Microsoft Word - Illicit Desires ePub.doc (18 page)

the first place was because she always flirted with Adrian nonstop. I just didn't pay attention

to that before.

The jealousy had been eating me from the inside out for months now. I started to put

two and two together, but part of me still didn't want to believe it—simply because it

couldn't be. It couldn't be that I… h-had other feelings for him.

It wasn't normal.

Why on earth was I so freaking excited about the whole freaking carnival thing?! I knew it

was supposed to be fun, but all I did there was walk behind the
'happy couple'
and watch them

as they laughed together, held hands and gave freaking stuffed animals to each other. I

looked stupid walking alone like that, completely feeling like the freaking third wheel—or

the seventh.

It wasn't fair! They should've thought about my feelings, but who was I kidding, even

my stupid, stupid brother didn't care.

You'd think that I could at least walk with Ian since he was forever single and all, but of

course not. He wasn't wasting any of his time; I swear I saw him flirting with about four

different girls in a couple of hours, and making out with two of them in half of that time.

Ugh! Such a man-whore!

And then, to add more water to the dirt and make more of a muddle in my already

messed-up head, they wanted to get on a freaking rollercoaster!
A rollercoaster!
Didn't they

know what it did to girls? They were all a bunch of idiots.

A few years ago I wanted to ride one, but I was too freaking short to be allowed to. I

was crying and screaming my head off, desperately wanting to have fun, too, when an older

girl with short red hair came to me and told me that I shouldn't get so upset like that. She

said that I should consider myself lucky, and then told me a horrible story about her last time

on a rollercoaster, when she was hanging upside down for hours and hours from her hair

before they rescued her by cutting it.

Well, I knew that it might be a made-up story, since she kept laughing when I almost

peed my pants while I was listening to her, but you never know. I was freaking scarred for

life.

"Hold on there, little sister! You want me just as much as I want you!" he snarled. I just

stared at him with wide eyes, parted lips, and a frown.

Has he lost his mind?

—
It isn’t true!

Is it?

—
Of course not.

Do I?

—
No… No, it couldn't be.

His hand was still clutching my forearm, preventing me from slapping him. How could

he do that? How could he kiss me like that?

He'd lost his mind!

He gripped my hand tighter and pulled me to him roughly; again our lips found each

other's… uh, I meant
his
lips found mine. He kissed me so hard, so deeply, and so

passionately. And, I kissed him back! What the heck was wrong with me?

"Get a room!" someone said. His or her voice was clear, but it felt like I was hearing it

from underwater. For some reason my legs buckled and I felt dizzy, but his hands held my

body firmly and didn't allow me to fall.

I heard a whistle from a passerby, and that was what woke me up. I pushed him away

with all of my strength. He didn't want to pull away, but eventually he did after I told him:

"Adrian! People are watching!" My voice was full of panic; it wasn't right.

It wasn't normal.

"They don't know us. I won't let go before you say it!" he growled. He wasn't kissing me

anymore, but he was holding me tightly by the arms, his eyes holding hot fire.

"Let go of me, please!" My voice was low, and my throat felt tight all of a sudden. It felt

like I was choking.

"Not before you admit it!" he roared. "Tell me that you want me, too!"

"Let go!"

"Say it!" he demanded. "Loud and proud!"

"No!" I yelled and pulled myself away from his hold.

"Is everything okay here?" some guy asked. I looked up and saw that he was one of the

security staff.

"Everything is fine," Adrian replied.

"I still have to hear it from the lady. Miss? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I choked out. "Nothing is wrong."

The security guard eyed us suspiciously, but then he nodded and left, and I sighed in

relief.

"Let's go!" Adrian said, and gripped my hand as he started to walk.

I shrugged my hand away, I was confused as heck. I didn't even know what I was doing

or what I should do, all I could think about was what I actually did, and I was disgusted with

myself. "Don't touch me, okay? If you touch me again, I swear I'll fucking scream and I

won't say I'm fine when they ask."

Adrian still had a hard time believing I was able to curse, but it seemed like it was the

only way I could make him believe I was serious. He let go.

I need a ride, I'm outside. ~L

"If you'd just tell me what's going on!" Ian said.

"I just wanna go ho-ome!" I sobbed.

"Adrian was being a dick to you again, wasn't he?" he asked.

I replied with another sob.

"Means he was …" he sighed.

"Do you guys do anything but fight?" he asked again after a moment.

Yes, actual y, we do. He goes down on me when I'm asleep, and I have sexual dreams about him like

al the time… Oh, yeah, and we make out sometimes.
I wept harder at the thought and started the

ugly crying, with loud sobs and all. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with us?

"God! Come here, sweetie," he offered me his arm, keeping his other hand on the

steering wheel. I moved a little so I could rest my head on his chest where I cried some more

as he rubbed my back soothingly.

When Ian dropped me off at my house, I went to my room right away, changing into

some shorts and a tank top. Then, I cried myself to sleep.

I turned in my bed to find my pillow, I hugged it tightly as rubbed my cheek over it slightly.

It felt so soft and warm. I hummed in comfort and hugged it some more, but something felt

abnormal about my pillow … it had a heartbeat?

I jerked away immediately to hear
him
chuckling and it kinda pissed me off. He was lying

down on my bed with his arm behind his head, his hair was slightly damp, and he was

looking all ho— …
ahem
… he looked stupid.

"Sweet dreams, little sister?" he asked with a stupidly beautiful grin written all over his

face.

I panicked, thinking I had talked in my sleep, but then
I whipped the concern away

from my face and tried not to freak out; maybe I hadn't said anything and he was just asking.

I didn't say anything… I didn't say anything… I didn't say anything…

"What are you doing here?" I asked in annoyance.

"I brought you breakfast," he said with a crooked smile. He reached for the small tray

on my nightstand and brought it in front of me, where I saw a glass of milk and some

pancakes on it.

I gave him a questioning look.

"What? I can't bring my sweet little sister breakfast?" he smirked, and I didn't reply.

"Eat."

Before my breakfast, I asked him politely to hand me my purse that was on my desk.

My insulin pen was in it, and used it before I took the glass and drank some of the milk,

which was a tiny bit sweet – just the way I liked it. I wanted to smile at him for the nice

gesture, but something in me refused to allow me to do so. I mean, c'mon! The last time

we'd talked, it was actually kind of a fight, and I didn't even want to think about it.

"Please eat some, little sister." He offered me one of the pancakes. It was really close to

my mouth, like he wanted to feed me, but I took it from his hand and ignored the sigh of

disappointment that he let out –
what was his problem?

He watched me as I ate, and I flinched when he moved a stray lock of my hair behind

my ear, which caused a frown to appear on his handsome features… Uh, I meant his

features—
just
features.

"Was it okay?" he asked when I finished eating and drinking my milk.

"It was really good, thank you." I offered him a small – slash – awkward smile. I just

couldn't help but feel that there was a very big pink elephant in the room that kept staring

and sticking its pink tongue out at me.

"I wanna talk about last night." He took the tray from me with one hand and placed it

on the nightstand. He then readjusted himself on the bed to sit facing me.

"Uh, I…uh… I had fun at the carnival," I said, ignoring what I knew he really wanted

to talk about.

"Lily, you know very well what I want to talk about, and it has nothing to do with the

carnival itself. It's about what happened there."

"I… I, uh… I don't know what you're talking about."

He drew in a long breath, then he slowly let it out as if he was trying to calm himself

down or something.

"Lily, last night, in case you didn't notice, we
kissed
," he said slowly, as if he was talking

to a little kid and wanted him or her to get the words right.

"It's okay, I— I forgive you," I said with my eyes fixed on the sheets that I'd been

twisting in my hands since I finished my breakfast.

He suddenly grabbed both of my hands in his, which made me look at him in shock. He

didn't look as calm as he did when he first started talking, though he didn't look angry.

"You listen to me, little sister," he said with a slight hiss. "The words 'I forgive you' are

not what I'm looking for, okay?
We
kissed last night, that means I kissed you and you kissed

me back.
I
didn't force you into anything, and
I
want you to say something else instead of
'I

forgive you'
–
something like
'I want you'
–
now
what do you say?"

"Adrian, I didn't kiss you ba—"

"That's fucking bullshit and you fucking know it!" he roared, pressing harder on my

wrists. I didn't reply, again; I didn't know what to say.

I heard him take in another deep breath. "Okay… Let's not talk about last night." His

voice was a little calmer. He released my hands and smirked. "How about we talk about the

fact that you've been having some dreams about me?"

Oh, snap!
How does he even know that?
I did talk in my sleep, didn't I?!

"Uh, I—"

"Don't deny it!" he warned in a serious tone.