Meant to Be: Southern Heat Series (18 page)

M
itch watched
Sydney for a moment before heading back to the kitchen to finish heating their dinner. He felt good. Better than he had in a long time. It made him nervous. He’d known Sydney was dangerous because old feelings and memories were powerful and could cause him to let down his guard. But it wasn’t old memories causing him problems. It was the new ones being made.

Sydney was different now. He liked the new adventurous Sydney in bed. He hadn’t been kidding when he told her she’d robbed him of his finesse and bedrooms skills. The first time he’d attributed to built-up desire. Despite his reputation, it had been a while since he’d been with a woman. And since Sydney’s arrival in town, his hormones had been in a constant state of wanting her. He supposed, despite his attempts to avoid her, it was only a matter of time before he fell in bed with her.

The second time they’d rushed through sex because Sydney took charge. He’d led in bed when they’d been together before. She was always willing to go where he wanted sexually, although, he’d sensed her reserve and never pushed her too much. This new Sydney took the lead, and he was helpless to control his need. How far could he go with their sexual exploits now? His body responded just thinking about it.

The third time they’d made love, he hadn’t been thinking about anything but ridding himself of the guilt and shame consuming him. He couldn’t believe he’d told her about Brian. Very few people knew about that day. He had felt compelled to tell Chelsea because Brian was her brother. She encouraged him to tell his family, which eventually he did, but after that, he planned to never talk about it again. So why had he told Sydney? It had to be those latent feelings, because at one time, he and Sydney shared everything. Thankfully, she didn’t look at him like he was a failure, or worse, a monster. Even so, he’d need to work harder to keep their conversations from veering too deep.

He pulled the defrosted macs and cheese from his microwave and served it in two bowls. He took a moment to push the pain away before bringing the meal to the dining area.

“Want me to set the table?”

Sydney stood in the doorway. Her question was tentative as if she’d known he needed a moment.

“Sure. Want wine or shall I pull out your moonshine? I’m not sure how much is left.”

She shook her head. “No. I think I’m off moonshine for a bit.” She entered the kitchen and opened a few drawers until she found the one with utensils.

“Wine then.” He set their dinner on the table. He frowned, thinking the table needed candles and maybe he should dim the lights. He shook the thought from his brain. No romance.

Sydney entered with spoons and paper towels for napkins. He went back to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses. That wasn’t romantic. It was just a beverage.

Within a few minutes, they sat at the table, barely dressed, satiated from sex, eating comfort food guaranteed to give them the fuel to go again.

“To good food and even better sex.” Mitch held up his wineglass.

“I’ll drink to that.” Sydney clicked her glass with his. After sipping, she stared at him. “Better than the food or better than before.”

One bronze brow lifted.

She waved her hand. “Never mind.”

He laughed. “I suppose I’d have to say both.”

She nodded. “Another way we’ve changed.”

“Huh?”

She hesitated as if she hadn’t meant to say her thought out loud. “We’re different than…well, when we knew each other before.”

He nodded but hoped she wasn’t about to launch into a discussion about their past. He’d had enough of opening old wounds for one day.

“Your accent is more pronounced now than I remember.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “When in Rome.” His words dripped with southern drawl.

“That’s true. I actually said ‘y’all’ the other day.”

“Uh-oh. That’s the gateway word to full southern speaking.”

She laughed. “I do enjoy listening to it. There are some wonderful turns of phrases in the south.”

“I suspect much of life here is different than in New York.” He’d spent some time in New York, usually with her, when he was in college. The city was vibrant and bright. A fun place to visit, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to live there. Did Sydney think Charlotte Tavern was boring, too quiet?

“Yes. I miss the amazing variety of food and cultural events, but I like the slowness here. The friendliness.”

“I bet you can’t find macs and cheese like this in New York.” He scooped up the creamy pasta.

“Not that I’ve found.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes until Mitch broke it. “Why did you go to Jordan?”

Her eyes widened in surprise. He supposed his question was out of the blue. He wasn’t even sure why he asked it, except the Sydney he’d known in college wouldn’t have done something that was so risky and out of her sphere of experience.

“I went because I wanted to help people who might not otherwise get help.” She paused and looked at him. “I wanted to do that because of you.”

“Me?” He sat back. He remembered dragging her out to a few volunteer activities, usually to a homeless shelter, because, despite her small world, she was curious about how she could help. But he didn’t remember ever encouraging her to go abroad. In fact, he’d planned to marry her and keep her as close as possible.

“It’s no secret I lived a sheltered, planned life. I was aware there were problems in the world, but they were so distant from me. You helped me make the connection. While my family donated money to help homeless people, you volunteered your time at a soup kitchen. You took me to one when we were at Princeton. Remember?”

He nodded, ridiculously pleased she’d remembered.

“And then you were compelled to enlist. To serve your country. I wanted to help too. Not by enlisting, but by helping the many people, women in particular, who need healthcare. In fact, I don’t know if you remember, but originally, I planned to become a dermatologist. I chose obstetrics and gynecology to help women.”

He’d done that? He’d never considered the impact he’d had on her life. If he’d had any sway over her decisions, why had she let her parents talk her out of marrying him?

“It’s one reason why I’m here. The free clinic helps so many poor, rural women. And they need it. There are still a lot of old wives’ tales where birth control is concerned.”

“Is that what happened with Hank’s daughter?”

“Well, I can’t discuss her situation specifically. But teens aren’t the only ones who are misinformed about reproduction.”

“I suppose. Passion has a way of fogging the brain.”

He and Sydney had let passion get the best of them once in college. Fortunately, the timing had been wrong, and she went on the pill right after that. But he’d been slightly disappointed she hadn’t gotten pregnant. That was when he was certain he loved her and wanted to spend his life with her. He proposed a few months later on her twenty-first birthday.

As desperate and needy as he’d been tonight, he hadn’t forgotten to use condoms, although, he was annoyed at the delay getting them and putting them on caused.

“Are you on the pill?”

She stared at him for a long moment, and he got the feeling he’d asked the wrong question. “Yes, but considering your lifestyle—”

“Jesus.” He tossed his bunched-up paper towel square on the table. “I’m not infected. I’m not even as active as my reputation would suggest.”

She flinched at his outburst and then sighed, wiping her mouth and folding her makeshift napkin. “Mitch, I’m a doctor who specializes in reproductive health for women. That means I know a lot about sex and the health risks that go with it. Did you know STDs are on the rise? It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with one woman or a hundred. I’m not going to apologize for wanting to protect myself. Have you always used a condom?”

“Yes.” And it was the truth. He’d never had sex with a stranger, so his concerns had been more about avoiding an unplanned pregnancy. He’d used condoms even with the women who said they were on the pill. Just to be safe. So why was he so mad now? God. He was losing his mind.

“Then clearly you know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m not a man-whore.” He supposed that was what bothered him. She thought he was a playboy. Sure, he’d dated many women, but his bedroom hadn’t had a revolving door of nightly one-night stands. The only reason it seemed like he was a lothario was because he didn’t want long-term commitments, which meant, after a few months with a woman, things would end.

She smiled. “I don’t think you are.”

“You believe everything this town is telling you about me.”

“Not everything. Personally, I think you’d need to call the Guinness Book of Records if everything people were saying about you was true.”

His irritation decreased. He even mustered a smile.

“I will say the rumors of your skills… well, those are true.”

Her words, with the glint in her eyes, had his body heating and hardening.

“And I haven’t even shown you all my skills.”

“There’s still time.”

He nodded. How much time was the question. How far could he go with this and still keep his heart intact? Because the longer he was with Sydney, the more he feared he’d be unable to let her go when the time came. And it would come. Eventually she’d go back to New York. More than likely, he’d do something to mess it up. He briefly considered ending their affair right then and there.

But then she stood and stripped her T-shirt off, exposing those beautiful, full breasts. Fuller than he’d remembered them being in college. His hands itched to hold them again.

She smiled seductively. “There’s no time like the present.”

S
ydney woke
in Mitch’s bed. As it turned out, he did have mad skills, the effects of which left a sweet soreness the morning after. She still thought they should call the people at the Guinness Book of World Records. What was the record for orgasms in one night? Each time she thought she should go to her own room, because people having affairs didn’t spend the night together, he’d show her another skill. Eventually she gave up, mostly because he’d liquefied her bones.

“Are we running this morning?” His voice was husky. “Because there are other ways to exercise.”

Her nipples hardened, as if they remembered the magnificent things he did to them and were saying, “Yes, please. More.”

“Are you human?”

His lids lifted just enough so she could see the bright green of his eyes. She’d always been attracted to eyes. Mitch’s were emerald, surrounded by long lashes any woman would kill to have.

“Yes.” As if to prove it, he brought her hand to his groin.

And just like that, she succumbed. She didn’t have the experience he had, but she did have knowledge of anatomy, curiosity, and imagination. She decided to put all three to use. It must have worked, because, within a few minutes, Mitch McKenna was begging her to never, ever stop. Feeling more feminine and sexy than she’d ever felt before, she pleasured him until he let out a feral yell and emptied.

And because Mitch was a generous man, he repaid her in the shower. He suggested that maybe they could play hooky. But she had patients to see, several of whom were clinic patients who had enough trouble with transportation that she didn’t want to make it harder for them by making them reschedule. So, after showering and a quick breakfast, she let Mitch drive her to the hospital. It didn’t make sense to drive two cars if he was going to be following her everywhere. Instead of dropping her off, he parked so he could visit Jenny. But first he escorted Sydney to her office. “Tell Jenny I’ll visit her later,” Sydney said.

"Sure thing." He then surprised her by giving her a sensual, albeit quick, kiss before heading out.

While she worked, she focused on her patients, but when she had down time, thoughts of Mitch flashed through her mind. She was sure her cheeks reddened at the memory of all the things he’d done to her and she’d done to him. It was difficult to think two people could do the things they did without any emotional connection. At least she couldn’t.

Mitch wasn’t the same man. He clearly hadn’t forgiven himself for being alive when Brian was dead. For not defending the innocent men, women, and children who had been ruthlessly murdered by his squad. Broken was how Lexie described it. Lexie also hoped Sydney could fix him. But Sydney didn’t know how, except to love him, which he was adamant she couldn’t do. And there was no guarantee her love could help him. Mitch would never forget his experiences; they’d always be a part of him. As a result, he was determined to keep love and trust out of his relationships.

Sydney pushed away those thoughts as she opened the door to Jenny’s room during her lunch break.

“Hey, you up for a visitor?”

“Oh, thank God. I think I might just die. You have no idea how boring hospitals are.”

Sydney did, of course, because she’d done her own stint when she’d been attacked. Why Jenny didn’t blame her for her current situation, she didn’t know. “I brought you some magazines.”

Jenny’s nose scrunched. “Journals?”

Sydney laughed. “No. I’m told you like entertainment magazines, so I got you a few of those.”

“Not that I don’t want to advance my career, but I might poke my eye out with this fork if all I had to read was medical journals.” Jenny waved the fork she’d been using to eat some sort of mystery meat.

“I don’t blame you.” Sydney set the magazines on the hospital over tray. “How are you feeling?”

“Bored.” She laughed. “But it’s better than annoyed, which is what I feel with Kevin hovering over me like a mother hen. Great day, I love that man, but if he coddles me anymore, I might use this fork on him.”

“Boredom and annoyance are good signs of recovery.”

“Then I must be completely healed and then some.”

“I want to tell you again, how sorry I am—”

“Stop. This isn’t your fault. You need to stop saying it is.”

“Sorry.” Sydney gave her an apologetic smile.

“You know… if you really want to make it up to me, you can give me the inside scoop on you and Mitch.” Jenny waggled her brows.

Sydney’s cheeks heated. “I’m not any different than the other women coming and going in his life.” The idea that she really was a notch hurt, even though she’d gone into this affair with her eyes open.

Jenny frowned. “No. You’re not.” She took Sydney’s hand and squeezed. She thought Jenny would press, but instead, she shrugged.

“Do you read?”

“Sure.”

“I mean something other than medical journals. Do you read books?” Jenny reached over to the table beside her bed and picked up a well-read leather-bound book.

“I used to.”

Jenny handed Sydney the book. “It’s Jane Austen. Not
Pride and Prejudice
, which is good, but this one is better.”

Sydney read the title:
Persuasion.

“It’s all about a second chance at love.”

Sydney’s gaze went right to Jenny.

“I know who you are… I mean, you’re the one that broke Mitch’s heart. I couldn’t believe it when I realized it. I wanted to hate you for it, because liking you would be disloyal to Mitch. But, I can’t help but like you. And I’ve been around enough to know there are two sides to every story. You may have hurt him, but my guess is, it wasn’t your intention.”

“No.”

“You and Mitch are like Anne and Wentworth.”

“Wentworth forgave Anne. Pursued her even.”

Jenny’s eyes widened. “You have read it. Didn’t you just swoon over Wentworth’s letter?”

The mention of letters made her think of Mitch’s letters her mother promised to send her. She’d need to make a stop at home to check her mail. “You pierce my soul.”

“Oh, yes.” Jenny’s face turned dreamy. “I love Kevin, but he never talks like that.”

“Most people don’t these days.”

“They probably didn’t then either. But, in the story, Wentworth pretended to not know her and then he ignored her. He even showed attention to Louisa.”

“True, but then he forgave her. Mitch won’t forgive me.” Or maybe he would, but that didn’t change his stance on love and commitment, which she now understood was mostly a result of the betrayal and loss he experienced in the military.

“Mitch isn’t quite the hound dog people make him out to be. He hasn’t been with anyone in a long time. I see the way he is when he’s with you. I think he’s pursuing you.”

“No, he’s not.”

“You’re living in his home.”

“That’s just to protect me.”

Jenny rolled her eyes. “Really? You think it’s standard practice for detectives to bring people under protection into their homes?”

“No.”

Jenny’s vehement hope for true love for Mitch warmed Sydney.

“We have a history, so it makes sense he’d offer to protect me. But it’s not what you think.”

“What about you? Do you want more? I see how you look at him too.”

Sydney shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Jenny let out an exasperated grown. “Why do people make life so hard?”

Sydney knew it was a rhetorical question but responded anyway. “Life is complicated. Mitch and I aren’t the same people we were back then. Our lives and goals are different.”

“Blah, blah, blah. It’s only complicated because y’all are too chicken to say what you feel and trust each other.”

Sydney considered telling Jenny she’d be happy to share her feelings, except she knew she’d be rebuffed. She wasn’t even sure what her feelings were, but she knew it was more than casual. But casual was what she’d agreed to, and she couldn’t change the rules now.

“Now I know Mitch is the worst at that. Some people blame you. Some blame the loss of his friend Brian. Has he told you about Brian?”

Sydney nodded.

Jenny’s eyes narrowed in question. “What did he say? No… no, I know you can’t tell me. But I think it’s more than Brian’s death. But Mitch, he doesn’t talk about it.”

Did that mean Mitch hadn’t told anyone about the circumstances that killed Brian? The betrayal by his sergeant? When she came out of her thoughts, Jenny was staring at her.

“He told you, didn’t he? All of it.”

Sydney swallowed. She couldn’t know for sure, and it wasn’t right to compare stories about something so personal to Mitch. At the same time, surely he’d told someone besides her, even if he kept the rest of the town in the dark about it.

“That’s trust.” Jenny smiled. “There’s hope for him yet, if you’re patient enough to wait for him.”

Sydney sighed. “Life isn’t a Jane Austen novel.”

“Sure it is. I knew the moment I saw Kevin he was the one for me. I hadn’t even met him yet. He knew too. The difference between us and most other people is we weren’t afraid to ride that wave of emotion. It was scary but, God, what a ride. We’re still riding it, but it’s not scary now. Now it’s just…” Her eyes turned dreamy. “Perfect.”

There was a time when Sydney had thought the same of her and Mitch. When they were young, and not jaded by the hardships of the world, they’d shared everything, all of their hopes, dreams, and fears. From the moment they’d confessed their love, they never held anything back. That was why she’d been so shocked at his reaction to her postponing the wedding. Not that he would have agreed necessarily, but to simply tell her their relationship was done — the dreams were gone — that had come out of left field.

“Tell me how you met.”

Sydney smiled as the sweet memories came back to her. “I was a sheltered, shy, timid girl in my first year of college. I’d gone to a party because I really wanted to make friends and live a little, you know?”

Jenny nodded. “I nearly flunked out of my first year of college for living a little.”

“Well, I didn’t quite take it that far and, in fact, I really wasn’t very good at it. I didn’t realize until Mitch explained to me later that people thought I was conceited. I had money and a ‘way’ about me.”

“But you were just shy?”

“Right. I remember sitting all by myself, feeling like a fool, when I noticed Mitch standing several feet away. Mitch was watching me, and I felt it… you know. Like his gaze was actually touching me.”

“Oooo… I love that.”

“Anyway, Mitch was talking to some guy and I suspected it was about me, which made me even more self-conscious. The other guy put a hand on Mitch’s shoulder and motioned to a group of girls dancing and drinking on the other side of the room. But Mitch shrugged off his hand and walked over to me.”

“I can see it. Mitch is something when he’s got his swagger on.”

Sydney laughed at the image, but Jenny wasn’t wrong. “He started talking to me and that was it.”

“See. It doesn’t take much to know.”

Sydney sighed. “Yes, but we were young and still very innocent about the real ways of the world. Maybe if we’d stayed together we’d have made it, maybe not. But since we’ve been apart, we’ve changed, and those two kids are gone.”

“That’s a bunch of malarkey. People don’t change, not deep down in their soul. Sure they may act different, but who you are, who Mitch is, that’s the same.”

Sydney shook her head lightly. “Even so, Mitch and I have different goals. Same or not, our lives don’t fit together anymore.”

“Is that why you’re sleeping with him? Because you don’t fit?”

How’d she know?
Sydney felt her cheeks heat.

Jenny smirked. “Girl, no one can hide sex glow. Not Mitch and not you.”

Mitch had sex glow?
She brought her hands to her face, wondering if they still had sex glow.

Jenny laughed. “A woman can tell these things. Especially one with nothing better to do because she’s bedridden.”

“Did you ask him about his sex glow?” Sydney was suddenly curious at the prospect.

“Well, of course I did, honey. But you know men. They act like they don’t know what sex is when it comes up in conversation. But he never denied it, just like you haven’t, so I know my sex-radar is as good as ever.”

“Yes, well…” Sydney trailed off.

“So, is he as good as they say?”

Jenny was her friend, pretty much her only friend in Charlotte Tavern, and every woman needs a girlfriend to confide in. And because Sydney did, she said, “He’s better.”

“
S
o
, is she right?” Kevin hefted a hip on the edge of the desk where Mitch had spent the morning dealing with his current caseload, with a particular focus on Jenny’s attack and Sydney’s stalker.

“Is who right about what?” Mitch looked at Kevin. Based on Jenny’s grumbling about Kevin hovering over her bedside that morning, he wasn’t surprised to see Kevin back at work.

“Jenny and the sex glow.”

Mitch smirked. Why did people care so much about his sex life? “Seriously? You’re asking me about that?”

“She’s always right, you know.”

“Then why are you asking?”