Mia Like Crazy (29 page)

“Uncle Drew, Uncle Drew.” I threw my hands up in the air, mimicking Ben when he wanted a ride. Drew chuckled and I was glad we could share a laugh, even when rehashing his depressing past.

“When did you find out about the ninety million?”

“The lawyer told me right away, but I didn’t believe anyone would ever marry me, so I wasn’t going to do anything about it. Meridith said wills were contested all the time, and that she would do anything she could to help me.” He paused, and I could see he was reliving old emotions as he continued. “One day, it hit me, how crummy my life was, and I thought, ‘that old creep owes me
.’
I had been having a lot of thoughts about taking myself out, but for some reason, I wasn’t ready to die. I guess I thought all that money would cure me.”

So, I hadn’t been wrong to worry about Drew’s safety that night we exchanged the “secret knock.” I tried to imagine what my life would be like without him. The time before I met him now felt like it belonged to someone else.

“We’re more alike than I thought we were when we first met,” I said. “I believed money would buy me happiness too.”

“But all you needed were a few home-cooked meals.”

I laughed and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “Yeah, that’s all it took.”

~

On the night of December 20,
I was awakened in Drew’s bed by a dream. I knew it had been a pleasant dream, but there was also something disturbing about it.

In my drowsy state, I tried to rewind and play it back again. The dream took place in my old room—the guest room—except it had been made into a nursery.

I was ushering Meridith and the kids in to see something. Drew was there, sitting in the middle of the room in a rocking chair, holding a bundle in his arms, repeating, “I’ve got your nose! I’ve got your nose!” over and over again.

When I reviewed the dream, it gave me the same warm, happy feeling I’d experienced the first time.

Suddenly, I sat upright. I looked at Drew, who was dead to the world. I scrambled out of bed, and ran to the guest room, where I still stored many of my belongings. I threw on a bathrobe and tied it quickly, then went to my briefcase and pulled out the little calendar I kept there.

As I turned on the light, I thumbed through it frantically. I hadn’t recorded any of the information I was looking for in the past several months. In fact, the last entry of any kind was the original appointment with Drew.

I was too crazed to think straight. Maybe what I was thinking now was all part of a dream, because the Mia Medina I knew would not have been so careless.

I thought back to my past sexual encounters before I met Drew. Men were never my top priority, and I didn’t want to take the chance of anything getting in the way of reaching my goals.

Come to think of it, dates had been very few and far between. In those rare instances when I’d gone to bed with someone, I’d stopped just short of insisting we both wear space suits to ensure no accidents were possible.

Had Drew and I really taken no precautions whatsoever? I thought about my happy dream and wondered if I had, subconsciously, wanted to have his baby to ensure that I didn’t have to leave when the six months were up.

That was impossible. I was the last woman in the world who would try to trap a man in a marriage. Surely, it was this new life, like stepping into a different world, where none of the normal rules applied anymore. I didn’t have to go to work in the morning, I didn’t need to figure out what I was going to eat, and I didn’t need the normal kinds of protection.

But I did. I had to be pregnant. I didn’t know much about the condition, but I’d heard of bouts of vague nausea like the ones I’d been
having…for how long?
And the day before
I’d made Drew go down the street to the convenience store and buy me one of those disgusting fruit pies. I’d never liked the taste of them, but I downed the whole thing the minute he got back.

In my entire life, I couldn’t remember feeling such panic. I held my hand out in front of my face. It was shaking like a leaf. All this time, I’d needed Doctor Schultz as much as Drew had. Talk about
denial
! I was as crazy as he was. As messed up as my mother.

What was wrong with me that I wasn’t even sure of my own motivations? Had Drew driven me crazy?

But you still don’t even know why you quit your job…before you ever met Drew.

Regardless, how could I “forget” about protection? How could I not even imagine I was pregnant? But I did. I dreamed it. And if I knew that and hadn’t faced it before the dream, on some level, did I know I wasn’t taking precautions and block that knowledge out?

Then I remembered the innuendo I’d never understood as a child, but had deciphered later as a teenager. The barbs my dad threw at my mom when I was young made it pretty clear now that he’d thought she’d gotten pregnant on purpose to get him to marry her.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I’d been acting more and more like my mother since I’d come to Vaughndale. I wasn’t a drug addict, of course. But her problems went a lot deeper than the various anesthesias she used to forget them. Could I have inherited something awful from her…or did I learn more at her knee than I ever imagined?

Shivering from nerves, I turned off the light, climbed into the guest bed and tried to decide whether Drew and I could possibly be ready for this. Then I wondered about the fact that he never showed any concern about pregnancy either.

As unusual as he was, surely, he knew how babies were made. After two hours of tossing and turning, I went back to his bed and snuggled up next to him. He reached out and pulled me against his chest and, finally, I slept.

~

I awoke with a terrible case of anxiety. I was hoping I wouldn’t give myself a migraine because I didn’t know if the medication would hurt the baby.
The baby.
It was already a fact in my mind. I would find a doctor today to confirm it, and…then what?

Drew was already making breakfast. I would have to come up with an excuse so I could leave without him suspecting anything.

I opened the drawer in his nightstand and found a phone book. Even in this small city, there were too many doctors for a crazed, possibly pregnant woman to sort through. I picked up the phone and called Meridith.

I tried to sound calm. “Meri?” I began, “Do you know a doctor who might see me today?”

“Oh, are you sick?”

I had planned to lie, but with Meridith’s concerned voice on the other end of the phone, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Not exactly…”

“Are you pregnant?” Meridith sounded entirely too loud and joyful about this.

“Shhh! Meri, are the kid’s listening?”

“No. They’re in the kitchen eating breakfast. So I guess you haven’t told Drew?”

“I don’t know for sure, and I’m really freaked out, and I have no idea how he will react to this.”

“Listen Mia,” Meridith said conspiratorially. “I’ll make the appointment for you. Then I’ll call you and invite you to go shopping with me. Since it’s so close to Christmas, if he asks any questions, we can claim that it’s secret Christmas business.”

I instantly felt better, always relieved to have a plan. “Thank you Meri!”

Thank goodness I had such a wonderful sister-in-law. Meridith would get me through this day and everything would be all right.

I put on a robe and went downstairs, hoping I could fake an appetite. My stomach was full of nervous knots. I couldn’t focus on whatever conversation Drew and I were having, and I could barely choke down the wonderful breakfast he’d made me.

When the phone rang, I nearly jumped out of my seat. Drew answered and spoke to his sister for a few minutes. “Borrow my wife?” he repeated into the phone. “You’ve got lots of cash. Why don’t you buy one of your own?” After he finished giving Meridith a hard time, he passed the phone over to me.

“Mia, I need you to go on a special secret shopping trip. I’m going to come by and get you at eleven. Can you do that for me?”

“Sure, Meri. I’d be happy to go.” I thought my voice sounded normal enough. “Okay, I’ll get ready. Bye.”

Drew sat across the table grumbling. “Meridith’s got all kinds of people on her payroll and she has to have my only wife.”

“Well, she’s my sister-in-law, thanks to you. I think we’re supposed to do things like this together, but I’m glad to know you’re going to miss me so much.” I patted my lips with my napkin and stood.

“I didn’t say I was going to miss you,” he replied with mock annoyance. “I just won’t have anyone to feed lunch to.”

I chuckled. “You seriously need a pet.”

Meridith arrived promptly at eleven. I was so concerned Drew would note some quirk in my behavior, I stayed upstairs “getting ready” until I heard the doorbell. After a swift exit, I collapsed into Meridith’s car.

“Do you mind telling me what brought all this on today?” Meridith asked kindly.

“It was a dream.”

“You mean a
dream
dream?”

“Yes, and when I woke up from it this morning I realized I was late, and that’s not the worst of it, but I am so appalled at myself, I don’t even think I can tell you the rest.” My elbow was on the armrest and I held my face in my hand, completely mortified.

“Mia, sweetheart,” Meridith spoke in her kindest motherly tone. “What could you possibly have done that’s so horrible?”

“You’ve got to understand, Meri. It’s not me. I mean, I guess it is me, but it’s not the me I’ve been all my life.” Moisture pooled in the corners of my eyes. “I lived every minute so carefully. I never forgot my homework. I made straight “A’s” in school. The teachers said how responsible I was.” I could feel the tears running down my face. “I was never late for anything, and I never left anything to chance, but since I walked into Drew’s apartment that day, it’s been like I’m another person. The person I was supposed to be with the childhood I had. You know, over-emotional, over-dramatic, lazy, crazy, irresponsible, and reckless.”

“Mia, everyone gets carried away sometimes and takes a chance—”

“No, Meri, you don’t understand. I didn’t get carried away and say, ‘What the hell’ one night. I completely forgot about it…that it was necessary…at all… I
lost my mind!
” I cried. “I mean, deep inside, I was always afraid I would lose it, but I thought if I kept my life planned and under control—oh my God!” I could feel my hands shaking as I covered my face with them.

“Mia!” Meridith commanded. “Calm down, and listen to me.”

“Okay…okay.” I said weakly. We stopped at a red light, and I accepted the small packet of tissues Meridith pulled out of the glove compartment.

“First, I want you to understand that I don’t know that last person you described. From the first day I met you, I recognized that you were a strong woman with a good heart. As I got to know you better, I learned you’re caring, forgiving, intuitive, brilliant, gracious and loving, not to mention kind to children and animals.

“You’ve given my brother three of the most valuable things in life: love, laughter, and hope. If you give him a child, too, I think that would be absolutely wonderful.” Meridith pulled into a parking space in front of an office building.

“You make it sound so simple,” I cried. “The fact is, Meridith, I don’t know if I’m even sane enough to be a mother. What if I didn’t
forget
I needed to take precautions? What if I’m so nuts, I blocked it all out so I would be able to keep him? I’m not sure about myself, anymore. All the things I used to know about me aren’t even true anymore. I feel like my life is spinning out of control.”

“How two control freaks like you and Drew manage together is beyond me,” Meridith said. “But it works, somehow. Mia, maybe on some level you did want this to happen because you wanted to have a permanent bond with him or because you didn’t want to be so alone anymore—”