Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 (22 page)

without reverting back to me, without feeling as though I had to

place each word in a sentence. I said to my mother “I just know this

is it, full recovery”. She asked how I knew and I said “well, you know

when people say they think they may be in love, but they are not

sure, but others say if you’re in love you just know’ -that is what it is

like.”

I thought I had recovered before as I had so many good days, but

now I knew, it went to another level - total freedom. I never thought

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about anxiety any more unless I worked with it and then it was just

like any other subject. It no longer bothered me and because I had

stopped worrying or caring how I felt, so many other things filled my

day, I had my life back. My mind was so clear and my nerves had

healed. They were no longer sensitised and did not feel rushes of

fear for very little reason. I was not racked with feelings of

anxiousness and not constantly irritable.

My mind was no longer tired through fear and worry and the deep

thinking about my condition. It had regained its flexibility and felt so

clear. It was like the whole subject was behind me. One thing though

was that it felt odd to feel free again. It was just like being let out of

prison and it took a while to readjust to feeling normal. Anxiety had

been part of my life for so long it felt natural.

Q.9 You mention a lot about not going in search of that magic

tablet or secret cure etc and just letting recovery come to you.

However, you also recommend a few things such as exercise,

avoiding alcohol, massage etc to help with recovery. How do

you draw the line between the two and when do these things

stop being just aids in our recovery and represent us searching

for a quick fix? I’ve thought a few times about trying meditation

or something to help me relax, but then wonder if it might be a

step too far and means that I am not accepting the way I feel.

This is a very good question and as I have mentioned before, I

initially took up running because it helped with my anxiety. But the

mistake I made was that my whole run was taken up with ‘I will feel

great when I get back. This will really help my anxiety. My whole run

was built around ‘ridding myself of anxiety’ which was the wrong

attitude. If I came home not feeling great I would question why and

try and run further. I needed to feel great, but I had fallen into the

trap of doing something to ‘rid’ myself of anxiety. So although I knew

it helped me, I just started to run for me. If it helped with anxiety then

so be it. If it did not, then that was fine, it was not going to be the

reason I ran. So it does not matter what you do as long as you do it

for your sense of well being and don’t put yourself under pressure to

feel good afterwards.

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Answers to emails I have received

Hi Paul. I wondered if you could answer me about a problem

I seem to be stuck on. I can be sat in lectures and strange

images, past dreams, memories or whatever keep popping

up in my mind. I get so distressed wondering why this is

happening and thinking that, yes, I am going mad. I can’t find

this symptom anywhere and I have looked. Is this anxiety

because it is making me question my sanity again and it

does scare me to the point that I am obsessed with every

thought that enters my head.

My reply was:

Hi, you are doing everything that I have been telling you not to do.

You have given in to an off shoot of anxiety and paid it the maximum

respect. Rather than just sitting in your lecture with strange images

and dreams passing through, you have become distressed and

scared of them. You are probably sat there trying to work it all out

and scaring yourself with thoughts of going crazy, etc. etc. Is it any

wonder you feel worse? You are probably thinking about it all the

way home, going over why, what, if.

I will tell you that I had the same symptoms many times. When I was

drifting off to sleep, I felt like I was lifting off the bed. I had so many

thoughts come through, but just shrugged my shoulders. When your

mind is tired, which yours will be with all the worry and stress you

are putting it under, trying to figure things out, then it plays the odd

trick on you. Have you ever tried to stay up all night and not sleep

for more than 24 hours? If you have, you will know that you minds

starts to play tricks on you. It’s the same thing. Your mind is just very

tired. Please don’t do all the Google searching, looking for this

symptom and that symptom, it’s a complete waste of time. Just put

ALL symptoms under the umbrella of anxiety. Don’t feel the need to

investigate them all, obsess and worry. You will just go around in

circles tiring your mind even more and not giving it the break it so

craves.

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As I have said before, I can give advice out but what I can’t do is

make people follow it and trust in what I say. Only you can do that.

Allow yourself to feel anything, it’s fine.

Hope that helps

Paul

Her reply was:

Hi Paul

Thanks so much. I have followed your advice and most, if not

all of my anxiety symptoms have gone, just like you say they

will. This is my last remaining symptom and thanks for giving

me a much needed kick up the bum for giving it so much

importance.

So what if I get these and feel weird. It’s okay. I will now give

myself permission to feel like this, something I have not done

in the past which just created more problems.

My reply was:

We do need a kick up the bum sometimes Samantha and I spoke

quite direct to try to help you and really get my point across, no other

reason. I just don’t want you or anyone letting anxiety take control

again and bluffing you into thinking it is something else. You’re fine,

let it play its tricks. It’s honestly just a tired mind and means nothing.

The above is a classic case of being bluffed by your anxiety. It is

your reaction to it and not ‘it’ that can cause the problem. She had

decided to react to how she felt instead of just carrying on with her

day whether the feelings were there or not. She was tricked into the

whole investigation/worry cycle. She just needed a sharp reminder

from me not to go down that road.

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Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for your book. It has really helped me

to move forward and understand so much more. I am able

to face life more easily now, although there are still certain

questions I would like to ask.

At the moment I drop my 3 year old off at nursery

every day. Just before I leave, I start to sweat and by the

time I get there it’s terrible - horrible in fact. I am trying to

let the feelings go through my body and do their worst, but

it’s hard. Then I start feeling faint and the fear sets in!

This is a big achievement for me, as a year ago I never

went out of the house. I am trying, I really am, but why do

I sweat so much. I feel like I have done a massive

workout!

Sara

Hi Sara,

Learning about anxiety, having previously had no information, is like

going back to school. The more we learn and understand, the

easier things become, but you will not recover overnight. Reading

the book has taken away a little bit of fear, which is helping you to

do things you could not do before. This is the way forward. Little

steps turn into huge strides. Just doing something you could not do

in the past is an achievement. What we need to do is take the fear

away and put you back in control.

The sweating is easy to explain. When anyone gets nervous, before

a job interview, wedding day etc, they begin to sweat. Well you have

nothing to be nervous about and dropping your child off should not

bring these feelings. Well they do, because all you fear is the fear

itself. I’ll bet you try to rush your way through it and try to get it over

with, making a big deal of it before you go. Is it any wonder you

sweat? Again, the thing to do is exactly what you have been doing -

just go with it. If you sweat, you sweat. If you feel nervous, so what?

It is just a strange physical feeling. Sara, like it or not, you will feel

uncomfortable and sweat for a while because your body now

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associates this run as something to fear. It says “Sara, here we are

again” and memory takes over, hence the sweating. This is nothing

to worry about because you can now teach your body that there is

nothing to worry about, no reason for it to bring these feelings on.

You do this by going through it, passing through these feelings and

not trying to rush or push them away. The more you go through the

situation, letting these feelings come and keeping a calm attitude,

the more your body will stop seeing it as something to fear and it

desensitises. Avoid running around trying to push these feelings

away and going for the quick exit. All this is telling your body is that

there is something to fear, so it reacts accordingly by adding more

adrenalin. Do you see that unbeknown to you, you are merely doing

this to yourself?

I went through the same thing and had to go through it many times

before I began to find peace. But the very act of letting it come

brought some peace in itself. The main thing to remember is that no

matter what your body is doing, try not to be influenced. Also it is all

about distrusting what your body is saying. Adrenalin comes through

habit, which makes you falsely think there is danger, so you rush

around trying to get it over with. Now is the time to tell yourself that

you will be fine and there is nothing to worry about. So many people

approach me and say "Paul, I did it, I really did. I just thought I could

not do it" They say they felt uncomfortable, but nothing happened.

They had been scared of the fear itself and once they decided to

move towards it, they took some of its power away. You will never

faint. This is just another symptom of fear. Many people say this.

Sara, it is just adrenalin going round your body through habit in a

sensitised body that can do you no harm and that always subsides.

Don't let these strange physical feelings hold you back. Say "It’s just

adrenalin, nothing can happen to me; it never does"

Don't worry for now about how you feel. It may take a little time and

practice, but you can do it and you will be fine. The only thing to fear

is fear itself. Let’s move towards it and take some of its power away.

I put myself in many situations where I felt fear rise and the

symptoms of fear came and they always reached a peak -that point

that says ‘Escape’. But I ignored this instinct and just sat on it. I let it

take me where it wanted, but it always died down and nothing

happened. I did not lose it or collapse and I thought ‘Is that what I

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have been running away from for all this time’. I had let it smack me

and then gave it a free reign to do what it wanted. I was fed up with

running away. I was almost saying ‘come on then, let’s see what you

are made of. Come and do your worst’. We can only unmask fear

when we allow ourselves to feel it and realise it does not have the

power we thought it had.

Kind Regards

Paul

Below are a couple of emails to the same person. Max is now just

about there with his own recovery and is leading a full life once

again.

Hi Paul,

I'm trying so hard to let these feelings just be, but today I find

myself pitying the situation and poor old me. Life used to be