Microsoft Word - Illicit Desires ePub.doc (13 page)

Adrian actually loved me, just like I loved him more than anything in the whole world if not

more. But – he was lusting after me, and I didn't know if I could live with that, I didn't even

know how to deal with it.

As the days had passed, I became more accepting of what had happened, deciding to

move on. Humans were gifted with the bliss of forgetting, and I
was
trying to forget.

Of course it wasn't like I could block it out and wake up for a new day, remembering

nothing about it. I still remembered everything like it had just happened yesterday, even if it

was two months ago or a little longer.

It just didn't hurt as badly as it had done at first.

Maybe it was the fact that time had healed that wound, or, maybe it was the fact that my

brother had told me his reasons. I had thought he just got the idea momentarily and decided

to act on it, while not caring about my feelings and how it would hurt me, or not caring

about my state of unconsciousness, but no… It wasn't like that at all.

He said that it had been long years of him suffering because of the fact that he couldn't

– um,
resist
my body. I didn't know why he felt that way. I was as disgusted as I’d been the

first time it happened, but the way he explained things, the way he apologized and asked for

my forgiveness, made things less painful for me.

Maybe he loved me so much and his love knew no limits? Yeah, I liked to think of it

that way. Less painful, remember?

Waking up with a start; I felt like I had too much energy, like I was ready to run a marathon.

I looked at myself in the mirror, turned around and looked at my reflection over my

shoulder, and then I went into the bathroom to take my shower.

I locked Adrian's door, though I left my door open; my room's main door was locked

anyway, so it should be okay. I suffered while choosing something to wear; Adrian had told

me yesterday about the things he, er, didn't like to see on me. Or for a better description –

he liked to see on me more than he should.

I dressed in blue jeans and a modest pink sweater. If that wasn’t good enough, he would

just have to live with it.

"Lily! You look so lovely today." Julia greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.

I blushed. "Thanks."

"I second that, L, you look so pretty!" Sandra kissed me, too.

"Thanks, Sandy. I do feel pretty," I smiled. I did feel pretty, but I didn't know why.

Something inside me was happy, but about what? I didn't know. But, did I care? Nope! I was

finally happy for the first time in a long time, and that was all that mattered;.

"Well, you are," Emma said.

Whatever!
I almost rolled my eyes at her. "So, tonight is the night?" I asked Sandra, trying

to ignore Emma. I didn't like her. End of story.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh Em Gee! I still can't believe it!" Sandra squealed.

"I'm so happy for you, Sandy. Elliot will take good care of you," I assured her.

"I know he will." She blushed.

"I can't believe it, myself. They are actually going to give us some peace of mind,

finally!" Julia sighed.

"Yeah! Finally we will stop hearing the
'we are just friends, I don't wanna lose him if things don't

work out, we will never be a couple'
bullshit. Because all this time we've known that they'll start

dating sooner or later." Emma had to put herself in the conversation. Of course.

"Oh my God! Do you guys think he'll kiss me?" Sandra gasped with a blush and

excitement mixed with hope.

"Sure he will," I assured her. It was what she wanted to hear, and, it was what actually

happened on first dates … or so I’d been told. I sighed at the unlikelihood of my parents

ever allowing me to have a boyfriend.

"You should totally skip shaving your legs today," Julia said.

"What?" we all demanded in unison.

"It's the only thing that will prevent you from having sex with him on your first date.

And trust me, that's a big
no-no
."

"Julia Brown! You really think I'd give Elliot my flower on our first date?" Sandra put

her hands on her hips.

"Sandy, darling, if you don't stop calling it 'your flower' no one is going to take it, okay?

Not Elliot and not anyone else.

"And, yes, I do think that you might do just that on your first date. The sexual tension

between the two of you has been building since the first day you met two years ago."

"You're mean! I wouldn't do that, no matter how good he treats me on our date, or how

good his kisses feel," Sandra pouted.

"Yes, you will. Trust me, I know things." Julia stuck her tongue out at Sandra, and

Sandra did the same.

"C'mon, change the subject now. I don't like to think about my brother's sex life. It is

just… Eww!" Julia faked a gagging sound.

A wave of sadness hit me as we kept walking lazily in the hall, making our way to our

classes. I stopped walking. Thoughts and memories flashed in my mind.

What Julia just said…

God!

I… Sometimes, I… No, I can't think about that… I just can't.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Sandra asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you need to sit down or something, Lily?" Julia asked, concern obvious in her

voice. All of them worried about me too much; they just didn't get the part where I said I'm

fine. It was always like that.

"No, it's okay."

"Hey, girls, what's going on?" Sean popped up out of nowhere.

"I think Lily is feeling dizzy or something," Sandra said.

"I'm really fine."

"She's not. Her face is so pale."

"So are her lips."

"And her legs are shaking a little, too."

"Would you please stop talking about me like I'm not here?" I whined.

"Should we get her to the nurse's office or something?"

"Guys, I'm fine!"

"She always feels dizzy like that, but she's too stubborn to even tell!"

"I'm right
here
!"

"You don't look okay, you shouldn't walk," Sean said, and before I knew it, he was

carrying me on his back like some sort of big rice sack.

"Put me down, Sean!" I protested.

"Shut up!" Julia spanked me on my backside. So I did as I was told and shut up as Sean

carried me on his back to the classroom.

Lunch was kind of quiet – well, for me, I didn't talk much. The boys were out for a smoke

and they took so long, I didn't see Adrian at all. We shared all of the same classes, but he was

sitting behind me today, so I hardly saw him. Hardly talked to him. He only asked me if I

was okay since – of course – Sean had told him I wasn't okay.

I hated when I didn't see him… I missed him a lot.

By the end of the day of classes, I was really exhausted. Adrian was silent as we made our

way to our cars. He didn't talk to me at all while we were in school… Not a word. Nothing.

I sighed as he stood there in the parking lot, hands in his front pockets, until he was

sure I got in my car and started the engine, then he went to his own car.

When we made it home, he went straight to his room, ignoring Mom. Even if it was

hard for me to do so, I followed him to his room, just telling my mom our day was fine

when she asked from the kitchen.

I tried blocking the memories out, and it worked. I only saw my brother, and I focused

on figuring out why he looked upset. That was all that mattered.

"What's wrong?" I asked, folding my arms in front of my chest. He looked surprised to

see me in his room, but I ignored it, and he did too. He shook his head. "Nothing."

"Adrian! What. Is. Wrong?"

He looked at me, then he looked at the door, then at me, and then at the floor. I

understood right then that it was something he couldn't risk Mom hearing. So, I closed the

door.

"So?"

"What was John talking with you about after lunch?"

"Um, he was asking if he could take me on a date," I replied simply.

I saw his fists clenching and unclenching, and his whole face became red with … anger?

"And how did you respond to that, Lily?"

"I said I had to ask Dad first. Why?"

"Do you think Dad will agree?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm almost eighteen; it's about time he allows me to date."

"Oh! No. No. No," he said quickly. "Don't get your hopes up!"

"And what the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means Dad won't agree, so forget it, okay?"

"Well, you don't know that."

"Trust me, I know!"

"Adrian, you're being mean right now, all right?"

"Lily, you can't go out with some fucker. End of story!"

"It's not your freaking business, Adrian! I'm free to do what I want."

"Anything but that!"

"What the heck is your problem?"

"My problem is that I can't fucking see you with another guy. There I said it, happy

now?" he yelled. His words shut me up on the spot. He was
– jealous?

Why? What the heck is that even supposed to mean?
That's not a brother feeling protective of his sister!

That’s… No! I can't think of that.

"You can't freaking tell me what to do! Live with it!" I spat.

"Oh! Look at you, all tough, you scare me!" he said sarcastically. "You can't even say a

fucking
single curse word!"

My blood started boiling in my veins. He couldn't make fun of me! "Yes, I can,
asshole
!"

I said angrily. "And don't you
fucking
dare intrude into my
fucking
life! Got it?"

I can't believe I just said that.
Oh my God! I'm a dirty girl with a dirty mouth now!

His eyes widened at the sound of my new words in use.
Good!
He had to understand

that my choices were none of his business. I wasn't his freaking slave! I marched through the

bathroom into my room, leaving him gaping in the middle of his room.