Microsoft Word - Illicit Desires ePub.doc (22 page)

he went to her to fill his needs instead of
me
. I hated the fact that she was sharing something

with him … something special that I could never share with him. I hated to think that she

was more important to him, more than …
me
.

I started getting into the really ugly crying.

I heard my mom gasp as she stepped inside my room. "Oh, dear God! What's wrong?"

I couldn’t answer.

"There, there, sweetie. Everything is going to be okay… Shh." Mom sat beside me on

the bed and took me in her arms, moving her hand through my hair soothingly, which she

knew I liked. I loved the way she held me and assured me that everything would be fine as I

cried on her chest.

"Do you want to tell me why are you so upset?"

What do I tel her?
Do I even know?
Do I even know why I'm so upset?
I don't know… confused,

and just… I don't know!

"I want to have what they have!" I blurted out.

"Who are they, sweetie?"

"Everyone, Mom! Every freaking one is dating but me! It's so not fair!"

"Shh, I want you to calm down, sweetie, so we can talk. Can you do that for me?"

I nodded as she wiped my tears.

"You already know why we don't want you to date, Lily. Don't you?"

"Yes, Mom, I know! But I'm really fine, and I'm old enough to know how to choose the

one I'm going to date.”

"Of course you are, sweetie, but that's not it. The guy you go out with could be a really

nice guy, but would he know what to do with you if you passed out suddenly? Or if you

needed your shot and you couldn't even talk to him to tell him how to use it? That's the only

reason why your father and I are not allowing you to date. We fear that – God forbid –

something bad might happen to you while you're with him and away from the rest of us."

"Mom, I know I need medical care every once in a while, but it rarely happens when I'm

taking my medications the way I should. I promise you that I'll teach him everything about

it, I promise, please! Just give me the chance," I begged.

"I don't know, Lily, you lied to us before about taking your shot regularly, and you

know what happened."

"Mom, please, I'm begging you! You don't know how it feels to go out with my friends

and watch them loving each other 24/7 while I'm the third wheel. It's like I'm the ugly

duckling or someone who can't find herself a boyfriend."

"You're not anything like that, sweetie, don't say that! We just want you safe."

"You don't know how bad it feels, Mom, even Emma rubbed it right in my face the

other day and made me feel lik—"

"I'm sure she didn't mean it, sweetie. Emma is a very nice girl."

"No matter if she meant it or not, people will make those kind of assumptions about me

as long as I'm not dating!"

My mom sighed and took a long pause. "I promise I'll think about it.”

"There's still Dad. He won't agree!" I huffed.

"I'll see what I can do about it," she smiled.

I hugged her tightly. Maybe it would really work, and I'd find the right path through this

whole thing.

I was tired of being so confused about…
it
. Maybe I could find someone who would

make me get my head out of all of this and just live my life as I was supposed to.

But what will Adrian think about it?

Whatever!

"Now get ready for bed, you have a busy day tomorrow." Mom smiled and stood up.

"You had fun shopping with Sandra? Bought something nice?"

I nodded, smiling.

"Great, have a good night, sweetie."

"Thanks, you too, Mom."

I woke up very early on the first day of school. I was so excited. At least I'd be busy, and

simply find something new to think about, or at least distract me a little.

I did my hair and applied some makeup after I took a quick shower – making sure that

the door was locked this time – and pulled out some of the new clothes I'd bought

yesterday.

I choose a lovely sundress which I fell in love with the moment I laid eyes on it – as did

Sandra of course, but eh, that's Sandra, she falls in love with everything that has a designer

label.

It was kind of short, barely covering my thighs, and it was strapless. It hugged my

breasts just right so that I didn't need to wear a bra underneath, and the top ended with a

loose skirt that moved beautifully with every step I took.

It was chilly as always in Seattle, so I was going to add few things to it. I was planning to

wear t—

"What the fuck?!" Adrian's voice interrupted my thoughts. He was standing by my

bathroom door with a gaping mouth.

How on earth did he get in there? I freaking locked his bathroom door!

"What?" I asked, planting my hands on my hips.

"What on the fucking earth are you wearing?" he groaned.

Uh-oh
, apparently my dress didn't appeal to him. Or, more accurately, it appealed to
him

a little bit too much.

Had I mentioned that the dress is white?

"It's a dress! Are you really too stupid to know that, or have you simply gone blind?" I rolled

my eyes at him.

He was dressed in a gray shirt and black jeans, looking perfect as always, he had already

taken his shower before me, for I'd found the walls were wet.

"I know it's a fucking dress! But shit… You… You… I thought we talked about this

before, Lily!"

"I really have no idea what're you talking about, and whatever it is – I'm not interested.

Would you piss the fuck off now so I can finish dressing?"

"This fucking dress is a mix of everything I told you not to wear!" he yelled.

"Oh, yeah! About that – Eat shit, Adrian. You can't fucking tell me what to wear and

what not to, okay? I'll wear whatever I like, whenever I see fit." I folded my arms together in

front of my chest.

If it was possible, I thought Adrian's head would burst into flames right then. He looked

so pissed; his teeth and jaw were clenched, and he was
red
!

Whatever, he brought this on himself.

I didn't care what made him comfortable and what didn't… Not anymore. Not after

what he’d done.

Wait! I'm not going to even
think
about that; I'm working on blocking out that terrible memory.

"Lily. Please! Just wear something else.
Please
!" he said slowly as if talking to a child.

"Hmmm," I tapped my chin slightly with my pointer finger, mimicking that I was

thinking about it. "Nope!"

"You can't go out like this!" He looked like he was about to burst into tears or

something.

"And it's none of your business!"

"It'll give guys some ideas about you…"

"So?"

"You want that?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Maybe …" I shrugged one shoulder. Before I knew it, I was pressed to the wall next to

my dresser, and Adrian's body was pressed firmly to mine. Both of my hands were held in

his tight grip above my head, and his sea-green eyes stared right into my identical ones.

"You want guys to think about fucking you?" he roared.

"Let me go."
I'm real y tired of this.

"Do you know what will they think when they see you dressed like that?"

"Not everyone is a pervert like you.”

"You really have no idea at all, do you?" he smirked darkly.

" At least I'm not their sister. Let go of me, Adrian. I'm serious."

Unexpectedly his lips were on mine. He kissed me so hard; it was rushed and frantic,

and felt – so freaking good.

The hand that Adrian wasn't holding my hands – pressed hard on my left hip, and he

aligned his whole body to mine in the process.

The power he had over my body every time he touched me? I hated it. I hated how my

body responded to his closeness like it was the best thing on earth. I didn't want to feel so

weak; I wanted him away from me, though I said nothing about it.

I tried kicking him in the balls just like last time …
well,
maybe a little softer this time
, but his

right leg was pressed tightly into my knee, preventing me from moving it at all.

"Not this time,
little sister,"
he sneered against my cheek. "I learned my lesson."

My mouth went dry, and I swallowed thickly as his lips hovered over my throat and

collarbone. I didn't say anything; I was shocked, and
kind of
waiting to see what he was going

to do next. A bit of excitement ran through me.

"Do you know how much they're going to fantasize about you?" he growled into my

neck, as his free hand made it to my waist, fisting the material of my dress.

I said nothing.

The next thing I knew, the top of my dress was being yanked down to rest on my hips,

leaving me completely topless in front of Adrian's hungry eyes, my breasts pointing in his

direction. I felt the heat of my blush creeping from my chest to my face. I was so

embarrassed, so shy; I'd never been this nude in front of anyone.

"They'll think about how to get you out of this dress." His voice was hardly above a

whisper, but still rough and serious. "And this is one of the many ways." His breath was on

my neck still, while he didn't move at all to look at my breasts like I'd thought he would.

But he didn't make me wait too long. His hand touched my bare ribs, softly making its

way up to my breast. Just as he was about to touch it, he stopped.

I opened my eyes, just
waiting
… I didn't know what he was up to, what he had in store

for me, and that in itself was kind of terrifying and …
exciting
.

He backed away just a little until he was looking straight into my eyes. We held each

other's gaze for a moment; by then I was completely sure that I was red like a tomato. And

for some reason, I wanted him to look down at my newly uncovered flesh … just to get it

over with … nothing more. Nothing more … at all.

He stared into my eyes a little more, and I'd give up an arm to know what was going

through his mind right then. His eyes finally traveled lower, to my lips, my neck, my

collarbone, and then they rested …
right there
.

His eyes went dark, and suddenly, it seemed like there was no hint of green in them, just

black – pitch black, though it was still perfect green. I found myself ready to give up
both
of

my arms to know what he was thinking. Did he like them? Too small for him? Too big? My