Mending the Soul (16 page)

Nicholas gently pulled on Jenna's arm to get her onto the bed with him.  He moved over so that she had more room.  She laid next to him as he turned on his side to kiss her.  His hand roamed her torso, finally making its way between her legs.  His fingers found her wetness as he rubbed her, making her pant.  He was driving her wild with his fingers, and when she couldn't take it anymore, she grabbed onto his wrist.

"I need you in me."  Jenna cried.

Nicholas moved between her legs, opening them wider using his knees.  He guided himself over her hole, running himself up and down her slit a few times to lube himself up.  He finally began to enter her slowly as she wrapped her legs around his waist.  Using her leg muscles, she squeezed Nicholas, forcing him all the way into her.

"Couldn't wait, huh?"  Nicholas panted.

"Nope.  I needed you so bad."  Jenna told him.

He started pumping in and out of her, every now and then teasing her by withdrawing almost completely and making her beg for him to put it back in her.  He rolled them over so that Jenna was on top of him, straddling his hips.  She took control and set the pace of their love-making, taking some time to tease him herself.  Jenna finally allowed herself to climax, sending waves of ecstasy throughout her body.  Nicholas felt her convulsing around his shaft that was buried in her, and it took all his control not to send him spiraling too.  He held on for a little while longer, until he couldn't handle the pressure building inside him any longer.  He released his load inside of Jenna, and the feeling of his climax caused another one in her.

After their bodies calmed, Jenna rolled off Nicholas, both of them sweaty and spent.  She lay in his arms, speechless at the sheer pleasure they had just shared.  Jenna had the urge to tell him that she loved him, but she knew it was too soon.  They had taken a big step in their relationship tonight, and she didn't want to set them back by telling him her true feelings for him.  Instead, she lay in his arms, listening to their hearts beating in sync.

Nicholas and Jenna slept soundly in each other’s arms throughout the night, waking early for an encore performance of the night before.  After they were both spent again, they lay together, holding one another in the afterglow.

Jenna lay on her side, with her head cradled on Nicholas's shoulder, drawing random shapes and designs on Nicholas's stomach and chest.  Though her body felt at peace, and thoroughly pleasured, Jenna's mind was in turmoil.  She knew that she was in love with Nicholas and wanted to tell him so bad, but she was afraid that he would turn and run when he heard how she felt.  On the other hand, Jenna didn't think it was fair that she had to hide her true feelings from him just because he may be scared.  After all, everyone gets scared, right?  It's all in how you handle it that separates the men from the boys, so to speak.  Besides, Nicholas may feel the same way and just be waiting for her to say it first, right?  She made her decision.

"Nicholas?"  She whispered.  She wasn't sure if he was awake or not, his breathing was slow, but she didn't think he could fall asleep that quick.

"Hm?"  He muttered quietly, shortly after she whispered his name.

"I have something to tell you, and I've been going back and forth over whether I should tell you or not.  When I left Kyle, I never thought I'd want to be with another man again.  When I met you, I thought that you were the perfect friend for me, and that it would never go further than that.  The problem is, that it did end up going further than that.  You gave me so much to believe in, you showed me that not every man was a cheater, that they aren't all untrustworthy, and that I'm deserving of better than what I had with Kyle.  You have been there for me so much since I met you, and little by little, my feelings have turned from nothing but friendship to something more.  Something way more.  Nicholas, I have to tell you…I've fallen for you.  I love you."  She told him softly, her voice just above a whisper.

Nicholas yawned.  "I love you too Leslie."

Jenna smiled.  'He loves me too!  I can't believe- WAIT!  LESLIE?'  Jenna thought.  "What?"  She yelled, jumping out of bed and out of Nicholas's arms.  Nicholas shot up in bed, woken up by Jenna screaming at him.  "What the fuck did you just call me?  You stupid son of a bitch, I just poured my heart out to you and you do this to me?  How could you?"  Jenna yelled at him, furiously getting dressed while she yelled.  "I can't believe I let myself fall for you, I should have known better.  I am so through with this bull shit.  You know what, fuck you Nicholas, don't speak to me ever again!"

Nicholas sat there gaping at Jenna.  He was too shocked to even stop her ranting to find out what she was so pissed about.  All he knew was that one minute he was having the most perfect dream, introducing Jenna, his new love, to Leslie and getting her approval for Nicholas to move on, then the next, Jenna was screaming like a Banshee.  He didn't know if she was mad at him for falling asleep after they made love, or if he didn't give her enough pleasure…he was clueless at what just happened.

Nicholas jumped out of bed just before Jenna walked out of the room and grabbed her arm.  "Wait!  What happened?  Why are you so mad at me?"  Nicholas asked, his eyes pleading with her to tell him what he did.

"Yeah, like I want to relive one of my most traumatizing moments of my life so soon after it happened!"  Jenna yelled, tears forming in her eyes.  "Thanks for letting me know where I rate and that I will never match up to Leslie!"  Jenna yanked her arm out of Nicholas's grasp and took off down the stairs, slamming the back door when she left.

Nicholas backed against the wall, and slumped down to the floor, head in his hands.  "But I love you."  He said softly and then played the scene out in his mind, over and over, looking for any clues as to why she was upset.  He drew a blank, and knew that he wasn't going to give up on her that easily.  He had just found love again, finally got his life back, and he wasn't going to throw that away.

*****

Jenna ran into her house and straight up to her bedroom.  She threw herself down on her bed and buried her head in her pillows, sobs wracking her body.  As she let out her anguishing cries, her whole body shook, feeling worse than she had in a long time.  How could she have been so wrong about Nicholas?  How could he have hurt her so bad?  Was he just pretending to care about her to get into bed with her?  At least with Kyle, she knew it was all about the sex and that he didn't try to make her believe he cared for her when he didn't.

Maybe that's what hurt the most, she felt more than betrayed, she felt duped.  Nicholas made Jenna believe that he felt something for her, when all he wanted to do was feel her.  How could she have spent so much time with him over the past few months and not seen it?  She was so wrong about him.

Jenna wondered if there were any signs that she could have seen beforehand.  She knew when they first met that he wasn't over his wife's death.  He didn't try to hide it.  But lately, he seemed to be making so much progress, like taking down her pictures, telling their friends that they were together, making love to her…why would he do all that stuff if he wasn't over Leslie?  The only thing Jenna could think of was for sex.

The phone started ringing and Jenna groaned, trying to get ahold of herself.  She looked at the caller ID to see if she even wanted to answer it.

"Nessa?"  Jenna cried.

"Hey, what's wrong?"  Vanessa asked.

"It's over.  I hate him.  He hurt me worse than Kyle did!"  She sobbed.

"I'm on my way over there right now.  I'm about 3 blocks from your house.  Come down and let me in, ok?"  Vanessa asked.

"Why are you coming over?"  Jenna straightened, trying to dry her tears.

"Well, don't get mad, but Nicholas called and said he woke up to you yelling and that you ran out on him.  He didn't know what to do, so he asked if I would come over and check on you."  Vanessa explained.

Jenna chuckled.  "Nice to see he's still keeping up with the act, pretending to care about my feelings!"

"Ok, I'm here, come down and let me in."  Vanessa told her.

"It's unlocked.  I'm upstairs in my room and I don't really feel like coming down.  You can let yourself in."  Jenna told her dryly and hung up the phone.  She heard the front door open and shut, then heard footsteps on the stairs.  She looked up when her bedroom door opened and Vanessa walked through.

"Ok, so what happened to get you upset enough for Nicholas to drag me out of Nathan's arms so early in the morning?"  Vanessa asked playfully.

"You know what, I never asked for you to come here, so if you don't want to be here, then you know where the door is!"  Jenna yelled in anger.

"Well, at least you're not bawling anymore."  Vanessa joked and sat on Jenna's bed next to her.  "Jens, you know I didn't mean it that way.  I just meant that it had to be something really important, and I just don't understand what it was.  Nicholas doesn't either.  When I left you both last night, you were happier than I'd ever seen you, and from the way he talked, he was too.  What changed so much between last night and this morning?"

Jenna took a minute to gather herself, trying to stay calm and not get too upset again.  "Ness, last night was perfect!  It was so amazing, probably the best night of my life.  We made love and it was everything I could have hoped it could be and more.  He was mind blowing.  Then we slept in each other’s arms and had a little repeat performance this morning.  Both times after we made love, or now I guess I could say after we fucked, I wanted to tell him how I felt about him.  I didn't do it last night, but this morning I couldn't resist.  We were laying there, both so comfortable, and I told him how I felt.  I poured my heart out to him, then told him I loved him.  And do you know what he said?"  Jenna paused, tears coming to her eyes again.  "He said, 'I love you too Leslie.'  He fucking said that he loved Leslie.  Whether he was calling me her name, or if he was imagining Leslie while we had sex, I don't know.  But do you know how much it hurt me?  Here I am thinking that we may actually have a shot at a relationship, then he goes and says that.  Obviously I mean nothing to him, and he was just using me for sex.  Well, I'm glad he got his rocks off because it's the last time he touches me!"  The tears poured from Jenna's eyes as Vanessa pulled her into a hug to comfort her.

"Ah, sweetie.  Maybe there's an explanation behind it.  I don't know what it could be, but there might be.  Did you let him explain?"  Vanessa asked, rocking Jenna back and forth and petting her head to try to calm her down.

"He obviously saw no problem with it.   He didn't apologize and he sure didn't seem to think he did anything wrong."  Jenna said incredulously.

"Well, when he called me, he had no clue what happened.  He said he woke up to you yelling at him, then you took off.  Maybe he has no clue what he said."  Vanessa tried to reason.

"But the fact is he still said 'Leslie'.  You know how hard it was for me to tell him how I felt about him?  And the whole time, he has Leslie on his mind?  I can't deal with it anymore, I can't keep getting hurt by him."  Jenna said.  The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes.  Vanessa had no idea what to say to Jenna.  "Thanks for coming over.  It helped to talk to you about this, but you don't need to be here to hold my hand.  Go home to Nathan.  I'm just going to shower and get ready for Colby to come home."  Jenna said, moving to get out of bed.

"Are you sure?  You know that I'll always be there for you.  No man will ever get in the way of that."  Vanessa told her.

"I know.  But really, go home and let Nathan start your day off right.  At least one of us should be happy right now."  Jenna told her.

"Ok, well call me if you need anything, ok?"

"I will.  Thanks." Jenna gave Vanessa a hug and went into the bathroom to start her shower.  She could still smell Nicholas on her clothes and all over her body.  It was enough to get her crying again, as she remembered his hands on her body, and the way his lips molded around- 'Just get in the shower and wash him off your body!  Stop thinking about him!'  Jenna berated herself.

Vanessa let herself out of Jenna's house, and before she got into her car to go back home, she had a pit stop to make.

Hearing someone pounding on his front door, Nicholas ran downstairs, putting his shirt on as he opened the door.  "Well, what do you have to say for yourself!?"  Vanessa asked angrily as she pushed past Nicholas and walked into his house.

"If I knew what I did, then I would be able to defend myself a hell of a lot better!"  Nicholas protested.

"You don't think there is anything wrong with either thinking about Leslie while you and Jenna are having sex, or calling her Leslie?  Who knows what was going through your mind when you said it."  Vanessa steamed.

"What are you talking about?"  Nicholas was confused.

"Jenna poured her heart out to you, telling you that she fell for you and that she loves you, and what do you say back to her?  'I love you too Leslie'?  Yeah, probably not the right choice of words.  What the hell were you thinking!?  How could you do that to her?"  Vanessa cried.

"Wait, what?  She told me she loved me?"  Nicholas asked, his heart dropping to the floor.

"Yeah, then you go and screw it up.  It killed her when you said Leslie's name."

"She loves me?"  Nicholas asked, a small smile spreading across his face.