Me and My Sisters (28 page)

‘Enjoy your party, and have a big steak for me!’

As I hung up, the triplets came in, with Tom toddling behind them.

‘Is it today?’ they asked.

They had been asking me every day for the past week if that day was my birthday.

‘YES!’ I exclaimed.

‘HURRAH!’ They jumped up and down on my bed and on me.

‘Ouch, be careful, don’t break Mummy’s leg,’ I warned them.

‘Can we have sweeties on your birthday?’ Leo asked.

‘Yes, you can, after school.’

‘
Cooooool
,’ Luke squealed.

‘Can we watch TV all day and all night?’ Liam asked.

‘No, but you can watch
Ben 10
with Gloria when she comes to babysit.’

‘Is she coming now?’ they asked.

‘No, after school Gloria will come and Mummy will go to her party.’

‘Are you going to have a princess cake?’ Luke asked.

‘I hope so.’

‘Yuck! Princess cakes are for stinky girls.’ Leo made vomiting noises.

‘CAKE! CAKE!’ Tom’s eyes were wide at the prospect of cake. He was a sugar addict, which was my fault as I shovelled whatever was nearest to me into his mouth.

‘Well, I’m a girl and I’m not stinky,’ I objected.

‘Mummy! You’re not a girl, you’re a woman,’ Luke reminded me.

‘Do I look like a young woman or an old woman?’ I fished.

‘
Old!
’ they said in unison.

Charming.

‘How old?’ I was determined to dig my own grave. ‘Old like a witch or old like, uhm, Auntie Sophie?’

They thought about it for a minute and then Liam said, ‘Not like a witch, but not like Auntie Sophie. She looks like a princess, you look old like Mrs Walsh.’

Mrs Walsh, their teacher, was looking down the barrel of sixty.

After dropping the boys to school I went home to tidy up the breakfast dishes. Tom was pottering around, playing with his toys, being his sweet self. I was feeling a bit hard done by. I didn’t think I should have to clean up on my birthday, but no one else was going to so I grumbled my way through it.

‘Put that down,’ a voice ordered. It was Marian at the back door. She had Ben with her, asleep in his buggy. She pushed him into the utility room and closed the door. Then she took the dishes out of my hand and told me to sit down.

She finished loading the dishwasher, then produced a small chocolate fudge cake, a carton of orange juice and a bottle of
cava
from her bag.

‘Ta-da! Happy birthday, Julie.’

I was thrilled. ‘Oh, wow! Thanks!’

I went to get some glasses and plates while Marian opened the
cava
and mixed in the orange juice. ‘It’s never too early for Buck’s Fizz.’ She grinned.

‘Bring it on!’ I held my glass out.

‘Mmm, that tastes good,’ she said. ‘I haven’t had a drink in weeks. So, what did Harry get you?’

‘Nothing so far. I’m presuming he’ll produce it later. I was a bit cheesed off he didn’t even leave me a card under my pillow or anything.’

‘He’s probably picking it up today or something,’ Marian said. Since going on anti-depressants she was much more positive. Maybe I should take them too.

I raised my glass. ‘Here’s to forty. May the next ten years bring me sleep, a thin body, a husband who gets a salary rise for a change, children who don’t trash my house daily and something for myself.’

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know … some kind of outlet for me. Being a mum isn’t quite enough. I want to do something else. Even if it’s gardening or helping out with a charity. I want my own little thing just for me.’

‘Amen to that. When Ben finally stops sucking the life out of my tits and goes to play-school in eighteen months’ time, I’m going to go back to work part-time.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. I’ve decided that all this black-cloud shit and depression is partly because I feel so out of control. I don’t have my own money. I have to ask Greg for cash to dye my fucking hair and I know that sooner or later he’s going to figure out that Soul is a shoe shop and not a fishmonger. He asked me the other day how the hell I could have spent a hundred and ten euros on fish. I told him I’d stocked the freezer up because the guy told me that cod was an endangered species.’

I roared laughing. You had to hand it to her: she was ingenious.

‘Are you really thinking about going back to work?’ I asked.

‘Yeah – I like having my independence. It works better for me and Greg. I hate being dependent on him and I know he doesn’t like having to fork out for my waxing and hair colouring and stuff. He doesn’t get that it’s important. He thinks it’s extravagant. I told him if I don’t get waxed it’ll be gorillas in the mist down there.’

‘The Black Forest.’ I giggled.

‘The Australian bush.’ She grinned.

‘That reminds me. I need to shave my legs for tonight – Harry might get carpet burns later if I don’t.’

‘You shouldn’t shave.’

‘It’s cheaper and quicker than waxing.’

‘True, but the hairs grow back like spikes.’

‘I’m actually not that hairy, so it’s OK.’

‘You lucky cow – I’m a fucking chimpanzee. Seriously, I have thick black hair all over my body. I’ve been waxing since I was fourteen.’

‘Yikes.’

‘Anyway, for all those reasons I’ve decided I want to earn my own money. Greg and I fight about money a lot, so it’ll be good for our marriage too.’

‘How are you feeling these days?’ I asked.

‘Very fucking Pollyannaish, actually. I should have taken anti-depressants years ago. I haven’t hit the kids or screamed at them in almost three weeks. I’m not saying I haven’t wanted to but I’m able to control it better. I’m less on edge all the time. I don’t feel like everything that happens is a mountain to climb.’

‘God, it sounds great. Maybe I should get some too.’

‘I highly recommend it. But I’m hoping to be on them just for six months. I don’t want to get addicted to them. I’d prefer not to have to take anything. I feel like a bit of a loser having to take drugs to get me through the day.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous! You have four small kids and a mother who needs constant care. Your father abandoned you and your brother is living on another continent. Of course you feel weighed down. You’re doing the best you can. We’re all just struggling along. Don’t beat yourself up. There’s nothing wrong with needing a little help.’ The Buck’s Fizz was kicking in. I reached over and hugged her, my eyes welling up. ‘You’re a brilliant person and a great friend to me.’

‘Stop! You’ll set me off.’

‘You are, though. I know I have my sisters and they’re brilliant, but you really get it. You totally understand what my day-to-day life is like. You know the daily grind of having four small kids. You appreciate how hard it is and how sometimes you think you’re going to go insane doing the same things over and over. I’m more honest with you than with anyone else.’

‘Well, you’re really going to love me when you hear what your present is.’

‘You’ve already given me cake and bubbles.’

‘I’m going to take your kids for the afternoon while you’re having a facial. It’s booked for three o’clock at Le Spa salon.’

‘No way! That place is supposed to be amazing. But I can’t let you take eight kids for the afternoon – it’s not fair.’

‘Don’t worry, my friend Carla’s calling over. She only has one boy. She can help me out. I want you to go and relax.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Positive.’

‘Thanks.’ I hugged her again. ‘This is the best present ever.’

At seven o’clock the boys were plonked in front of the TV while I got ready. Tom was in the bathroom with me, watching me put on my makeup. My mobile beeped: it was a message from Harry to say he was running late in work. He’d be home as soon as possible.

It was obviously a ruse so that I wouldn’t be able to quiz him when he came home. He must have been planning to come in at seven thirty and whisk me off to the restaurant before I started asking questions and ruined the surprise.

I knew I hadn’t heard from my sisters or parents as they were going to see me tonight too. Louise must have been flying in as she hadn’t called. I was thrilled as I really wanted her to be there.

I applied my makeup carefully. My skin felt wonderful after the facial and when I’d finished I smiled at my reflection. I looked good, better than I had in ages. I wrestled my body into my Spanx – sweating as I peeled them up – then slipped on my new party dress. It looked fantastic. The Spanx had all my flabby bits tucked in and under control and the dress fitted perfectly. I felt a chill of excitement run down my spine. I was pretty and attractive, sexy and glowy. I hadn’t looked this good in years.

The doorbell rang. It was Gloria. ‘Bloody hell!’ she exclaimed, when she saw me.

‘I know I look a lot better than normal.’ I twirled for her.

‘You look like a different person, love,’ Gloria assured me. ‘You should make an effort more often. I didn’t know you had so much potential. Harry’ll be chuffed when he sees you – you’re gorgeous.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Now, go and sit down in the kitchen away from the boys. You don’t want any mucky paws on that dress. Where are the little horrors?’

‘Watching TV.’

‘Right. I’ll go in and sort them out. You have a great night and don’t worry about coming home late. I’ve brought my knitting.’

I went and sat down in the kitchen. It was seven forty-five. Harry would be here any minute. I poured myself a glass of wine and waited …

By nine thirty I had called Harry’s phone fifty-six times. I had called Louise seven times, Sophie eight times, Mum ten times and Dad six times. I had consumed four glasses of wine on an empty stomach. I was drunk and furious.

Harry came in the door, pulling his tie off. He stopped when he saw me. ‘You look nice! Where are you off to?’

‘Ha-ha. This better be a really good surprise, Harry.’

‘What are you talking about?’ He looked around suspiciously.

‘Come on, what’s going on? What’s the plan?’

‘What plan?’

‘Seriously, Harry, I’m not finding this funny. I’ve been sitting here looking out the window, waiting for you to come home for two hours. Gloria keeps coming in and patting me on the back and saying, “Don’t worry, love, I’m sure he’s on his way.” So what is it? What’s my surprise? Come on, Harry, I’m sick of waiting – where is everyone? Are they outside? You should have warned me the dinner was going to be late and I wouldn’t have drunk so much.’

Harry scratched his cheek. ‘Julie, what dinner?’

‘Stop it. I’m getting really pissed off now. What’s the surprise? Just tell me, come on.’

‘I don’t know – Oh, Jesus.’ Harry’s hand flew to his mouth. ‘Your birthday.’ I stared at him and then, finally, the penny dropped. Harry hadn’t been planning anything. He had forgotten my birthday. This was the first time in all the years we’d been together that he had forgotten. There was no surprise party, no treats, no presents, no dinner … nothing.

I FREAKED. I called him every name under the sun. I cursed, swore, threw wine in his face, kicked him in the shin, cried, bawled, howled, and eventually locked myself in the bathroom.

Harry knocked gently on the door. ‘Julie, I’m so sorry. I swear I’ll make this up to you. I can’t believe I forgot. You’re right – I am an arsehole. But we can go out now. I’ll call Pico’s and see if we can get a late sitting. Come on, we can drink champagne. We can salvage the night.’

‘GO TO HELL! I do everything for everyone in this family and no one gives a shit about me. I don’t count. I made a huge fuss for your birthday – I spent weeks organizing it and cleaning and cooking and baking for it, and you didn’t have the decency to remember one of the most important days of my life. I hate you, Harry.’

‘Julie, I know I messed up. I’ve been distracted lately and I just totally forgot. I promise you I’ll fix this. I’ll make it right. Hold on while I go and call Pico’s.’

I opened the door, pointed to my puffy, blotchy, mascara-streaked face. ‘I can’t go out like this. Tonight is ruined. I was so excited. I thought you were being cold and distracted because you were so busy organizing my party when in fact you were just busy with your stupid project. Well, I hope it’s worth it because it’s going to take me a long time to forgive you for this.’

‘I’ll book a table for tomorrow night. I’ll look after the kids all day so you can go and pamper yourself in the beauty salon.’

‘I DID THAT TODAY – I HAD A BLOODY FACIAL, WHICH IS NOW RUINED FROM CRYING SO MUCH.’ I slammed the door and continued to cry. Then I called my sisters and my mother and left messages telling them all that they were selfish wenches. I reminded them that I never forgot any of their birthdays and that I would never forgive them for forgetting my fortieth.

Ten minutes later my phone rang. ‘Julie! Have you been drinking?’ Mum asked. ‘I came out of bridge and switched my phone on to see ten missed calls and an irate message saying you disowned me. What on earth is the matter? Of course I didn’t forget your birthday. I sent you flowers today but the delivery man said no one was home, so I told him to leave them with that vulgar girl next door who curses all the time in number six.’

‘Marian doesn’t live in number six, she’s number eight.’

‘Well, number six has your flowers. I’m sorry for you that Harry forgot your birthday, but that’s between you and him. Please refrain from leaving abusive messages on my phone.’

‘But no one else remembered, except Gavin, and his call probably cost me thirty euros. My two self-centred sisters forgot.’

‘You’ll have to take that up with them. I think Sophie’s still sick, the poor thing, and Louise is very uptight about the baby. It’s not all about you, Julie.’

‘It’s never about me,’ I sobbed, and hung up.

I stayed locked in the bathroom for two hours. Gloria tapped on the door to say goodbye. ‘I’m off now, Julie. The lads are in bed, asleep. I’m sorry your birthday was a disaster – it’s a terrible waste of a lovely dress. Harry’s an awful eejit for forgetting, but he’s very upset about it. I can see he really feels bad. I think you should let him sweat it out for a bit, but forgive him tomorrow.’

Harry continued to apologize and grovel through the bathroom door, but eventually he gave up and went to bed. When the house was quiet I tiptoed out and went to log on to the
mumskeepingsane.com
website. I needed to offload.