Memory of Morning (35 page)

Authors: Susan Sizemore

BOOK: Memory of Morning

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"I absolutely would not have come aboard at your request."

"But you'd want to. Don't tell me you wouldn't fight for a berth on the
Ironbound?
"

I had continually told myself that I hadn't made up my mind about signing on as a ship's surgeon. "I'd kill for a berth on a cruiser," I admitted to North. I always told the truth to this man, meaning to or not. "Even if I'm not sure I have it in me to be a ship's surgeon. I don't know if I can herd a captain as I should--"

"You have no trouble fighting with me," he said. "You've herded me quite a bit already."

I didn't see it.

"Whatever I might do, or want to do - of my own free will - does not change that we are standing here, here and now, and I had nothing to do with it."

He looked at me for a while. I looked at him. We just - looked - at each other.

After a while, he opened the door and stood aside. "Your choice, Meggie.

I automatically took a step forward. The hallway was a few feet away, then the stairs. Into a boat. Off to Loudon. I was ready to make my escape. Ready to dutifully obey. I was ready.

But I'd stopped after one step, hadn't I?

I needed to think. This was ridiculous. There was nothing to think about. Duty called...

...and free will is a curse!

Because I stood there, frozen, aching, longing, and fearing. Thinking. Deciding. Deciding for myself when everything had already been decided for me. I was still being allowed - forced - to decide for myself.

I swore at Adrew Osprey. But he wasn't trapping me with the reminder of free will. I had to step into the cage or flee it on my own. I still swore at him again.

"Go or stay," he said. "Or decide on something else. Up to you."

"I know it's up to me!" I shouted at him.

And all he did was grin like a madman.

"Oh, you are very sure of yourself, aren't you?" I asked.

"Not a bit. Leave or stay," he said. "The tide won't wait for you."

I managed to take another step toward the door, a stiff, little step, but I did try.

I remembered Adrew Osprey holding an injured little girl in his arms, and reassuring her that I'd take care of her. I'd tried not to think of this incident many times before, because it was a memory that melted my bones and heart every time. It rose up and hit me hard now.

"You are mine," I heard myself say. He'd been mine, or me his, or both, from that moment the night of the riot. Why that moment, I do not know, but there it was. "I love you," I said.

"About time you said so, gel."

"What's a gel?"

"Never mind. Are you going to come to me, or do I have to come to you?"

I went to him. It was only a step. A very long step considering the consequences. "I am not leaving you," I told him.

"Good thing," he said. He held up his finger. There was a red, swollen spot on his skin. "This is aching something awful, Doctor."

I took his hand, and moved it down to my waist. "I'll look at it later." My head spun. I was giddy. I was free! I was safe in this man's arms, and he in mine. Even though we were going to war, probably in more ways than one.

He put his fingers under my chin. "You never asked me what my wager with myself was?"

I didn't know what he meant. "What?"

"The pearl," he said. "I wagered with myself that I'd marry you if you chose the pearl. I knew you would. I knew you from the moment I met you."

Marry?

I hadn't spoken aloud, but he answered, "Of course we will marry. Seekers must when they find who they seek."

"Well, yes, that's so, but--"

A knock on the door frame interrupted us. A bark interrupted the interruption a moment later.

I whirled. "Star!"

My dog jumped out of the sailors arms. And straight into Lord North's.

"You traitorous ratter!" I told her as she licked his face. But my heart was full with delight. "You remembered Star."

He looked at me, put her down. She began to sniff her way around the cabin. "I wouldn't let you sail away without her," he said. "Even if we'd had to wait for the next tide. The fleet's heading north," he added. "The Framin attack on the southern port was a diversion, a feint, even if many of my officers don't think so."

I remembered something my brother Alix had mentioned in a letter. "The large iron meteorite that landed on a northern island."

"Clever, gel. They'll let the Northern Fleet find the rock for them, then ambush them after they have it. The Framin think I'll follow them south for revenge, and they'll be able to chew up my northern ships with no trouble. The point is, I doubt this will be a short voyage. You won't need to worry about Marqs or your uncle for a good long while. And we'll be an old married couple before we face either of them. I'm sure your clever uncle and our dear ruler will work something out in the meantime."