Me and Miranda Mullaly (16 page)

A Confessional

Looking back on
it now, perhaps I was temporarily insane. What was I thinking?

I'm covered with a cold sweat as I now begin to realize how rash, how dangerous, how apocalyptic my actions were.

And yet it was all so easy.

I was on a roll, bringing the crowd to its feet with a breathless rendition of “Hey There.” And Sharon Dolan really nailed “I'm Not at All in Love.” In fact, the entire
cast was on fire. Chollie Muller even remembered his line, which is a feat up there with Lindbergh's solo crossing of the Atlantic.
35

But despite this, I still had in the back of my mind Sam Dolan rubbing my shoulders and Miranda Mullaly walking away from me when I asked her to join me for ice cream. It hurt, and the promise of the musical was not enough to extinguish my burning desire for revenge. I had to do what I had to do, so I went forward with my plan.

I was offstage for a decent part of the second act and snuck around behind the curtains. Armed with an old cane from the prop room, I waited patiently for “Steam Heat” to begin.

Finally the number began, and I lifted up the curtain an inch to see. Miranda and the two idiots began the number, with Miranda leading the way, her talent oozing off of her. Sam and Chollie marched behind as Miranda sang and danced. The audience could not keep their eyes off Miranda, she was that terrific.

For a moment I thought of abandoning my plan. But then from the side of the stage I could see Mr. Mullaly. He looked much more distinguished compared with the last
time I'd seen him. And best of all, he was even wearing a bow tie. I resolved then and there to show Mr. Mullaly the kind of clown Sam Dolan is.

I waited for Sam and Chollie to march upstage center and then, like an animal awaiting its prey, I quickly snapped out the cane and caught Sam's left ankle, hooking him on my first attempt. Sam instantly lost his balance, stumbling violently forward, but somehow stayed on his feet. A little distraught, Sam managed to get back into the marching routine. I struck again, this time hooking his right ankle and yanking him with all my might. Sam stumbled into Chollie and fell forward, miraculously staying on his feet yet again.

And then I heard it. Laughter. The audience was laughing.

What could be so funny?

I threw the cane under some background paintings and rushed to the side.

There I stood as “Steam Heat” came to an end. The crowd roared its approval, jumping to their feet. Mr. Wexler clapped loudly, screaming, “Bravo! Bravo! Oh, pure genius, Sam. Genius!”

Out in the audience I saw Mr. Mullaly on his feet with the rest of the crowd, cheering for Sam and Chollie.

When the show is over, I'm still sort of shocked. I can't believe I didn't make a huge mistake and ruin the whole thing. In fact, I didn't make
any
mistakes. I remembered my line and even Duke Samagura says I “nailed” it, which means something coming from the star of the play.

And best of all is that Billy came home for opening night. I'm so happy to see him after the show. It was all his idea for me to be in the play and it was a great idea.

When we drive home, I'm still pretty excited about the show, and Billy is happy with his new job. It's just about the happiest we've all been since Christmas. Mom is especially happy when Billy says he can stay for only one night.

It's fun having Billy back, and even though it's only been a month, I've missed him. We have a good talk in my room when we get home.

“You really did it, Chollie. Great job.”

“I guess I did,” I say.

“How's your little friend?”

“Who?” I say, even though I know what he's talking about.

“Miranda. Miranda Mullaly. Any progress?”

“Nope.”

Billy's old grin spreads across his face.

“Here's what you gotta do, Chollie,” he says.

“It's okay, Billy,” I say. And for some reason I lie. “I'm not really into her anymore.”

“Okay,” Billy says, standing and checking his phone for messages. “I gotta go, but you know where to reach me when you need some advice.”

As Billy leaves, I call out to him.

“Thanks, Billy.”

“For what?” Billy stops and asks.

“For listening to me and all that,” I say. And I really mean it.

“Well, I thought you were terrific up there tonight,” Billy says.

I walk over and give him a hug. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time.

“I'm proud of you, kid,” Billy says.

Billy tousles my hair and leaves, whistling a tune from the play.

I'm really tired as I hop into bed. And for the first time in a while, I have a smile on my face.

I'm so nervous about the play I think I'm going crazy.

And the thing is, I'm not worried that I'll mess up or forget my lines or get into another fight with Duke. It's because last night I had another Mr. Mullaly nightmare. Only this time it was when we were doing the play, and this time I wasn't in my underwear but Mr. Mullaly was. And right in the middle of the show, right when I'm dancing “Steam Heat” with Miranda, Mr. Mullaly jumps out of his seat (in his underwear!) and climbs on the stage and starts chasing me. He doesn't catch me, but I feel weak and slow all the same. I don't know what I'm going to do if this keeps up.

So I have all this going on in my mind as we start off with the show. And, don't forget, we had a terrible final dress rehearsal. But despite all this, we did it, we really did it.

I mean, I tripped a couple of times during “Steam Heat” but somehow stayed on my feet. I guess the audience thought it was part of the show because they laughed and clapped like crazy.

Later Ralph Waldo, who watched the whole thing from the sidelines on his crutches, tells me Duke Samagura
actually tripped me and that's why I kept falling on the stage.

Can you believe that?

But when the play is over, I don't have time to get back at Duke because now is my chance to see Miranda. Mom gave me a bunch of flowers to give to Sharon after the show. And I take one flower, a pretty red one, and put it aside. This is the flower I'll give to Miranda.

There must be a million people in the lobby after the show and I get the feeling it will be harder to find Miranda than I thought. I see Lichtensteiner in the middle of the crowd, picking his nose. And, of course, Foxxy is with Holly Culver, holding her hand and whispering in her ear.

But then, just like magic, a space opens and I can see her, standing alone at the opposite side of the lobby. And she looks so pretty, with her hair pulled back and a bright happy smile on her face.

I walk steadily toward her and I'm pretty sure something's going to happen. And I'm holding the flower in front of me like it's a great treasure. I can't believe my good luck, I really can't.

But just as I'm about to give Miranda the flower and tell her how terrific she was in the show and how wonderful she is all the time, Mr. Mullaly appears and puts his arm around her like a bodyguard.

Mr. Mullaly is not wearing his underwear like in my nightmares but he
is
wearing a blue suit and a bow tie. The bow tie makes me think of Duke, which just about ruins the whole night. Will I ever catch a break?

22

Sam Dolan

March 21st

English 8A

Mr. Minkin

Writing Prompt:
The dictionary
defines
serendipity
as “the faculty of making fortunate discoveries
by accident.” Write about a serendipitous event in your life.
How has the fortunate accident or discovery affected you in
a positive way? Explain in detail.

Hey Mr. Minkin,

You'll never believe it, but serendipity just happened to me this weekend. I don't know if I can explain it but I'll try.

What happens is this. I go to Duke Samagura's
house on Saturday night for the cast party. I'm really excited. I even dust off my thumbtack with the idea of getting Duke to sit on it after what he pulled with the cane during “Steam Heat.”

I'm also feeling all right because I saw Mr. Mullaly at the play and he didn't murder me. What a relief.

Duke is real nice to me for some reason when I get to his house, acting like I'm his best friend and all. He even introduces me to his parents, who both look almost exactly like Duke. Totally weird, right? Then Duke brings me along and tells me he's feeling bad about what happened with the cane and he wants to have “a heart to heart” and bury it all in the past. He even has chairs ready for us to have our little powwow.

What's cool is that the chairs are set up in front of a television which is playing the video of the musical. I'm interested in seeing the show, but I don't forget about my little present for Duke. So just as I'm about to sit and put my thumbtack on Duke's seat my sister Sharon stops me from sitting on the chair.

Duke and I don't sit and I have to put the thumbtack back in my pocket. And I'm obviously
a little upset with my sister for interrupting my plan but before I have a chance to say anything she and Duke, the two weirdos, start talking about Sherlock Holmes. The last thing I want to talk about is books, so I turn around and there is Erica Dickerson. She sees me and I see her, but it's sort of like I'm seeing her for the first time. I notice her brown eyes and the way her lips curl up when she smiles. And she has cute dimples on her cheeks I've never noticed before.

She smiles and her smile gets me. It makes my skin tingle, and my stomach feels weird, sort of the way it feels when I'm in trouble, but not bad, just different. And I feel really strong, really invincible, like there's nothing I can't do.

So I forget all about dumb Duke and sitting and talking with him. I practically knock people over to get to Erica Dickerson.

“I'm surprised you found the place,” Erica says, just like she always says things to me. It's sort of that “you're a dope, Sam Dolan” way she has of talking to me. But for some reason I love it. I love hearing her voice.

I try to say something, anything, to keep her standing there in front of me. But my mind is a
blank. I can't think of anything.

“You were very average on stage tonight,” Erica says.

Even though I know this is an insult I smile. And I
still
can't think of anything good to say.

“You want me to get you a soda?” I try.

She holds up her hand, and in it is a cup and the cup is filled with soda. I don't want her to leave but my mind is still totally blank. And then, finally, I think of something.

“You were really great tonight.”

“Thanks,” she says.

“You're welcome.”

“Are you okay?”

“I think so,” I say.

“Is this all you got, Dolan?”

“No, no,” I say. “Um, you know, I'm going to miss practicing—”

“Rehearsing,” she corrects me.

“That's right, rehearsing. I'm going to miss rehearsing and all that stuff. It was really fun.”

And, boy, do I really mean it. I can't explain how I feel. It's so great standing next to her and talking to her, even if she's only making fun of me and I'm saying stupid things. But at the same
time I feel sad, I really do, because the show is over and as it turns out, I liked working with Erica Dickerson.

“Yeah, it was fun, wasn't it,” she agrees.

“Erica Dickerson, it was
really
fun.”

“We could have one last dance,” she suggests. “Or do you think that might be a bad decision that would end up in your book?”

And I am not kidding you when I tell you I took Erica Dickerson in my arms and we danced the tango from “Hernando's Hideaway.” I have so much fun I don't ever want to stop. Even when the thumbtack in my pocket gets stuck into my leg and I can feel the blood dripping into my sock, I keep right on going.

And if that's serendipity, Mr. Minkin, then that's my new favorite word.

Duke Samagura

21 March 2016

English 8A

Mr. Minkin

Writing Prompt:
The dictionary
defines
serendipity
as “the faculty of making fortunate discoveries
by accident.” Write about a serendipitous event in your life.
How has the fortunate accident or discovery affected you in
a positive way? Explain in detail.

Sir:

It took quite some time, Mr. Minkin, but you've finally come up with a writing prompt worth responding to. I guess even you and broken clocks work once in a while.

Everything worked out just as I had planned after the show. Sam Dolan was one of the last cast members to arrive at my house. I met him at the door, introduced him to Neal and Cassandra, and then personally led him to the rec room where everyone was devouring hot Cheetos, potato chips, and sodas. As Sam descended the stairs there was a round of applause, but we were all in high spirits and full of good cheer, so the
applause for Sam did not, surprisingly, give me the urge to push him down the steps.

I brought Sam over to where Neal and Cassandra had set up a loop of digital pictures running on the television. I have to admit after years of bad parenting, they stopped at nothing to make the cast party a success. I pulled out my special chair for Sam to sit on, which I had hidden behind the bar. Just in case, I put a sign that said “Broken” on it so no one would accidentally take it out and ruin my plan.

This chair was special because I had taken out the integral screws that are needed to hold a person. As soon as Sam sat on it, he would crash to the floor.

“Geez, that's pretty cool,” Sam said when he saw the loop. Being an idiot, he was instantly mesmerized by the pictures and, of course, being a solipsistic jerk, he couldn't wait for his image to appear.

“There's a great picture of you coming up,” I said, pulling up the chair. “Here, take a seat.”

“Thanks,” Sam said, still watching the screen.

And then, inexplicably, it happened. Sharon Dolan appeared and kept Sam from sitting on
the chair and making a fool of himself. And she kept me from getting back at Sam Dolan for the thumbtack and stealing my thunder in the show and foiling the toilet paper plot and ruining the student council. In short, Sharon kept me from getting back at Sam for being the bane of my existence.

I turned to Sharon. I couldn't believe what she had done.

“How did you know about the chair?” I asked, thoroughly appalled.

Sharon pursed her lips in a real cute way, and said, “Unlike most, I see, and I observe.”

I was thunderstruck. She was quoting Sherlock Holmes, who, if you've never heard of him, is the most famous detective in the world. I had no idea there was another soul in Penn Valley Middle School so well-read.

I gazed into her eyes. I noticed for the first time that they were blue. Her eyes were kind. And, most importantly, those eyes were interested in me, I'm sure.

I'm certain I've never felt this way before.

How could she be so sophisticated? So talented? So concerned for her fellow human
beings? And so beautiful? How could she be all these things and still be related to Sam Dolan, the troglodyte?

“What's the matter?” Sharon asked.

Her voice wakened me from my reverie. I imagined myself in a field of blue flowers, under a grand, shadowy tree with Sharon in my arms.

“I, uh, ah, nothing.”

“You looked like you were in a catatonic state,” Sharon said, sipping her soda.

Catatonic? Again, I asked myself how this lovely flower could be sprung from the same gene pool that produced Sam Dolan.

“There you go again,” Sharon said.

“Please forgive me,” I said.

I looked down at the floor for a second, for I didn't want to creep Sharon out by staring continuously into her ocean-colored eyes.

“Might I interest you in a slice of pizza?”

“Sure,” Sharon said, smiling at me as I led her away from the stupid chair and from my childhood.

Miranda Mullaly

March 21, 2016

English 8A

Mr. Minkin

Writing Prompt:
The dictionary
defines
serendipity
as “the faculty of making fortunate discoveries
by accident.” Write about a serendipitous event in your life.
How has the fortunate accident or discovery affected you in
a positive way? Explain in detail.

I think it was dumb luck, or should I say good luck, that Chollie Muller was my science partner for lab work and the Brazilian tapir research report.

And it was just, I'm sure, simply good luck that Chollie was in the musical and danced, or rather marched, “Steam Heat” with me.

And I suppose that I was really just lucky that Chollie Muller was outside gazing at the stars.

Looking back on it, it's odd I was even outside as the cast party was just beginning. But Erica was dancing with Sam Dolan, doing one last tango now that the play was over. And Sharon
Dolan, who I wanted to congratulate on a great performance, was talking so closely to Duke Samagura, I thought they were kissing. And I suddenly felt very, very alone.

I doubt anyone noticed when I left and stepped out into the backyard. And there was Chollie Muller looking up at the stars. Something drew me to Chollie and I walked across the yard and stood next to him.

“There sure are a lot of stars out tonight,” Chollie said.

I nodded.

We were silent for a moment, which was nice. Other boys, especially Tom Nelson, would've started talking about the stars like they really knew about them. Or would ask a stupid question like whether or not there was life out there. But Chollie just said, “There sure are a lot of stars out tonight.” It was the perfect thing to say.

I looked up at Chollie and then back up at the stars.

“What do you see up there?” I asked him.

“I see stars and the moon,” Chollie answered.

I have to smile to myself because this answer
is so like Chollie. He's always so honest.

“What do the stars and moon make you think of?” I asked.

Again, I looked up at him. For the first time, I really noticed him. And I thought about what it would be like if he put his arm around me.

Finally Chollie looked down from the stars. He looked right into my eyes.

“It's the funniest thing, but it reminds me of a book my mom used to read to me when I was a kid. It's called
Goodnight Moon
.”

“That's beautiful, Charlie.”

He didn't say anything. But I certainly wanted to hear more.

“It's cold tonight,” I said, pretending to shiver.

“You were really terrific tonight, Miranda,” he said.

“Thank you, Charlie. And you weren't so bad yourself.”

From inside the house we could hear music playing faintly. It was “Once a Year Day” from the show.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked.

I nodded. I couldn't believe how much I wanted to dance with Charlie Muller.

He took me in his arms and led me as if he'd always meant to.

Charlie Muller

March 21, 2016 (Finally got the year right!)

English 8A

Mr. Minkin