Mending Places (25 page)

“Sure.” Micah took a swig from his canteen. In all honesty he didn’t know how much longer he could live under the same roof with Hanna. Regardless of his detachment, she wasn’t giving up on the notion of a relationship. And a man could only take so much.

“What’s wrong?”

Jim’s profession as a counselor carried over into every other area of his life. He was known for his probing questions, and Micah wasn’t sure he wanted to go there.

“It’s a problem between my boss and me.” Maybe he’d leave it alone.

“What kind of problem?”

Maybe not. Micah would ignore anyone else who pried into his life, but Jim was the only one who really cared what the answers were. That didn’t mean Micah had to tell him everything, though. “We just have major differences of opinion.”

Jim’s lips twitched. “That’s not the feeling I got this morning.”

Hanna had invited Jim to have breakfast with the others before they’d left the lodge. And she’d made no secret of her feelings toward Micah. He watched the other three members of their group taking pictures from their panoramic spot.

“You’re running scared, aren’t you?” The sober look shadowing Jim’s eyes checked the automatic defensiveness in Micah. “It’s a normal reaction, Micah. The only woman in your childhood, your mother no less, mistreated you. You bounced from one foster home to another during your childhood, and in that time connected with no other female. The only female you were bonded with, your sister, was taken from your life too. That’s bound to affect the way you feel about women.”

It was nothing Micah hadn’t thought about many times. Most of his group therapy centered around the effects of having an alcoholic parent. He thought of Jenna. At first his little sister had been placed in the same foster home with him. But somewhere along the line they’d been separated. Many times he’d wondered what had become of her. One day maybe he’d try to find her.

“Have you been using the journal I gave you?” Jim asked.

He nodded.

“The whole purpose of working through your past is to bring healing to your present. Man was not made to be alone. That’s why God created Eve.” He winked. “And I must admit, it was a great plan.” The smile fell from his face. “At some point you’re going to have to take the risk.”

A part of him certainly wanted to. The part that shuddered with desire whenever Hanna looked at him with open longing in her eyes. The part that weakened with yearning whenever she listened to him like
he was the only man in the world. The part that saw her playing with children and wondered what she’d look like carrying his child.

Micah shook his head, trying to clear the tempting image from his head. He took another drink from his canteen and urged the group into motion again. Jim filed silently into line, leaving Micah to think in peace.

As he climbed he came to a conclusion. He could either continue working at Higher Grounds and allow himself to enter a relationship with Hanna, or he could quit and move on. One thing was certain: He couldn’t continue to be around Hanna and remain detached. His feelings for her were growing; avoiding her had not stopped it from happening. And if he stayed, he would only grow to love her.

Should he stay or should he go? That was the question of the hour, and the one he reflected on for the remainder of the day.

Once the group had settled around the campfire, their bellies full from dinner, Jim brought up the subject again. “So, what’s this Hanna like?”

Micah sighed. She was very different from him. “Outgoing, caring.” He huffed a laugh. “Stubborn.”

Jim smiled. “You seem less than pleased about that.”

“It puts us at odds when she’s determined to have me, and I’m determined not to be had.”

He laughed. “Ah, so that’s how it is.” Jim poked at the fire with a stick. “How much does she know about you?”

“I’ve dropped a hint or two about my past.”

“To scare her off?”

Micah looked directly at Jim.

“Don’t be so surprised. It’s my job to be perceptive. So, did it work, scaring her off?”

He humphed. “Not hardly.”

“Sounds like quite a woman.”

She was. And he didn’t deserve her.

“Just the kind of woman to keep you in line,” Jim said, poking him in the elbow.

“All that stuff you did when you were younger doesn’t matter anymore, you know,” Jim whispered. “When Christ came in, He wiped the slate clean.”

“I know.”

“You know it in your head, but do you know it in your heart?”

How like Jim to get right to the point of the matter. How did he convince his heart? It was true he didn’t feel completely forgiven, hadn’t forgiven himself.

“I think you should do it.”

Micah jerked his head sideways to look at Jim. “Do what?”

“I think you should go for it. With Hanna. She seems like a caring, Christian girl. And from everything you’ve said, she had a healthy childhood and an intact family. A relationship with her could be very healing for you, in more ways than one.”

“How romantic,” Micah said sarcastically.

Jim chuckled. “Sometimes we psychologists are way too clinical, aren’t we?”

As Micah sat in the shadowed night watching the flames leap and shoot sparks, he had a sudden craving for toasted marshmallows and the woman he loved to share them with.

CHAPTER NINETEEN
 

Natalie watched Hanna chase Taylor across the playground and smiled when she caught him up in her arms. His shrieks of joy caused Natalie another moment of guilt. It had been weeks since she’d really played with her boys. Every smile she gave them seemed pinned on her face. Could they tell how unhappy she was? Were her grief and anxiety rubbing off on them?

“Watch me, Mom!” Alex slid down the spiral slide on his belly. After seeing his mom’s thumbs-up, he climbed back up the ladder.

It had been three days since Keith had left, and she hadn’t heard from him. Was he going to file for divorce? What would she do? How would she support the boys? And worse, what if Keith filed for custody?

More questions. Would there never be an end to this mess? She’d decided to continue going to counseling. Even if Keith wasn’t willing to stay, she needed to find a way to deal with all the emotions.

Hanna set Taylor in a baby swing and pushed him from the front, making faces and tickling his legs each time he neared. As if Natalie’s marriage problems weren’t enough, now she had Gram to worry about. Hanna had told her about Gram getting lost and about the next appointment being with a specialist. She’d only been around one person who’d had Alzheimer’s, and that was Keith’s great-aunt Sophie. They’d visited the woman in a nursing home last year, and she hadn’t recognized Keith. She used to be a soft-spoken, gentle woman, but when they’d visited, she’d thrown a temper tantrum over the food on her dinner plate.

Natalie couldn’t imagine that happening to Gram. Didn’t even want to think about the possibility.

Hanna set Taylor on the ground, and he sat in the wood chips using a stick to dig. Hanna plopped on the bench with a loud sigh.

Natalie smiled as she watched Taylor throwing the chips up in the air by the handful. He’d definitely need his hair washed tonight.

“How are you doing?” Hanna asked. “You sounded so depressed on the phone the other night.”

She sighed. “I go through bouts of depression and bouts of rage. And in between those two, I have bouts of self-pity. It’s really weird. Not just the emotional mood swings, but the way my mind works. Every time I think of some event in the past, whether it’s Taylor’s last birthday or when I had my hair highlighted, I keep trying to organize everything by whether it was before or during the affair. I do it constantly. Isn’t that weird?”

Hanna smiled sadly. “It’s probably normal. I mean, you really had the rug pulled out from under you. I’m sure you must feel like you were duped.”

“Exactly. It’s like, since I didn’t know what was going on then, I have to take all the information I have now and apply it to the past year.”

“It probably has a lot to do with your personality. I mean, you’re a very organized person, so it makes sense that you want to organize all this information.”

Natalie felt a rush of understanding. “Right. Like I had all these events filed away under ‘normal life,’ and now I have to go through each event and decide where I need to refile it.”

Hanna shook her head. “You are
sick,
woman.”

Natalie laughed, and it felt good. They silently watched the boys play. Alex disappeared into a tunnel, and Taylor continued to dig in the wood chips.

“Have you heard from Keith?” Hanna asked.

She shook her head. “I feel so lost. I don’t know if he’s going to file for divorce. And if he does, what will happen with our finances? Do they
freeze the assets or what? How are the bills going to get paid until all this is settled?”

“Maybe you should call an attorney and ask.” Hanna was starting to wish she’d been able to get the lodge’s mortgage through another bank. If Keith divorced Nat, it would be awkward dealing with him.

“The boys keep asking when Daddy’s coming home.”

Hanna put her arm around her and squeezed her shoulder.

“Can we talk about something else? I’m tired of crying.”

“Sure. Hey, have I told you about the cancellations at the lodge?”

“Yeah, have you figured out why you’re getting them?”

Hanna sighed. “Nope. Someone told me the Majestic is offering this really low rate. Have you heard any negative talk about the lodge?”

“No.”

“I thought maybe someone had started a rumor or something. Remember that phone call I told you about—the Realtor whose client wanted to buy our property?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m wondering if that’s connected somehow. Oh. I forgot this part. Yesterday I found Devon at the computer. He said—”

“Devon?”

“The watercraft guy. Anyway, he said he was just getting the airport shuttle list, but I’d already printed it out for him.”

“Hmm, I’ll have to give this some thought.”

“I’m no good at this detective stuff, and nothing illegal has been done that I can prove. But if I don’t put an end to this, we’re not going to be able to make July’s payment.”

“I wish I could help.” Natalie didn’t know how her own bills were going to get paid, much less those of Higher Grounds.

“You’ve got enough to worry about. But it wouldn’t hurt to mention it in your prayers if you think of it.”

“You got it.”

Taylor went running for the ladder and began climbing. Natalie jumped up and went to spot him. So much was going on in their lives
right now, and all of it seemed bad.
Lord, why do I feel like Job all of a sudden?

Hanna opened the file drawer and pulled Devon’s application. Her eyes skimmed the page for anything suspicious, but everything looked in order.

Who else could it be? A stranger who picked the lock in the middle of the night? The thought sent a shudder through her. Maybe she should have the entrance locks changed. Who else had access to the lodge?

Micah.
The uneasy thought flashed through her mind. She fished through the files for his application, but she couldn’t find it. She started at the front of the stuffed file and paged through the papers again, tossing out old papers as she went. His tax form was there and, right behind it, a half-sheet of paper with names and phone numbers scrawled on it.

That’s right. He’d just stopped in, spur of the moment, and I didn’t have him fill out an application.
Her head spun.
No. This is silly, Hanna; he wouldn’t do this. You know him. He’s the man who found Gram, the man who stirs your heart, for heaven’s sake.

Hanna breathed a laugh. Of course Micah isn’t doing this. What was she thinking? She shook her head, feeling a momentary pang of guilt. After all the things Micah had done for her, for Gram, for the lodge, and she was suspecting him of betrayal.

Rendering a mental apology to Micah, she tossed his references in the trash and went to the front desk to check out a couple. While she printed out their bill, Micah approached the desk and began looking over the sign-up sheets for this week’s climbs. The couple chatted with her for a few moments and thanked her for her restaurant recommendations over the past few days. Micah remained at the desk, quietly scanning his papers. Finally the couple left.