Mia Like Crazy (35 page)

“Yes.”

“Well, last night, I had this dream, but it was more like I was remembering—I know what they were.”

I was hooked. “Can you tell me?”

“
That
’s why I kidnapped you!” he said triumphantly as he hit the steering wheel with one hand. “Okay, in no particular order—I always wanted a dog, but my dad said he didn’t need another mouth to feed. I wanted to learn to play the guitar… Oh, when I grew up I was going to be an artist…and I always hoped my dad would disappear off the face of the earth—hey, since he’s dead, that one’s sort of already come true!” He delivered the last sentence with totally inappropriate glee considering the subject matter. “And I wanted to go on a vacation to a beach with palm trees and huts, like on Gilligan’s Island. And there were some more I can’t think of right now, but none of them involved being really rich.”

I finally began to grasp the direction he might be going with this. I was afraid to say anything for fear he might lose all this stream-of-consciousness optimism. I noticed we were at the park. Drew stopped the car in a little parking area, in front of the pond.

“But the dream I had last was the best because it was a new one and you were in it. You and I were sitting on that bench right there.” He pointed at the wooden bench where we had fed the ducks. “It was spring or summer, and the sun was brighter than I’ve ever seen it before. Kids were all around, flying kites and playing chase, and we were laughing and holding hands… But the best part was that I wasn’t worried about who was watching or what people were saying or doing. I was just enjoying being with you.

“And then I called out a name—I haven’t remembered what it was yet—and this big dog came running over.” He smiled a beautiful, boyish smile at the memory. “That’s all I can remember, now, except—did I tell you, in the dream, I was wearing a
red plaid
shirt?” He laughed at his own words.

I laughed with him as I tried to imagine him in red plaid. “What do you think this all means?”

“Well, don’t run out and buy me a plaid shirt because it may have just been in there to make a point.”

He paused, then tilted his head and leaned toward me as though he wanted our talk to be more personal. I’d never seen this mannerism before, yet I felt it might be more natural to the real Drew than his usual stiff ways.

Something really had happened to him. I reached out and placed my hand on his to encourage him to continue.

“One time, Dr. Schultz and I were having this conversation about change,” he said. “We’d been talking about you and me, and I asked her if she thought it was possible for a person to change, and could a person come along and change you—that kind of stuff… Anyway, she said she didn’t believe another person could change you, but sometimes people come into our lives who make us want
to change and make us believe it’s possible. She said it’s not so difficult when you’re really sure you want to do it. You decide, and then just do one thing different and then the next. Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so,” I answered. “Is that why you put on those clothes today?”

“Yeah. It just came to me as I was standing there this morning, looking at my black suit collection. I thought, ‘That can be my very first thing
.’
”

“You look fabulous!”

Apparently, Drew still didn’t know how to take a compliment. He ignored it and continued. “And on the way to Mason’s office, I remembered that night, when you ended up at the bar.”

I covered my face and groaned.

“I knew you wanted me to
say
something…
do
something to keep you from having to walk out the door. I knew all I had to do was take you in my arms and you wouldn’t go, but I let you leave, knowing every man who looked at you was going to want you, and they
would actually do something about it.” It was obvious Drew still hadn’t forgiven himself, and the memory was difficult for him to relive.

“But at the time, I couldn’t see how it would end any other way. In my mind, I would never have what it took to keep you. I was a loser. Things couldn’t get better between us because life had always been the same for me.” He turned off the car motor. “Come on.”

He got out and came around to my side, opened the door, and helped me out of the car. Since it was a chilly January day, we were the only people in sight. We walked over to the bench and sat down together. Drew turned toward me, his facial expression holding a particular combination of earnestness and determination I’d never seen on him before. He took my hands in his and I felt his thumb moving back and forth on my wedding rings.

“Mia…” He said my name clearly and firmly, then closed his eyes. Whatever he was about to say was obviously very important to him. I got the feeling he wanted to get it just right. I held my breath as he opened his eyes and began speaking.

“We’ve known each other for a while now, and I know we have an unmistakable connection, and a deep love for each other.” This reminded me of his marriage proposal. “I still can’t imagine that a more beautiful, brilliant or unusual woman exists on this planet, and if she did, I wouldn’t want her because she wouldn’t be you.”

Nice adlib.

He smiled at me and I was as dazzled as the first time I saw it.

“I can’t guarantee I’ll always do or say the right thing because I’m not usually sure what the right thing is. But I—
finally—
know who I am and what kind of person I want to be, and if you left now, that person would miss you more than he’d miss his own heart.”

His words were beautiful and the sentiment behind them was heartfelt. This was the Drew I’d always sensed was there, the one I had only caught glimpses of before. In my mind’s eye, I could see the sensitive little boy who wanted to draw and play the guitar and have a dog.

I couldn’t imagine the monster who had denied him those things.

I made the decision right then that I wasn’t going to deny him anything. I was going to honor my wedding vows, for better or for worse. I was never going to walk out on him again, even if he tried to drive me to it in his times of self-doubt. And, for his birthday, I was going to get him a guitar…and a dog.

He was silent now. I knew he’d exposed his soul to me and this time he’d done all he could do to keep me in his life.

It was my turn to come clean. “Drew, there’s something I need to tell you.”

He looked nervous. “You haven’t fallen in love with someone else, have you?”

Was he joking? He didn’t seem to be. “When would I possibly have had time to do that?” I asked. “We’ve been together every day for the last six months!”

“Well, you spent time at the hair salon and the nail place, and I didn’t go with you into those dress shops.”

“In that case, it would be an even bigger revelation, because I’d also be announcing that I was a lesbian.”

“Oh, yeah.” He relaxed. “I guess mostly women work at those places. So, what do you want to tell me?”

I dug my teeth into my lower lip and took a deep breath. My heart beat so hard I thought it would explode. “I had a special reason to try to have your case reopened.” My voice shook as I spoke. “One you’re not aware of.”

Drew raised his eyebrows and pushed them together in a puzzled expression. Just as I thought, he didn’t have a clue. Even after everything he’d said, I hesitated to drop this bombshell on him. “It’s because…well…I’m pregnant.”

As expected, he was stunned. He looked away from me and stared out toward the pond as if he was trying to make sense of what I’d said.

I tried to make myself breathe, since I was afraid not doing so could be bad for the baby.

He turned back toward me
.
“Pregnant? Like with our
baby
?” he asked. I nodded and Drew looked away, again, a dazed expression on his face.

After a good thirty seconds of torturous silence, he, once more, turned toward me and said with child-like wonder, “Do you think all those kids in my dream were
ours
?”

Laughter bubbled out of me so unexpectedly I nearly fell off the bench. He put an arm out to catch me and pulled me up into a standing embrace. He gave me a kiss on the nose. “No wonder you were so heavy!”

I couldn’t help laughing at him again, even if it was the wrong thing to say to a pregnant woman. “Just wait,” I said, “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“We’d better go. It’s way too cold out here for a baby.” As we turned to go, he kept a protective arm around me.

“Oh, the baby’s fine. It’s me who’s freezing to death,” I said as he opened my door.

After we were in the car, with the heater turned on, the smile he’d been wearing faded. “Mia?”

“Yes, Drew?”

“You are coming home with me, aren’t you?”

“Oh, didn’t I say that?” I asked casually.

As we drove toward the apartment, the car was silent for several minutes. I didn’t push for conversation, figuring Drew needed the time to absorb the life-altering news I’d just given him.

“Mia?” He finally said. “Is it normal to feel a little scared when you find out you’re going to have a baby?”

“I think so. What are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid something will happen to you, and that I don’t know how to be a dad, and the kid won’t like me—”

“I think that’s all completely normal. When I realized I might be pregnant, I almost had a nervous breakdown.”

“But you didn’t talk to me about it,” he said sadly.

I reached over and placed my hand on his thigh, so grateful he no longer tensed at my touch. “I guess I was so stressed out, I assumed you’d be worse. I was wrong. I’ll talk to you about everything from now on. If we get upset, we’ll just work through it together—no leaving.”

He stopped at a red light and covered my hand with his. “I want to talk about something now.”

“What it is it?”

“When the kids come—”

“
Kids
?” I asked, surprised at his use of the plural form of the word.

“Can we do everything—you know, eat dinner together, read bedtime stories, like real people?” The light turned green. He released my hand and accelerated.

“I think so. Why not?” I shrugged, still not completely confident I knew how to create a normal life for my child.

“I want to be a good dad, but I’m not sure I know how, and you’re really good at making plans. Could you make one now?”

“Now?” I asked, surprised.

“Yeah. I could really use one.”

“Okay, we still have over seven months,” I calculated. “We’re going to watch reruns of all those family shows like
Leave it to Beaver
and
The Brady Bunch
, and we’ll go to the book store and get a stack of books on babies and children so we have something to read to each other when the shows aren’t on… And when the baby comes, we’ll just throw it all out the window and do what feels right, like I did when I married you. How’s that?”

He smiled broadly. “I like it,” he said. “You know, I was kind of hoping you got pregnant on purpose…to make sure we stayed together after the six months were over.”

Under any other circumstances, I would have been appalled at the statement. “I’ve been hoping I
didn’t
do that.”

“Why not?” He was still clueless, despite his epiphanies.

“Trapping a man in a marriage by getting pregnant is pretty reprehensible.”

“What guy wouldn’t want to get trapped by you?” he asked with complete sincerity.

“That’s the sweetest, weirdest thing anyone’s ever said to me. Anyway, I didn’t want to think I’d do it, because I don’t believe in it. However, I never believed in love at first sight, but from the first time I met you, I didn’t want to leave, even when you threw me out.”