet and put it on over my tank top and underwear that I slept in. I haven’t bothered to buy any additional clothing, so I’m stuck with just two outfits and two pairs of underwear.
 

I walk over to the shades and pull them open before walking out onto my balcony. I take a deep breath, smelling the salty air that comes from being so close to the ocean. The waves are calm this morning, as calm as I feel even though I should be a wreck.
 

I don’t know what time it is. I could walk back inside and see, but the time doesn’t really matter. I know that I can’t go to the address in the middle of the day. I have to wait until darkness settles in. That means I have all day to enjoy the beach, the drinks, and the food. I have one last day to enjoy the beauty of the world before I experience how dark it truly can be.
 

I walk back inside and find the room service menu. My eyes immediately go to the pancakes, doughnuts, and muffins, but then I think of Killian. He wouldn’t order any of that crap, especially not if he needed to feel strong and fearless later. I need my strength. I skim the menu, looking for something Killian has fed me, but I don’t find anything. The healthiest item on the menu is an egg-white omelet with spinach and goat cheese. I order it and a coffee.
 

I walk into the bathroom and decide to take a quick shower to wash away all of my travels while I wait for my breakfast. I turn the hot water on and then take off my robe and underwear. By the time I’m done undressing, I can tell the water is warm from the amount of steam filling the large bathroom.
 

I step inside and am immediately filled with memories of the last shower I had with Killian. I suck in a breath as I remember his hands traveling across my smooth stomach before grabbing my breasts. As the water streams down my chest, I can practically feel his hands there, torturing me and turning me on with his touch until I’m panting hard with needing more.
 

I close my eyes and let my hands travel over my body. I massage my breast, doing my best to imitate Killian’s strong touch that drives me wild with need. I let my hands travel down my stomach to my pussy.
 

I find my clit, just like he would, and I massage myself in torturous circles, slowly letting my body grow with need, before I move my hand faster in tighter circles.
 

I picture his strong smirk, his lips on my neck, his thick erection pressing up against me, begging for attention but not giving into his own needs until I’m satisfied first.
 

And then he whispers something dirty in my ear just as I come all over his hand. I come as I picture it.
 

I keep my eyes closed after I come, trying to keep Killian with me for as long as I can. But I know I have to open my eyes and let him go soon. I have to focus on what I need to do. I set him free. I can’t bring him back into my mess of a life.
 

A knock on the door forces my eyes open and forces me to say good-bye to the Killian I brought back into my life through my dreams.
 

I turn the water off, despite the fact that I didn’t shampoo my hair or wash my body like I’d planned. I grab the towel and quickly dry off before putting the robe back on.
 

“Coming!” I yell toward the door as I exit the bathroom. I run my hand through my short locks that I have just now gotten used to before I open the door.
 

One of the hotel employees is standing with a cart of food. “Where would you like it?”

“On the balcony,” I say.
 

I hold the door to my suite open while he carries a tray of food in. I then find my purse to pull out a couple of dollars.
 

“Gracias,” I say, handing the tip to the man before he exits my room.
 

I walk out to the balcony and take a seat in one of the two chairs. It’s hard, seeing an empty chair sitting right next to me. Killian should be here. No one comes alone to resorts like this. People only come here with their significant others or families.
 

I sigh and pull the lids off the two plates of food. A single tear falls down my cheek at the sight in front of me. One of the plates is the omelet with fruit on the side, like I ordered. And the other plate has an assortment of pastries that I didn’t order.
 

It’s like Killian is saying that it’s okay to have a little sweetness with my healthy breakfast. It just makes it all the harder to do this without him. I have to though. I want him to be happy, and he would never be happy with me if it meant giving up his job with the FBI.
 

I pick up the plate with my omelet and then add a doughnut to it. I smile at the plate of food that is a little bit of me and a little bit of Killian. It’s perfect.
 

I spend most of the rest of the day eating on the balcony, napping, and looking at the calm ocean that brings me even more calmness the longer I stare at it. I wish this were my life—just sitting on the beach, enjoying the warm weather, without a care in the world. If I survive this, I’m going to spend at least a month on the beach. Even if I have no money after all this is over, I don’t care. I’ll find a way to just sit here until I forget every horrible thing my family did.
 

When the sun slowly begins moving closer to the horizon, I get up from my chair and head back inside. I find my new cell phone that I bought when I first got here. It’s a pay-as-you-go phone that no one should be able to track. At least, I don’t think anyone can track this number to me. I dial my grandfather’s cell number and wait, but no one answers.
 

It was a long shot. I wasn’t expecting him to answer. He wouldn’t have known it was me. He doesn’t know that I’m here. I just hope he is here. I need to convince him that I’m on his side, or my plan will never work.
 

I end the call and then try calling Killian’s cell. I’m not going to speak if he answers. I just want to hear his voice. I just need to know that he is okay and back in the US, back with the FBI. I did everything I knew to do to make that possible. I just need to know that my scheming didn’t go to waste.
 

I wait though, but there is no answer. I try his number one more time, but there is still no answer.
Damn it!
 

I need him. I need to know that he is okay, that he is going to move on. Instead, I got no answers. Instead, I just have to hope that he will find a good life without me. I expect the FBI will continue the investigation, but I don’t expect him to come running in here, like he would have before. He thinks I hate him. He wouldn’t go out of his way to help someone he hates. I gave up on us. I just hope my words were strong enough that he won’t come after me, not beyond what his job requires anyway.
 

I walk back outside and watch the sunset. It’s beautiful here. I could just stay here. No one would find me, not for a long time anyway. I would be safe here, but the world wouldn’t be. Not as long as my family is out there, smuggling and killing.
 

I walk back in and put on the same clothes I wore the last night I had with Killian. I grab my purse with my cell phone and leave the rest of my belongings. I won’t need it, not where I’m going.
 

I head downstairs. I try my best to soak in the beautiful modern lobby that is full of color and life, but I can’t. I’m too focused on my mission to enjoy the last beautiful thing I might ever see.
 

I walk outside the hotel into the muggy air and dark sky that is getting darker by the second. The streets are still busy with people—some heading in from the beach, others just beginning to go out for a night of partying. I envy them, all of them—the families, the couples, the kids. I would easily trade my life for any of theirs.
 

I walk three blocks to a shopping mall I saw when the cab dropped me off at the hotel. I duck inside the first store. I don’t know why, but I feel like I have to change. I can’t wear the torn jeans and ratty shirt. I have to make a good first impression. I have to come off as strong and independent if I want them to believe me, and I won’t be either of those things if I feel weak or if I’m thinking about Killian.
 

I walk up and down the racks of clothes. There are several things that would do, but I don’t pick any of them up. I realize I’m stalling. I know this is the last step before I call a cab and walk into what is most likely going to be a suicide mission.
 

So, I force myself to pick up the next suitable outfit—a pair of black leather pants and a black halter top that will make my boobs look good.
 

I take them into the dressing room and slowly strip out of my jeans and T-shirt. I take my bra off and then slip on the pants and halter top. I was right. I look good in this. I’m lucky that my body type looks good in most anything since designers make clothes with my body type in mind.
 

My ass looks good stuck in the tight pants, and just enough of my nipples is pushing against the thin fabric to make any man who looks at me melt in my hands.
 

I fluff my hair, and then I pull my red lipstick out of my purse and apply it. I look hot and strong. It’s the best I will be able to do. All I need now are some heels.
 

I gather up my clothes and head back out to find some heels. I easily find some and then check out, paying with cash. I’m still carrying my old clothes when I leave the store. I hold the clothes up to my nose and take a deep breath. I can still smell Killian’s scent on them—a mix of expensive cologne and sweat that I couldn’t mistake for anyone but Killian. It’s the last thing I have of him, but I have to let it go.

So, I walk over to the nearest trash can and reluctantly toss the clothes into the bin. And then I walk away before I change my mind and dig the clothes out of the trash. Before I change my mind and put Killian in danger.
 

I pull my phone out to call a cab. I’m surprised that my hands aren’t shaking as I dial the number. I expect to have butterflies swarming around in my stomach, but there are none. Whatever happens, I know I’m doing the right thing.
 

Ten minutes pass before the cab pulls up, and I climb inside.
 

“
Adónde
?” The cab driver looks to be in his early forties.
 

I pull up the address I have saved on my phone and hand it to him.
 

“Here,” I say, pointing to the screen, knowing that my Spanish isn’t good enough to communicate where I need to go. And I don’t know if his English is good enough for me to communicate with him either.
 

The man immediately begins shaking his head. He pushes the phone back into my hands. “No, no, no,
señorita
. I can’t take you there. No safe.”
 

I frown at him. “I have to go here.”
 

“No. You go there, you never come back.”
 

I sigh. I know the man is right, but I don’t have a choice. I need him to take me there. I dig in my purse and pull out enough money to triple what the fare will be.
 

I hand the money to the man. “Take me there.”
 

He shakes his head again. “No, no.” He shoves the money back into my hands. “Stay at one of these hotels. Whatever your troubles, the hotels will fix them. Not at that place. That place only brings pain.”
 

I don’t know how I’m going to get through to this man, but if he knows so much about this place, there is a good chance all the cab drivers know about it, and none will take me.
 

“
Señor
, please. I have to go there. My family has done some bad things there. I don’t believe anyone will hurt me. Not if they know who I am. My name is Kinsley Felton, and I have to make things right.”
 

When I say my last name, I watch as his eyes widen with fear, and it rips through my heart. I didn’t think we were bad people. I thought we were a good business family. Maybe that’s what we are known for in the US, but here, it is clear we are known as vile, vicious people who deserve to die for what we have done.
 

He begins driving and doesn’t say another word. I stare out the window and watch as the sky grows from dark to complete blackness as we drive. I watch the pretty lights of the hotels disappear as we drive farther and farther away from the tourist area and into the heart of the city.
 

The city seems nice, just like any other city I have ever been in, but then we turn, and my worst fears come true. We drive into what looks to be an abandoned part of the city, except I know it is anything but abandoned. It is full of a dark evil that I never imagined existed.
 

The cab driver slows as we grow closer to our destination. His eyes glance into the rearview mirror, showing sorrow, pain, and hatred for me and for what my family has done to these people and this town.
 

He stops outside the worst building of them all. It’s tall and dark and looks completely uninhabitable. The door is barely hanging on the hinges. The windows are mostly boarded up. The roof looks like it could collapse at any second.

I get chills just from looking at it. This is where my father, my grandfather, and my great-grandfather would come to do unthinkable things. This is where they came, so this is where I shall go.
 

I hand the money back to the cab driver, but he shakes his head. He doesn’t look at me. Instead, his eyes are focused on the door in front of us. A door that I will soon enter and might never return from.
 

“Please, take it,” I say, my voice strong.
 

“No,
señorita
. I can’t take your money.”