Microsoft Word - Illicit Desires ePub.doc (15 page)

"What do you want me to say?" I spat. "I'm attracted to you and the lust I have for you

is like a fucking speeding train, I can't stop it, and I can't fucking help it? At least I admit it.

I'm not living in denial like some people." I was fucking mad; she was acting like there was

nothing wrong with her at all. What the fuck was the matter with her? Why wouldn't she

admit it?

"What do you mean?" she asked, apparently having no idea that she indeed wanted me,

too.

Yes
, I was fucking sorry I did what I just did.
Yes
, I was fucking feeling guilty about it,

but give me a fucking break. I wasn't the only one who was lusting after the wrong person,

here.

"Nothing, Lily, forget it, okay?" I shook my head, and shrugged my arm away to make

her lose her hold on me. It was fucking distracting, and I was… Well, I was mad at her.

She just stood there with a gaping mouth, which made me think of nothing but that

mouth wrapped around me and what would it feel like.

Fuck! I'm getting a hard-on … again!

"I'm sorry," I apologized. It was what she wanted to hear, and I needed some time to

sort my thoughts together and see what I was going to do with tonight's revelation. "Now,

excuse me. I need to get some sleep." I closed the door right in her face, knowing I had to

do something about it.

Okay, so eventually, I didn't do anything about it whatsoever. I didn't know what to do. I

mean, I couldn't just go to her and tell her, "Wake up, you want me too!" now could I?

After all, I was taking her dreams as my proof.
Dreams.
Not facts or realities. Maybe my

first reasons were right after all; maybe I didn't give her an opportunity to do anything

except to come when I was going down on her. Maybe she kissed me back out of habit…

Yeah, like she'd ever kissed anyone but you before
—
or after, for that matter.

Fuck… I didn't know. I really didn't know what I should do. So I just stayed silent; it

was the best thing I could think to do.

"Adrian, you're awfully silent these days! It's not like you at all," Julia pointed out from

Sean's lap. I just glared at her.
Why the fuck does she care?

"Yes, Adrian, you are," Sandra said from Elliot's lap. I glared at her, too.
What is their

problem?

They looked fucking disgusting, the four of them. Why did they insist on dry humping

each other right in the middle of the cafeteria?! Fuckers!

I glanced at Lily as we all sat at our lunch table. She looked away and busied herself with

her food. I left the table without a word. I needed a smoke. It wasn't until I reached the

playing field and sat on the green grass that I realized I was being followed. I didn't bother to

turn around and see who it was. I didn't care. I took out a cigarette and lit it, mildly hoping it

wasn't someone who could get me in trouble for smoking there.

"Care to share?" Ian asked from beside me. I gave it to him after taking a drag, without

looking his way.

"Do you wanna tell me what's going on?" he asked as he handed me the cigarette back.

I took another drag and replied with a small, "Nothing."

"Adrian, it can't be nothing; you can fool anyone else but not me. I've known you my

whole life. There is something going on with you, and it's anything
but
nothing."

"I said it's nothing."

Ian huffed and lay back on the grass. "Okay, I'm gonna bug the shit out of you the rest

of the day until you talk."

I knew Ian very well, and if he wanted to know something, he'd never stop trying until

he figured it out.

I sighed.

"Spill the beans, Smith."

"It's about a girl!"

"Okay, you got me interested." He sat up and faced me, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"So, what about her? Who is she? How long? Spill!"

I didn't know what to tell him. No matter how strong our friendship was, I still couldn't

tell him that that
'girl'
was my sister. I could never say that. "I don't know, Ian …"

"Dude! You gotta tell me what is it, maybe I can help. I'm the expert here." He winked,

and I rolled my eyes at him again.

"I want this girl so much, and—
God
—she’s the last girl in the whole world I could ever

have. I can't have her ever. Not in a million years. And, it's just so frustrating, Ian… I don't

know what I can do to get her out of my mind."

"Who is she?"

"If you want me to continue this conversation, don't ask that again!"

"Hmm… Okay." He looked thoughtful for a second. "Why can't you have her? Is she

taken? Oh, my God! Is it Julia? Sandra?"

"What? Hell no! They’re like sisters to me!"

Okay, maybe not like
"
sisters,
"
since that kind of bond didn't stop me from lusting after mine. But,

eh… What I mean is that I could never see them that way; they were off the list.

"Phew! That's good! You scared me there for a second, man." He shoved my shoulder

playfully.

If you only knew…

"So? Does she want you, too? Has she done something to let you know she has feelings

for you? Does she
like
you at least?"

"Ah! She likes me, all right. I know she wants me too, but it's just not right—we
can't
."

"Adrian, I'm really lost here. Why can't you be together? I mean, any girl in the world

would love to be with you; you're smart and have the looks and all that shit. I'd do you if I

was into men." He chuckled. I smiled at his stupid comment and shook my head.

"We just can't."

"Dude! Is that rumor about you true then?"

"What rumor?" I asked, confused.

"That you're gay? Is that why you haven't dated until now—even though half the girls in

the school are drooling over your ass?"

I looked at him in shock and disbelief. Were they really saying that about me? They

thought that I was gay?

A small smile formed on the corner of his lips, then he started laughing so hard, you'd

think he was going to choke to death. "Dick," I muttered, throwing the butt of my cigarette

as far away as I could.

"That's not healthy," Ian commented, and I flipped him off.

"Hey, the boys are coming, we'll finish this later, okay?" he said.

"Whatever."

"What are you talking about, assholes?" Sean asked as he sat down beside us on the

grass along with Elliot.

"Nothing," I said.

"C'mon, Adri boy, tell me what's going on with you?"

Why does everybody care so much al of a sudden? Fucking leave me alone!

"
I said nothing
," I repeated through clenched teeth. "I'm fine." I laid back on the grass

and folded my arms behind me, then rested my head on them, closing my eyes.

"I think I know what's going on with him," Elliot said.

"Yeah?" Ian asked.

"Yeah! Adri here has been beating his meat too many times the last couple of years

since he can't find a pussy to wet his dick. I'm telling you, his dick has started to fall off,

that's why he's so
off
," Elliot explained.

"Shut up, bitch!" I said without opening my eyes as they chuckled
.

"Oh my God! Is that true, Adri? Are you going blind, too?" Sean asked. I felt his voice

closer and louder. When I opened my eyes, I saw him hovering on top of me. "How many

fingers am I holding up?" he asked as he showed me his middle finger.

"Asshole!" I kicked him in the stomach with my foot, causing him to fall on his back.

They kept on laughing and it pissed me off even more, so I got up and left them. "Oh,

c'mon, Adri, we were just joking, don't be such a girl."

"Fuckers." I flipped them off as I walked away. They kept laughing like the assholes

they were. I shoved my hands deep in my pockets.
What do they know anyway? Bunch of suckers.

"Hey, Dad." I entered my dad's office.

"Adrian! To what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked with a smile, after he looked up

from his computer.

"I need some money."

"Ah! Of course. But can I ask why?"

"Yeah, I'm taking a girl out tonight, and I thought it'd be better if I had enough money

to take her to a nice place." I shrugged.

"Oh! Taking a girl out as in a … date?"

"Yep!"

"Adrian, you know very well that you can't date as long as your sister can't. It's only fair

if you wait until she's allowed to date, too."

I sighed. "My sister is okay with it, Dad. I already asked her about it."
She asked me herself

to date, Dad. She fucking wants me to fuck someone else into forgetting my feelings for her.
Well, she didn't

say it in those words, but it was obvious.

I was so pissed. Did she think that I hadn't thought about that before? Of course I

fucking did! But I could never hurt someone by having an emotionless relationship just to

satisfy my needs. I wasn't Ian.

I wanted to tell her to fuck off and that it was none of her business, but I saw

something flash in her eyes when I asked her if she was asking me to fuck someone until I

forgot about her. I dared to think it was jealousy. My thoughts were confirmed when I told

her that I was going to do exactly that tonight.

Fine by me. Maybe that was what she needed to see to know that she wanted me too.

I'd fuck someone to get it into
her
fucking head.

"I don't know, Adrian. I have to hear it from her myself," Dad said.

I sighed and grabbed my phone, then started texting her.

Dad's office, NOW ~A

After a moment my phone flashed with her reply.

Say the magic word, asshole. ~L

Bitch!

I started texting again, very aware of my dad's frown as he eyed me while I typed.

Please. ~A

I heard the knock, right after I hit send.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Hey, sweetie, I was wondering if you're okay with your brother going out on a date?"

The fuck?! Like I need her fucking permission!

She looked at me, and I sneered at her. "Uh, yeah, Dad. Sure. Why not?"

"Lily, I'm sorry, but this won’t mean you are allowed to date, too," Dad explained,

pressing his lips together in a tight, thin line.

Damn right she can't; I'd fucking kill the fucker.

"Yeah … I know. Whatever," she said and left the office.

"Well, son, here you go." He stood up and handed me a hundred bucks and smiled, "Be

a gentleman, okay? No funny business, and treat the lady well."