Microsoft Word - Illicit Desires ePub.doc (16 page)

"Whoa, Dad! Thanks!" I smiled. "Will do."

My thumb kept on hovering over two names in my contacts. I didn't know who I should

dial. This or that … Sarah? Or Emma?

They were both blondes … not my favorite type; I liked brunettes. But the only

brunettes I knew who appealed even a little to me were annoying, and I couldn't take their

shit whatsoever.

Sarah had a voice that reminded me of that chick Janice from
Friends
… Ugh! I didn't

know if I could stomach that. Emma wore too much makeup, and it was maddening to look

at her sometimes… I thought I could live with that.

Sarah had green eyes, and I liked that. Emma had blue ones. I just didn't know. Sarah

had freaky big tits. Emma had nice ones, which were similar to Lily's.

Bingo!

"Adrian! What a pleasant surprise!"
I thought I heard her squeal a little on the other end of

the line.

"Hey, Emma. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to go out and, uh, have dinner

with me?" I asked.
Why was my throat dry al of a sudden?

"Uh, d-dinner?"

"Yeah,"

"As in a d-date?"

"Um, yeah… What do you say?"

"Oh my God!"
she gushed, and I frowned into the phone.
"Um, yeah of course, yes, sure, yeah,

I mean, okay, yes
."

"Cool. I'll pick you up in thirty."

"Now?!"

"Uh, yeah … I mean, if it's okay with you?"

"Oh my God, yes, it's so okay, I'l be waiting."

"Great!" I said and hung up. I sat on the edge of my bed and buried my head in my

hands.
What the fuck are you doing, Adrian?
I didn't like that! I didn't fucking want to be with

anyone else. I only wanted
her
! And no one but
her
…What should I do?

Dating meant dinners, kissing and fucking touching. And I didn't want any of that … I

never wanted any of that. But then again, what else did I have? Absolutely nothing, nothing

at all.

It wasn't healthy to just sit there and wait for what I could never have, was it? Should I

spend my whole life doing nothing but drooling over my sister? That wasn't a life. I didn't

know what should I do, I was fucking lost!

It became a little bit easier as the days passed … Emma was a nice girl; there was no reason

at all for me not to like her, I actually
did
like her, and she liked me too. A lot.

Our friends were happy with us dating, especially Julia, who loved Emma dearly. She

said something like 'about time' when we announced ourselves as a couple, whatever that

meant. Ian said that
'our talk'
made more sense now. He thought I'd been talking about

Emma the other day, and that I said I couldn't have her because we were friends and it

might ruin our friendship if things didn't work out. Whatever he wanted to believe, fine by

me. Everyone was thrilled about it … well, everyone but Lily.

If anyone knew how to read Lily, that'd be me. And one of those things I knew was

when she was
faking
. She was all smiling and
'I'm so happy for you guys,'
but her eyes screamed,

'I'm faking it, I hate to see the two of you together.'

I could see from the corner of my eye every time I kissed Emma that she was looking at

us, closely. And every time I looked at her, she would look away and busy herself in

whatever. I didn't like how she started to look. She wasn't eating well, and she became a bit

skinnier, I didn't know if I liked to think that that was out of jealousy or not.

But seriously, jealous or not, I wanted her to stay healthy. I didn't want that – whatever

it was – to affect her health by any means. But then again, maybe it was all in my mind,

maybe I was delusional, and she wasn't jealous by any means. I didn't know anything…

A few weeks later, I was shaving when she entered the bathroom. I didn't lock her door

when I went in there myself since I was only going to shave and take a quick shower. I really

didn't expect her to need the bathroom that late at night.

She backed away the second she saw me, murmuring a small, "Sorry.'' We weren't

talking that much, as had become our usual, other than a few words or curses every now and

then. Though Lily was terribly silent these days, and it was driving me insane.

"Hey, you can come in, I'm almost done," I said as I looked at her reflection in the

mirror in front of me, noticing the hairbrush in her hand.

"I was just gonna get ready for bed," she said quietly, and I shrugged. It was very late

for her to get ready for bed; it was almost one in the morning.

She got in there and stood by her sink, opposite from mine. She looked at me in the

reflection of her mirror, and when she saw me looking back at her reflection in mine, she

looked away.

I watched her as she brushed her soft locks of hair, then tied it in a loose ponytail.

Every now and then her eyes would catch mine while she washed her face and I continued

shaving, or mine would catch hers. We would look away, then do it all over again.

She was brushing her teeth when I caught her staring at my reflection without looking

away. "What?" I asked.

She leaned down and spit into her sink, rinsed her mouth, then dried her lips with one

of the small towels on top of her counter. "Why are you shaving after midnight?"

I wanted to make a little comment about how it was none of her fucking business, but

figured I had a better answer for that. "I'm going out."

"Going out?! Where?" She turned around, facing my back, and talked to me through my

reflection in my mirror.

"Emma's parents are out of town for the weekend, and her sister just fell asleep. We've

been waiting for a chance like that for weeks now, so … I'm going to pay her a visit.' I

glanced at her, wanting to see her reaction to my words.

I saw nothing. Her eyes were fixed on the floor, her face was blank, and I couldn't tell

what she was thinking. "Oh!" she finally said. "So, tonight is …
the night
." She swallowed

thickly, still not looking at me, and it came out more like a statement she'd whispered almost

just to herself.

"Yeah," I said as I put on my aftershave. It stung like a bitch but I was too busy

watching Lily's expression to care about the sting. She just stood there, frozen, looking at the

floor and breathing heavily. I turned around and faced her, leaning back on my counter and

resting both of my hands on it, waiting for her to say something—anything.

Nothing.

"Is there is something you want to tell me, Lily?" I asked after what felt like two years of

waiting for her to say something.

She kept on being silent, saying nothing. It seemed like she was having an inner fight or

something like that. I saw her lips moving, but she was whispering something only to herself.

I couldn't make it out, but I heard something that seemed similar to the words
'not normal.'

I couldn't reply since I didn't know if she'd said those exact words or not. Maybe I'd

heard her wrong, I didn't fucking know.

'Not normal'
– fuck right, we were not fucking normal, hell, who in the world would talk

to his sister about his upcoming night, wanting her to realize he's going to have sex, only to

see if she'd be jealous because it would mean that she fucking had other feelings for her

brother?

"Lily?" I whispered.
Just fucking tel me not to do it and I fucking won't!

Her eyes moved slowly to meet mine, and I could swear I saw them glistening like she

was on the edge of crying. "Have f-fun," she said in a whisper.

I felt like she had just slapped me in the face. Was that it? I nodded slowly after a

moment, our eyes still locked together. The silence was so loud it almost hurt my ears.

"I will," I said, and before I knew it, Lily was in my arms. Her arms surrounding my

neck, hugging me tightly to her chest, her head buried in the crock of my neck, and the part

of her chest and arms that her small tank top didn't cover were flat to my naked chest.

It had been too long, too fucking long since I'd held her that close to me; my heart was

pounding so strongly in my chest.

Will she tel me now? Will she?
I couldn't hug her back. Even if it was what I wanted to do

the most, I couldn't hug her, simply because I didn't know if I could ever stop if I did. I

mean, c'mon! She was hugging me so tightly I could almost feel every part of her hot body,

and it wasn't the innocent hug that siblings shared by any means – it was
more
.

And she was doing it so fucking willingly!
Fuck!

I heard her, fuck, I
felt
her inhaling deeply, then she fucking nuzzled my neck with her

nose, before her lips brushed my neck so ever lightly. I about fucking lost it right then and

there. My hands gripped more tightly onto the counter behind me, and I squeezed my eyes

tightly shut it almost hurt.

As she backed away, her left hand rested on my chest and the other touched my cheek

softly. I opened my eyes to find hers staring at me – my eyes, my lips … then my eyes only

to go back to my lips.

I wanted to kiss her, so fucking bad, but … I promised. I was not going to make the

first move; I wouldn't! I fucking wouldn't!

I think she’s already made the first move.

Shut up!

She moved her hand slowly down my cheek to my neck and smiled softly, a smile that

didn't reach her eyes, then she fucking turned around to leave.

The fuck?!

I held her arm and stopped her. Her head snapped up to look at me, surprised,

confused. "What the fuck was that?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"What? Ow!" She winced and tried to shrug her arm away from my hand, but I

tightened my grip on her arm more so as not to let her go.

"You know what the fuck I'm talking about!"

"Ouch, you mean the hug? I was just hugging you good luck! Let me go!"

Hugging me good luck, my fucking ass!

"Really?!"

"Yes! Really! Let me go! You're hurting me!"

"Don't you fucking touch me ever again! Do you hear me?!"

She just stared at me, still trying to release her arm.

"I said, do you fucking hear me?"

"Yes! Let go of me, asshole!"

I let go of her. I knew it wasn't right to grip her like that, but I was fucking pissed! How