Melting Away The Ice (THE ICE SERIES) (17 page)

I held the door
for the four most important ladies in my life.

“Sharp. Party of
five,” my mother said as she walked up to the hostess.

“This way
.” She took us back to our table. I was hoping for something further back, because I could see that some people had recognized me. I really was in the mood to spend time with my loved ones and not sign autographs; although, I never turn down a fan.

“I see people staring,” Ava sang out as we all
took our seats.

“Shut up,” I sang out back to her.

“It will be fine, kids,” Aunt Elizabeth said. We all began reading our menus when Sara paused, confused Ava started laughing and Sara’s face turned red.

“What?” I asked.

“The menu.” Ava waved at it. I looked at the menu and then at Sara, not understanding.

“It’s fine
, dear.” Mom reached over and patted her hand. I was still confused.

“Hey, Creep, the menu is in French.” Ava finally clarified.
I rolled my eyes. It was so second nature to me that I didn’t even realize that the menu was in French. I looked over and Sara’s face was red.

“Sorry, I
didn’t think about it.” I said and she just shrugged.

“So, why don’t you play hockey here in Canada? Everyone said you were a big deal here
.” Sara changed the subject, but was still staring at the menu trying to make out the words.

“Oh that is
a simple answer,” Ava chimed in. “He left for a team that would win the Cup.”

“That is not true
.” I quipped back at her.

Well, it
is partially true.

“Yes it is.
We all know that your goal is to win the Cup. Even though I think you did it more for the money than the Cup.”

“Hey,” I said a little louder than I intended. My mother patted my hand and gave me a stern
look. I took a deep breath and stared at Ava.

“Listen, Nerd. I played for and, now, play
with some of the greatest teams. Yes, I do want to win the Cup. Yes, I like the money. However, the one thing that I worked for in my life is to make sure that the three women in my life are taken care of. Now, I have four women in my life that I love and I want to make sure that I protect all of you financially and physically so be quiet and order some frog legs.” I huffed and opened my menu back up. G
od, Ava pisses me off sometimes.

It was then that I noticed Ava was cracking up laughing, my mom and aunt were smiling ear to ear
, and Sara was looking at her hands.

“Now, what,” I huffed.

“Think about what you just said, Creep.” Ava pointed at me. I replayed the words in my head and it hit me like a puck. I just declared my love for Sara in front of my family.
Ugh! Seriously!
I dropped my head into his hands and I could feel my face burning.

“Okay, I think this says frog leg.” Sara pointed to the menu. She was trying to change the subject and I couldn’t blame her. My mom and Ava were trying to help her.

I was happy that my family and Sara didn’t bring up my declaration of love for the rest of the night. I just wanted a hot shower and to crawl into bed without having anymore embarrassment tonight. That is exactly what I did when we all got home after eating.

After my shower, I put on a pair of boxers and lay in the bed.
I didn’t even want to face my family right now. I just wanted to sleep and forget that fact that I blurted out that I loved Sara. I threw my arm over my eyes when I heard Sara come in. She gathered her things and went into the bathroom.

I laid there trying to figure out how to approach th
e subject. I knew that she was thinking about it. She always overthought everything. Actually, I was surprised she didn’t just run out of the restaurant.

I heard her come back into the bedroom.
She was trying to be quiet because she thought that I was asleep. When she climbed into bed I knew that I had to say something.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked quietly
, I suddenly was nervous about her answer.

“
Um, let’s not talk about it right now.” She turned her back to me, but I couldn’t let it go just yet.

“Please, Sara
.” I rolled over and rubbed her arm.

“Lucas
.” She stared at me. “I like you a lot. If and when I am ready to tell you more of my feelings, I will tell you on my terms, okay.” For the first time, Sara looked me dead in the eyes with full determination. Her face was hard and I knew not to push the issue. So, I did the one thing that I thought was best to do.

I rolled over and fell asleep.

Leaving
was always hard every time I came home. I saw my mom and Sara talking in the doorway as I packed the car with our bags. They were whispering and hugging. I was still a little upset from last night’s conversation, but I could not rush her, either. I felt Ava jump on my back. I smiled as I grabbed the back of her knees.

“Hey, Creep,” she said sadly.

“Hey, Nerd.”

“I am going to miss you.” I could feel her tears on my neck as she buried her head in the neck.

“Hey.” I let go of her legs and she slid down my back. I turned around and saw her tears. “Don’t cry. I will miss you too, but we do talk every day.”

“It’s not the same
.” She engulfed me in a hug.

“You are still my favorite girl
,” I whispered in her ear.

“No, I am not.” She pulled out of my arms and
looked up at me. “But, I will settle for being your favorite cousin.” She smiled brightly at me. Considering she was my only cousin, I had to laugh.

“Deal.”

“Hey,” she gently squeezed my upper arm, “give her time. It will be okay.” My sweet cousin looked me in the eyes and for the first time my eyes watered. I couldn’t say anything so I just nodded.

After saying goodbye to Aunt Elizabeth, the three of us loaded into the car and headed to the airport.
Nothing was spoken in the car as I drove. We just listened to the radio. Once at the airport we checked in our bags and mom hugged Sara tightly. Then she hugged me and whispered in my ear that it was going to be okay. She spoke in French so that Sara wouldn’t understand. My mom was always right, but I wasn’t so sure now.

Last night
didn’t go as planned. I thought we would talk and she would tell me she loved me back and it would be perfect night of love making. I was wrong. Sara still didn’t speak to me as we boarded on plane heading back to Chicago.

This is going to be a long trip.

Chapter 25 – Sara

I had to thank the Hockey Gods that they keep hockey players so busy. The moment we got off the plane in Chicago I explained to Lucas that I was ill and needed to go home. He had an early skate so there was not much resistance there.

Since that moment,
I had done everything in my powers to avoid him the past few weeks. I was lucky that he had been out of town at away games. When he would call or text, I kept the conversations short. Then when he was in town this past week, his schedule was full of appearances.

Now it has been almost a month since we came back from Canada and I ha
dn’t heard from him in a week. I had shed a lot of tears missing Lucas, wanting him, not able to love him. That night in the restaurant was the worst. I guess I should have jumped up and down and declared my love for him, but I couldn’t. The last time I loved someone was Jake. I knew in my heart and head that Lucas could never be Jake, but I could not get what happened out of my head.

I dived into work
to avoid thinking of the upcoming hearing for Jake or my lack of communication with Lucas.
I just need to weed him out of my life and he will be better off.
He didn’t need me, the crazy person, in his life. I had too much baggage and after seeing how perfect his family was, I couldn’t do that.

Yes, I am a coward, but this is a must
.

I ha
dn’t been that big of a coward since watching Lucas’ games. He was number one in the league right now, amazing on the ice. It seemed like nothing could stop him right now. He lo
oked so happy every time he was on camera.

Yes, this is right for me to do.

My phone buzzed with a text:

             
Lucas:
We need to talk 6 pm my house no excuse

“Sara!” Rachel yelled.
I jumped and dropped my phone on my desk. She slammed my office door and stalked right over to me. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Rachel never cussed like that unless she was really mad.

“You scared me to death
.” I placed my head over my chest. My heart was about to beat out of my chest.

“I should beat you to death, you idiot.” She put her hands on her hips
, her voice almost deadly.

“Stop calling me names and what did I do?” She might be little
, but she scared me to death.

“You
broke up with Lucas. No, wait, you didn’t. You just stopped talking, calling, or texting him, right? Because that was the mature way to handle someone telling them they love you.” Her blue eyes bore into me. I couldn’t look at her. I glanced down to see Lucas’ text staring back at me.

“
Look, Rach-”

“Save it
.” Rachel threw her hand up to stop me. “I don’t want to hear a single word of the Poor-Pity-Me Sara anymore. Unless you have something constructive and reasonable to tell me about why you pushed away the greatest guy to grace your life then I don’t want to hear your bullshit.”

“Rachel!” I gasp
ed. In all the years I had known her she never talked to me like that.

“No, I am tired of it. You are
twenty-six years old and a lawyer. You have accomplished a lot in life and you are a good person, but I am sick of it. So what if you have crappy parents? You have done just fine without them. Jake almost killed you but you ended up surviving. You need to think about how close to death you were and how lucky you are now to have a second chance in life. So what are you going to do with it? Oh yeah, you got a great guy who loves you. He took you to Canada and showed you off to his family. What did he want in return? Oh, that’s right, your love and respect and you are too much of a chicken shit to give it back.” Rachel’s face was bright red with anger. I had never heard her like this before. It was like someone else was standing in front of me. Regardless, I didn’t want to hear it.

How dare she talk to me like that?
My adrenaline began to pump and I couldn’t handle her words anymore.

“Shut up!” I yelled back at her
so forcefully that I almost scared myself. “Do you know how scared I am that I love Lucas? Do you know that I cry every single night because I am not close to him? He is better off with someone else because all I have around me is bad luck.”

Rachel threw her hands up. “There it is again, Poor-Pity-Sara.
You are not bad luck. That is just stupid. Bad things happen to people, it happens to everyone. You need to learn from it and make yourself stronger.”

“I am scared alright
,” I almost screamed at the top of my lungs at her. “I am scared that I love him so much. I am scared of his perfect family and that I will never fit in. I am scared that if I tell Lucas about Jake and what happened that he will think it is my fault and leave me. You don’t understand because you are so strong and never scared.”

“Are you kidding? Jake hurting you was not your fault and I am scared to death all the time.
I am scared that I will die young, like my parents. I am scared that I will end up alone, with a hundred cats, yelling at the local neighborhood kids to stay off my lawn. I am scared that I am really in love with Max. On top of all that, I am scared that my best friend is making the biggest mistake of her life.”

Tears were streaming down Rachel’s face and even though I was taken aback by her yelling
, I was shocked to hear her confession. She had been my friend since childhood and she never showed one ounce of fear, but to hear her confessions put things into perspective. We stood there staring at each other, both of us letting silent tears fall. I was the first one to break the silence.

“So, Max, huh? Is that why I constantly see you smiling while you text like a teenage girl?” Rachel smiled, wiped her tears and sat down next to my desk.

She shrugged. “Yeah.”

“When did this happen?” I sat down in my office chair.

“Well, that night in Pittsburgh, when I left you, he was waiting for me in the lobby. We talked for a bit and exchanged numbers. I didn’t really think anything of it. We texted a few time and flirted, but it was nothing. Remember that night when we went to the game and he and I left together?” I nodded. “Well, he drove me home and gave me the greatest kiss ever. It wasn’t until he had the three days off that something
really
happened. Now he has been showering me with gifts and contacting me all the time.” She looked down at her hands. “I love it. I love the attention. I love the attention from him. On top of that, he really listens to me. He remembers the littlest things I say. It’s nice.” I was completely in shock that my friend had just made another confession to me. I was also surprised that she was in love. Rachel didn’t fall in love. She was a compulsive flirt, but never in love.

“Is Max the reason you know so much about what is happening with Lucas and I?” She nodded.
I hadn’t told her a lot of what was happening. It was the first time in my life that I kept something from her.

“Lucas text
ed me,” I handed my phone to her. Rachel looked at it and handed it back.

“What are you going to do?”

“Well,” I sighed. “I wasn’t going to go, but some five foot five supermodel just chewed my butt off and made me see that I was wrong.” Rachel’s confessions just hit me. I did love Lucas and I needed to tell him the truth about my life.

“But, what if he wants to tell me that he doesn’t want me anymore?” I could hear the tears coming again. My best friend got up and walked over to me and wrapped me up in her tiny arms.

“He probably won’t because I am sure he has to have some type of personality disorder.” We both laughed. “But you have to take the risk.”

She held me as I cried.

My hands were shaking when I rang the doorbell to Lucas’ house, two stories with an attached garage. He lived just outside the city in a beautiful home. I had been here a couple times before and I loved it. It felt homey and perfect.

I smoothed my skirt down.
I wasn’t sure what to wear when I knew Lucas was just going to tell me to leave. So, I just came straight from work. I heard the door unlock and the door opened. He looked amazing, wearing a pair of relaxed jeans, a very tight white t-shirt, and no shoes. We didn’t say anything, probably because I was unable to speak as I stared at every ripple and muscle when he crossed his arms.

“I figured you would
n’t come.” His voice was laced with anger and I wanted to shrink away from him.

“I almost didn’t,” I said honestly.
I was staring at my heels and the ground. I couldn’t look at him because all I wanted to do was jump into his arms and tell him I loved him. But I knew that was not going to happen.

“Come in
.” He stepped back and I walked through into his living room. Like his family home in Canada, it was simple. He had crisp white walls, a large mounted TV, a black couch, and a coffee table. There was nothing on the walls.

I walked over to the couch and sat down
, emotions going crazy when he sat down next to me. He wouldn’t look at me, but instead stared at the black screen of the TV. The hum of the quietness rang in my ears.

“Why won’t you let me in?” He
spoke first and I almost jumped. “These past couple weeks have been killing me. Why won’t you let me in?” He looked at me and for the first time his eyes had tears in them.

“Lucas
,” I started, but he cut me off.

“No, I don’t want to hear any excuses
. All I want you to know is that I love you. I do. I want to be part of your life, good and bad, though I can’t do that if you won’t let me in. I have tried hard not to push the issue, but I know that you are hiding something big. I see the scars. I know it’s bad, but I can’t help you if you won’t let me in. So, I am going to make this real simple. If you want me to be part of your life, and I mean your whole life, then come to my bedroom and we will talk. However, if you want to keep me out, then walk out that front door. I won’t contact you anymore, but I can’t keep doing this.” Lucas eyes bore into me as the tears fell from my face. He got up without another word and walked out of the living room, up the stairs. I heard his bedroom door close.

I sat there. I wanted to run upstairs and jump into his arms. However, at the same time, I wanted to
run out the front door, call a cab and hide under the covers of my bedroom.

I stood up, smoothed out my skirt and
took the first step that would change my life.